I almost consider asking Charlie if he wants me to stay at my dorm tonight. We’ve been together non-stop lately. I’m not tired of him at all, but he is so polite, I know he would never say anything if he were feeling like he needed time alone.

As soon as we get into Clemson though, he asks if I need to stop by my dorm before going back to his house, and doesn’t even consider that I wouldn’t be staying with him.

I drop off my suitcase in my room and pack a smaller bag just for tonight, since I’ll be back between my morning and afternoon classes tomorrow. Charlie waits for me in his car, and when I climb back in, he asks, “I know it’s early, but do you want to pick up something for dinner before we go home?”

I smile, because it still makes me happy when he says home like it’s mine, too.

“Sure,” I say, “I’m hungry now, anyways.”

Cooper greets us with his usual enthusiasm as soon as we open the door to Charlie’s kitchen from the garage. Charlie carries our dinner to the living room – fast food burgers and fries, with large sodas, and I stop off to feed Cooper.

As I pass by the refrigerator, I notice a note written in child-like handwriting.

“Charlie?” I call, retrieving Coopers food and bowl, “I think Mason left you a note. Do you want me to bring it to you?”

“Please,” He answers, and I hear the TV come on in the living room.

I give Cooper his dinner and collect the note for Charlie. Mason must have left it when he and Casey were here taking care of Cooper – a favor that they do often for Charlie when he travels.

I don’t want to be nosy, but I glance passively at the note and unintentionally collect what it says.

Charlie,

My football team is having a dad’s dinner tomorrow night (Monday) and I don’t think my dad can go. I haven’t asked, but he hasn’t been home much lately and you know more about football anyway. If you aren’t busy, will you go with me, please?

Mason

I reach the couch and sit down next to Charlie, handing him the note. He holds it in one hand, his food in the other, and frowns when his eyes move over the scribbly handwriting.

He sighs and I don’t know what to say.

“Did you read this?” He asks, handing me the note again.

I take it and place it on the table, “I did. He is lucky to have you. What would Mark say, if he saw the note?”

Charlie looks down at his lap with a frown on his face, “He would go to the dinner. He’d probably say something like, ‘I know I need to be home more. I’m going to stay home more,’ and then next week, he’d be out again. It’s been the same thing for years. He pushes everyone around him to the edge, and then he straightens up just long enough to make everyone okay with him again.”

“At least he still cares enough to do that. It’s harder on everyone else, in a way, because you all are left with whiplash – that isn’t fair, but at least you know he still wants his life.”

Charlie doesn’t respond. I shove three fries into my mouth and feel guilty about what I’ve just said.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be playing devil’s advocate. I’m just trying to be positive because I can tell that he cares about you, and you know he loves Mason. I don’t understand the situation though, so all I can do is try to make you feel better.”

I stuff more fries into my mouth, hoping that I haven’t irritated him. I know that Mark is acting like a child, but I don’t want Charlie to feel like he has to act detached, like he isn’t really worried about Mark, too.

“It’s okay. You’re just saying what I’m too angry to say, but I know it’s true. He’s a good man, he just isn’t acting like it now.”

Charlie offers a slight smile and I see his shoulders relax as he takes another bite of his food.

My phone starts to ring, a number that is unrecognized. I answer it, anyway.

“Hello?”

“Stella? This is Dr. Keller. I’m calling from my personal. Feel free to contact me here anytime, by the way. Hey, you wouldn’t be free tomorrow evening by any chance, would you? One of Lydia’s children is ill, and she said you’d offered to fill in, when you could.”

“Yes,” I say quickly, “That would work fine for me.”

“Okay, great. Lydia can come in for an hour or so, but I’ll be fine for the rest of the day. If you can just work from four to seven again, that will be perfect. I’ll be a bit busier, but it will be a lot like Friday. My latest appointment will be Dylan again, so you’ll leave before me tomorrow, too.”

“Okay, great. I’ll just see you tomorrow at four.”

I say goodbye to Dr. Keller and hang up the phone.

“I guess you don’t mind if I go to this dinner, then?” Charlie questions, taking his last bite of hamburger.

“I wouldn’t have minded anyway, of course not. Should you call Mason and tell him you’re going? You can use my phone.”

