Chapter 23

~Carson’s POV~

When I felt the sensation of being lifted my eyes fluttered open to see a shadow looming above me. I groaned from the pain that had already spread throughout my entire body.

“Shhh it’s okay Alpha, you’ll be alright.”

The voice sounded vaguely familiar and I tried to lift my head to see the face that it belonged to but I was too weak to even muster that much effort.

My eyes drifted shut once more despite my fighting to keep them open.

“That’s right Carson, sleep now, you’ll be just fine.” The voice whispered against my ear and I drifted.

…………………………….

~Laken’s POV~

“Three weeks. It’s been three weeks Laken, it’s time you stop this.”

I didn’t budge at the sound of his voice; instead I sat at the window staring unseeingly into the snow covered yard.

He slammed down a plate in front of me; “Eat” he commanded and I pushed the pate away, turning my attention once more to the window.

I heard him sigh in frustration but I made no effort to acknowledge him.

Yeah it had been three weeks. Three weeks since the incident and I’d heard no word about my pack or Carson. Lucas had kept us practically isolated from everyone we knew and that didn’t bother me in the least. Ever since watching my mate get gunned down, I’d pretty much lost interest in everything.

Carson’s dead.

The thought no longer made me cry. The two weeks after the shooting I’d pretty much cried away all my tears. I had nothing left in me to let out and so I spent my days in this very spot looking out into the yard, waiting…for what I had no clue.

“Listen to me Laken! You need to snap out of it!” Lucas practically shouted at me. He had my face in his hands so I had no choice but to look at him, my eyes bored.

“Don’t let his death be in vain, he died to save you, the least you can do is try to live!” he said harshly and I flinched at that and jerked my face from his hands.

“Just leave me alone.” I whimpered pushing the plate further way from me and resting my head on the table.

I listened as he pulled up a chair beside me and sat down with a sigh.

“I miss him.” I whispered not really caring if he heard or not. It was just something I was feeling.

He dragged his hand through my long curls. I hadn’t cut my hair in weeks; I just didn’t have the drive.

“I know.” He said after awhile and my mouth trembled as I felt my eyes water.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly before raising my head to look at him. He dropped his hand from my hair but continued to look on at me with concern.

“What you’re feeling is understandable but you have to try to fight it, after awhile it will get better I promise.” He said with a small smile.

“Have you ever lost someone you love?” I asked softly.

“”Yes and I’d rather not lose you too.” He said brushing the stray lock of hair from my face.

I glanced back out the window; “He’s not coming back Laken.”

And it was then that the tears started again, messy sobs that had Lucas doing everything in his power to get me to stop. I was grateful to him for his help. Yes he’d initially tried to kill me but whether or not he’d been involved the outcome would have been the same, only I’d have died along with Carson.

The sobbing lasted a good ten minutes before it tapered off into a bout of sniffling and tear wiping, all the while Lucas was by my side, silently giving me the comfort I wasn’t sure I wanted.

“Alright, go change we’re going out” Lucas said getting up.

I looked up at him, wiping what remained of the tears off my face. “I don’t want to go out.” I grumbled.

“No you don’t want to…you NEED to, now go get dressed.” He said pulling me up from my spot and ushering me into my room.

………………………….

The town was beautiful with all the twinkling lights and cool decorations, I always loved Christmas time but this year I wasn’t enjoying it and I certainly wasn’t appreciating the decor. I was away from family who I hadn’t seen since I’d left for Canada. I’d spoken to my mom a few times and she’d told me about the attack on the camp that the guard had successfully quashed but otherwise she had no idea where I was.

All I was allowed to tell her was that I was safe. I’d had to beg Lucas to even allow me to talk to her because he feared the repercussions. I wasn’t really sure where we were either, I just knew we weren’t in Canada any more; we were at one of his safe houses which we’d be leaving in less than a week. He’d sorted out my passport situation and said he was taking me to London. My new home, he called it.

Of course I didn’t want to go but he’d made it abundantly clear that it wasn’t my decision. He said the furthest away we got from my pack the safer I’d be. I wasn’t so sure about that. I figured if Victor tried hard enough he’d find us and that would be that. Yeah I’d become a bit pessimistic since that night.

“I don’t wanna be out here can’t we just go back home?” I whined.

