You woke up to the sound of the main hatch closing. The lack of light in Kylo's bedroom told you that it was before dawn, but here you were, alone again. Blinking, your heart skipped a beat or two as you sat up in the bed--still naked, the towel from last night draped across you--and sought to make sense of the pitch-darkness flooding your eyes.

"Kylo?" you asked the air.

When no one responded, you slumped into the mattress, taking a few breaths to placate your rising panic. You weren't sure why you were getting anxious--you spent time alone, in the dark, in your quarters all the time. And it wasn't the first time you'd woken up alone in Kylo's, either. Maybe it was the fact you'd felt so safe when you'd fallen asleep in his arms. Now, being without them felt empty. Cold.

Without a clock, you weren't sure how much time had passed before you resigned yourself to staying awake--but eventually, you got dressed and slipped out of his room. Perhaps it was kismet. You needed to stop by your quarters before work anyway. Frost crystallized over your stomach.

Work.

At the thought, you wanted to spin around and beg to be let back in--maybe he'd hear you screaming from across the base and had a mind-code he could use, or whatever. Going back to work meant the inevitability of facing Sam. Though you'd made an official agreement with Kylo Ren the night before--you were "his," whatever that meant, it's not like he was boyfriend material--it wasn't as if you regretted sleeping with Sam at all. You still adored him, you still could see a future with him. And who knows how long it would be before Kylo Ren finally got bored with you. Maybe it you just strung him along for a little bit...

Back in your quarters, you fixed up your hair and changed into a fresh uniform before checking the time. It was 03:56--earlier than you'd even thought, and it had taken you at least 30 minutes to return from the time you'd woken up. You wondered what Kylo was doing up so early. You wondered if he had even slept. A frown tugged at your mouth. Why were you worrying about Kylo Ren?

The thought bothered you through the quick meal you ate in your quarters all the way until you'd made it to your assignment (stupidly early, of course). Kylo Ren was the last person who needed someone to worry about him. The man had inconceivable power and experience--the ability to crush anyone, if he wanted to.

But you remembered the sensation of his tears falling on your neck. The lost, broken look in his eyes. There was someone hidden by that anger--that need for control, for intimidation. Just as there was a human underneath the mask, there was a person underneath the dominance.

The docking bay's night-shift was wrapping up their orders when you arrived, but the exclusivity of your assignment ensured that your terminal was empty. You scrolled through your work orders, surprised to see a pre-flight inspection scheduled for the Command Shuttle. Was Kylo Ren leaving soon? Were you going with him? Maybe you'd be able to delay seeing Sam just a little bit longer.

Having a few hours to yourself on the bay was nice--you'd managed to diagnose an issue with a TIE's ion generator before the start of the day-shift--but when you heard the morning crew roll in, your heart began doing cartwheels. You prayed Sam had items on his agenda that didn't involve your area--and that those items were the first ones he needed to address.

Deciding it'd be best to avoid contact with anyone, ever, you crept onto the Command Shuttle. Now was just as good a time as any to begin your unexpected pre-flight inspection, and, hey, maybe you'd just happen to take the entire shift doing it, maybe you'd even be trapped in here until nightfall--

"Hello?" came a voice up the ramp of the shuttle. You knew the voice--it wasn't even necessary for them to call your name before you identified them.

"I'm up here, Minks," you said, groaning leaking in your lungs. You knew what she wanted. And what she wanted wasn't a conversation you felt like having with her. Or, really, at all.

At the sound of your words, her footsteps flew up the ramp, and she emerged in a split-second, her long, blonde ponytail bouncing behind her.

"Oh my stars!" she said, lurching forward to clamp onto your shoulders. "I've been thinking about you all night. Is everything okay? What happened? Are you and Sam together? What about that Finalizer guy? Why didn't you tell--"

"Minks!" you said, peeling her fingers out of your flesh. "I don't really want to talk about it, okay?"

She shook her head, frowning. "Oh, no. You don't get me wrapped up in all of this mess and then decide not tell me what's going on! No ma'am!"

