《Behind Closed Curtains (Desires of the Forbidden)》Chapter 17
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My eyes were trained on Kaleb's retreating back as he rounded the corner of the stage and stalked off towards the dressing rooms.
I could feel every pair of eyes in the theater watching me, digging into the sides of my stunned face and my back as they waited for me to say something; do anything.
"Leah..." Jackson's voice called out softly, his tone mixed with sorrow and regret.
"I didn't-"
"I know," I said without sparing him a glance. I was very aware that he didn't intentionally mean to throw me into a violent panic attack in front of our entire cast and crew.
Without comprehending exactly what I was doing, I took off in the direction that Kaleb went.
I left behind all of the curious faces without a word. All that seemed to consume every expanse of my thoughts was finding Kaleb and getting the answers that I was so desperately afraid of him confirming.
Even as timid as I was over Kaleb's suspicions, I still carried on. My legs took me across the stage, around the corner and directly back towards where the Male and Female dressing rooms were homed.
With steps as subtle as a mouse, I approached the Male dressing room first.
Placing my hand gently on the door handle, the rust embedded onto the knob brushing against my palm, I turned it.
The piercing squeak of the aged door rang out through the hallway and into the dressing room, effectively alerting Kaleb to my presence if he did in fact happen to be in that room.
And as it turned out, he was.
He must have known it was me who made the sudden appearance because he didn't move.
No, he stayed turned with his back towards me, leaning over the counter that lay up against the long mirrored wall that stretched across the room in which we would all apply our make up in.
His head was hung low, dropped so that I couldn't see his expression, yet that didn't matter much as the brooding, suffocating air that surrounded him gave away to his mood quite effectively.
Seconds trickled by and still nothing was said.
Kaleb's rise and fall of his back with every deep breath he took was the only visible movement in the entire room. I remained silent and patient for as long as physically possible before I felt like I would literally burst through the pores in my skin with the amount of frantic nerves boiling underneath the surface.
I needed to end it.
"Hi," I started out, my voice coming out meek and far frailer than intended.
Still, he said nothing.
I drove my fingers into my palm, rolling my fingers anxiously into my hand and feeling the warm, nervous sweat that was beginning to accumulate there.
Taking a deep breath into my lungs, I tried once again.
"Kaleb-"
"Where did those bruises on your stomach come from?"
Every muscle in my body tensed as a fierce thrill of terror sliced through me. I opened my trembling lips to respond, the words stumbling out in-eloquently.
"I-I already told you-"
"Don't lie to me, Leah," Kaleb growled out as he abruptly spun around, pinning his dark, storming eyes to mine.
"I'm not lying," I retorted forcefully.
Yes you are.
A frustrated groan vibrated in Kaleb's throat as his face screwed up in pure annoyance. Kaleb drew his hands up over his face, rubbing them across the planes of his face in frustration as he leaned his weight back against the counter top. Within seconds, his eyes found mine.
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His gaze locked onto mine in contemplation. It was as if he was studying me, trying to figure out precisely what to say next and how I would react to it.
Kaleb's stare never wavered from mine and I was beginning to feel self-conscious under his intense gaze. I could feel my pulse quickening and my heart beat beginning to thrum harder and harder against my chest as I watched him just as closely, waiting in agonizing anticipation for him to finally speak again.
"You know I have a sister who used to have panic attacks."
Slowly, I shook my head.
He gradually nodded, rolling his lips together as he took in my answer.
"Yeah, she used to get them all the time. It's how I knew how to calm you down from yours."
He paused, something behind his stare intensifying and causing the space between us to sky rocket with a tension so overwhelming you could choke on it.
"You wanna know why she got the panic attacks?" he asked, his voice crawling with deliberate meaning.
"Sure," I answered softly.
He let another bout of deafening silence linger through the air before finally answering.
"Her husband used to beat her."
Crushing confirmation and horror swarmed through my mind as my chest contracted painfully, stealing away all of the air sitting in my lungs.
He knew.
Kaleb's dominating eyes never left mine as he watched and waited for me to show any sign of acknowledgement that he was right; that his sister and I shared something very dark in common.
But I wouldn't give him that. I wouldn't give in that easily and let the one secret that I had kept so expertly hidden over the last two years make its way into the light of day. I had worked too damn hard to let that happen. I had covered too many bruises and formulated far too many excuses for Zach's behavior to give up this quickly.
"That's terrible," I mustered enough volume to spit out.
"It was," he continued. "She was messed up for a long time. They were together for 6 years total and none of us suspected a thing until he put her into a hospital after one beating where he broke one of her ribs and it punctured her lung."
"Wow," I huffed out, the swirling fear of that ever becoming a reality for me stealing away any other acceptable response.
"I know. We all felt so stupid for not recognizing the signs when they were so blatantly laid out in front of us," he spat out with an obscene amount of underlying meaning that was beginning to tear away at my delicate state of mind.
