It wasn't easy calming myself down from my anxiety attack. The atmosphere of the girl's bathroom was a constant trigger so I had to practically crawl out in order to level my breathing.

I rarely have panic attacks that bad since they're usually internal. One time, I spiraled into anxiety sitting right next to someone and they didn't even notice. Those seemed to be more detrimental to my mind but at least I could bring myself back easier.

I am supposed to meet Dustin in two hours and I'm not doing well. I don't trust him. I can't trust him. I've been pacing my room, forcing my breathing to stay levelled as I go through every possible scenario. The nagging thought that this is just a big play for him to try and torment me keeps resurfacing.

I breathe out, feeling pathetic. I hate myself for even wanting to go. People are people and they suck.

My curiosity outweighs my fear and I force myself out the door. Even if our interaction only lasts for the remainder of the assignment, at least I can have one nice high school memory.

Or not.

I twist my hair into a loose braid as I walk downstairs, tucking it under a beanie. Despite it being fairly warm out, I had still put on a long sleeved top having never worn short sleeved shirts nor shorts. There are too many scars to be shown.

Faith is in a crabby mood this morning which aided my decision since I don't feel up to dealing with her. Melissa is at the kitchen counter, a cigarette hanging from her lips as she sips what is probably alcohol.

"Where are you going?" her inquiry catches me by surprise since she usually could care less of my whereabouts.

Melissa doesn't know sign language but I still sign to her that I am heading to the library.

She rolls her eyes. "You know I don't understand that shit. God. Why don't you just talk? Sometimes I wonder if you are retarded or something."

You'd think she'd be used to my silence now since I haven't spoken in four years. Why should I? No one would listen anyway.

Faith begins to fuss so I turn to leave, rocking her in an attempt to calm her down. I hear Melissa scoff behind me as I exit the house.

By the time I got to the library, I had psyched myself out. My trust issues give me reason after reason why this is a bad idea. I stand outside the library door, staring at the handle. My recent panic attack did a number on my willingness to work with others so I turned to leave, deciding I'll text Dustin an excuse and slap his name on the paper.

It seems there are other plans in motion because as I turn around, I gasp, Dustin's lanky frame scaring me.

He gives a lazy smile. "Trying to run away I see."

I stare at him like a deer in headlights.

He laughs. "Are you going in or will you continue your plan on bailing?"

Caught red handed, I give a tight smile before turning back around and pushing the wooden doors open. The A.C immediately soothes my heated skin that is protesting because of my over claded body. All black long sleeved attire is the definition of crazy in the warm weather we have.

I choose a table in the corner that is secluded, but still offers the comfort of being seen in case Dustin pulled a shady move.

"So... how far along are you?"

I smile to myself. Straight to business. Good.

I pull out my laptop that I've had for half a decade and turn the screen to him. He hums in approval as he skims the screen, his eyes flitting from left to right.

"Nice. Now that I know where we stand, I can write up the final points and conclusion. Can you send me a copy of this?"

I shake my head. I've been down this road before and I know how it ends.

He tilts his head to the side, eyeingme curiously. "I see. Well, I'll just type out the rest of the paper and we can proofread and edit together." Pulling out his laptop that looked a lot newer than mine he starts typing away.

The next forty-five minutes are spent in silence. The tapping of the keyboard as Dustin types up the remainder of the paper serves as our soundtrack. I work on other homework in the meantime, feeling awkward just sitting here.

Hearing Dustin clear his throat draws my attention away from solving an equation.

"How does this sound?" He asks, turning the screen to me. I read through it, surprised at how well written it is. Dustin's an articulate writer. He almost rivals my own writing. Almost.

I nod in approval, happy that the paper is coming together so well.

"Great!" Dustin packs up his laptop. "I'll send the rest to you and you can put them together," He stands up, shrugging his bag onto his shoulder. Although this is a work session, I could feel my mood dampen at the realization that it's over.

He catches me by surprise when he extends his overly accessorized hand to me. I notice his nails are painted black today. "Want to have a little fun now?"

I raise an eye brow skeptically.

He smirks. "Follow me." He walks off to the fiction section.

What are you up to?

Intrigued, I followed the black haired boy. He already has a book in hand when I find him. He flips through it, stopping at a random page.

He grins when he sees me, a mischievous glint in his eye. Clearing his throat dramatically, he reads the sappy and overly romantic words off the page. I eye him, amused by his idea of fun.

He huffs, grabbing another book and flipping to a random page. He ups his game, reading in an unrecognizable accent.

I shake my head, bringing my lip between my teeth to stop from smiling. Dustin repeats his actions a few more times before he gets to the last book. His eyes brighten as the words begin rolling off his tongue in a French accent. The passage is meant to be sexual but Dustin's off-brand accent causes my resolve to crumble. I clap my hand over my mouth, shaking in silent laughter at the ridiculousness of the situation.

Dustin's smug look is not overlooked as he puts the book away. "I knew I could get a laugh outta you somehow."

I roll my eyes, still amused by the way the writer had used "member" in a sex scene.

This is not how I pictured my morning going, but I can't lie and say I didn't enjoy it.

Dustin gives a goofy smile as he bids me goodbye. I smile back, content with the turn of events.

****

My good mood lasts all the way until the early evening. The good vibes dissipating when I hear the loud slam of a door and unintelligible words that are no doubt coming from Melissa.

I am in my room as I always am and Faith is playing with her favorite stuffed toy while I edit the paper.

"Fuck!" The loud, frustrated scream of Melissa makes me sigh. I gather Faith into my arms and hold her close. There is a loud clatter of breaking glass as Melissa continues to scream and shout.

I don't know what angered her but I'm guessing it is Todd. It's crazy what addiction makes someone put up with.

Faith starts fussing, the loud noise probably triggering her. I get her ready for bed, her big brown eyes fluttering closed when I rock her gently. I plant a small kiss on her forehead as I lay her in her crib.

I'm tired. Melissa's agitated mood made me anxious so I sit on my bed and stare at the ceiling hoping sleep will over take me soon.

****