I ignore Ryver Webb like a plague, it's been two days since I've last spoken to him, I keep catching him staring at me, the first time was in class when I was reading Collin and Dean's argument on how it would be if cats and dogs really fell from the sky.

There are four people in the chat, me, Cleo, Dean, Collin, and Jake. I sometimes have to mute my phone for the amount of arguments that happen there, mostly started by Dean and Collin, this one was pretty funny, I got a few chuckles at their childish behaviour.

It's obvious they are the most childish of the group and known each other the longest out all of us. They became friends in third grade after Collin broke Dean's pencil by accident and he apologized by sharing his.

The two later met Jake in college on campus when they were wasted and didn't know which way is there class, turns out they were in the wrong building. Jake said Collin had muttered and I quote "Did the building run away?"

They're not so bright sober nor drunk.

Im now seated on Cleo's bed, and we're just having some girl time.

"What's got you distracted?" Cleo asks, taking me away from my thoughts.

"Huh nothing ." I say picking at my nails, she throws her textbook, and it lands with a loud bang on the floor, away from the bed. She always is throwing things around. Her roommate hates her messiness.

"If you don't talk to me I will..." She says pausing momentarily looking at the ceiling squinting her eyes. "I don't know what I will do actually but if you don't tell me I will come up something." She finishes her sentence pointing her pencil close to my face. Then casually throws the pencil also landing on the floor.

"I-It's just i have to stupid project in class and I hate the guy I'm doing the project with. You know?" I say looking down. I only said half the truth me and Ryver have finished the project we just have to hand it in.

Though I can't seem to erase the thought of him from my brain, it's as if it's forever implanted there. Maybe it will be.

"No fucking way!" Cleo squeals I look up quickly alarmed from the sound ofy voice. "You have a crush!"

"Fuck no." I dismiss the suspicion after a second. He's hot, of course. Do I like him? No. I can't take being in relationship again.

"Ens it's normal to like someone." She says looking ay me with concern.

"No, I can't." I shake my head.

"Please talk to me if you need to we all know Jake can't talk shit when it comes to relationships." She smiles.

Cleo knows that me Jake's friendship. Is simply friendship there's no ounce of attraction from either side, she is aware that he's who I talk to about basically everything.

Even if there were any feelings from me, I know Ryver could never have feelings for me. Im a mess, a spider caught in a web and have no idea how to let loose.

*~*~*~*~*

Today's Sunday and I have barely gotten any sleep, I don't think I have slept for more than three or four hours at night in at least two years. I might have gotten drunk also.

It's now almost twelve and I surprisingly don't have a hangover.

But who the hell is knocking on the door? Aunt Lily left yesterday, and isn't supposed to be back until Monday morning.

I open the door and see Ryver, okay so now he's gone from a few glances to full on coming to my house.

"I thought we could see if we have anything else in the project to finish." He says a slight smile playing on his lips, he looks cute in a black tee shirt that fits tightly against his abs and black jeans, his curly brown hair is messy yet looks perfect.

We're done the project in fact we are supposed to hand in on Tuesday.

From the rumours I've heard of Ryver you would think he's huge jackass. I have learned not to believe rumours and this is more evidence as to why.

"Umm okay." I say moving from the doorway to let him in, then I remember the empty bottle of tequila in the kitchen, it was the only thing I could find. He walks into the living room with me. "Just a minute." I say quickly.

I walk into the kitchen grabbing the now empty bottle of alcohol and throw in the garbage. That would have been hard to explain if he had saw it.

I walk back into the living room and Ryver is seated on the couch, I take a seat next to him feeling slightly awkward.

He grabs his laptop from, his back pack which he brought and opens our project. I can tell he didn't come over for the sole reason of finishing the project, he's staring at his screen and isn't doing anything.

"Why are you really here Ryver?" I ask.

"The project." he nods towards the screen, he's lying. I want to tell him to cut the bullshit and tell me the truth, instead I decide to take a different route.

"Okay enlighten me on what's the problem with it." I smile at him urging him to tell me what he needs.

He doesn't, instead he stares at the screen then back to me, like he has rake his brain to find a answer to the impossible question I have served to him.

"Shouldn't this be in caps?" He asks pointing to the lower case letter on the powerpoint.

"No, before is a coma not a period." I say, just as our knees brush together, I've never felt so much from simple touch. I try to I ignore it, I can't help the feeling that's deep within me, telling me to lean into him.

I don't. But I see Ryver gulp, and I'm sure he felt it too.

"Oh yeah you're right." He says his voice a bit heavier than it was minute ago. "I guess I'll get going then."

He turns around to face me, and now our faces are mere inches apart, and I all I can think about how it would feel to have lips on mine, he's looking at my lips now. He can't like me, there's no way.

Why would someone like me? I've had sex a lot, but it's like any of the guys I've messed with have actually wanted anything more then my body, which is fine with me at least a part of me is likeable.

Ryver doesn't have feelings for me, there's no way.

I lick my lips unintentionally, he slowly brings his left hand to my cheek. He then proceeds to rub his thumb across my skin. Rubbing his thumb back and forth, the only sound, is the sound of both of our heavy breathing.

We lean in at the same time, or maybe one of us leaned in first, I can't tell. I can feel it coming-

I jump at the sound, of a phone ringing. Fuck.

The dazed look in Ryver's green eyes is quickly gone, he stares around for the source of the noise, we both look at the table, and realize it's his phone, he gets up to answer and points, to the hallway, I nod understanding he needs privacy.

I heard that Ryver is famous for having one night stands, not often but it has happened a few times, maybe that's what that was, maybe a girl is calling. Maybe he wanted to sleep with me. Maybe that's the only reason he leaned in.

The idea of a girl calling shouldn't make me feel the way it does. Yet it's as if I have lost all control to the emotions I feel.

I quickly figure it's not a girl when I hear him say Justin. I sigh a sigh of relief, I can't have a crush on him, the idea of being with Ryver, is something I shouldn't fathom ever.

Relationship, are only a dark path to almost always lead to heartbreak, you can never imagine how someone will be in relationship, even if your feelings can go so deep, those feelings might give you scars that can never fade, and will be present, they might not show, but they follow you around, it's like a chain attached to your leg bringing a heavy weight that can't go away without a key, and sadly the key is nonexistent. So you live with it. You learn deal with the heavy weight, hoping yo maybe find the key someday, somehow you're sure you won't yet hope.

Hope, because is all you have.

"I have to get going." Ryver says with an awkward tinge in his voice.

"Alright." I say getting up from the couch to go with him to the door.

"So you still want to ignore me?" He says a slight smirk playing on his lips, the lips that almost kissed me.

I want to say yes, yes I'm going to ignore you Ryver, I find the word on the tip of my tongue, it's not hard to speak, but at this moment I see no word in the English language that seems to be right.

Because it's like I lost my voice. Maybe I did.

"I left you speechless?" Ryver says, "Damn I didn't think I could have that effect on you, I'm going to take the silence as no your not."

Then he starts walking away i'm about to close the door, when I hear his voice he's still walking to his car, he turns around now walking backwards. "Bye Ensleey." He says with a devilish grin.

After I close the door, everything that's happened in the hour, are front and centre in my mind.

I almost kissed Ryver Webb, I probably invited him back in my life.

Oh boy!

~~~~~~~

A u t h o r s N o t e:

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