"She could never stand to have anybody touch her unexpectedly; especially strangers or she would fly into a massive panic attack... just like you did now." Kaleb's words were intent and precise and were causing the space around me to tighten and suffocate my mind as he continued to press harder and harder.
"She would show up with bruises on her arms, legs, wherever and would always have a story prepared as to where she got them from; just like the bruises on your stomach a few weeks ago."
This was becoming too much. Kaleb's words were overwhelming me and my breathing was beginning to shorten into panicked, silent pants. My head was swimming in an overload of realization and I was beginning to feel light headed.
This only worsened as Kaleb persisted in his speech.
"She also acted like her husband's fucking slave and did whatever he wanted her to do without question and was just so used to it that she couldn't comprehend how wrong it was."
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At this point I was shaking visibly and I knew it. My lips quivered as I worked to keep in my pathetic whimpers and my hands were trembling violently against the fabric of my shorts.
Please stop. Please, for the love of god stop talking.
"I was oblivious then and it cost my sister a lot of pain and heartache. But my eyes are wide open this time around and I'm not gonna let the same shit fly like it did with my sister until it landed her in the fucking hospital for two weeks."
"I don't know what you mean-"
"Cut the bullshit, Leah!" Kaleb yelled out, his anger bouncing off the walls around us and slicing through my mind, piercing my heart with fright.
Terror spiked in my mind as two large hands grasped suddenly at my arms, causing a frightened gasp to push through my lips and my wide eyes to fly up and find the source.
Kaleb's ruggedly handsome face appeared in my view, his eyes shining with rage and such a raw, undeniable sorrow.
"I know, Leah!" he spoke harshly, his fingers digging into my frail arms almost bruisingly so. Then, his stare dimmed, the anger sitting in them replaced by an overwhelming amount of sadness.
"I know," he whispered, his tone laced with misery.
His profound stare became nearly impossible to look away from. I could see every crinkle of distress lining across his perfect face. I could detect every speck of pain floating through his azure stare and it only begged me to throw myself into him and recount to him of all of the horrors that had occurred over the last two years.
Yet, I wouldn't.
I wouldn't betray Zach like that after he apologized and had begun to try and make up for all of the harm he had caused since we had moved in together.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I replied under my breath, knowing that Kaleb would still hear due to his close proximity.
Kaleb's nostrils flared in instantaneous irritation as his stare flooded with wild passion.
"Yes, you do. I'm not an idiot like I was back then and I'm not just gonna let the same thing that happened to my sister happen to you any longer than it has!"
"Nothing is happening!" I tried to deny, my voice raising a notch as my own anger and determination began to boil over.
"Stop protecting him! For fucks sake, he hasn't given you the same privilege!"
"I'm not protecting him," I gritted out furiously.
"God, you are so damn stubborn!" Kaleb cursed out in frustration. Suddenly, Kaleb took a step into me, towering his body over mine as he placed his hands flat against the wall behind me, trapping me in place with both his body and the intense look embedded within his eyes.
"He hits you, doesn't he? That fucking prick you call a boyfriend beats you every chance he gets, doesn't he?" Kaleb asked, his voice low and deadly.
"No!"
"I know he does! It's so fucking obvious he does now. It's not a coincidence that you happen to fall into the exact same pattern my sister did with her abuser. I wish I was wrong! I fucking wish that you could prove me wrong and I'd gladly accept that I was. But I'm not, am I, Leah?"
"Yes you are." My voice was strained as I answered as my emotions were starting to seep over. Kaleb's face dipped down so that he was on level with my own. My breath caught in my throat as his sudden movement. Fire was ablaze in Kaleb's wild, radiant eyes and I knew whatever he was about to say had the potential to break me.
"It was meant to be this way, Leah. We were supposed to meet in this play, we were supposed to get as close as we have because I'm supposed to help you out of this. I was too late for my sister but I won't be for you."
Mint breath fanned across my face as the warmth of his nose brushed tenderly against my own.
"Let me help you, Peaches."
I had to pull my bottom lip in between my teeth's grasp and bite down defiantly in order to keep in the abrupt cry that tried to break past my lips.
Mournfully, I shook my head.
"I don't need your help, Kaleb. There's no reason I would need your help anyways since nothing is wrong," I tried to reason with him, coating my tone with a severe amount of conviction to try and convince him once and for all.
"Goddammit, Leah!" Kaleb roared furiously. "Why are you still protecting him?! I saw the fear in your eyes when you dropped my phone, I saw the way Zach grabbed you at the party all those weeks ago, and I saw the fucking bruises the next week!"
"Please, stop," I cried out I shook my head, my eyes beginning to blur over with tears.
"No, I won't stop. I won't stand by while you go through this shit and think that it's acceptable behavior! That's not how you should be treated, Leah! He should never lay a fucking finger on you."
