Night Rain

Night #6

"You can tell us anything, Kisame. We won't hold anything against you." Sho spoke gently, lowering his cup of hot water. He stared at Kisame, who met his eyes.

Kisame was speechless.

Amaya smiled and nodded her head in agreement. "That's right! Daddy and I want to hear what you want to say! But if you don't want to say it yet, that's okay! We can wait!"

"...but I want to..." The blue skinned boy said quietly.

Hearing just that, Amaya nodded her head. "Okay, then!" She stared at Kisame eagerly, waiting for him to spill the beans.

Kisame exhaled deeply, trying to calm his mind. He had made the decision to tell them. But was it the right choice? Why did he find it so hard to tell them?

Did they grow on me...? Kisame growled to himself mentally. In just a short time, too...

Sho and Amaya exchanged glances. Amaya's eyes landed on Kisame again. He hadn't spoken for a while. Amaya tilted her head slightly to the side, trying to think of what Kisame was going to say. She had no idea, but she had a hunch that it might be hard for him to talk about. Her father did say there were some topics that Kisame didn't want to touch. Maybe this was one of them?

After contemplating a thought, Amaya opened her mouth, "Amaya means 'night rain'."

Kisame looked up in surprise. He didn't expect her to start talking. Was she getting bored of waiting for him already?

Night rain...? Kisame raised his brow.

Sho waited patiently for his daughter to continue. He knew where the conversation was headed. He felt a gentle and sudden twinge in his chest but ignored it. He closed his eyes and exhaled deeply.

Knowing that she had successfully caught Kisame's attention, she continued, "Amaya was a name that my mommy gave me. Daddy told me that mommy really liked that name...and that I was born at night, when it was raining."

Kisame just sat there, listening. How ironic...

"Mommy's in the sky. She's always watching us." Amaya gave Kisame a small but sad smile. She missed her mother and wanted to know her; but that was impossible.

Sho pressed his lips together into a thin line. He could still remember the day vividly in his mind. His wife had lost too much blood during the childbirth and wasn't able to make it. He exhaled yet again.

"...I don't have a mother like you do." Kisame spoke quietly, a small frown on his features. He felt a little annoyed that she was making the situation seem lighter than it actually was – which it wasn't.

Amaya blinked once, her eyes on the boy. She then blinked again, not sure if she heard right. She raised a brow in confusion, "But Kisame, everyone has a mommy. Some are just not here, like mine." She pointed to herself with her small fingers. Pausing for a brief second, she then set her hand down to her lap, "Is your mommy like my mommy, too?"

The blue boy's small dark eyes widened and his gaze shifted elsewhere, thinning.

Amaya sat quietly. The atmosphere seemed to have darkened and he didn't look great.

Is Kisame ok...?

"...yeah." His voice was small. He clenched his hands into fists. "She's dead."

"...I'm sorry, Kisame..." The Mizushima duo spoke quietly. They had downcast expressions.

"Why are you sorry?" Kisame knitted his brows together. "I didn't even know her. I was put in an orphanage since I was young."

Those words felt strange coming from his mouth. Kisame thought he'd never say anything related to his past to someone else. But he did. Why was it suddenly much easier than before? Was it because Amaya had talked about something remotely related to the topic before he did?

Did she do it to ease me into the topic? Kisame raised a brow. No...she couldn't have known that I was going to talk about my past...

Even though he had these thoughts, the young boy continued.

"...but, I guess the woman at the orphanage was much more like a mother than my own mother." Kisame said thoughtfully, looking back up at the girl. His voice had risen and he was now at a volume just below speaking volume.

Amaya nodded her head, having a minor understanding of where he was coming from. She tried to imagine herself in his shoes, but that proved hard for her 6 year old mind.

"But..." Kisame trailed off, casting his gaze yet again. He ground his teeth together.

Amaya glanced at Kisame and whatever he was looking at, then at her father. She was confused as to why the boy had stopped mid-sentence. What was wrong?

Sho stared at Kisame for a short while. His stare flickered to his daughter. Gently and subtly, he shook his head.

Amaya made a small 'o' with her mouth and nodded silently. She waited patiently for Kisame to continue.

Now that I think about it...is this the thing that Kisame wanted to tell daddy and me?

"...She's dead too." Kisame stared at the table.

The Mizushima's ears perked and they didn't know if they heard right. She's dead, as well?

"I'm sor— " Amaya started, feeling that it was an unfortunate topic to converse about.

