"And it hurts inside when I look you in your eye."

The rest of the ride home is quiet as I perch my elbow on the ledge of my window, trying to keep myself from falling asleep. I had a relatively long day today and having to stay back to assist Kelly with her assignment drained an immense amount of my energy.

I would not say she's slow or obtuse. It is just that she needs to focus on the task at hand and stop getting easily distracted by the most irrelevant things. During my lessons, it doesn't miss my attention the way she stares out the window at the sky or at some other unrelated element, zoning out completely as if she has been dragged into a different dimension. It distracts me sometimes and gets me severely upset because she can do a lot better academically. I see it within her. I just hope she sees it too.

It marvels me that the kid thinks I hate her. Ha. If I detested her then I would not have been paying such close attention to her. I would not have given a rat's ass if she ends up failing school or not. I take an interest in her wellbeing because I see a lot of potentials where she is concerned. She can do great things, and it annoys me that she's not pushing herself to that limit.

I park my car in my spacious garage and climb out of it, opening the side door and retrieving my duffel bag off the seat. I return to the driver's area to retrieve my key from the ignition, and something catches my attention on the floor of the passenger's side. A peach cloth lying on the mat.

I reach over and take it up, pinching the unidentifiable item of clothing by my thumb and forefinger as I inspect it with narrowed eyes. A bra—with red tiny cherries randomly allocated on the fabric.

At first, I thought it belonged to my older brother's daughter, Mia. She's twelve and I am positive she wears this thin sort of undergarment. But then I recall that I had accidentally seen Kelly's chest tonight, and they were quite... small.

Additionally, the material is damp, which means that without a doubt, it belongs to her.

I shut my eyes and blow my cheeks out. This child. Didn't I tell her not to leave her belongings in my car?

I shut my car door and move toward the threshold of my house. Holding her bra between my fingers, I use the opposite hand to locate my key from my pocket. I push it into the lock and thrust the door open, immediately being welcomed by the warm freshness of my house and my German Shepherd—Celia.

She meets me halfway, wagging her tail while rubbing her head against my trousers. I smile and reach down to caress her head shortly, earning a loud groan of pleasure from her.

I rest my bag neatly on my dark grey couch, not wanting to ruin the perfect cleanliness of my home. My abode is consistently kept spotless and clean, with no sign of dust or defect present. I am an OCD perfectionist, which means that if things aren't aligned, it is enough to drive me insane.

My dwelling has only three theme colors: Dark Grey, Black, and Dark Blue. They are the colors I adore because they don't easily display spots and dirt.

I undo my shirt while Celia goes to sit on her black carpet at the corner of the room. I smile softly, pleased that she has finally learned that my couch, bed, and other areas are off-limits. It took her some time to get accustomed to the rules since she has proven to be quite an affectionate mutt.

I tug my shirt and tank top off and take them to the washroom along with Kelly's bra—putting it into my dryer since it's still wet.

I make my way to the small gym area in my home. The room consists of a number of exercise equipment; appliances that keep my body fit and intact. I have an obsession with exercising, and it's something I practice every morning before leaving for work. I normally jog around the scheme as early as four in the morning, then return and have some herbal tonic and then use my treadmill for a bit, before showering and getting ready for work.

I live alone, my only companion being Celia. My parents and siblings are aware that I tend to like my own space. Other people mean possible imperfection around my house and I hate having to clean up after them. If they plan on visiting, it is best if they don't show up unannounced.

I start with some push-ups, working my body to the limit until sweat is drenching my forehead. I breathe through my mouth, putting one arm behind me and using the other to lower my body to the floor, then up again, repeating the action until the veins are bulging from my biceps.

My phone buzzes from the metal table and I take that as my cue to stop, getting up with a tired sigh and moving toward it. I grab my bottle of room temperature water and unscrew the cork, putting it to my head after clicking my WhatsApp open.

Feeling extremely tired, I postpone responding to the messages in my inbox, deciding to do that tomorrow. I rest the bottle down and dab my leaking forehead with the side of my arm as I move over to my treadmill, setting the timer and going for a quick run.

••

After taking a long, cold shower, I exit the bathroom wearing just a pair of slacks and a thin silver necklace around my neck. I dry my wet hair with a towel as I plod over to my bed, my phone dinging again from the nightstand with another notification.

I crash against the mattress as I glance over at the glowing blue colors on my bedside clock. 9:30 pm.

Ms. Smith is one of the few teachers I speak to at Camber High. She's a good acquaintance, a bit touchy and flirty when she's ready but she's quite a role model for younger girls. I decide to respond to her out of respect.

My phone dings again in no time, and I pay no attention to it as I open my laptop, clicking my Gmail tab, and getting ready to type in Kelly's email address. I stare at the green stick note, the bad handwriting causing my mouth to twitch up. God, I can barely understand shit!

I finally make out the words and attach the video links before pressing send. I put my laptop away, placing it neatly on the table next to my cell phone—both devices perfectly aligned.

I turn my room lights off, and the small night bulbs engraved in the walls at the corners of the room come on with faint yellow glows. I lay back against my pillows, staring up at the white blank ceiling.