“I have mine,” He says, pulling out his cell, “I’ll call Casey now and get the details, the note didn’t say much. I’m going to go and let Cooper out, too. Do you need anything from the kitchen?”

“I’m alright, thank you.”

I smile at Charlie as he leaves the room and continue with my dinner. He dials Casey and he speaks quietly in the phone when he and Cooper pad back through the living room and out the back door.

Once I have no one to talk to, I finish my dinner very quickly and gather all of our trash, carrying it to the kitchen. I leave Mason’s note on the coffee table, out of politeness. It isn’t mine, and it doesn’t feel right to collect it with our trash.

I still think it is very cute that Mason looks up to Charlie, particularly enough to take him to a father’s dinner for his football team. I smile at the thought of Charlie sitting around a table full of middle-aged dads and their ten year old sons. I’m sure he fits in fine, honestly. He looks and acts much older than twenty, he is very smart and well spoken, and always looks presentable – it’s still funny to think about, though.

I’m still smiling, closing the cabinet that hides the trashcan, when Charlie’s voice interrupts my thoughts.

“Mason’s dinner is at six tomorrow, and it should last about an hour. I can rush over to pick you up from work. I’m sorry. You didn’t need to clean that up. Why are you smiling?”

I don’t know whether to laugh or convey my annoyance that he actually just apologized for not being able to pick me up from work when I have a car of my own.

“Charlie,” I stand still as he walks around the island in the kitchen to approach me, “I can drive myself to and from work. I could even drive myself here, you know. You don’t always have to pick me up.”

He reaches me and wraps his arms around my waist.

“I like driving you, though,” He leans his forehead against mine.

“You have something more important to do tomorrow,” I speak quietly, reaching up and twirling my fingers through his hair.

“Will you still stay here? I can just give you a key, so you can drive yourself. I could pick you up at your dorm though, if you’d rather.”

It would be ridiculous for me to not just come here straight after work.

“That’s fine with me. I mean, I can just borrow a key.”

He nods, staring down at my lips and biting his.

“I didn’t get to shower after the gym today,” He says, still looking down at me with playful eyes.

“Hmm?” I move my lips to his neck.

“I’m kind of tired of showers though. I think I want a bath. Does that sound good, baby?”

Monday morning, Charlie drops me off for Philosophy and I sit in my usual seat. I am staring down at my agenda, looking over everything that I have coming up during the two weeks after Thanksgiving break, when a familiar voice interrupts my planning.

“Hey! How was your weekend?”

I look up, flipping my long hair away from my face, “Oh, hi! It was really good. I was in Charleston with my friend. How was it for you?”

Justin has taken the seat beside me, and as he starts to talk, I look back down at my planner. My pen is in my hand and I start to add and rearrange tasks, trying not to become too stressed about the papers that I have due and the exams and finals that I need to study for.

“… and my buddy got so sick. I feel bad for whoever had to clean the bathroom. My roommate and I had to carry him out of the bar and just shove him in a taxi. We didn’t even check that he had his key though, so apparently he woke up on the steps of –“

I’m not listening to most of what Justin is saying, but I do notice when he trails off. I see out of the corner of my eye that he is looking over my shoulder. I turn in the direction of his somewhat intimidated stare to see Charlie, holding my phone in his hand.

“Hey, you left this in my car,” He says it with a hint of a frown on his face.

“I did? I could have sworn that I put it in my bag. Thank you so much,” I get up from my seat to collect my phone.

As expected on a Monday morning, no one is early. It is only Charlie, Justin and I in the room. Charlie stares over me at him, with a mostly blank expression on his face.

“This is Justin,” I say, keeping my eyes on Charlie, but gesturing behind me to where I sat.

“Hi,” Justin says in reply. I then turn in his direction, to introduce Charlie.

“This is Charlie, he’s who I went to Charleston with this weekend.”

“Nice to meet you,” Charlie says finally, “I should go, I’ll see you later, Stella.”

Charlie starts to turn around, but I catch his arm to stop him. I stand on my toes and wrap my arms around his neck, “I love you. Thank you for bringing me my phone. I’m sorry that you had to turn around and find me.”

I let go of him and pull away, and I see that he is finally smiling, just a bit.

