“She's down again.”

“We should just dispose of her already.”

“Why let such disappointment suffer living life?”

I look over.

“Hm?”

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“Why are you faltering?”

I stand over her bed, in which she laid upon.

“Ayanokoji...?”

“Why do you fall? Are you not a special specimen?”

“No...”

“Why do you fall, when you're not ordered to?”

“It's because...”

“Why do you fall, when you are one of us?”

“It's because...”

“Why do you fall, despite feeling love?”

“It's because...”

“Why do you fall?”

Her face suddenly homes multiple wrinkles.

“It's because I’m , , and !”

She screams.

“Why? You weren't ordered to be such thing.”

“I don't know... I don't know... why do I have to be disposable, Ayanokoji?!”

“Because you're a weak person. But you chose to be a weak person.”

“I didn't choose to be like this!”

I widen my eyes.

“You weren't ordered?”

“No...”

“You weren't forced?”

“No...”

“Then why?”

“Why... you ask?”

“Those who stray from the path of the strong, are those willing to become weak. That is what father said.”

“I see...”

“Dote on living as the strong, dread becoming among the weak. The weak shall die earlier, exactly because they have not the will of the strong, but as cowards.”

“Did your father say that too?”

“Yes.”

“I see...”

“Then, why are you weak, nine?”

“Why...?”

“Tell me, I want to know the answer. You know more than me.”

“Why...?”

“Tell me, I want to know the answer. You know better than me.”

“Why...?”

“Tell me, I want to know the answer. You know .”

She grasps her chest

“

"Why do you repeat yourself?"

"Bewildered? Disheartened? Dispirited?"

"Whilst it's not too late, divert lanes to the path of the strong."

She makes her veins visible.

"AYANOKOJI! I WANT TO BE STRONG, BUT I CAN'T!"

Fluid ruins down her eyes.

I stare at it rolling down her cheek.

Keeps rolling,

Continue rolling,

Through her desolated cheek,

Brimming with agony.

"I don't get it. Tears only come through sever melancholy or extreme happiness. Nine, what state are you in currently?

Happiness?

Despair?

Sadness?

Or... love?"

"Ayanokoji... I want to die already..."

"Huh?"

"I'm weak... like a glass striving to become metal.

Im powerless, like the earth striving to match the gravitational pull of a black hole.

I'm deluded, thinking I can be strong...

Love is all that I have,

But it makes me weaker.

Love is all that I have,

And it makes me sadder.

Love is all that I have,

And I can't be happy."

"Why can't you be happy? You have obtained such valuable knowledge, that us humans would crave to feel."

"But what's the point of love... when he doesn't love me back..."

"I don't understand."

"Of course you don't..."

"Explain."

"No..."

"You know more, so teach me."

"No..."

"You're strong, but brainwash yourself into meddling yourself with the weak."

"No..."

"Nine, tell me. Why does your love not bring happiness?"

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"Kiyotaka..."

That name.

Only one person calls be by that name.

"Father?"

I look up.

The same grin... has vanished.

"You've achieved 100% in your tests, am I right?"

Unfortunately,

"I have."

"You heeded my commands, and performed them effortlessly, am I right?"

Restricted to such limitations-

"I had no choice but to obey."

"Good. You are my son, indeed. The ruler of worlds, the man who will carry my hope down to generations down the line. Kiyotaka, you must be the king."

"I get it-"

You have said it enough times-

"The same words-"

The same ideology.

"It's all drilled into my head-"

Whether I like it or not.

"Good boy, Kiyotaka."

He pats my head.

Like a cat in a cage.

With the owner forcing his visions onto him.

"Then, Kiyotaka."

What?

"What?"

"You don't need a friend."

I know.

"I know."

That has also been drilled into my head.

"That has also been drilled into my head."

"Then, you don't need her."

Her?

"Who are you referring to?"

"You do not need to know."

I want to know.

"Tell me."

"I won't allow you to stray from the path of the strong."

I see...

If it's to preserve my path,

"I guess you don't have a choice."

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"Are you sleeping?"

I look up,

When,

I should look down at her.

"Nine..."

"Hello, Ayanokoji. I... also can't sleep."

"I see."

Burdened by reality, sleep is deprived.

Reality controlled by orders.

"And you?"

"What?"

"Why?"

"Why...?"

"Why can't you sleep, Ayanokoji?"

"Why can't I sleep?"

"Yes, why can't you sleep?"

"Why?"

"Are the beds not comfy?"

"No."

"Are your eyes blinded by thoughts, rather than an illusion?"

"No."

"Are you afraid of the dark?"

"No."

"Afraid of time?"

"No."

"Afraid of adults?"

"No."

"Afraid of death?"

"No."

"You simply do not wish to sleep?"

"No. I wish to sleep."

"Then why?"

"Because..."

"Because?"

"I wasn't ordered to sleep."

"You weren't ordered to sleep?

"Yes. Father ordered me to count prime numbers for the rest of night. I merely follow his orders."

