y/n: your name

u/n: user name

tws: swearing

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y/n's pov *

clay tugged me out of his room and down the hallway, fingers to his lips as he shushed me after laughing too loud. we hadn't bothered to change out of the loungewear we had put on, so our soft slippers padded against the floor with a quiet thump every step we walked, baggy sweatpants bottoms tucking beneath our heels so we slid clumsily on the hardwood.

i didn't know what was so exhilarating about sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night, but i was cracking up.

"would you stop— stop wheezing— nothing's even funny!" clay whisper-shouted to me. even in the darkness of the house, i could tell he was grinning.

"this is so— literally what are we doing, this is so stupid," i chuckled.

"what! what do you mean! we're—"

"shh—"

"no! i will not—"

"wait actually shut— shh—" i pressed two fingers to his lips and he stopped talking immediately, eyes wide. i was less focused on the redness creeping onto his face than i was on a faint noise down the hall that was catching my attention.

clay seemed to hear it too and quirked a brow, pulling my fingers from his lips to speak.

"who would be awake right now?"

i shrugged and took his hand in mine, leading him into the living room. blue light emanated from the tv screen to cast an ominous glow on our hardwood floors, the light creeping up our shins the closer we got. putting one foot after the other, i braced myself against the wall and peeked around the corner to see what what's going on.

it took a second for my eyes to adjust and moreso my brain to catch up, because what i was witnessing was beyond unexpected.

my parents were sitting on the couch, glued to the tv as it played a minecraft stream. nick and george were passed out on the couch perpendicular to them, chests falling and rising with soft snores every other breath or so. after a drawn out five seconds of standing there, my dad spotted us in his peripheral and, without looking away from the screen, greeted us.

"hey hon! your stream was amazing, i'm so glad i got to watch it."

"why are you guys still up?" i asked tentatively.

"hm?" after a pause, my dad pulled his phone out of his pocket and went wide-eyed. "oh! well would you look at the time!"

mom leaned over his shoulder to look too and the same expression befell her face. "my goodness, why are we awake right now!"

"who are you watching?" i laughed, looking from clay to the tv.

"ran.. boo. ranboo. and we watched a karl before that."

"these streams are addicting!" dad chimed in.

i shook my head with a smile. "jeez uh, alright then. i can't believe i'm saying this, but make sure you actually go to bed sometime soon guys."

"yeah yeah. where are you going?"

"um.. just for a drive. we'll be back in a little bit."

"oh, okay! stay safe, don't do anything stupid!" mom teased, and i nodded.

with my parents back to focusing on ranboo's stream, clay and i grabbed our jackets and headed out the door.

the brisk night air was cool on our skin, much more bearable than the dead heat of the day. a soft breeze swayed the trees towering above us, moving them with the rhythm of the cricket-song that chirped in the grassy world beneath our feet. i inhaled a deep breath as i took it all in.

and then, with the slam of the car door, the chill faded away with the music.

"might i ask where we're going?" i asked, rolling down my window.

clay grinned and started the car, his eyes twinkling with a mischievously adventurous glint that i hadn't seen before. "my spot."

"you're not the protagonist in an indie film clay," i laughed.

"but i am the protagonist in a fan fic."

"yeah yeah. so am i, you're not special. now hit the gas weirdo."

happy to oblige and amused with our joke, he twisted around in his seat and backed out of the driveway.

we were on the interstate in a matter of minutes, the humming of the car and songs of the radio the only thing filling the silence found in our steady breathing. it was heavy, like a blanket of fog in the air, and i thought if i inhaled too deeply i might choke on it.

we were very obviously lost in our own thoughts, the kind that were only thinkable when you were restless in the middle of the night. they were thoughts so loud and alarming it felt like i had tripped and fallen into the sticky tar of my feelings. the adoration bubbling in my chest twisted a tight, suffocating knot, one that put a stinging lump in my throat, and one that, should the thread be unraveled, would spell out LOVE in big, bold, undeniable letters.

it wasn't ready yet, like an idea yet to be put on paper, but it was still there floating around in possibility. it was the kind of emotion that you knew was bound to happen, the kind of emotion that had been planted in the soil and was preparing to bloom.

it wasn't love yet, but it was the feeling of knowing that it would be.

i just hoped my feelings were reciprocated.

i knew i was going to fall in love with clay, hell, if i hadn't already, so no matter how much i tried to convince myself i hadn't cared when he said we were unlabeled, i knew i was bluffing, because i had felt the pinprick, and i was watching it bleed.