“I love you, baby. I’m happy to do it. Have a good day.”

He exits and I take my seat next to Justin again. It’s nearly class time now, and I wonder if anyone else is even going to show up.

“So, is he your boyfriend?” Justin asks, looking down at the notebook in front of him.

“Um, we aren’t just friends, but we haven’t really labeled ourselves as anything.”

“Does he even go to this school?”

Even though I’d never been particularly interested in hanging out with him, I think Justin is nice. The way he asks the question though, like he’s judged Charlie, I start to become irritated with him.

“No,” is all I say.

“I guess I would have heard of him if he went here, anyway,” He chuckles. While the statement is peculiar, his tone doesn’t seem to hold judgment.

“What do you mean?”

More students finally start to file in.

“Well, he is very… he stands out. I have a feeling a lot of people would take notice of him. And by people, I mean girls,” He smiles at me, and I realize that his intentions aren’t impure.

“You stand out too, though. You two look good together,” He remarks, looking back down at his notebook.

“Thanks. That’s why we’re together, really. We’re both shallow, but other than that, we don’t have much in common.”

He laughs in response, and another boy takes the seat on the other side of me, causing Justin to quiet his voice.

“I guess you never caught up with Jason, then?”

I look into his eyes before I answer. He asks so casually. If he only knew…

“No,” I state, and I’m thankful when our professor appears before us and greets the class.

Justin leans towards me, keeping his voice extra low, “I think you’re better of with Charlie. Jason seemed like a real dick. He probably would have kept your phone and be going through it as we speak, had you’d left it in his car,” He chuckles a little as he says it.

I just turn towards him and smile, but my mind is replaying some very similar scenes, “You have no idea.”

No one is in the lobby of Dr. Keller’s office when I arrive, so I just sit down at my desk and begin to take calls and look over emails. I still feel stressed, having realized today all that I’ll have to do after break for school. I tried to get a head start on one of my papers, but I didn’t have much time. Most of my time between classes today was spent unpacking and packing again, both for tonight and my trip home tomorrow.

Just over an hour later, when Dr. Keller finally emerges from her office, a boy who looks about Mason’s age follows her, and it reminds me that Charlie will be leaving for his dinner soon.

The boy exits and Dr. Keller greets me, telling me that her next appointment will be Dylan. When she disappears back into her office, I pull out my phone to text Charlie, telling him to have a good time with Mason tonight.

Rather than text me back, I get a call from him. I’m not sure if I should answer at work, but there isn’t anyone here yet, and it could be important.

“Hello?”

“Hi. How’s your day going?”

“Good, and yours?” I peek in the direction of Dr. Keller’s office, trying to keep my voice low.

“It’s been alright,” Charlie pauses for a moment, but I don’t have time to fill the silence before he speaks again,

“Mark told Casey today that he doesn’t want her staying at the house tonight. Her sister is visiting in-laws in Columbia right now, so she doesn’t have anywhere to stay. She and Mason are leaving tomorrow for Thanksgiving with her family, but she didn’t want to make the drive tonight on such short notice, so I told her they could stay with us. Is that alright with you?”

“Yeah, of course. It’s your house, you know. I shouldn’t have a say in what guests you have,” I laugh, “Did Mark say why she shouldn’t stay home? And if you’ll be busy with them, I can stay in my dorm tonight. I understand completely.”

“No, I want you with me. They were talking about the parked car, I guess, and Mark said that he doesn’t want her at their house. He didn’t say where he’s staying, though, and he wouldn’t tell her anything more really. He won’t even answer my calls.”

“I’m sorry. Does Casey have a ride to your house? I could pick her up on my way from work.”

“I’m going to get her and Mason now. I’ll drop her off at my house before Mason and I go to dinner. If you beat us back home though, don’t feel uncomfortable. She knows you’ll be there and she’s wanted to meet you anyway. She’s very nice. Do you want me to bring you something for dinner?”

“No, I’ll just pick something up on my way home. Don’t worry about me. And just text me if you need anything. I love you,”

I hate to rush the conversation, but Dylan has just entered the office lobby, and I feel like I shouldn’t be on my cell phone.

