It has been almost a month since everything went down. No one knows where Todd is, and there is no new news on Faith. The police say they are doing everything they can to locate her, but as the days pass, I become less and less optimistic that she'll be found.

I'm trying to make peace with the fact that I might never see her again, but it's hard. I don't know if I can handle losing Faith.

I offer help however I can. I put up missing posters of Faith hoping someone has seen her, but she's just a baby. I doubt anyone would pay much attention to her. Todd never signed the birth certificate so he has no legal rights to his daughter, but it's so hard to locate him. He knows how to hide.

Life is going. It feels weird doing such regular things when my life is anything but normal right now. I have to figure out what I'm going to do moving forward; I can't freeload from the Swaz family forever. With no life skills and no contingency plan, it'll be hard to move on after high school.

I'm heading to the bookstore see Jane and Suki. I haven't been by since everything happened, and they deserve an explanation for me disappearing.

"Blade!" Jane all but yells when she sees me. She rushes over, wrapping me in a hug and I stiffen in her embrace, trying to reyurn the gesture without being awkward. I don't mind hugs, I just sometimes feel weird about them. She pulls away, taking my face into her hands. "Oh! I'm so glad you're okay!"

Suki comes out from the back, probably wondering what all the commotion is about.

"Blade!" She grins happily, coming over to give me a hug too. "Where's Faith?"

I sign to her that she's with Todd and the three of us slip into conversation, signing rapidly to each other. I fill them in on the past couple weeks, leaving out Melissa orchestrating my parents murder, and my suicide attempt.

"I'm so sorry," Jane says, signing as she speaks. She has a sorrowful expression on her face.

"It's okay."

"You're talking again," Suki points out happily. "That's wonderful!"

I nod. Only a little. I still prefer silence. I sign.

Suki grins. "Silence is overrated. Let yourself be heard. Also, I'm sorry about Melissa. We'll be happy to assist you with getting Faith back. I miss that little ball of sunshine."

"Me too." I say sadly. Suki pulls me into another hug, and I ease into this one better.

"We'll get her back."

I nod again, getting teary eyed.

"Oh, honey." Jane wraps her arms around us and we stay in a group hug, breaking away when the bell at the door dings.

Thank you. I sign, waving goodbye.

"You're always welcome here," Jane calls out.

"And if you ever want your job back. You know where to find us." Suki winks.

I leave the bookstore, smiling as I walk downtown. I could have had Dustin give me a ride, but picking up Melissa's ashes doesn't feel like something he should be involved in. It takes about fifteen minutes for me to get to the crematorium.

I have no problem getting the ashes, holding what once was Melissa Ashfield. It's bizarre than an entire person can be reduced to a box. The police had given me a small bag of things they retrieved from the car wreck. I haven't looked at it yet, not ready to face anymore emotional turmoil, but since I'm on my way to spread my dead aunt's ashes in a random place, I might as well look at the crap she left behind.

I sit cross legged on the ground at the edge of the pond. There are a couple lily pads and a duck floating around. The pond is small but it'll do. No one's around, but if anyone objects to me pouring ashes I'll just start crying and hopefully they'll go away.

I set the box down, dumping the bag of Melissa's stuff on the ground. There's a tube of lipstick, house keys, perfume and an envelope. I pick up the envelope; ripping it open.

Dear, Imara

I'm sorry.

There's nothing I can say or do to make up for the damage and havoc I've released on your life. I'm a terrible person.

You deserve a happy, loving family and I took that away. I took away your childhood, but still you took care of me even when I didn't deserve it. You raised my daughter when I couldn't and nursed me back to health when I was wounded.

This letter isn't about me though. It's about you.

I left an envelope under your pillow in your room. It's the deed to my house. It's in your name. Do what you want with it.

It won't make up for what I've done, but it'll give you a start to living the life you want to live.

-Melissa.

I crumple the letter in my hand, staring hard at the pond. A part of me wants to smash the box of ashes and curse her in every language.

She didn't deserve my kindness, nor my forgiveness. Not in death and especially not in life.

I take a deep breath, opening up the box.

"May god forgive you."