"Stop." I drew my hands up into my hair and tugged at the strands in my grasp desperately, shaking my head back and forth as Kaleb continued to press me harder for the truth.
"I bet those bruises were from the very night, weren't they?"
"No, no, no..." I cried pathetically as his words began pounding through my head, confusing and muddling all of my thoughts. I could feel my body begin to sing and cry out in a desperate need to erupt, my mind being driven to the breaking point.
"That bastard probably kicked the shit out of you for seeing us almost kiss, didn't he?"
"Stop it!"
"Didn't he, Leah?!"
"No!"
"Tell me the truth!"
"Only because I deserved it!"
Everything ceased in that moment after the words spilled from my trembling lips.
The potent energy of the room dissipated around us at once.
Kaleb's face that was settled directly in front of mine froze; his eyes stunted in shock, his lips parted. As I watched Kaleb's features slowly fall into that of pure despair, I realized just exactly what I had done.
"I didn't... I-" I struggled to try and find the right pair of words, the perfect phrasing to try be able to take back what I had said.
By the crushing horror swimming through Kaleb's stare, I knew nothing I could say would rectify what he had heard.
I had just admitted that Zach physically abused me in our relationship at least once.
But once is enough.
"Kaleb," I called out to him softly, needing to break him of his stoic trance.
Still, he remained stunned and silent. His broken stare searched back and forth through mine as if looking for something to say, for any signs of what the correct response was to this morbid conversation.
With a surge of unexpected compassion, my arms rose up in between our bodies as I brought my fingers gently up to Kaleb's cheek.
"Kaleb, please say something," I pleaded with him as I let my knuckles caress tenderly down the side of his smooth face.
My touch seemed to get a slight rise out of him as he leaned into my touch, parting his lips to speak while keeping his storming eyes trained on mine.
"I just..." he began, his voice cracking as he spoke, giving way to the true emotions swirling behind his grief stricken stare.
He seemed to get distracted once again as his own hand came up and cupped the back of my head, his fingers threading through my hair.
"Peaches," he spoke mournfully.
"I didn't mean to tell you," I whispered out in a tight voice with a shake of my head as my own emotions began to spill over in the form of heavy tear drops.
"It's okay," he reassured me in a quiet, intimate voice as his eyes scoured over the planes of my face.
"I'm sorry." My voice broke as I apologized, the true horror of the turn of events invading my thoughts.
"No, shh," Kaleb shushed me sweetly. "Don't be sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. I pushed you for the answer and even though I was pretty sure I was right... it's just something different when your fears are confirmed like that."
I nodded, rolling my lips together and riding them of the salty tears that had dripped onto them.
"You can't... you can't say anything to anyone." I broke off as a small sob ripped through my throat.
"Please-" I began again only to feel the brush of Kaleb's thumb against my quivering lips, shutting down any further pleas from me for the moment.
"I can't-" Kaleb paused, releasing a deep sigh. "I can't promise you that, Leah."
"No, please," I cried, my tears escaping and dropping rapidly down my face as the realization that Kaleb could potentially out my very private secret to anyone he pleased sunk in.
"Leah, I-"
"He's getting better! I swear! There's nothing to worry about," I said as I felt a rush of desperation flood into my mind.
Kaleb's face dropped, his stare filling with pity and contradiction.
"No, Leah. That's not how it works."
"Hey guys! Is everything okay in there?" A voice and knock suddenly sounded from the other side of the door.
Both Kaleb and I kept our gazes transfixed on one another's, waiting for the other one to speak up.
"We're fine. We'll be out soon," Kaleb called out to them, the comforting warmth of his hand dropping from my face.
"Okay! Dave wants to start Act two in five minutes," Meg's voice rang out again.
"Got it. We'll be there," Kaleb clipped out, annoyance dripping from his words.
"Okay!"
"Meet with me after rehearsal. We can finish talking then," Kaleb offered.
"I can't-"
"Don't say you can't," Kaleb cut me off to say, his eyes ablaze with purpose. "Because I can't let you leave here knowing what you're going home to."
"Kaleb, it's really fine," I tried to reason.
"No, it's not, dammit!" he snapped. "If I let you go home without knowing anything more than I know right now, I'll fucking lose it tonight... not knowing what's happening to you, not knowing if you're in danger, not having any way to get to you if you are in danger."
"Please," Kaleb said as he scooped up my hand in his calloused one, gripping it tightly as his intense gaze met mine.
"Just talk with me. That's all I want is just for you to stay and talk with me afterwards. At least give me that much to work with."
As I stared into his pleading, light blue eyes, I felt the strangest sense of protection and passion transfer through Kaleb and I's bond in that moment. His words struck me and the swirling fact that I still needed to convince him not to tell anyone else helped push the next word through my lips.
"Alright."
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