“Okay, sorry to bother you at work. I love you,”

I tell Charlie that he hasn’t bothered me before I hang up, but I still feel bad.

“Hi, Dylan,” I smile at her as she approaches my desk, “How was your weekend?”

“Good,” she smiles back, seeming more positive than she was at her first appointment.

“I’ll let Dr. Keller know that you’re here,” I tell her as she sits down on the sofa across from me.

Dr. Keller tells me that she’ll be ten minutes, which is actually when Dylan’s appointment starts, but to just make her feel comfortable until then.

“Would you like anything to drink?” I ask her, looking at her over the tall edge of the desk.

“I’m alright, thank you. How was your weekend?” She asks.

“It was good. I took a trip to Charleston. Did you do anything fun?” I try to make comfortable small talk.

“My mom and I went shopping together, and she ended up making me try on dresses for a dance. I’m not going, and we got into a fight. What did you do in Charleston? Is that where you’re from?”

“No. My friend had to work there this weekend, and he invited me to go along. Why aren’t you going to the dance? You shouldn’t fight your mom on those things. She probably loves spending time like that with you, and you’ll be grown up and away so soon,” I say, thinking about how enthusiastic my mom always was when I would ask her to go shopping with me.

“Is he your boyfriend? You seem too young to be giving such lame, adult advice. How old are you, anyways? I’m in the ideal predicament to fight with my parents actually, because my life won’t change much if they ground me,” Dylan laughs as she says it.

“He isn’t my boyfriend, but we like each other a lot. I’m eighteen. I think I give good advice,” I smile at her.

“Do you have commitment issues?”

“No,” I respond, “I’m committed to him, we’re just ‘us,’ I don’t call him my boyfriend.”

“How does he feel about that?”

“I suppose he’s fine with it,” I laugh a little, “He knows that I love him, and we’ve only been seeing each other for a little while now.”

She looks down at her lap as she asks her next question, “Is he nice?”

“Very,” I say.

She looks back at me with sad, curious eyes, “Why were you in therapy? You didn’t tell me.”

I sigh, looking at her still.

“I had trouble with a boy in high school. It was hard to talk about it – it still is, actually, but it’s more because I don’t want to revisit it now, and less that I’m afraid to face it.”

“And…therapy – that’s what helped you?”

“Yes, but I had to allow it to.”

“I don’t know how to do that,” she says quietly, looking back towards her hands that fiddle in her lap.

“You’re learning, then. Time helps, too.”

“My parents found out that my boyfriend was hurting me. Is that what happened to you?”

She looks at me with a strange, sullen hope in her eyes and all I can do is nod. She continues, then,

“He’s older than me. I’m only fifteen. He’s the quarterback and everyone loves him. My dad heard me scream one night when he’d snuck over. He was drunk and I asked him to leave, and he hit me. It wasn’t the first time, but it was the only time that anyone had caught him. I begged my dad not to do anything, but he got the police involved. We’re pressing charges, and now my entire school hates me. That’s why I’m not going to the dance.”

I don’t answer right away. I just look sympathetically at Dylan, willing her to know that I went through something so similar, and that she can be okay.

“If anyone were thinking enough to hate you, they would realize that they have no reason to. People can be careless. They shy away, too, and don’t realize the impact of just standing by, when they could reassure you that someone understands. But that isn’t your fault. You’re only at fault for how you treat others, and how you treat yourself. You shouldn’t fight with your mom. Don’t push away the people who love you. Go out or stay home – just do what you want to do, and don’t punish yourself for what is other peoples’ faults.”

Dylan sighs and looks at the ground between us.

“Retrospect is a much simpler viewpoint. It’s fine not to be alright yet,” I remind her, trying my best to smile.

“Hi, Dylan!” Dr. Keller’s voice interrupts us, and she collects Dylan, starting back towards her office.

“Oh, Stella?” She turns over her shoulder to me, “Thank you so much for filling in. Have a great Thanksgiving, and I’ll see you Friday.”

I stand on Charlie’s front porch, adjusting the bags in my hands so that I can locate the house key. I stopped by the grocery store on the way home and bought ingredients for pancakes, because they sounded good, for some reason. As I’m trying to find the key, the milk carton falls out of one of my grocery bags and onto the porch.