. . .

clay had long since veered off the highway, and we now found ourselves on a straight strip of backroad lined with nothing but fields and horizon. every now and then an old house would pop up, golden hue in the lamplit windows making it glow like it was the biggest star in the night sky.

i was still lost in my thoughts, but clay was a good distraction despite being at the forefront of my worries. everything was easy with him. song choice was never disputed, AC never fidgeted with, and ideas never shut down.

and an idea i had.

"what would you do," i started to say, a devilish smile creeping onto my lips, "if i asked you to just floor it down this road right here."

clay flexed his fingers on the wheel with the same look that was creeping onto my face. "i would say you're crazy, and yes, let's do it."

at the quick agreement, my stomach did a somersault. "do you think this is the 3am talking? is this a bad idea?"

"yeah, but who am i to stop it?"

i huffed a laugh, tightening my seatbelt as i braced for him to speed. "you're a bad influence."

not bothering to object, he squeezed my thigh with his free hand and grinned, eyes locked on the road.

before i could speak up again, clay slammed his foot down on the gas pedal with a competitive rev of the engine. my heart dropped to my stomach and then caught in my throat, and my limbs went weightless as adrenaline shot through me like lightning. everything became a blur— clay's voice, the car, the radio— i couldn't tell if i was actually cheering or not because of the hammering of my pulse in my ears.

the car lurched forward as the blond lifted his foot off the gas pedal, and soon the blur of grassy fields and night sky faded back to recognizable shapes.

i exhaled a breath i hadn't realized i was holding and blinked rapidly as the world came to once more.

it was dizzying how much of a rush i had just felt, but i couldn't say i hated it.

"do you wanna, um—" i inhaled another breath, trying to gather my words.

"you okay?" clay checked.

i nodded, calming down. "yeah, yeah. definitely don't think i'm tired anymore after that rush, haha."

clay chuckled and glanced back to the road. "let's stop for a minute then."

i nodded in agreement, liking the sound of that.

our bout with speeding definitely improved my mood, or at least my energy, but it hadn't been a good distraction from the anxieties i was already worrying about, and only made me more shaky. nonetheless, i was having fun. i just— had— to stop— overthinking—

"and here... we... are..." clay announced, parking the car.

i scooched up in my chair and took a look around. colorful beach houses, a nice hill, palm trees—

"oh, this spot!" i smiled, remembering our trip after starbucks a month or so ago. "it's so pretty at night."

clay smiled at me, ignoring the view for the first few seconds. when i finally turned to meet his gaze he looked away, green eyes reflective in the bright moonlight.

"why this spot again?" i questioned. i had grown fond of this place and its beauty, despite certain memories that came with it.

he shrugged. "i think of you every time i want to come to this spot now. it's different now, after everything."

"good different?"

he didn't answer at first, contemplating.

i turned my gaze to the view, suddenly feeling bashful.

don't overthink don't overthink don't overthink—

"it's weird. not the different thing, the different is good, but—" he shifted in his seat— "the first time we were here i was too in my head to even hold your hand. and now—" he loosely interlocked our fingers, falling silent again.

i wasn't quite sure where he was going with that, so i let him squeeze my hand and waited for him to continue. after a moment, he did.

"i didn't think i would ever be here... like this... with you." he paused, his throat bobbing as he swallowed. "you know, when i— when i was cheated on a couple years ago— which you already know— not by naomi, obviously— she's— yeah—"

i smiled faintly, fond of how he rambled before he gathered his thoughts.