"I see."

"And you?"

"And me?"

"Were you?"

"Was I?"

"Ordered to sleep?"

"Ordered to sleep?"

"Yes...?"

"Yes... but I can't sleep."

"I see. When the human brain broadens, its mind dwells on the uncertainties of its future, the philosophy of life, the ideology of his reality."

"Is that so?"

"It is so. And, it may be the cause of depriving sleep."

"I see..."

"Do you want to sleep?"

"I do..."

"Why? Is it orders?"

"I want to... sleep from this nightmare... wake up into the dream..."

"I don't get it."

"Figures."

"I don't get it, nine."

"I know."

"You say things I cannot decipher. Yet, you call yourself weak?"

"I am weak."

"No, you're not."

"I'm weak."

"No you're not."

"Weak..."

"No you're not."

"Stop it, Ayanokoji! I'm weak okay?! Is it that hard to believe!?"

"Yes."

"I'M WEAK! AND BECAUSE I'M WEAK,

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"Why will you die?"

"You don't understand... so... don't help me."

"Why?"

"I'd rather people understand me, rather than help me."

"Why?"

"I just want to be normal... I want to be a person..."

"Why?"

"I want to be a girl... with a name... a family... a little brother... a big sister... a father... a mother... friends... a lover..."

"Why?"

"I want to go school... I want to be unintelligent without being mocked.... or intelligent without being a statue... I want to be a normal girl..."

"Why?"

"I want to kiss my mother goodbye... before school... and say 'I'm off!' I want to walk to school with my friends... and talk about romantic things..."

"Why?"

"I want to live freely. Smile freely. Experience pain but only to boost my strength. Demoralized so I can get back on my feet. Disheartened so I can stand up once more."

"Why?"

"I want to be in someone's embrace. I want to feel the lips of someone whom I love. I want to cry alongside someone whom I trust. I want... to be loved."

"Why?"

"I... want to..."

"I don't get it...-"

"Love... and be loved."

"Why?"

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"Let's run away..."

"Huh?"

"Together..."

Why-

"-decide such thing?"

"Ayanokoji... will you run away with me?"

No...

"I can't."

"I see..."

"What do you see?"

"Ayanokoji... I want to leave this place."

"Why?"

"I want to go school..."

"School? Tell me, why do you want to go school?"

"Why, you ask?"

"Knowledge is shared through here-"

"I know."

"Then why?"

"Why?"

"Why go to school?"

"Because... I want to experience the thrill of youth."

"Youth?"

"Yes, youth."

"We can... experience the thrill of youth, you say?"

"Yes... Ayanokoji..."

"Tell me, nine, what is youth?"

"Youth is like a soup."

"Soup?"

"Yes, soup. It contains many spices."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"You want to experience this soup?"

"Yes, Ayanokoji. I want to savour it."

"Does that also bring happiness?"

"Yes... immeasurable happiness..."

"And you want me to come as well?"

"Yes..."

"To school?"

"Yes..."

"To experience the spices of youth?"

"Yes..."

"Nine... will I also feel love?"

"Yes... one day... whether it be towards me or someone else. You will love someone."

"And... I will love someone if I join a school?"

"Yes... I promise you."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"Promises are not meant to be broken."

"I know..."

"They are meant to be witheld."

"I know..."

"So you won't lie?"

"I won't..."

"I will experience love by joining a school?"

"Yes... it's practically inevitable."

"I see..."

A school...

Youth...

Spices...

Will...

I...

Be like her?

A human in love?

"Can I be like you?"

"Huh?"

"A human in love?"

"Huh?"

"I want to be like you, nine."

"Why?"

"I want to feel, not know."

"Why?"

"I want to experience, not hear."

"Why?"

"I want to have a heart, not a shell."

"Don't..."

"Don't?"

"You don't have to..."

"I don't have to...?"

"Don't be like me, Ayanokoji!"

I stare.

"I'm lower than a seed planted and doesn't grow!

A medicine that kills!

A rodent meddled in with hamsters!

I'm weak...

Poor...

Pathetic...

Disappointing...

I couldn't even meet low expectations...

Im like the moon...

I'm like a broken object...

I'm a betrayer of their hope...

Incarnation of cowardice...

Ayanokoji... don't say that you want to be like me.

No one else needs to suffer!

No one else needs to die as a failed seed!

No one else needs to die like me!

Unloved by everyone, loved by none!

Nothing is everything, everything is nothing!

Eyes cannot differentiate darkness and brightness!

Only dark red splattering across my face!

The wet eyes beneath the cold sight!

No one needs nine!

No one... needs not to be fine...

Everyone... needs to be happy...

Unlike me...

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Death is not what I desire, I don't want to die...

But exertion and strain will bring my death... the truly most boring way of going out.

Tell me, Ayanokoji.

See me off, when I die.

Cry, when I die.

Be sad...

Mourn...

Then...

At least I'll know...

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To be continued