《Silent Love (Reposted Ver)》Hurt
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"Italicized" = Signed
"Regular" = Spoken
Italicized = Yō typing
= Someone else typing
----- = A spoken word Yō can't understand (or at least not lip read)
...
Yō's POV:
It had been a long month. As Mari had promised, she was tutoring me and helping me keep my grades up. My mom had agreed to her proposal. All I had to do was get good grades and I could go back. I didn't tell anyone about it though. I want it to be a surprise when I return next year.
And speaking of them... no one has really talked to me since I've left. Chika was sending me a lot of messages for a few days, but then suddenly it stopped. She was barely texting me at least once a week now. I wasn't that disappointed though. I knew it wouldn't last with us. Especially after putting that much distance between us.
So one night I found myself texting her, saying that I wanted to break up. There was no way she'd last with me until I returned next year. I wanted her to be happy. Even if it caused me pain. I couldn't bear to bring her down. And I didn't want to deal with the option of her finding another and never telling me.
Chika was extremely sad when I told her. I felt bad but it was for the best. It took a while, but she came to understand my reasoning behind it. We ended our short relationship then and there. Maybe when I go back we can try it again? If she doesn't find someone else.
Dia is the one who has kept in touch the most. Well, I may be a little to blame for that. I admitted during a Skype call that I was getting tutored in school and she asked if I needed any more help. I had at first said 'no' to her, but after a few sessions with Mari, I took it back. Mari wasn't the best tutor in the world. And being my tutor for every subject probably wasn't the best idea either. There were some places she had trouble helping me with. That's when I turned to Dia for some help. I need to get these grades. I need to go back.
I was getting better at my ASL. I could almost fully understand everything Mari was signing to me now. Since that day, we haven't spoken to each other. It's only been signing or texts. I tried to speak to Dia at one point, but she informed me that I wasn't saying words clearly anymore. I couldn't speak. I lost the one thing that made me feel special. I also lost my lip reading abilities as well. My mom had been talking to a friend in Japanese but I couldn't read anything. I felt like everything was going wrong.
How would they treat me when I came back with none of the skills they had grown used to? Would they leave me? Would I be all alone again?
It was pretty late at night where I was at. I opened up my laptop and pulled up my Skype. Dia and I tended to do our tutoring at this time. A few minutes later, I got the call request from her and answered it. I was going to ask her some questions about school before she started our session.
"Hey. How was today?" Dia started off the conversation.
"It was alright. There was a fight at lunch." I replied.
"Another one? You sure that school is a good school?" Dia frowned.
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I shrugged, "I'm not sure, but it's the only one I can go to. I have to deal with it."
"Well, are you ready to begin?" Dia shuffled some books into the view of the screen.
"I just wanted to ask you a few things first. About them." I didn't need to sign who for Dia to know who I was talking about.
"Alright then. Ask away." Dia nodded, agreeing to my request.
"Well, how are they?" I started off simple.
"They're doing fine. I can tell they miss you, though." Dia replied.
"Have they kept signing at all or?" I was scared for her answer.
"They actually have. Riko has taken over teaching Chika to sign. I feel as though there's a hidden motive behind their actions."
My eyes widened in surprise, "Really? That's awesome."
"You suspected they would stop?" Dia asked me.
I nodded, "Well, yeah. What's the point if I'm not there?"
"I think they have hope that you'll return someday and they want to be ready." Dia replied with a soft smile on her face.
"I will return. I promise I will. I guess I should be glad then. If I can't talk or lip read anymore, I'm going to need them to sign." I signed back with a determined look on my face. I won't give away anymore details about my return, but I want the seed planted with someone.
"Do you hate the fact you can't speak?" Dia asked.
I sighed and shrugged, "I don't really know. Part of me does, but part of me doesn't."
"Could you take vocal therapy?"
"I don't know. After the abuse I suffered from my grandparents, I don't know if I could manage."
Dia nodded solemnly, "Anything else you want to ask me? I think one day without tutoring won't hurt."
I nodded, "How is Chika? She hasn't talked to me since I broke up with her."
"It's been hard for her. The idol group has kept her busy, so she's not alone that much. I guess she probably doesn't know what she would say to you now. I can bet the conversation will feel awkward if you speak again." Dia told me.
"I didn't want to do it. I just felt it was the best thing to do. I don't want to get hurt myself. If she found someone else and then... I just don't know what I'd do." I signed, deciding to let someone finally know about my concerns.
"If you give her some time I'm sure she'll come to understand."
"I hope so."
...
The next morning I was woken up by my alarm as always. What wasn't normal was waking up to my mom being in my room. I sat up and looked at her with a confused expression.
"There's a problem for today. Mari is sick and can't go to school." My mom told me, "They have no one to cover for her."
I frowned, "What am I supposed to do then?"
"The school said you can stay home for the day. Maybe you should go visit Mari?" My mom replied, "I made you breakfast by the way. I'm heading out now."
I waved goodbye and then got off my bed. I dressed into my casual outfit and went to the bathroom. I guess I get to stay home for the day. I'll visit Mari later to see how she's doing. It's not like I can do much else.
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While I know ASL, I don't know English. Reading is something I can't do in this country. All my notes and tests have been written in Japanese. The school has accommodated for that, thankfully.
I headed down to eat the breakfast my mom had made. As I ate, I scrolled through the website for idol groups. I wanted to see if I could find any videos of Chika's group. I don't know what they call themselves. I really should've asked that a while ago. Now I'm stuck looking at the picture displayed for the videos to see if I can spot Chika or Riko.