Dread spun a web around your heart. She was right. Maybe today was the day you'd start the long-overdue clean-up. Get Minks caught up. Be honest with Sam. Reap what you'd sown. All the good, moral stuff you'd been conveniently avoiding.

"Fine. Hold on. Let me..." You drew in a long, deep breath. Sweaty palms, you noticed. And your fingers were trembling. "Can we sit down?"

"Sure, sure," she replied, plopping down on one of the passenger chairs. Her face contorted with worried expectation as you sat across from her. "So?"

You grumbled, shoving your face into your hands. Prying screws from underneath your fingernails was preferable to reviewing what you'd done in the past forty-eight hours. "Where to even begin?" you said. "This is a fucking mess."

"Start from the beginning?" she said, shrugging.

The beginning? A reluctant sigh left your chest. "Okay. So. Sam and I went to the engineering academy together, right?"

"Right," she replied, with a nod.

You swallowed. "So, like... I've liked him forever. But I thought the whole thing was unrequited, and stuff." Another sigh. "Then this... uh, other guy. He was, like. Really. Aggressively, uh, into me. And so we got together a few times, or whatever."

"That's the guy on the Finalizer?"

"Uh... yeah." You rubbed the back of your neck. "Yeah. So, like, yeah, he and I got together a few times, and it was... it was fucking amazing."

Minks blinked, sitting back in her chair. "Oh. Wow. Okay."

"But then it turned out Sam did like me. So then... we kissed, and stuff. No agreement, but, like. You know how it is." Minks was urging you on with the roll of her wrist. "Uh, anyway. Go to Finalizer, meet you, get with that guy again, he's an asshole, blahblahblah, then come back here and you tell Sam and then Sam and I get together last night, and then--"

"Whoa," she said, holding her hands up. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean 'and then'? That's the end of the story, right? You and Sam are an item now, everyone's happy now, woo-hoo--"

You groaned, clawing at your face as your head dropped between your knees. Bille bubbled in your stomach. "Minks," you said. "I fucked up. Ifucked up."

She blinked, mouth a hard line. When she spoke, her tone was gentle. "What happened?"

It wasn't like you had to tell her that you fucked Finalizer Guy the same day. The heat of shame flooded up your back, into your neck--you were certain your ears were red. "I decided to be exclusive with, uh, Finalizer Guy," you replied, stomach twisting into knots of guilt. "But now Sam thinks he and I are, like, a thing, and I still really like him, but I can't keep sleeping with him, and I don't want to hurt him, and, and--" Your words were coming faster than you could think them.

"Hold on, hold on, hold on," Minks said. "You decided to be exclusive with Finalizer Guy? I thought he was an asshole and that you had liked Sam forever."

"I did," you replied. "I mean, and I still do." You paused. This was the part of the tale that'd make far more sense if she knew Finalizer Guy was, in actuality, Kylo Ren. Until last night, you might have had her reaction, too. "He's just..."

She raised an eyebrow. "He's just what?"

How could you explain how Kylo Ren made you feel? It was something you'd never felt with anyone before--ever. Last night, in his arms, you'd been the only woman in the galaxy. Maybe the universe. "Well, the thing with Finalizer Guy probably won't be forever," you said, and grimaced at your own words. "I was thinking about just... y'know... stringing... Sam along?"

Minks gasped, spitting out your name as an admonishment. "You weren't."

"Ugh!" you said, folding your arms over your chest and turning away from her. "I don't know."

"You gotta tell him," she said, leaning forward. Her face was determined, severe. "If not as a future boyfriend, then as a friend. He trusts you. Don't do that to him. I mean, if you want to be with this other guy, then that's your choice. But you gotta tell Sam that's what's going on."

"But I don't wanna," you said, pouting. She was right--of course she was right. Admitting that she was right, though, was another hurdle entirely. "Can't I just say that it was a mistake, or something?"

She rolled her eyes. "And then what happens when he hears about you being with some other guy?"