Lucas simply looked at me, a look that said I was asking the impossible so instead I sighed and continued walking along the beautifully decorated street. It was Christmas Eve and I still wasn’t in the Christmas spirit, wasn’t that just sad?

The day continued much like this; with me not taking much interest in anything and Lucas trying his hardest to make me smile. It wasn’t that I was ungrateful for his help and presence and I certainly wasn’t trying to be selfish it’s just that when you didn’t have the drive to do something it wasn’t easy for someone to get you in the mood and there was a valid reason for my lack of drive.

It felt as if the absence of my mate took away a part of me I didn’t even know I had. I’d read about this feeling in books and I used to think it was just a load of crap but feeling it for myself made me realize that it was real but Hollywood didn’t do it justice, the feeling was worse than anyone could ever hope to capture of the big screen.

It was when we’d entered a store and I’d found the perfect gift for Carson that it really hit me. Ironic how I’d been searching for it for weeks before and it was when he was dead that I’d finally found it huh?

I picked it up and smiled to myself. I was never good at picking out jewelry but Carson would have loved it.

“You want it?” Lucas asked, peering over my shoulder at it.

I shook my head and replaced it then walked on leaving him to trail behind me. No use buying something for someone who wasn’t even alive to appreciate it.

We spent the day going from store to store, gazing at the Christmas lights and talking. Ok maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration; Lucas spent the day dragging me from store to store, trying to get me to even glance at the lights and prompting me to talk to him, it was productive to a point; meaning I’d finally gotten out of the house and I’d stopped moping for a few hours but it wouldn’t change anything when we got back to the house and not for the first time I prayed this feeling would disappear.

It hurt too much to think about Carson, the love we’d shared, the time we’d had. Since his death I’d been able to reflect on every bad thing I’d done, every mistake I’d made and I knew that if I got another chance with him I’d do a lot of things differently, I’d never disobey him, I wouldn’t make the little things bother me, it would be the perfect relationship; I’d learn to defend myself so he wouldn’t have to watch out for me so much. I’d just…well there was no point in should haves now was there?

I wished I could talk to Lyla, I missed her so much but of course Lucas said no. So I was holed up in some unfamiliar place and the only person I knew or could talk to was Lucas.

Sometimes I really had to wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t met him, would the outcome really have been much worse than it was now? But I squashed the thought. Carson had trusted him enough to leave me with him and that had to count for something. With that thought in mind I tried harder to make him think I was getting better.

I tried to smile more and talk more but despite my efforts I could tell he wasn’t fooled. I could still see the frustration evident in his body language and the sadness in his eyes. I wondered how long it would be before he just got tired of my crap and left me to care for myself.

He hadn’t mentioned the whole love thing since the night at the hotel room and I wasn’t sure if he was just taking care of me out of a sense of duty or if he was spurred on by his love for me. Wow just saying that in my head sounded stupid.

“I know it’s a little late, but what do you think about us getting a tree? Maybe decorating it would get your mind off things a little?” he asked hopefully.

“No.” I answered. Christmas brought back too many memories, not of Carson but of family and friends who I would probably never see again and Christmas time just generally made you feel things. Feelings I could definitely do without.

“Laken I’m trying here.” Lucas said and at hearing the strain in his voice I looked up at him feeling guilty for dragging him down with my mood.

I sighed. “Maybe…maybe we could…” I was trying to find something that wouldn’t bring back memories, something new. “I don’t know Lucas, I’m sorry I’m being like this, I just don’t want to…to remember.” I got out, looking at him with sad eyes.

What did it say about me that I hated when people pitied me but I craved some form of comfort? I wanted him to stop thinking I was some helpless child but at the same time I wanted him to just hug me and tell me everything would be alright. What did it say about me?

“Ok then maybe we could go out for dinner tomorrow. It will be a completely unorthodox Christmas celebration, nothing to remind you of anything you’d rather forget.” He suggested.

I nodded and he put his hand around my shoulders, steering me through the crowd.

…………………..

“Why’d you even agree to work for Victor?”

He paused, as if assessing my question and trying to find the best way to answer it.

“I owed him. He saved my life.” He said simply and with feeling.

I cocked my head to the side waiting for him to continue.

