Theodore was in my dream last night. Those green eyes and that shy smile.

I tried not to dwell on it as I stumbled to the bathroom. The shower was cold and unforgiving, the water racing down my back as I scrubbed my face roughly, my mind spinning, making me dizzy.

I didn't want to think about it, but the more I convinced myself it didn't matter, the more scared I got. Why was I dreaming about him?

I gulped, my face paling. I was always so eager to see him. I'd made it my mission to help him, make him smile and laugh, uncover his past. But I didn't like him. No, he was just a friend. I was just excited to have a fresh face in the mix, someone I enjoyed spending time with. It was no more than that.

My heart beat slowed and I started laughing to myself, finding humour in my ridiculous assumption. It was just a dream. It was an unconscious image my brain had conjured. I wasn't interested in Theodore. I wasn't gay. I'd never been interested in boys before. Ever. I couldn't recall a single time in my whole life when I'd looked at a boy and saw them in an even remotely romantic way.

But Theodore was different. And I didn't know how or why. Why his big, innocent eyes were so enticing. Why his smile sent a shiver up my spine. Why his skin brushing against mine caused an eruption of tingles to radiate from within my heart. Why he made me happier than any friend could. Why I hadn't even thought about hooking up with a girl since I'd met him.

I shook my head frantically, trying to brush off such idiotic thoughts. I just needed a good fuck. Yeah, that was it. I needed a girl to get my mind off of things.

So, without waiting for a chance to change my mind, I dialled Sam's number, not even caring if this resulted in a trip to the clinic. She answered after a couple of rings, her voice tired and drowsy, "Mm, hello?" She drawled.

"Sam, you have to have sex with me." I blurted out, my tone rough and needy.

She just groaned loudly, "What?" She demanded. "It's seven AM, you horny prick."

"So? Can we fuck or what?"

"We have school." She pointed out.

"Okay, well you have to come in early. Meet me there in half an hour, yeah?"

"What?" She yawned, clearly still confused about what was going on. "I'm not arriving at school an hour before I need to just to satisfy your-"

"Please." I begged hopelessly. "Please, Sam."

She grunted obnoxiously in response, "Fine." She agreed reluctantly. "Meet me in the girls toilets on the second floor in the C block-"

"What? I'm not going into the girls toilets-"

"Well, looks like you're not getting laid then-"

"Okay, okay, whatever." I rolled my eyes, telling myself it didn't matter anyway since no one would be at school an hour before class started. "See you in thirty."

She grumbled before hanging up, leaving me to rub my eyes in irritation. I hastily pulled on a pair of distressed, tattered jeans and my leather jacket, ruffling my raven hair before heading downstairs. After eating some cereal, brushing my teeth and enduring a lecture from my Mother about how I've barely spent any time with Rosa since she arrived, I left the house. Although, not before promising to spend the evening with my cousin.

Sam was already waiting for me when I arrived, her golden locks pulled up into a loose, messy bun. "Look who finally showed." She observed sarcastically, putting her cigarette out on the wall, leaving an ashy, black mark.

"Sorry, my Mum..." I trailed off, not needing to explain. "Are you on the pill?" I rose my brows. She nodded. "And I'm gonna wear a condom, okay?" She nodded. "So, we don't need to go to the clinic, right?"

She just rolled her eyes, stepping forwards, grabbing my collar and pulling me onto her.

The rest of the day was mediocre at most. I thought I'd feel lighter after being with Sam, but it only made me feel worse. Guilty, even. And I had no idea why. It felt like there was a heavy pool of sin sitting at the bottom of my stomach, lapping at my insides and clawing at my skin.

I tried to decipher it, but it was no use. I knew it was guilt. It was such an unmistakeable, clear, gut wrenching feeling. The same feeling I had after the fire. After I forced my whole family to move over to England. But the problem wasn't discovering what the feeling was, it was discovering why the feeling was there.

At first, I toyed with the idea that I felt bad for taking advantage of my friend. But I quickly brushed that off. Sam and I shared a strictly no-strings-attached relationship. We both knew nothing would ever change between us, no matter how much sex we had. Plus, she was usually the one calling me up, asking for a hookup.

Then, I explored the idea of feeling guilty for exploiting my best friend's crush. Phoenix's infatuation with Sam was on the brink of being unhealthy. I knew he liked her. And he knew I knew. But I'd had sex with her. Was that it? But, again, I brushed that off fast. Phoenix knew of mine and Sam's relationship. And it didn't bother him. He wanted to be with her, but in the meantime, he was happy for her to fuck whoever she wanted, it's not like he could control her choices. So, I knew it wasn't that.

And then it dawned on me. And it made me physically sick.

"Woah, you're looking kinda pale, dude." Phoenix commented, leaning over the table to feel my forehead. I swatted his hand out of the way, focussing on my plate as I prodded my food in disinterest. We were all sat in the bustling canteen, the table crowded with football players and pretty girls. I scanned the canteen for a familiar face, knowing he usually sat on his own in the corner, his face buried in a book or his eyes focussed on a piece of homework as he scribbled away on a scrap of paper. But I didn't see him.

"I'm fine." I grumbled.

The others watched me curiously. I'd been acting weirdly all day, I knew that. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, looking for any type of distraction, any type of excuse to ignore their patronising glares.

Theodore was ringing me, the phone vibrating in my hand. Not only that, but I had countless missed calls from him. I instantly felt another pang of guilt. Theodore never called me, he never even texted me, he usually just waited for me to make the first move. Which means something must be seriously wrong.

And I felt even guiltier as I considered ignoring his call. Maybe I should wait a few days, clear my head and cleanse my mind before I saw him again. I needed to shake him off, talk my brain out of these absurd ideas that I could ever be interested in Theodore.

But, of course, I could never resist the opportunity to talk to him. So, with a sigh, I answered the call and pressed the phone up to my ear, "Hello?"

"L-Luca?" He sniffed. I tensed uncomfortably, immediately sensing that something was wrong.

I shifted uncomfortably, "What's wrong?"

He didn't answer for a second. The silence was filled with sniffles and strangled sobs. I could tell he was trying to contain his cries, but he wasn't doing a very good job. "Um...c-could you...could you c-come over...please?" He begged desperately, clearly reluctant to be putting himself in such a vulnerable position.

"Yeah." I answered immediately. "Yeah, of course. Are you at the store?"

"Y-Yeah."

"You're okay, right?"

"P-Please, just come." He pleaded.

My heart clenched painfully as I told him I'd be right over and ended the call. My friends were all watching me, waiting for an explanation. I didn't have time to care, I was too busy focussing on the tugging of my heartstrings. "I've gotta go." I announced, swiftly standing up and grabbing my backpack.

"What?" Tommy frowned, "Where?"

I waved him off, "Nowhere."

"You'll be back for practice after school, yeah?" Phoenix inquired.

"Uh...I don't know. Probably not. But if my parents ask, I was at practice, okay?"

"What? Luca-"

"Please." I begged. "You have to cover for me if my parents ask. I was meant to be spending time with Rosa but something important has come up." I explained vaguely. "Please." I repeated once more.

They all exchanged skeptical looks before Daya sighed deeply, "We'll cover for you." She nodded.