Why am I up?

It's the middle of the night, and I can't sleep.

Thinking about the reason why I'm stuck.

Trying to figure out how can I melt these walls I've built.

I can't figure it out.

I haven't ounce of clue on how to open up.

I want to love.

But I might as well be a robot.

Sad so sad, that my robotic parts would be as rusty, and ready to shatter into pieces like my frozen heart.

I want to understand why I can't change.

I've been reaching out desperately

Just to get a touch

Hopelessly hoping for a feel

Yet, I can't feel anything.

Numb.

I'm so numb.

I can't figure it out.

Maybe I'll be stuck like this forever.

Waking up everyday

With a smile on my face

Pretending that I'm feeling something.

But when it's time for bed,

I lay there in the middle of the night,

And I think about my day where I felt nothing.