"You weren't the one who killed her." Kisame's childish voice came out sharper than he had expected. His eyes widened and he glanced up to see the girl's expression, which held confusion. He then glanced at Sho, whose eyes were wide and holding disbelief. His blue lips pressed together tightly and he gnawed gently on the bottom of his lip.

The family was silent, not having expected anything of the sort to have come out of the Hoshigaki's mouth.

Taking this silence as one where he could continue, Kisame started again, but this time, he didn't hold any hesitation saying it.

"I killed the orphanage mother." He confessed.

Amaya's mouth had opened and she was gaping. She then closed it and processed the information in her head. She had a lot of questions, but she wasn't sure if she should ask them.

"Kisame...if you don't mind me asking, why did you kill her?" Sho asked gently. He was curious of his answer, as well as how a small kid like him could kill an adult unscathed.

"...she was selling the other kids into slavery." Kisame revealed.

"Slavery...?" Sho's eyes widened.

"What's slavery?" Amaya raised a brow.

Her question was ignored. Sho made a mental note to tell her the meaning of slavery. At the current time, he wanted to ask Kisame a few things.

"Do you mind telling us what happened?" The adult questioned.

Kisame gave a curt nod. He found it a lot easier to tell them now that he's already started on the topic. It flowed out of his mouth like a river down a mountain. "I was awake at night...she had taken one of the other kids and she was talking to somebody. I saw through the cracks on the door. They were slave traders. They said that they would come again for another kid soon." He spoke bitterly. A spark lit up in his eyes, "Mother didn't see me. After those slave traders left, I watched her. I found out she chose me as the next kid to sell."

Amaya and Sho's eyes had shown astonishment. Amaya had a minor understanding of what slavery was. She didn't like where this was going.

"So you killed her...?" Sho asked quietly.

A small smirk formed on the male kid's face. "I wasn't going to let her sell any more kids as slaves." His voice had an edge of sadistic happiness to it, "Yeah, I did. It felt good."

Amaya felt a chill go down her spine.

"It felt good?" Sho interrogated. He was unsure if Kisame was saying that because the Mother couldn't do any more slave trading, that it was good, or if he enjoyed killing her. He hoped it was the former.

"Yeah. Killing her was great." Kisame's sharp teeth showed. "I killed her with a kunai."

Sho's breathing became irregular for a moment, before regaining momentum. He remembered how his daughter described him as a fantastic kunai thrower who hit all the targets in the bullseye. He didn't have any doubts that Kisame was able to kill her. It seemed within his abilities to.

"I killed her but..." Kisame's hand went to his face, covering his mouth. His eyes had widened. "...I don't know why it felt so good! Is there something wrong with me?" His voice held underlying uneasiness.

Sho and Amaya were shocked for words. Amaya definitely didn't know what to say for a situation like that and Sho was trying to think of something that wasn't going to imply that he was. The female sent a helpless look towards her father, begging him to say something.

With a gentle shrug and exhale, Sho stared at the ground, hoping his words were right.

"Kisame, you're a shinobi." Sho stated. He started with this, as it would ease him into what was going to be said afterwards.

The blue boy's hand dropped from his mouth and onto his lap. He looked dumbfounded. He thought that they would react to his confession by throwing him out and shouting at him to never talk to them again.

"I...I haven't graduated the academy yet." Kisame managed to say.

"Even though you haven't graduated the academy yet...you showed great skill and ability." The adult chose his words carefully. "It's not every day that you see somebody of your age and stature kill another."

"But doesn't that mean that I'm just a killer?" Kisame brows had furrowed. He didn't know where the Mizushima was getting at.

"Kisame, listen; and listen well. In this world that we currently live in, it's survival of the fittest. Shinobi kill each other to survive. They do dirty work handed down to them by others...and they fulfil it. They get their hands dirtied. Both you," He nodded at Kisame, "and you," he nodded towards his own daughter, "will have to face challenges and do that. It's a harsh world. Metaphorically, it's kill or be killed. But that isn't always the case." He took a pause, "Now, I'm not saying that murder is a good thing. It's a gruesome reality, especially for shinobi.

"Kisame, you chose the decision to kill the Mother of the orphanage. You did it in order to survive and to prevent others from falling into the same trap. In your case, you probably didn't have much of a choice if you wanted freedom." Sho's shoulders relaxed and he gave Kisame a gentle gaze, "It's not the matter of whether or not you enjoy killing, but more of if you're doing it for the right reason...in your mind, what thoughts go through your head? There's always a reason for everything."

