This doesn't feel right.

Being this comfortable— surrounded by the fresh smell of the ocean and the wealth of my family's killer. I knew I was using him, but it just feels...

My fingers tighten around the white railing of the balcony, overlooking the lapping waves of Crystal Beach. The dress I'm wearing is the softest cotton, sewn with silk. I'd found several— along with clothes of every kind and of the highest quality— set in my room.

Rin is still fast asleep.

Today she'd wanted to visit the Underground. To give money to her mother— the money I'd asked from Taehyung. He had given it to me without a single question.

Without a single look of distrust. He'd just handed me thousands of dollars, just like that.

My fingers tighten even further.

I can't tell if he's just plain stupid or if he genuinely doesn't care about the fact he's spent more than hundreds of thousands of dollars on me the last couple days.

Either way.

Bastard.

I can't stay up here a second longer.

I turn back inside the house. Then I find Rin, still knocked out after last night. She'd enjoyed that festival to the fullest.

"Rin," I whisper. "Wake up. Let's get going."

She blinks open a drowsy eye, making a noise as she shifts the blankets over her head.

"Five more minutes."

I laugh.

"No. Hurry— I thought you were going to get this to your mom."

At the mention of her mother, Rin shoves her way out of the tangled bedsheets and climbs out of bed. Then she rubs her eyes, yawning widely as she pulls out the thick white envelope full of money from the drawer.

I'd already changed out from the dress to the clothes I feel more myself in— dark, faded jeans and a navy hood. I fit a cap over my eyes.

"Keep that safe," I tell her as she tucks the envelope deep in her pocket. "We can get into some shit if anyone sees."

She sniffs, catching another cap I toss in her direction. She runs rough fingers through her messy brown hair, before pushing the cap over her head.

"I know. You act like I haven't lived down there all my life, Aeri."

Rin gives me a sly look.

"Now how do we get down there without anyone noticing?"

________________________________

The air reeks of gasoline and smoke.

My eyes skim over the trash-ridden ground— the skies gray with pollution even when it's the middle of the day. No one else would ever choose to be down in a place like this.

But this feels more like home.

"I'll be over there." I tell Rin as I point towards a nearby alley, close to her mother's store. "Take your time."

She nods. And I touch the coins in my pocket as I head to a familiar store down the street— the one full of hard liquor and cigarettes. I'd been craving one since last night, and the Skygrounds barely had anything like this.

The inside of the store is dirty and full of shelves, piled up to the ceiling with packs of cigarettes and bottles of alcohol.

I quickly pick some out and set them down on the counter along with a couple coins— a bottle of dark vodka and a scarlet package of smokes.

The store owner doesn't even say anything as he cashes me out without a word. I was practically a regular of his.

Taking the plastic bag, I make my way back to the alley I'd pointed out to Rin and make myself comfortable. I twist open the cap of the liquor first, taking a light sip at first— feeling the fiery alcohol wet my throat.

I'd first started drinking at sixteen. To try and numb myself a little before attending to clients. It had become something routine after that.

I finish half the bottle before opening the package of cigarettes. I embrace this light, tipsy feeling, my vision hazing in and out.

A sharp smile hangs on my lips as I twirl a sleek, white stick between my fingertips.

But the smile dissipates quickly.

Damn.

A curse runs under my breath.

I'd forgotten a lighter.

And I'm about to go get one when I hear the sound of rapid footsteps against the dirt. I instantly tense, but the alcohol keeps my mind sluggish.

A thief?

A silhouette covers my vision. When I feel the sensation of a hand wrap around my waist, I instinctively throw an elbow towards the blurred face of the figure.

It's a man.

He brushes off my blow easily. My brows furrow— most men couldn't react this quickly.

But then I realize.

"Aeri."

Even when I'm this drunk, I recognize his voice.

I laugh sharply— bitterly.

How in the hell had he found me.

"How convenient." I slur, still laughing a little. "Did you set cameras? Or trackers, maybe? To know where I am at all times?"

"Aeri, that isn't—"

That voice.

It makes me furious. So full of concern— so full of the warmth that makes me nauseous.

Didn't he realize it was because of him I was like this? He was acting like Aemin— caring for me, always here to stop me when I was trying to do stupid things. When he had killed him.

The alcohol makes my thoughts branch in all kinds of different ways.

Maybe he just wanted me for my body too. What other reason would he care so much? It was the only thing I could possibly offer him.

Then I'd give it to him.

It didn't matter to me.

I wrap a hand around his shoulder, touching my body to his. A small scoff forms on my lips when I feel him tense.

I knew it.

This is what he had wanted from the beginning.

I clasp his nape, my eyes roaming across the tattoos that mark the skin there. He's still frozen under my grip, and I almost want to mock him as I tug at the neckline of his shirt.

What? Had he never been touched by a woman before?

Amateur.

But then he stops me.

It's like he snaps out of a daze. His hand wraps around my hand, pulling it away from his neck. The stare he fixes down on me is firmer than before, and his voice is icy. For the first time he's ever spoken to me.

"Shin Aeri."

I giggle.

He's angry.

"Why? Isn't this what you wanted?" I whisper, tilting my head to the side. "It has to be. There's nothing else you think I can possibly give you."

"So just shut up and take it."

I lean forward to kiss him. But then his hands suddenly shift to wrap around the back of my head, and before I know it he has me deep in his arms. His hand presses my face into his chest. I feel his body, slightly trembling.

Is he...embracing me?

Is he out of his fucking mind or what?

"Aeri, there is nothing that I want from you." He whispers. "I'm sorry if I made you think— if I ever made you think that way."

Liar.

But I feel the corners of my eyes slowly well with something foreign. The tears soon slip down my cheeks, and I'm confused why I'm crying. I should be angry. I should be angry instead.

He embraces me tighter.

"Forgive me."

And I can't think straight.

It has been a while since I've been held like this. Had it been a few years? A decade? I couldn't remember.

I can't stop my own crying, for some reason.

"Forgive me for leaving you alone for so long."