I dump her ashes in the pond, and throw the box with her belongings in the trash.

*****

It's weird being back at the house. I was only here briefly the last time to grab essentials for me to stay at Dustin's.

It feels empty.

Desolate.

I trudge upstairs, inhaling sharply when I step inside the room that has been my safe haven for years. I stupidly left the photo album and knife collection here.

I'm surpised that the envelope Melissa left is actually where she said it would be. I guess I thought it would be her last middle finger before being gone for good.

Wow…

I'm ever the optimist.

I push open bathroom door, shocked it looks exactly as I left it after slitting my wrists. Blood stained and depressing.

I'll have to deal with that if I plan on ever selling this place.

I grab the two photo albums, my dad's knife collection and some of Faith's things– still holding on hope she'll be okay. It's a bit awkward carrying all the stuff out but I manage to make it back to Dustin's. I'm out of breath and tired, and my wrists hurt from the pressure of the items resting on it.

"Where were you?" Miriam asks as she helps me with my stuff.

I take a deep breath. "Dealing with stuff."

Miriam shakes her head. "Vague as always."

"Trust me… vague is always better with me."

She eyes me curiously. "Want to do some gardening before everyone gets back?"

"Where's Dustin?"

"Helping mom with errands."

"Can you help me start a bed?" I ask her as we get the tools out.

"A whole bed?"

"Or half?" I answer uncertainty.

She laughs. "We can plant some tomatoes."

"Sounds good."

We spend the rest off the afternoon working in the garden.

****

"Do we have to do this every time?" I sigh, rolling my eyes at Dustin who's sprawled out on the couch.

"Not if you just stay in my room."

I groan, sitting on the floor next to him. "Go to your room, Dustin."

He smirks. "You sound like my mom."

We've been doing this almost every night for weeks now. He insists on sleeping on the couch and I insist he goes to his room.

"Why does it bother you if I stay on the couch or not?"

"Why does it bother you?" He counters.

I throw my head back. "You're impossible." Like I've done every other night, I grab a cushion and get comfy on the floor. That's the only way Dustin will give in. To him, me sleeping on the floor is worse than me sleeping on the couch.

"Where did you go today?" Dustin asks me, rolling onto his side and propped his head on his hand.

"Had some stuff to do."

He gives me an unimpressed look. "Really?"

I smiles mischievously. "I'll tell you if you promise to let me sleep on the couch."

He raises an eyebrow at me, and I shrug.

He sighs. "Fine."

"I went to spread Melissa's ashes."

"Oh."

"Yea…"

"What was Melissa like?" He asks me. I don't think he realizes that my relationship with Melissa was messed up. He probably thinks I'm grieving her, but honestly… Her death didn't affect me that much. I was upset at first… mostly shocked but I've been holding up pretty well since then.

"Awful." I reply honestly, sitting up. Maybe it's the dark, maybe it's the closeness of Dustin or maybe I'm sleep deprived, but for some reason I feel like sharing. "She was a pretty terrible person." For years, I tried justifying Melissa's behavior. I blamed her addiction, her loss, her trauma, but I never blamed her. She was always awful to me, but I always tried giving her the benefit of the doubt.

"Oh." He offers again lamely.

I shrug. "Yea..."

"Did she ever… hurt you?"

I laugh dryly. "In so many ways."

Dustin turns away briefly, looking pained by my revelation. He slides off the couch, sitting on the floor with me.

"She was an addict," I start, my voice barely audible. It hurts talking about everything, but I feel like I have to. Like he should know why I am the way I am. "Abusive. She wasn't a nice person."

I take a deep breath, feeling choked up. I thought I could talk about it, but it's not as easy as I thought.

Dustin cups my cheek with his hand and I subconsciously lean into his touch, my eyes closing on their own accord.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

When I open my eyes, his face is inches from mine. We stay like that for a while, silently looking into each other's eyes. I lean in a bit, feeling his breath on my face, and his lips brush mine.

Just as he's about to move further I pull away, clearing my throat.

"Um- I need to um- I need to pee." I jump up, practically running to the bathroom.

What is wrong with me?!?

*****

Am I the Drama?

I don't think I'm the Drama...