"after i got out of that relationship," he continued, calmer than before, "i felt like i had done something wrong, and that i was reason to blame for what had happened. i mean, with how things fell flat with naomi before that, i felt that i just didn't know how to love... the right way." he paused, chuckling faintly. "i think you've made me realize that there isn't a right way after all. that you just, go for it. you— you throw away the speech you tried to write and just kiss the girl in the rain."

he was trying to maintain a humorous smile, but i knew the nostalgia was wearing down on him. i had gone through something similar, with cheating exes and flat relationships, and i wanted to express that to him, but i felt too choked up by the weight of the conversation to say it. it didn't matter though, because in one shared moment of eye contact he smiled sympathetically and stated my thoughts back at me.

"anyway, when— when we went to that party and you told me about that jared guy and how he treated you, it made me realize that you were so... brave. you— you have so much room in your heart for friendship and for relationships and trust even though you'd had it broken before. and i didn't, even though i had gone through the same thing."

my lips bent into a frown. i hated seeing him like this, so worked up, so vulnerable, but something about him sharing it with me at all was strangely comforting. my worries about his mixed signals slowly subsided, at least for the moment, and this time when i assured him, i wasn't just saying it, i really, truly believed it too.

"you know i'll always wait for you, right?" i stated, so soft that it came out in a whisper.

clay kept his gaze trained on the horizon, his green eyes growing misty as the pale moonlight reflected off his irises.

"you've always been there for me, clay, since the beginning. you don't have to rush into a relationship with me before you're ready. i have your back, and i trust you enough to know you have mine." i paused, hoping that my blunt assurance would reach him. "everything feels like a risk after you take a fall," i added quietly, "it's fine to take time to readjust."

clay's brow softened for a moment, but his hands were flexing against the stirring wheel. he was battling his logic and his heart, i could tell that much. i almost asked him what was on his mind since talking usually helped him sort things out, but with a sudden convictiveness, he finally found what he wanted to say, spoken in the familiar way he did when he was passionate about something.

"it's not that i don't want to take a risk." he stated, tone confident and clear. "you're not a risk for me, y/n, but even still, something about you makes me feel like i could take on anything." he paused, wringing his hands together in his lap. when he spoke again, his voice was a little softer, a little calmer. "when i said you were brave, i didn't mean it like you had overcome a risk altogether. the risk of building relationships has always been there, you just decide who's worth taking it. you put your heart out there for me, and for naomi, and for our friends, and for the entire world, basically." for the first time since the conversation had started, clay turned to me, meeting my eyes with a look so confident, so sure that i would have thought he had just won the lottery. and knowing the way he felt about me, sometimes i wondered if he thought he had.

"y/n, i've spent years closing myself off from people because i didn't want to decide whether i was willing to put my heart up for the risk. but i want to decide on you." he stretched his arm into the backseat and, after a moment of shuffling items around, produced a thin black box before me.

my brows shot up in shock. "clay—"

"i shouldn't have said you weren't my girlfriend at dinner tonight. you are— or at least i want you to be, if you'll have me." he suddenly looked sheepish, which was wholly unlike his typically cocky self, but he persisted with opening the box nonetheless.

after discarding the green ribbon to the side, he tucked the lid beneath the bottom and held it out to me, the velvet insides of the box glittery in the dim lighting the blue-black sky produced for us. but it wasn't the little glimmers that were catching my eye, but a necklace, beautifully gold, with an oval locket at the end of the chain.

i gaped, at a loss for words. "clay— this is— you don't have to—"

"i do. you make me feel like i can do anything y/n. i'm not just asking you to be my girlfriend to make you happy. i'm asking you because i want it too, more than i've ever wanted anything in my life. i want you."

i couldn't speak. he was really throwing caution to the wind, heartbreak to the past, for this. for this moment. for me.

humored by my reaction, he continued to ramble. "this is, extremely cheesy of me, but i wanted to get the locket—"