I eventually found them. They call themselves "Aqours" from the look of it. I opened up one of their dance videos to see them. I wanted to see how they had been doing. What I wasn't expecting to see on the video was subtitles. They actually captioned their dance video...
I didn't know what to say. They did something no other group would ever think of doing. I scrolled to the comment section to see what people were saying. I found some comments complaining about the captions. I'm not surprised. Most people don't like having captions on.
They had responded to the comment by saying they wanted deaf people to be able to enjoy it as well. I have a feeling they got the idea because of me. I'm really happy they'd put that extra touch to it. Them being so inclusive where no one has before is really amazing.
I watched the video while I ate. I have to say, they really have gotten good. I remember watching Chika dance before. It was a disaster. After the video ended, I opened up my messages and pulled up Mari's number.
Yō: Hey, I heard you were sick. How are you doing?
I stared at the message I wrote for a few seconds before I hit send. It sounded weird, but I didn't know what else to say. I don't want to be too prying. Mari answered back after a few minutes.
Mari: I'm fine. It's just a little cold. Sorry about causing you problems.
I frowned. She's more worried about the fact I had to miss school. I don't really care. I don't like the school that much anyway.
Yō: Could I come over?
My finger hesitated over the send button. It didn't seem like a good message to send. Was I being to straightforward? Should I talk more before I ask that? Eventually I hit send and sent it. There was no use worrying about it. It took another few minutes before Mari replied. Did I overstep my boundaries?
Mari: Why?
Well, she didn't yell at me. But, why do I want to come over? What can I say to her? I pondered my options for a while. I don't know exactly what I should say. Maybe a simple answer is fine, though.
Yō: I thought you might be lonely and I have nothing else to do today.
I hope that is a good enough answer. As I waited for her to reply, I put my plate into the dishwasher. I poured myself a glass of milk and sat back down at the table. I sipped at my milk slowly as I waited nervously for the response. It arrived after a few more minutes of waiting.
Mari: Alright. I guess you can come over. Just don't get yourself sick because of me, alright? Here's my address.
I had done it. She had agreed. I guess I can see why she was hesitant now. Getting me sick wouldn't be ideal. But, I'm willing to risk my health a little to go and talk to her. I'm sure it'll be fun.
Yō: Thank you! I'll be over soon.
After I cleaned up my glass, I grabbed my shoes and put them on. I grabbed a small purse to carry. I put my phone in my purse and then headed out the door. I took out my phone a few times to try and figure out the address. If only they had a good app for giving deaf people directions.
After wandering around for a while, I finally made it to her house. I stared in awe at how big it was. Her family must be rich. I hesitantly rung the doorbell. I hate doing this. I know people will talk to the person on the other side through the door. That won't work with me.
After a few minutes of waiting, the door opened to reveal Mari. She smiled at me and invited me in. I walked in and looked around the place. It was a really nice house.
Mari led me up to her bedroom. She laid down on her bed. I sat on the edge of the bed awkwardly. We didn't sign anything to each other for a while. We just sat there and did nothing. I could see Mari coughing every few minutes.
"How are you?" I asked.
"I'll be fine. I'm feeling just a little under the weather. It'll pass soon." Mari signed back.
"Do you need anything?" I offered. I may not know my way around her house at all, but I'm sure I could manage to find something if she needed it.
Mari shook her head, "I'm fine."
We fell back into the awkwardness from earlier. I played with my fingers and pants. Mari didn't seem too interested in talking to me. Maybe I shouldn't have come?
"Do you know about the idol group created at Uranohoshi?" Mari asked me.
I nodded, "My friends are in it."
"What do you think of them?" Mari smiled.
Well, I guess we have something to talk about now. This should be interesting.
"They captioned their dance videos." I stated, "I'm very surprised by that."
Mari nodded, "I was pretty surprised myself when I saw that."
"Why are you bringing them up?" I asked her.
"Well, it just makes me happy. I was in an idol group with my friends before." Mari replied.
"Oh. What made you guys stop?"
"We just couldn't sing. It was too overwhelming on stage..." Mari signed to me with a sad look on her face.
I frowned at her, "And then you transferred so it had to end?"
Mari nodded, "My friends wanted me to go and study here. I understand why, but I don't want it anymore. That's why I'm going back."
"Are you thinking of joining the idol group?" I asked.
Mari gave a shrug, "Maybe. I kinda want to see if I can get my friends to join it with me. I know at least one of them is aware. There is no way they came up with that name by themselves."
"What do you mean?"
"That was our group name. I guess someone decided to give it to them. I wonder who it was and why they did it?" Mari signed.
We continued to discuss Aqours. Mari seemed really enthusiastic about them. I wonder if I should tell her about how I almost joined? No. I'll leave that for now. Maybe when we go back, I'll try again. I'm sure they can use a manager to help them out.
That was how we spent most of the day. As afternoon came, Mari got out of her bed and guided me down to her kitchen. I can't believe how big it is.
"You want to help cook?" Mari asked as she started pulling out what supplies she wanted.
I nodded and waited as she gathered everything. Once we had everything out, Mari started giving me instructions on what to do. I was a bit clumsy, but I managed to get along just fine. Mari smiled at me as we worked. I shyly smiled back.
"You feeling better?" I asked as we waited for the oven to heat up.
Mari nodded, "A little bit better."
Soon Mari put the pan in the oven and turned the temperature up. We went to sit in the dining room as we waited. We chatted about everything. It was fun to be able to talk to someone without being judged. Mari never said anything bad about what I brought up.
That was how we spent the day. It was time for dinner when I left. Mari offered to let me sleep over, but I declined. I wanted to go home. And I still had my daily tutoring with Dia. I needed to get home.
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