And then I see them. The two stiff, tiny globes on Kelly's chest. Big, bold, and bright in my eyesight. I shut my eyes. Why the hell am I thinking about that? Fuck.

I turn onto my side, and Celia is wagging her tail, wanting to sleep with me.

"No. Go sleep over there." I point to the far end of the room where her grey flurry carpet lies, and she tilts her head, making a throaty groan noise.

"Now, Celia."

She turns away and does as told, folding herself onto the mat and laying her head on her arms as she watches me. I perch my bicep under my head and try to stop thinking about my student's chest as I fall asleep.

••

I roll my eyes heavenward, curling my lips upward at the words on my screen. This muscular species thinks a single burger is going to cut it, huh?

I grin to myself and put my phone down on the bed, cricking my knuckle before opening my apple laptop to check my emails.

The devil had said he'd send me a few videos to practice knotting my tie, and I know he will be watching my neck like a hawk tomorrow. So, even if it takes all night, I have to learn it, unfortunately.

I try to fight the urge to open Viki.com and watch an episode of my current favorite Korean Drama as I tap on my Gmail account. And there it is, he already sent me a message. This man is so punctual that it's not even funny.

Nikolai Todd.

That's his full name? I feel my cheeks begin to fire up for something as silly as his first name. God, what's wrong with my hormones lately?

My eyes drift up to the small circle of his profile picture next to his email ID, and I realize that it's an image of him sitting on a mahogany leather couch in white button-downs and crisp, grey trousers. The first two buttons of his shirt are opened, showing just a small portion of his chest.

I gulp. Let me zoom this up...

I increase the page resolution, and though the image has now become blurry due to being enlarged, I painfully strain my eyeballs to ogle the little amount of skin revealing from his clothes.

Yes, I know I look like a creep right now.

No, I do not care.

Why? Because I am in my own space where no-one is watching me but God. And God won't snitch.

The image isn't clear enough to reveal much, but from the view, I am awarded, he does seem to have a nice chest.

Damn...

"Who's that?"

I jolt as Kevin's voice appears next to my ear, quickly shutting the laptop with shaky limbs as I flash him a nervous glare.

"C-could you please knock when entering my room?"

God, did he see it?

He bites into an apple he's holding, chewing it around loudly, and I wonder how he manages to get a girlfriend with his atrocious eating behaviors.

"What were you watching, porn?"

"Please get out of my room? Thanks?" I droop my eyelids, and he stares at me with dead eyes, the juice from the apple squeezing through his moving lips.

"Mm? Why should I? You were watching porn and thinking about Mr. Todd, weren't you?" He grins toothily, jamming his teeth into the fruit again with a loud crunch noise.

How dare he mentions his name after sending that text while I was in his presence today?

"Speaking of which, you little weasel, Mr. Todd saw that text you sent today, about me being his lover."

Kevin's eyes grow wide in amusement as if what I just told him wasn't remotely disturbing. "No way, honestly?" He bites the apple again, and I roll my eyes. What was I expecting? A little bit of remorse? Not from someone who basks in the glory of my turmoil.

"I got homework, have a goodnight, Kevin."

"Kev?!" My mom's head appears at my doorway, her mop of dark hair flowing to the side. "There is a Lora on the phone for you!"

"Thank you, Lora! Whoever you are!" I throw my hands in the air, grateful that this anonymous girl is saving me from the plague that is my brother. "Please marry her, Kev! I like her already!"

He chuckles deeply before quickly making his way out of my room and closing the door behind him.

Now back to my por—I mean, Mr. Todd's chest. Jesus, why would I even think that?

I chew on my lip and reopen the laptop so that I can feast my eyes on my history teacher once again. Though the picture looks foggy I can tell that it is far from professional. There is a slim necklace around his neck and gold nob earrings in his ears! Earrings! Is this his work email? I doubt it.

However, I can't deny the fact that he does look quite alluring.

You were watching porn and thinking about Mr. Todd, weren't you?

Somehow Kevin's words ring in my thoughts again and I cringe, setting the image back its original size and trying to erase Mr. Todd's chest from my head.

I decide to type a response to him, just to tell him thanks for the video links.

I am not expecting a response from him, so I click on the first video available and begin to practice knotting my tie.

••

"Sir, you wanted to see me?" I ask timidly.

I am now looking into the intense chocolate eyes of my history teacher, my palms becoming clammy because we are the only ones in this classroom, and he's standing at a relatively close distance. I can smell his aftershave and body spray mixing with the faint scent of mint, falling off his warm breath.

"Yes." Mr. Todd crosses his arms against his chest, causing his biceps to bulge boldly as his eyebrows raise in a rebuking glare. "You were being rude in class today, so I will need to punish you, Kelly Young."

"Punish me?" I tense up.

"Yes!" He steps closer toward me and as I am about to step back, he grabs my arm and pulls me forward, causing me to land flushed against his toned chest. I look up into his smooth face as he gazes down at me from beneath his long lashes.

"Now. Bend over the desk and let me spank you."

My eyes grow wide and he hauls me around so that my back is facing him and press me into the ridge of his table. My back arches as a hard smack meet my covered ass cheek causing me to jerk, but it stings way more than it should.