“Remember the scar?” he asked and I nodded. “Well one night I stumbled upon a pack of rogue wolves, long story short, they attacked and left me for dead, Victor found me nursed me back to health and from then on I’ve been helping him in any way I can.” He answered.

“Helping him kill you mean.” I said my mouth tight.

“No, apart from you, he’s never asked that of me before. I know that accepting it was wrong. No it was beyond wrong, it was possibly the worst choice I could have ever made and I’ll regret that forever. I know you probably blame me for Carson’s death and I know-“

“I don’t”

“…that you’ll never- what?” he asked when he finally registered what I said.

“I said I don’t blame you. This would have happened even if you hadn’t helped. It would have happened even if I never met you and even if I had listened to him and not gone on that trip because Victor was…is determined; if he wants someone dead it’ll happen.” I said with certainty.

“Not this time. He’ll never get to you. I have links in London, allies who’ll be willing…are willing to help in any way they can. I’ve already gave them a heads up on the situation so as soon as I get you to safety we’ll deal with Victor, that’s not a question that’s a promise.” He declared.

“You know what I’ve learned Lucas?” I said lifting my head to look into his eyes. “As long as there’s a possibility that you might be killed, promises serve absolutely no purpose.”

………………………………

There had been no presents, no tree, no singing of Christmas carols or watching of Christmas movies. There had been no happy holiday wishes or mistletoe kisses. No hot chocolate or fruit cake and there had been no decorations.

We simply went out to dinner, caught a movie that I barely paid much attention to then went back home and bundled up in front of the TV, watching the news no less and my mind wasn’t even on that. As with every other day my thoughts were filled with Carson; the first time we’d talked, the night he’d told me I wasn’t allowed to have a relationship, the first time we’d had sex, the first day by the lake, the day we’d burned the cake, the first time he’d told me he loved me. It was all Carson, everything Carson.

I knew that no matter how hard I tried I wouldn’t ever get rid of this feeling and that was a depressing thought. It was something I’d have to live with for the rest of my life and I hoped nobody ever fell for me because there was absolutely nothing I’d be able to offer them.

“You alright?” Lucas asked, his eyes fixed on my face.

I composed my features to prevent him from seeing the myriad of emotions flickering on my face. “Yeah” I answered.

“I know you don’t want to leave but I promise we’ll come back one day Laken.” He said.

We were leaving for London in the morning so this was my last night in the land of the free. After this I would feel further away from my family and friends. My last night to be close to them even if it wasn’t really in person.

“It’s okay.” I answered trying to make light of the situation.

“Don’t be afraid to tell me how you-“ he began then stopped abruptly, his body tensing.

I glanced over at him, my eyes questioning.

“Shhh…” he said putting his finger to his lips and slowly and quietly rising from the chair.

“What is it?” I whispered but he held up his hand for me to be quiet and made his way into the front room.

I got up equally quiet, my heart going heavy. What had he heard? Had they finally found us?

By the time I got to the door way I saw that he had a gun drawn and was moving to turn the knob of the front door. I swallowed against the fear. Not again please! I didn’t think I could stand much more of this.

He swung the door open and I tensed waiting for the onslaught; “Holy shit!” he exclaimed and his gun clattered to the ground at his feet. He made no move to pick it up but stood frozen in the doorway staring at whoever or whatever was there.

I took a step forward, uncertain. There were no shots being fired which probably meant we weren’t in any immediate danger. When I reached to his side I could have sworn my heart stopped in my chest. I had to be seeing things.

He stood in the open doorway, the scarf around his neck blowing in the wind. His left arm was in a cast. His eyes met mine, brilliant in their intensity and then a slow smile crept up on his beautiful face.

“Carson…” I whispered, my heart beating fiercely in my chest.

AUTHOR'S NOTES

HOPE EVRYONE HAD AN AWESOME CHRISTMAS!! I TRIED TO SEND ALL MY FANS PERSONAL CHRISTMAS GREETINGS BUT ONL A FEW WENT OUT BECAUSE WATTPAD CAN BE A PAIN SOMETIMES :( ANYWAY HERE'S YOUR CHAPTER!!! BTW MY NEW STORY WHICH WILL BE OUT SOON IS RELATED TO THIS ONE IN SOMEWAY IN THAT....NO I WON'T TELL :D

SHoUt Outs: TO EVERYBODY BECAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME!!

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.