trigger warning ⚠️ mention of self harm

On my way out the door, I gave Tyler my address for tomorrow and headed to the grocery store. I had ten dollars and I was going to get some door for myself.

I decided to go to the one closest to the house. I grabbed some apples, cereal and crackers. I paid for it all and made my way home. I hid it all in my book bag and left it in the basement.

"Aubrey!" yells Ma'am from the top of the stairs.

I quickly ran up the stairs. "How can I help you, Ma'am?"

She shoved a box in my hand. I looked down and it was black hair dye. Here we go again...

"Do this immediately. You know the drill," she ordered. Then, she walked away.

This was a pretty normal occurrence. Randomly, they would have me change up my appearance, no questions asked. There have been so many changes: bangs, a bob, red hair and bleach blond. I've had face piercings done too. One time when I was twelve, they made me go bald as a punishment. In their defense, I did try to run away.

I walked up stairs to the bathroom and applied the black dye to my hair. I could already tell that I wasn't going to like it. It made me look more vampire-like than usually. I finally was liking my natural hair too.

Hours later, I stared at my new hair. It was... alright. Better than when I had short hair. I drew a but in my notebook and finally went to sleep.

It was finally the next day and I was waiting in front of Aubrey's. She walked out with dark black hair. She looked so pale, so fragile. I just want to help her. Aubrey then opened the passenger door of my car.

"Thanks," she greeted.

I looked to my right and she was staring out the window, her neck was exposed showing painful looking blisters.

When I picked her up at the address she told me of yesterday, I thought I took a wrong turn. Her house looked abandoned on the outside. She's also been walking FOUR MILES everyday to school.

Where are her parents? Why the hell would they do that to her?

"Let's play 21 questions?" I say since we have a longer car ride ahead of us.

"Okay." She replies.

"I'll go first. What's your full name?"

She looks at me and says "Aubrey Valentina Simpson."

I swear Antonio said he had a younger sister who disappeared years ago, her name was Valentina. But he said she was probably dead so it must be a coincidence. It's a pretty babe though.

"My turn. What's your favorite color?" She asks, interrupting my thoughts.

"Blue," I say. It also happens to be the color of her eyes.

We continue asking each other random questions. I learned that Aubrey lives with her mom and dad, hates tomatoes, loves the color red, and hates the cold.

Weird but cute.

Calm down Tyler, since when have you ever called anything or anyone cute. Simp.

When we get out the car, everyone is staring at us or whispering to nearby friends. Can a boy and girl get to school together without people starting rumors?

I grab onto Aubrey's hand and look down to see four red lines coming out her sleeve.

When I notice she pulls the sleeve down and looks away from my face.

"Aub, who did that?" I whispered.

She looks in my eyes. "No one."

"You're lying."

"Am not."

I sighed. "I'm going to hurt the person who did that to you, I swear-"

"You can't hurt that person because that means you would hurt me more than I already am! I did it! Happy now?!" She shouts, getting the attention of a few people around us.

"I-I'm sorry Aubrey. I didn't know-"

"It's fine," she grumbles while walking away from me, "I won't need any more rides from you."

She walks away from me and to her class. She is truly a mystery and I just want to get to know her better. There has to be some reason she hurts herself and I'm going to find out.

My thoughts were interrupted by my best friend Antonio.

"Why are you hanging out with sweetcheeks?" he says.

"Dude stop calling her that. And I was getting to know her, well until I got her upset."

Whenever he calls her that it completely grossed me out, she's a person just like everyone else.

"Just forget about it. She seems off," Antonio huffs.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I ask, irritated.

"Aub, who did that?" Tyler whispered.

He saw my cuts.

"No one."

He pushes it by saying "You're lying."

I am, I did it to myself.

"Am not."

He sighed, "I'm going to hurt the person who did that to you, I swear-"

"I did it!" I yelled.

"I-I'm sorry Aubrey. I didn't know-"

"It's fine," I say before walking to class, "I won't need any more rides from you."

I knew I should've worn something longer and then he wouldn't have seen it. He's never asked about my other scars, but he had to ask the ones I created my self.

It all started when I was fourteen. If I create my own pain, I can forget all the pain Barbara and Anderson put forth onto me.

I get up from my chair and leave in the middle of the teacher's lecture. I need to leave now.

I feel like I'm slowly losing myself and I need to get out of this suffocating school. I don't realize that I'm crying till I catch myself wiping my tears off with my sleeve.

"Do you need a ride?"

I turn myself around and see Tyler looking sympathetically at me.

"I told you I don't need a ride! Why does everyone always ask me if I need ride or something useless?! Why can't they realize that I am desperate for some actual help? That everything in my life is a living nightmare." I yell.

Out of nowhere it starts raining, down pouring to be more exact.

"Well it's raining and I-I'm sorry for trying to give you a ride," he says.

"I just want to go home!" I cry before collapsing to the ground, hugging myself close to my knees.

"I'll take you home, Aubrey," he says picking me up bridal style towards his car.

He doesn't know where home is.

No one does.

And all I want to do is just want to go home.

My real home.