I'm not here to apologize for my absence, whatsoever. I'm here to let y'all know that, it's going to be months before I return and began to writing again.

On June 12,2020 I found out that I was pregnant!

Y'all, I was so happy. I can't lie and say I wasn't pressuring my boyfriend into impregnating me, because I was. I took at least 6 high end pregnancy tests before scheduling a appointment at my doctors office. Going to the appointment, I was nervous because this was going to be my first child. I've never been pregnant before so I was nervous, scared, excited, etc. They gave me a cup to urinate in and I did. The doctor came back and confirmed that I was pregnant. They were supposed to call me the following week on Monday to tell me how far along I was, but I had already downloaded a pregnancy tracker app to let me know and I was 6 going in 7 weeks!

On Tuesday, June 23, 2020, I began to feel this sharp pain in my stomach, I felt as if I had to use the restroom (Number 2), and I did. I felt a little better but I was still having slight pain. The next day Wednesday, June 24, 2020 as I'm getting ready for work, I'm having the same pain and I could barely breathe. I ignore it and get ready for work.

Two hours into my work shift, I tell my manager I can't make it through the entire shift, I'm in pain and I feel faint. She says okay and three hours into my shift, I leave. (I worked from 9-12). I go home and try to sleep the pain off but I couldn't. I call my mom, crying and asked her to come get me. She gets off work early and takes me to the nearest emergency room.

I get a room to myself. They take my vitals and everything else. A nurse asks me what symptoms I was having and I told her everything I felt and was feeling. She says okay and write the down. She told me that they were going to do my first ultrasound and a CT Scan. I nodded and asked her because the pain I was in was it a sign that I was having a miscarriage. She says, no, but because I had irregular discharge, she had to make sure I wasn't.

I did a regular ultrasound and a vaginal ultrasound, which was entirely too weird, I noticed she wasn't showing me my baby. I kept quiet because I didn't want to worry. They roll me back to my room and I try to rest my mind because I was so scared. I didn't want to lose my first child.

Three nurses enter my room to tell me they couldn't find my baby in my uterus, but they found an excessive amount of fluid(blood) in my stomach. I had an

ectopic pregnancy which means my baby was inside my Fallopian tube instead of my uterus. I needed to get an emergency surgery to drain the blood asap.

My first pregnancy and I already lost my child. I never seen him or her, held them, or hugged or kissed them. I knew I would've been a good mom to them. I called my mom and once she got in the room they told her what was going on and they quickly prepared me for my surgery.

After the surgery, I looked down at my stomach and noticed all the bandages on me. They cut into my four times.

So, due to the fact that I'm recovering from my surgery, I'm also trying to heal from the loss of my first child. I don't wish this on my worst enemy. This hurts so bad. I've never met my baby and I miss them so much. I would sing to them, talk to them and made sure they were okay just for me to never see them. I need a break from the story, for Wattpad, and I'm sorry, but I need a break from you guys as well.

Thank you. 🖤