Two weeks ago, the Friday before Thanksgiving break, the Drama Club announced Santa Barbara High School's spring musical - Chicago. When I heard the news, I was ecstatic! In New York, I would go see Broadway shows all the time, either with my parents or my friends. Chicago is one of my favorites, and I've seen it numerous times. The show stars a primarily female-dominated cast, but there are two male leads - Billy Flynn and Amos Hart. Billy Flynn falls right in my vocal range and his lines are some of the funniest.

I want the role of Billy Flynn so bad that I'm terrified of fucking up my audition. I don't feel frightened or even remotely uncomfortable on stage in front of a full audience. Growing up, Maya and I starred in every school musical and cherished the fawning adoration of hundreds. However, performing for a director judging your every move is petrifying.

Regardless, I'm not letting my nerves ruin my chance at playing Billy Flynn. I've already picked out my audition song and monologue. The song is simple. A few bars of "Freeze Your Brain," which I previously performed while playing J.D. in my high school's production of Heathers. The monologue is of an infuriated prosecutor cross-examining an accused murderer. I hope the screaming and yelling of my monologue will contrast the soft tenderness of my song and showcase my range as an actor. Since Thanksgiving break, I've practiced my monologue and song every day.

Despite my dedicated preparations, I'm still incredibly anxious when I sit down beside Paris for a delicious birthday dinner at his home. Vanessa serves a bountiful array of homemade fried chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, creamed corn, and cooked carrots. It's one of Vanessa's many signature recipes. With her excellent skill, she could be a gourmet chef. I've never tasted a better meal in my entire life, but there's a huge pit in my stomach when Vanessa asks me if I'm ready for my audition. I gulp down a spoonful of creamed corn residing on my tongue and try not to hurl at Vanessa's reminder that my audition is tomorrow. Nothing seems appetizing anymore, even Vanessa's perfectly crisped fried chicken.

I try my best to shakily reply, but Paris senses my nerves and hastily diverts the conversation.

After dinner, I thank Vanessa for the meal, give Paris one final birthday kiss, and head back home. My parents are on the couch playing Uno and watching TV, same as always. I say a quick hello before trailing upstairs to my bedroom. Tomorrow's audition consumes my thoughts and I run through everything that might go wrong. What if I forget the words to my song? Or my monologue? What if I sing the wrong note or tumble off stage?

Suddenly, I hear a light tap at my bedroom door, presumably my parents wishing me goodnight.

"Come in," I manage, floundering my words.

Surprisingly, Paris is standing in front of me, a tranquil and reassuring half-smile on his face. Without a word he makes his way over and sits down beside me on my bed. Instantly I feel a little calmer with his comforting presence beside me. His hand slides onto my shoulder and I gently nuzzle my head in the crook of his neck. It seems like every time I see him he's gotten taller, but I still have a few inches on him. He's looking better than ever. His shoulders are broader and his stomach dips out just a tad from his waist. His arms and legs are fuller and look less like sticks. Even his face looks different, older. Occasional black curls dot his chin. His jaw and cheeks are much more defined, erasing any reminiscence of baby fat in his face. There's a certain maturity to Paris that I didn't notice before. He seems experienced, and there are times when his eyes look more distant than they did before. After all he's been through, I'm not surprised.

Despite the hardships, Paris remains my rock; the place I come to when I need an anchor in my life. I know he'll always be there when I need him, and that I'll always be there when he needs me.

Before he arrived, I couldn't calm down. My heart was racing and all I could think about was the many things that might go wrong at my audition. But with Paris' arms wrapped around my torso, everything feels perfect.

I never thought I'd experience the touch of another boy's arm at my waist, holding me as an expression of his affection. I love him so much and I never want him to let go of me. When Paris and I are this close, all my fears and worries disappear and it's just the two of us floating sky high, drifting on the cotton candy clouds into the expanse of cerulean blue sky.

I want to stay here forever.