Ice ran through your veins. You hoped no one would ever find out what you'd been doing with Kylo Ren. But she had a point. "Fine," you said. "Fine, fine. Fine."

"Good!" she said, grinning. "Sam seems like a good guy. He doesn't deserve that. So, just so you know, if you don't tell him, I will."

You glared at her. "I got it. Okay?"

She got up and rubbed your shoulder, offering you a sympathetic smile. "We all make mistakes!" she said. "We just gotta make the effort to fix 'em, afterwards."

"Right," you said, feeling your stomach sink into your toes. "Right."

By the time your shift ended (and you did complete the pre-flight inspection, dammit), you'd discovered Sam had already begun to make his way to the command center. He hadn't even bothered to stop and see you. Excited to report to Hux, no doubt. The thought made your eyes roll out of your head. How was it that he was so congenial he managed to get General Hux to like him? Meanwhile, you had to suck the dick of the Commander just to get the barest sliver of recognition. And even that hadn't gotten you the Chief Engineer position. Then again, it was probably best that you achieved career objectives through your own merits, regardless.

It was down the final hallway to the command center that you caught up with him. Memories of his naked body flashed through you, and you blushed--a blush that was sucked dry by the acknowledgment of your intentions.

"Hey, Chief!" you called, voice cracking, but he didn't respond. You cleared your throat of its nervous phlegm. "Sam!"

He stopped, turning--recognition clear on his lips. They were curled into a broad smile. "Hey!" he said, holding out an arm to put over your shoulder. "How's it going? What did Commander Ren want from you yesterday?"

"Nothing!" you said, a little too quickly. Disgust with yourself swept over you as you forced his arm down. You wanted to drop into an infinite hole. "Let's, uh, keep it cool," you said.

"Right," he replied, nodding. He resumed walking, and you followed. The doors to the command center were closing in.

You sucked in a breath, swallowing the vomit at the back of your throat. "So, there's something I gotta--"

"Oh!" he said. "Before that, I wanted to mention something to you. There are a couple of regulations for inferior and superior officer relationships. And I was looking over them--"

"That's actually what I wanted--"

The words rolled from Sam's mouth like a waterfall. "Wait, hold on, let me explain this. I was looking over them, and--good evening, officers--" The jerk even took time to greet the Stormtroopers as you walked through the command center doors.

"Sam, seriously!" you said, head swiveling to survey the center. Kylo Ren was nowhere in sight, but that didn't stop your heart from preparing to leap out of your esophagus. "I really, really--"

He grabbed your hand, and simultaneous chills--fear, affection, guilt--shot over your skin. "But this is so important for our--"

It was now or never. "There's someone else!" you spat, yanking your hand back.

Your volume had drawn the attention of a few heads at the terminals, the din in the room dipping for only a second to eavesdrop. Your cheeks were on fire, your entire body shaking as you watched his face crumble like wet sand. Sam's mouth straightened to a firm line, angles in his skull sharpening in shock.

He blinked, and the room returned to business. "What?" His voice was as clear as clean glass.

"There's someone else," you repeated, quieter than a whisper. "I'm... I'm sorry."

Sam was silent, eyes searching your face. You saw that storm welling behind his eyes again--cheeks ruddy as the muscles in his face twitched, holding back the flooding river of his emotion. "Why did you--why did we..." He blinked again. "Are you serious?"

You nodded, swallowing, knowing that another word would release your river, too.

His jaw stiffened as he averted your gaze, drawing a sharp breath through his nose. He glanced around the command center, foot tapping against the tile. "Why?" he asked, staring at the wall. "Is it that guy from the Finalizer?"

"Yes," you replied, vocal cords snapping with shame.

Another breath, and the knot in his throat bobbed as he swallowed. There was a long pause--you saw his thoughts racing through his mind, behind the glowing blue of his eyes. Eventually, those eyes met yours, and you caught the tears at their corners.

"You're suspended," he said, stone-faced.