"Get up! Get up, Kelly!"

A loud, distant voice followed by another harsh slap jolts me from my slumber, and I open heavy eyes to see my mother's hand frozen mid-air over my behind.

"Ma!" I whine. "What are you doing?!"

"Get your ass up, it is almost seven-thirty!"

I moan, pressing my face into the pillow as the computer next to me plays a clip of an old man attempting to knot his tie.

I played that video on repeat last night, making it my point of duty to catch the ropes before signing off to bed. I thought my dreams would be filled with grandpas trying to loop their ties, not my history educator ordering me to bend over his desk so he can hit me on my butt.

And why the hell would I dream about that?! Oh my God, I am getting mad.

"You went to bed late last night which is why you can't wake up." My mom frowns, taking up my worn uniform from the same place I had left it on the bed last night.

The sun coming through the window is blinding, causing me to squint my eyes as I groan.

"Something is wrong with me. I think I need to see a doctor..." I grumble, but it misses my mom's ears as she walks toward the dirty laundry basket and stuffs my worn garments in. Only now do I notice that she's fully dressed for work, wearing a pink pantsuit and her hair caught into a sleek bun.

I try to sit upright, groping my head as I regard her with one eye open. "Are you leaving now?"

"Yes, I can't wait for you. I have an appointment at 8:30, and you take forever to get dressed. Kevin will take you—God, Kelly, stop leaving your socks on the floor, how many times must I tell you?" She frowns, picking up a single purple sock from the ground.

Mm, I think I saw the other foot under the bed last week.

"You're a girl; take more pride in yourself. Your brother's room looks a lot cleaner than yours."

"That's because he has no choice, he brings a girl over every day." I massage my temples, blowing out my lips then cringing at my morning breath. Yeah, I should really go shower now.

"Will it take you getting a boyfriend for your room to be clean?" She corner-eyes me, and I twist my lips.

"Mm. Maybe not. If he can't love me at my worst, he doesn't deserve me at my best!" I throw myself back against the bed, doing silly dance movements with my hands. "You know, Marilyn Monroe said that. And Nicki Minaj sang a song about that. ~Call it a curse, or just call me blessed, if you can't handle my worst, you ain't getting my best."

"Okay, enough X Factor for one morning, get up and get ready. Be down in ten because Kevin has a class at nine." She walks out and shuts the door after her, and I flop my hands at my side, staring at the cream blankness of my ceiling.

Bend over and let me spank you.

"Aghhhh!" I wiggle my body against my sheets, pressing my face into my hands. So embarrassing, why would I dream about that?

Maybe because you were staring at his chest like a creep last night?

No, it is all because of Kevin and his porn talks. He is the one who messed my thoughts up. That little weasel.

••

"Oh shit! I thought she'd end up with the guy with the long brown hair. You know, the one who plays the guitar—"

"Violin."

"Yes, violin. He was more of a gentleman than this douchebag." Derrick frowns at the screen, not liking the ending of the Korean Drama I bribed him into watching for a few weeks now. 'Boys Over Flowers' also known as 'Meteor Garden.'

"Well, Derrick. In these Korean series, the girl never ends up with the super nice guy who sticks by her. She tends to fall for the assholes who treat her badly." I shrug, clicking the tab off and pressing the home button on my cell.

"What a nice ending." I hear a voice behind me, and I turn my head to see Henry smiling over our shoulders.

"Dude, you were watching this whole time?" I gawk at him. "I didn't even know you were behind me..." I shiver dramatically. He's creepy.

"Woah! You knotted your tie neatly today." Derrick jerks his head toward me, propping an arm on the desk behind him with a smile on his face.

"Well, yeah..." I beam. "I learned it in the space of one night."

"No way. That's cool, what else have you been practicing?" He jams a hand in his pocket, grabbing two candy bars and throwing one toward me. I catch it effortlessly but recall what Mr. Todd said about me eating sweets and stuff it into the top pocket of my white dress shirt.

"Twerking." I grin, and he raises a brow, impressed.

"How good are you at it now?"

I flip invisible hair over my shoulder since my hair is made into an extremely messy bun today. Kevin was on the brink of leaving me this morning so I just twirled it up with an elastic band. I didn't even comb the knots out.

"I am phenomenal." I boast, and he chuckles through chewing his chocolate.

"Alright. Show me what you got."

I giggle. "Okay, give me some music." I begin to get up from my chair and he looks up at me in awe, probably thinking I wouldn't agree to it. But Derrick knows I tend to be a little dysfunctional in the head sometimes, so he shouldn't be surprised.

"Which song do you want?"

"Any song!"

"Alright! 'Anaconda' by Nicki Minaj!" He grins, already tapping on his phone as I stand in front of my seat, pretending to warm up. I fling my hands out and fake crick my neck, bouncing on my toes.

The music begins and I fix my skirt on my waists while a few kids in our class begin to gather around. Nosy Imbeciles.

"Okay, watch me now." I hunch my back and position my palms on my knees as everyone begins to urge me on, boosting my ego and swelling my head.