We walk down the stairs together happily, our fingers weaved together perfectly. Then my breath catches in my throat. Out of the corner of my eye I see Coco walking up to hug us and I can hear her greeting us, but no words can come out of my mouth to reply. My vision starts to blur, apart from one particular spot. Coco's boyfriend, well I think it's her boyfriend, clear as day, sitting on one of the stools in the kitchen, looking at his phone or something. He's way too familiar. It can't be...

"This is my boyfriend Carson," Coco says.

No. I'm begging on the inside that I will just wake up in Ruel's safe loving arms, that this is just a nightmare. Because the guy Coco is gesturing to, that guy sitting barely three meters away from me, on a kitchen stool, in Ruel's house, is my nightmare. That guy who is Coco's boyfriend. Carson. I though I would never see him again...

My eyes flicker open and I'm confused about what just happened. I realise I'm on the floor and I can feel Ruel helping me up and checking if I'm okay. Then I see Carson and it all comes back crashing back. Not just the shock from a few seconds ago, but everything that happened two years ago. All the memories. All the pain. All the trauma. All the things I fought so deeply to forget.

"Are you okay Leo? What happened? I think you just fainted!" Ruel says, eyes wide with genuine concern.

"Uh... I'm fine. Just a little, um, dizzy or something. Might be, like, food poisoning. Can I sit down?" I reply, not really knowing what to say. All I can think of is that I don't want Carson to know how much he hurt me, so I don't explain why I really fainted to Ruel just yet. I will explain it to him in private when I next get the chance. But for now all I can do is bite my tongue and smile.

"Well, since you're fine, I just want to say it's nice to meet you, Ruel, and, um, Leo, is it?" Carson says. So he wants to do things this way.

"Yes. It's nice to meet you too. I hope you are treating Coco well," I say, smiling through gritted teeth. I would hate for Coco to go through anything even I tiny bit like what I went through with Carson.

It's not until evening when I finally get some time alone with Ruel. We spent the whole day with Coco and Carson and Ruel's family, I honestly don't know how I did it. We just got back from a dinner with them, and now it's time to get ready for sleep. We're up in Ruel's bedroom, and I'm just brushing out the beach waves in my hair I had in today.

"So are you going to explain why you fainted today? I've been worrying about it all day. Are you okay babe?" Ruel asks, sitting down on the bed beside me.

I take a deep breath. I'm going to do this. I'm going to tell him. I have never told anyone about this. I trust him. He cares about me. He wants to know. I know that the truth I am about to reveal will change things, I just don't know how much. I hold Ruel's hands in mine and nod. I can't keep this a secret anymore.