Kisame frowned slightly, hearing his lecture. What was that supposed to tell him? That he's going to kill anyway when he becomes a shinobi? That it's an everyday thing?

Amaya saw a dark look on Kisame's face. She gulped and glanced at her father, who gave her a small smile. Her line of sight landed on Kisame. It looked like he didn't like what her father had said.

"I think what daddy wanted to say...was that there are different reasons for killing...and that it's not all right or wrong." Amaya's tone wavered. She was unsure of the answer herself. She just said what came to her mind.

Kisame just stared at her blankly, pondering on what both the Mizushima's have said. They had accepted whatever he had to say, and didn't run away. They were there to even lecture him, instead of kicking him out the front door and telling him to scram.

It was exactly what the Amaya said...that's what Sho meant. But what about my enjoyment of killing? Is he saying it's alright? Kisame's eyes narrowed.

"As a...shinobi...I enjoy killing. Are you going to say that that's wrong or right?" Kisame challenged. He wanted to see how he would respond, because his enjoyment didn't just come unnaturally.

"...as someone that used to be a shinobi, I can't say it's either." Sho answered softly.

Used to be a shinobi? Kisame raised a brow.

"It's only up to you to come up with an answer. I can't dictate it." said Sho.

The man walked up to the table that the kids sat on and stood on the side, between the 2. He placed his hand on both of their heads, ruffling their hair until it was messy and unruly. His hand slid off his daughter's head but stayed on Kisame's. Bending his knees, he went down to eye level, meeting the young child's eyes.

"Kisame. Don't worry about hurting us. It's not going to happen." Sho's voice was confident but not conceited. "I think of you as my son - I trust you. You'll make a fine shinobi one day. Follow your convictions." He ruffled Kisame's head one more time, before standing straight.

"Now, what do you kids want for dinner?" The father beamed.

Kisame gaped. He just stared at the man in complete astonishment.

"I want curry!" Amaya kicked her legs under the table. "With lots of potatoes!"

"So curry with potatoes? No objections?" Sho glanced at the two of them. Kisame was too busy gaping and staring, and Amaya looked excited enough to run a kilometre without stopping. With a small shrug, the adult confirmed, "Curry with potatoes it is!" Sho went to the kitchen to begin cooking.

They've...still accepted me. Kisame's mind was nearly running overdrive. He imagined the scene in the back of his mind, stabbing Mother over and over until she died from blood loss. He remembered the sadistic grin on his face after his accomplishment, before he ridded himself of the evidence.

Why...? Questions popped into his head, thinking of possibilities. Are they completely stupid?! Sho even considered me as his own son...even though Kisame thought of that coldly, he felt warm.

'You can tell us anything, Kisame. We won't hold anything against you.'

He could feel his vision go blurry. He stared at his hands on his lap, blinking his eyes rapidly to prevent the tears from falling.

Why are they falling? Am I happy? Am I sad?

"Kisame? Are you okay?" Amaya asked. Her voice was laced with worry. She had seen his quick change of expression.

She saw a something clear and glistening drop. Then another, followed by another. She blinked quickly and rubbed her eyes a few times to make sure she was seeing right. When she realised that it was the real deal, she leaned over on the table and reached to pet his head, something that she had copied from her father.

"There, there Kisame..." Amaya had a smile on her face. She didn't know why it was a smile, since Kisame was crying, but she felt that this moment was a happy one. She couldn't put it into words.

Kisame sniffed and wiped his eyes with the back of his hands.

I'm not a baby, dumb girl.

"You can come back anytime. You're welcome here, so you don't need to be shy." Sho smiled at Kisame.

The boy nodded his head slowly and put on his shoes. Both Mizushima's were accompanying him home. Once they arrived, they bid him a warm farewell, even though they were neighbours.

Kisame took off his shoes from habit. His feet thumped gently against the wooden floor, stopping when he arrived at the door of his room. His hand gripped the handle. He opened it and flicked on the lights.

His cracked reflection greeted him. The kunai on the corner of the mirror was stuck there, waiting to be pulled and used. The boy walked to the mirror and reached for the kunai, but not before imagining the family that accepted him, replacing the memory of his killing of his former guardian. His hand gripped the handle and he pulled it out, twirling it around his finger skilfully before shoving it into his kunai pouch.

He gathered some clothes before exiting the room. Before leaving, he took one last look at the cracked mirror. A small and calm smile had replaced his usual frown. He looked happier.

Maybe it wasn't so bad after all.