"because of our first conversation," i laughed, the sound wet with the threat of tears. i wiped my nose, nostalgia washing over me in waves. the twitch stream, the donations, the fan shipping, the dm—

"i love it," i managed to say without choking up. i loved him too, honestly, and the thought of that made my heart flutter.

he grinned, lifting the necklace from the box to examine it. "i didn't put u/nwastaken on it like our original plan," he joked, "but if you'd like to wear it, it does open up so you can keep something inside."

i nodded vigorously. of course i wanted to wear it. "can you put it on me now?"

clay's eyes creased at the corners as his smile grew wider, happy his gift had been received well. he quickly unclasped the necklace, holding it up for me.

i turned around in my seat, face sore from smiling so much, and brushed my hair to the side for him.

with gentle swiftness, clay lifted the necklace around my neck, the cool metal of the locket falling softly against my chest. i tenderly touched my fingers to it, tracing over the soft engravings as if i could memorize them.

the clasp clicked in the back and clay gently rested his hands on my shoulders. "will you? be my girlfriend?" he asked softly, and i nodded "yes yes yes, a thousand times yes," too overwhelmed with emotion to say it outright. i twisted around in my seat, pressing a firm kiss to his flushed cheek. he smiled into it, bringing his hands to cradle around the back of my head, pulling me in for a real kiss that had me fully leaning over the center console.

his fingers tangled in my hair, palms warm against my cheeks. i unhooked my seatbelt and let him pull me into his seat, flipping my hair to the side so i could peer down at him— sun freckled cheeks and lopsided smile and bright green eyes. he was so perfect, i thought.

his chest rose and fell faster as our locked lips left us panting for air, but i pressed closer to him, craving more.

i was so— totally enamored with him.

he leaned into my movements and kept his hands firm on my hips, fingers bunched at the bottom of my shirt in a futile effort to pull us closer together.

clay shifted in his seat, desperate to meet my lips again, and i rose and fell with the quick lift of his thighs, once, twice, until the third shift had my lower back pressed against the stirring wheel, ass bumping up against the car horn.

the vehicle beeped, startling us both, until we broke our needy kiss with a laugh.

we were too much for this tiny car.

humored, i pulled back from his face just far enough so i could see him, unable to keep a smile off my face.

his eyes were bright with happiness, a look so familiar to me because i knew we really, truly felt the same about each other. with one last touch, he reached his hand to cup my cheek and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead, content with leaving things there.

i smiled softly and rolled off of him, wedging my way to rest next to him in the same seat. he chuckled faintly at my antics, but wrapped an arm over my shoulders to hold me tight.

i couldn't believe he had decided, just like that. he decided on me. he had always decided on me, really. this was just the last step. the final leap into the unknown.

we sat there in comfortable silence, and as the sun started to peek over the horizon and the world started to wake up, i thought that i had never felt so happy.

"you know," clay spoke up, "you never actually said yes. you just—" he pursed his lips, making one single, loud kissing noise.

i cackled at his reenactment, smacking his arm. "you're the one that came back for more."

he flushed red, ignoring the comment. "mm. well you still haven't said yes."

i knew he was just teasing me, so i shook my head with a smile and turned over in my seat so i could look at his face.

his brows raised as i held myself above him once again, but this time i went in softly, pressing a kiss to his forehead— "yes—" his cheek— "yes—" and his lips— "yes." i couldn't say it enough. it was an always yes. a forever, yes.

he smiled contentedly, glancing from the locket dangling at my chest to my eyes. wordlessly, he pulled me closer, and i shifted so i was sitting next to him again, head on his shoulder, legs thrown over his lap.

the sun continued to rise higher, and when all the stars had finally disappeared, i pressed my palm to the locket and closed my eyes, content, happy, and maybe, just maybe, a little in love. with life, with clay, and with everything and everyone around me.

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this chapter ended up being really short and yet it took me forever to write i'm so sorry lmao. at least this isn't the end though, for those of you sad to see this fic end. two more chapters i think!!