I woke up the next morning kinda feeling like shit, I didn’t drink that much last night but I pretty much cried myself to sleep instead. Everything that happened last night… it hurt me, and I felt like I would never be able to get over it completely.

Why had I stopped loving Nelson? It couldn’t have been because he was put in a wheelchair… that was shallow and I was not like that.

Was it because I had started loving Devon? Out of nowhere? Possibly…

I remember the day I saw her, all those feelings hitting me like a ton of bricks… I still felt that way, but now it was a longing feeling. Like I wanted to tell her… but I couldn’t.

It wasn’t who I was…

I had never liked a girl in my life, or even thought about loving a girl. I never had wanted to kiss one, or touch one, or date one… but when I looked at Devon… there was so much I wanted to do… to say…

I just didn’t know if it was the right time.

I had barely just met the girl… I couldn’t lay it on her that I was in love with her. She was straight anyway! And I was to dammit!

Devon stirred in her bed and my eyes snapped towards her, she was groaning, “Shit…”

She looked at me, her face fell, I rolled my eyes, “Samantha kissed me Devon.”

“It’s take two to kiss like you two did… why didn’t you tell me you were bisexual Amanda!”

I yelled, “Because I’m not! The crowd was just cheering us on… if I would’ve pulled away… I didn’t want to disappoint anyone.”

She rolled her eyes, “That’s a sorry ass excuse.”

I became angry, “You better not get mad at me, you and Emerson disappeared and I was left alone after Nelson and I ended it!”

Her eyes caught mine quickly, “Nelson broke up with you…?”

“Yes, because he saw me and Samantha’s show. So I’m single, fucking heartbroken, and I don’t need your ass lecturing me!”

I saw the words sting her, and I felt bad all of a sudden… she was mad at me for kissing Samantha. In a way I believed it was because she didn’t want me to be gay but in the back of my head… she said it like it was something more to her.

“Why did you look up Rachel last night on your laptop?”

She still remembered that shit? Jeez… she must’ve not been that drunk. I sighed, “I just… I don’t really know to be completely honest Devon…”

She tilted her head, she looked hurt, seeing Rachel’s name come out of her mouth… I knew it in her voice it still affected her.

It could affect her for the rest of her life.

She sighed, “Anyways… what you doing today?”

And as if right on que, Hali was calling me, I spoke, “One second.”

I answered, not even having a chance to speak, “What the fuck Amanda? You knew I was coming in from Cali yesterday and you completely ignore me? Thanks a lot… you know it really makes me feel like I’m loved by my best friend.”

I rolled my eyes, I could feel Devon’s eyes fixated on me, “Listen Hali, yes, I forgot, I accidentally left my phone on silent when I went to a party last night. I don’t need your shit though, we can meet today if you want, go have lunch and shop. Just stop bitching.”

She fell silent at the word shop and mumbled, “Fine, meet me at the North Mall Plex at 12.”

I smiled to myself, feeling victorious, “Ok, see you then.”

I clicked my phone off and looked up at Devon, “So you’re spending the day with them?”

I nodded, “Yea uh, Hali Greene, my best friend… maybe you’ll meet her today?”

She nodded silently, I knew the word best friend was even sensitive for her… it was like everything I said hurt her. Should I invite her to come with me and Hali? I didn’t want to leave her alone here, and I felt obligated to… besides, she didn’t have a best friend to do this with…”

I scratched the back of my head, “I uh… if you want you can come with me, so you don’t have to stay here…?”

“Nah, I’ll just go and have lunch with my mom or something… don’t worry about me,” she got up and disappeared out of the dorm.

I felt bad, she looked so sad… and I wondered if she was going to have one of those days again. I wanted her to come with us, because I didn’t want her alone today. I didn’t want her to feel excluded, but I had a best friend I hadn’t seen in an entire month…

And I definitely had a lot to tell Hali.

***

Soon enough I was waiting for Hali outside the mall, the summer sun was beaming down on me and I was grateful for the outfit I had picked for today. Skinny capris with sandals and a loose muscle shirt, it flowed down to my hips so my body could breathe in this hot ass weather.

Only bad thing about Florida.

Oh and the hurricanes.

Finally I saw her emerge from the crowded parking lot and I became excited, even though I knew she was still a little upset with me.

She walked up to me and we wrapped our arms around each other, I whispered, “Don’t ever leave me for that long again.”

She laughed pulling away, “Sorry… passing up a free beach house stay for a month… that will never happen.”

I rolled my eyes, “Then take me with you next time.”

Soon enough we were eating our food in the food court, me mostly listening to her talk about her month in Cali. From what I was understanding there was a guy back there, Luke I believe his name was. It was funny, because she had only hung out with him for a month and she could swear she was in love.

Longer then I had with Devon.

I only knew the chick for two fucking weeks and I was already in love with her. It made absolutely no sense to me… but I could do nothing about it.

Hali tilted her head, “You ok?”

I nodded, “Yea, just a long week…”

“Wanna fill me in?”

I wanted to tell her about Devon, but she had just gotten back and telling her that I was in love with her… well that wasn’t going to pan out good. So I started with Nelson, “Me and Nelson broke up last night…”

Her eyes widened, “You’re joking?”

I shook my head, “Which leads to another thing I need to tell you… one of my dorm mates likes me…”

“What’s his name?”

I looked at her and my face fell, “It’s a girl…”

“You’re shitting me right?”

I shook my head, “And the reason Nelson broke up with me is because… he saw us make-out in front of the party crowd yesterday.”

Hali was silent, I was scared to look at her but I knew she was probably in total disbelief. She spoke, “Damn Amanda, you get fucking crazy when I’m not here! I can’t leave you alone for a damn month?”

I smiled, Great, she wasn’t mad at me… I sighed, “Yea, so don’t.” Hali continued to dig into her salad and I sighed, “Hali… memory loss… is that a side effect of head trauma?”

She looked at me, “Yea, I’m pretty sure, why?”

“I think there’s something wrong with me.”

It was blunt, and it was worrying her immediately, “Why do you think that Amanda?”

I wanted to tell her about Devon but once again I chickened out, “Sometimes, I forget obvious things… like I forgot you had come back from Cali yesterday… things I would normally remember right off the back. Sometimes I have to stop and thing about my mom’s birthday, or her name… or how old Emert is. You get what I’m saying?”

She nodded, listening intently, “To be honest Amanda, I’m not sure… it could just be stress. You’ve had a stressful week from what it sounds… maybe just relax… you’re just starting college. Your boyfriend just woke up… give it time and if it doesn’t improve… then I’d start worrying about it.”

I nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear to finish my chicken wrap.

Then all of a sudden Hali grabbed a strand of hair into her hand, “When did you get a red tint in your hair?”

I gave her a confused look, “What do you mean?”

I looked down, immediately seeing what she had pointed out. How had I not seen that this morning in the mirror?

My hair was growing lighter, tiny hints of red tiny growing. I had never once used a hair dye product in my life…

My hair color was changing on it’s own.