Most days, it feels like I'm barely balancing on the edge moving forward and giving up. There isn't anything tying me to life, yet here I am, gently washing my sore face as I get ready for another day of high school.

The center of my forehead is still bruised from the impact of my fall two days ago. I hated when my injuries were in places that weren't easy to cover up. Face brusies and cuts are annoying to deal with.

I had invested in make-up several months ago after Melissa had a really bad breakdown. That was one of the few times she terrified me. I remember how upset she was and how small I felt when she had hit me. I missed two days of school due to bruising on my face and body. I had to invest in face products when I realized the bruises would become a norm. Since then, living with Melissa felt like tip-toeing on eggshells.

One crack and she'll lose it.

Luckily, concealer is enough to cover the discolored skin on my forehead erasing any worries about suspicion being risen. God forbid anyone gets in trouble because of me.

Melissa is in the kitchen when I get downstairs. Her eyes flicker from Faith's face to mine.

"Todd will be here tonight. Make sure to keep Faith out of sight."

Todd is Faith's dad. An abusive lowlife who's intentions are never pure. He hasn't ever approached me; Melissa being on the receiving end of his fists. That doesn't mean he he doesn't scare me though.

Somehow Todd has no idea he has a daughter with this woman. She has convinced him Faith is mine, but as an extra precaution, I try to keep us locked away in my room whenever he's around. I don't want to know how he would react if he found out the truth.

Melissa pushes a plate of toast and eggs towards me before grabbing the wine and cigarettes and shuffling over to dining room. That is the most we have interacted all week.

After finishing up the food, I make my way to my first stop of the morning: Happy Day Daycare.

Sally gives me a smile when I walk inside. "Good morning, B."

This place is an absolute blessing to me. They charge basically nothing to care for Faith eight hours a day. I know it's because my mom had worked here and was really good friends with the owner. My parents were well-known in the town. Dad was a bright, charismatic soul with so much love for everyone around him while my mom was a quiet gentle-being who radiated comfort.

This whole town grieved when they died.

I pushed down the pain in my chest that surged at the thought of them, and buried the memory to the back of my head. Refocused on the day ahead of me, I begin my walk to the school compound.

School would be pushing unbearable as usual, and I needed to readjust my head to cope. Usually, the bullying is kept at a minimum. Some days are worse than others but more times than not, it's just hateful words.

"I saw her at the daycare this morning. I can't believe she has a baby. That's so embarrassing."

"Right! Teen pregnancies are so not it. Condoms exist for a reason."

I roll my eyes.

It isn't uncommon for people to think Faith is biologically. No one saw me pregnant-- because I never was-- but me being with Faith and performing motherly duties pushes the narrative, and that enough for people to gossip. It's clear that Melissa has no interest in raising Faith, and only shows metherly interest when she's sober.

The loud ring of the bell pulls me from my thoughts. I know today will be a slow one. Thursdays are always such a drag, and chemistry being the first subject is one of the many reasons why.

As I predicted, classes drag on and everything feels more dull than usual. I hate all my classes so there is never anything to look forward to in school except going to the house. Except, I don't like being there either.

English is the final session of the day, and it's the most bearable because it required the least amount of brain power. Our project is due in two weeks, but our teacher gives us the session to work on it.

I have a hard time focusing with the groups chattering around me so I drift off into doodling.

The sound of our teacher clearing her throat brings my attention away from the gel ink pattern in my notebook.

"Class. Attention please. We have a new student," she turns to the brown skin boy beside her. I immediately recognize him from the park yesterday. What was his name again?

"Introduce yourself please." Our teacher instructs.

He gives a half smile to the class. "Dustin Swaz, my favorite color is bubblegum pink and I've done this 7 other times today."

A couple people snicker while our teacher just roll her eyes, gesturing for him to sit down. "We're working on a paper due in two weeks. It's to be done in groups so feel free to join one."

Dustin nods, walking to find a seat. He gives me a smile when he sees me, but before he gets far, he's pulled in by the Gossip Girls who shamelessly flirt with him for the remainder of the session.

*

The daycare closes at 6 p.m which isn't ideal when I have my evening shift at the bookstore. Jane and Suki don't mind me carrying around a baby while I restock books or do whatever odd jobs around the place. Not speaking puts me at a disadvantage for work. It isn't easy to find employment that requires as little communication from my end as possible. Customer service is obviously out of the question so being hired at The Cozy Corner bookstore was perfect.

All the good things in my life are a result of my parent's connections and people's pity. Cozy Corner is owned by a sweet couple -Jane and Suki- who are in their mid thirties. My mom was a big reader and spent a lot of her time here browsing for books.

Faith is hooked up on my back in her baby carrier, contentedly playing with my hair that's messily tucked under a beanie. She latches onto stray strands and pulls them out.

I'm organizing books, putting out new ones while dusting off the shelves.

"Hi, Blade," Jane greets. I give her a smile.

"Do you need me to take Faith?" she signs the same words to me as she speaks. An unconscious habit when being married to a deaf woman for years.

I shrug, putting the box down before signing that I can handle Faith.

Jane chuckles. "Let me rephrase. I'll take Faith. Suki would love to watch her for a couple hours." Suki is the one who taught me to sign. She's partially deaf and depsite her intimidating demeanor, is one of nicest people around.

I nod. Shrugging the baby harness off my back before signing thank you.

My shift feels faster without Faith. Not lugging around the extra weight made me lighter on my feet. The moon is already creeping up in the sky by the time I clocked out. Suki is waiting for me outside with the joyful baby.

"Thanks for letting me take her," Suki says to me.

Thank you for watching her.

After she hands Faith to me, she proceeds to pass me a small cloth bag. "Some extra baby stuff for the week," she smiles. My heart warms at the gesture. Financially, I'm not horribly off thanks to Melissa who houses and sometimes feeds me, and the part time job pays well enough since I only ever buy things for Faith and a couple personal items for myself.

Still though, I appreciate the help. Formula is out if this world expensive.

I give Suki a big smile. Signing Thank you to her again. She pats my shoulder and bids me good night.

The cool air and silver light from the moon relaxes me. The house is only a couple blocks away so my nighttime stroll ends quicker than I would like. There is only one car outside meaning Todd isn't here anymore, filling me with relief. The house is empty when I enter, but I don't mind. I always rest easier knowing it's just me.

After Faith is sound asleep, I pull out the photo book from under my mattress.

I do this whenever I think about my family. My fingers brush over the first photo. It's from when I was five and we had gone for ice cream to celebrate mom's birthday. I was on dad's lap, Farrah was on mom's. Our smiles were so big and bright. We were happy. A happy family. There had been many memories of us together, yet I feel like I barely remember them. I have looked through these photos countless times over the years in hopes to keep their memory alive. It's terrifying to think that I could forget them. That something would happen to this book and the tangible memory of them would be gone. I barely have anything left to remember them by. No one to reminisce them with.

I look through the pictures. Studying each one and reliving each memory. It hurts, but it's also calming. The happy memories that are captured in these photos dribbled warmth on me that I only ever feel when I flip through these. When I get to the last page, I ran my fingers over the photo of me as a baby being held by Farrah. I glance at the crib where Faith is asleep and I smile to myself.

I hope I can give her good memories too.

****

-aj