A flame of anger flickered inside of you, roaring to life on the kindling of your guilt. "I'm what?"

"I can't reliably work with you right now," he said, brow furrowing. "Better that you're suspended until I figure out what to do with you. Re-assign you somewhere. Maybe you don't even need to be on Starkiller."

"Are you fucking kidding me!" you said. The second the words left your mouth, a familiar ringing pressure ripped through your brain. You wondered if your boiling anger was a spell that could only summon Kylo Ren--but you were too focused on Sam to look for him. "That'sbullshit, Foster."

His eyes narrowed as he stepped toward you. "You know what's bullshit?" he said, tone low and harsh. "When you tell me that you tell me I'm the only one that matters to you, have sex with me, then dump me. That is bullshit, my friend."

Then you saw him--a black shadow over Sam's shoulder, stomping toward the both of you. For some reason, you felt stronger with him there--as if he'd have your back, somehow. After all, he was the Commander. If anyone could fix this, he could. You hoped he knew that you were honoring his request--but given the lack of needles you felt from his gaze, you were assured that he did.

"Don't you dare let your personal feelings mess with my career, Sam," you said through gritted teeth. "Don't you fucking dare."

"You've certainly had a good time letting yours mess with mine," he said. He didn't notice Kylo Ren's footsteps at his back.

"I didn't realize we were holding engineering meetings in the middle of the command center," said Kylo Ren, tearing apart the tension with the edge in his voice. Sam flinched, face falling. "Perhaps General Hux would like to join."

Sam gathered his ruffled feathers and spun to Kylo Ren, tone harder than durasteel. "That won't be necessary, Commander," he said, leering at you. "I was simply informing this officer of her suspension."

"Suspension," said Kylo Ren. You could almost hear him turning the word over in his mouth under the mask, and you shivered. Just being near him had your chest tingling. It had something else tingling, too. "You'd suspend the engineer who works on my shuttle."

"I understand your point," Sam said, nodding his head. "I assure you, there's an appropriate justification for my decision."

There was no way Kylo Ren would let this suspension fly. You were certain he'd override Sam's decision and let you return to work. Even heknew how much your career meant to you, now. "He's full of shit, Commander," you said, crossing your arms. Sam's eyes widened at your choice of words.

"I'd advise watching your mouth, officer," Kylo Ren replied. Something in his voice told you that you'd pay for that later, and you gulped. Maybe a little too casual. His fists flexed at his sides as his mask turned back to Sam. "Tell me your justification."

Sam hesitated, eyes jumping between you and the Commander. His chest inflated with air before he spoke. "She's had an inappropriate relationship with a superior officer, sir," he replied. You felt Kylo Ren's eyes lock with yours from behind his mask.

"I was unaware," he said. The mirth in his words was subtle--you knew it was meant only for you. "Then perhaps a suspension is warranted."

Your jaw dropped. "What?"

"I'm glad you agree, sir," Sam said, shoulders drooping with relief.

He was going to let Sam suspend you? You wanted to rip that mask off of his head and slap his gorgeous face. How could you have fooled yourself into thinking that you had an alliance with him? Here you were, convinced that after last night, he'd stick up for you--protect you--but instead, he was cementing your misery for the next few weeks while you wallowed in boredom. Maybe that's what he wanted. He wanted you to languish in his quarters, waiting for him, dedicated to his needs, and wants, and--

"In fact," Kylo Ren said, closing the distance between you, "I may see to it that she receives an additional punishment." Despite the laser-glare you had aimed at his visor, you couldn't help yourself--you clenched.

Sam jolted in alarm, holding up his hands in an attempt to placate the Commander--there was fear in his eyes for what would happen to you. "Oh, no, sir, I don't think that--"

"No," Kylo Ren said. "No, I believe it will be necessary. For a violation this egregious." He strode off, leaving Sam to fret. "Come."

You cleared your throat. You wanted to kill him. "Yes, Commander," you said. Sam was gaping at you in apology. You shot him a sneer before you turned, following Kylo Ren out of the doors.