《Jack of Clubs (BxB)》17: Regrets And Ugly Truths

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"Woah! Holy shit, am I a witness to the end of the world?" Freddy gasped as soon as the door opened.

Millie had an arm looped through mine, while Sam and Dennis had their own problems. Sydney was standing very close to Dennis, or maybe Dennis was standing very close to her - I honestly couldn't tell. But Sam, on the other hand, stood a safe distance from a dejected-looking Jocelyn.

Not to say that I was complaining.

"I know, we all feel that way." Dennis laughed, glancing at Millie and I. My eyes narrowed back at him, knowing that he had flirted with her in the past and might try it again even though he had a different girl with him. Guys like him simply couldn't be trusted.

"Well." Freddy seemed to snap out of it, backing away from the door and ushering us in. "Please come in and trash the place as much as possible."

I wasn't even shocked that he told us that, since he seemed to give absolutely no fucks.

As I stepped inside, I was immediately reminded of my disdain for parties.

The music was loud, rattling my bones and melting my eardrums. I could already tell that every room was filled to the brim with people minus the bedrooms; I was sure they all had at least two people in them, if you know what I meant. Parties were places for bad decisions that your sleep paralysis demon would hold over you for the rest of your life.

"Let's head to the kitchen for a second!" Sam yelled over the music so that we all would be able to hear him.

I nodded, guiding Mille and following Sam, Dennis and Sydney not too far behind. Inside of the kitchen the music was far more tolerable, so we forced our way in. There wasn't a whole lot of people in there, other than a couple making out on the counter, a guy rummaging through the fridge, and three guys in a deep conversation.

"Why the hell did I agree to come?" I frowned, kicking a red solo cup by my feet.

Millie rolled her icy eyes. "Why did you invite me if you are just going to complain the whole time?"

"Because you love to party, and you're always telling me about how we should party more." I pointed out, resulting in her shutting her mouth.

"You two are a cute couple." Sydney smiled, titling her head at us.

Millie's jaw practically hit the floor, and my face instantly scrunched up in disgust. "Absolutely not!" We corrected in tandem.

Her brow furrowed, but I was quick to elaborate. "We're much more like siblings. We've been friends since kindergarten, so it would honestly be really weird if we dated. Like dating my sister."

Millie nodded. "And since we do not condone incest, it would never ever, ever, happen."

For a moment, Sydney just stared at us, before her cheeks took on a light tinge that I thought was cute. "I'm sorry, I had no idea! I've just never seen you guys apart or anything, and..." She trailed off as she gestured to our looped arms.

"It's fine, you aren't the first." Millie shrugged, smiling sweetly at the strawberry blonde. Sure, Millie was kind of crazy, but she could also be very polite and nice when she wanted to be.

"Well." Jocelyn began. "It's nice to see two genders being unafraid to show off their friendship. It seems that you don't see it a lot curtesy of what just happened."

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It honestly never occurred to me before. Besides those few times that my parents had asked about Millie and I. There was no reason to separate ourselves all because a few people mistook the nature of our relationship.

"That's nice of you, thanks." Millie said. "Since we've never properly introduced ourselves, I'm Millie."

"Jocelyn, but please call me Joss." She had dark skin and loose black curls cascading down her shoulders. A pretty head on her shoulders, but I refused to be fooled. I knew her reputation, and based off of Sam's reaction, it was even worse in private. She reached her hand out to shake Millie's.

I mumbled my name quickly, before shaking her hand as well. Sydney perked up. "I'm Sydney, but most people just call me Syd."

We nodded, even though we both knew who they each were. I guess it was merely a formality. I thought that it was kind of pointless to introduce myself to people who already knew me and that I knew in return. Especially when I had been going to the same school as them for several years.

"Now that that part is over, who agrees that we should go get some drinks!" Dennis announced, turning to grab some unused cups. They were questionably out in the open, but no one said a word.

As he was passing the cups out, he got to me and I shook my head. He kept insisting.

"I don't drink." I told him, trying to express that fact so that it would actually stick in his thick skull.

He shook his head in return, shoving the cup at me again. "Starting now you do."

I pushed the cup away. "No, I don't."

Dennis pursed his lips, a determined look on his face. "Why are you such a pussy?"

I looked him dead in the eye and said, "Aren't we here because you wanted pussy?"

Sam was the first to burst out laughing, doubling over. "Holy shit! That's gotta be the best thing I've ever heard you say!" He didn't even seem to be trying to hold back.

I could also hear Millie trying to stifle her own laugh from next to me. Dennis' mouth was wide open, and Sydney's pale skin was tinted a deep red. Jocelyn didn't seem nearly as amused. However, I still counted that as a damn good victory.

While Sam was still trying to recover as he wiped imaginary tears from his eyes, Dennis sent him a death glare. Even though I probably should have felt bad for making his best friend laugh at his expense, it was a funny joke. Also, Sydney's face was priceless, because just like how Dennis came there for pussy, she came there for dick. Specifically his.

"Are you done now?" Dennis finally muttered at Sam, who was trying his best to regain his composure.

"Goddamn, that was some good shit." Sam continued, causing for Dennis to grow even more agitated. It seemed that he was trying to poke the bear.

Just as I thought I might wittiness a very angry Dennis, a small blonde head appeared in the doorway. The tension quickly depleted, as though seeing his face was all it took for everyone's serotonin levels to rise.

"Yay! I found you guys!" Caden beamed, turning around and yelling into the crowd of people. "They're over here!"

Soon, Brian appeared beside him, and they both came in to join us. As soon as Caden noticed Sam's expression, he furrowed his blonde brows. "Why do you have tears in your eyes?"

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Sam started to chuckle a bit, forcing himself to stop before another laugh attack started back up. "Nothing, I just heard something really funny."

"Ooh, I want to hear it!" Caden jumped up, looking at us expectantly.

But Sam simply pat his friend on the back reassuringly. "Sorry, I can't remember it anymore."

Caden only pouted for a few seconds before noticing Sydney. He suddenly grew very giddy. "Hey, Syd!"

She smiled in return, leaving me curious. "Hey, Cade."

It was at that point when I really started to feel the weight of what it meant to be an outsider. I didn't know who had a relationship with who, and what their status was. I don't know anything about anyone. I didn't belong there at all, so why did I keep inserting myself?

It wasn't until I heard my name that I snapped out of the brief and sudden depressive state. "And even Sawyer is here!"

I looked over at Caden to see him smiling back at me. He was by far the weirdest guy I had ever met. Why did he always try to include me? It was as though he was happy to see me, which just wasn't true. I couldn't understand him, he seemed too much like a labyrinth. The kind that appeared simple on the outside, but incredibly complex once you attempted to delve deeper.

I nodded over at him so that he knew I heard him, but he was already focused on something else. "Woah! It's Millie! It's the first time I've seen you two together outside of school."

Millie glanced at me with a weird look on her face. It was safe to say that she had barely ever spoken to Caden before. Caden and Brian were never the ones to pick on me like Dennis and Sam did, so we hardly ever had a reason to talk to those two.

"Um, hello?" She eventually settled upon saying, though it came out more like a question than a statement.

"Just go with it. He's like a little kid." I whispered into her ear to try to help her out.

"I'm glad that you two are here. Because I think that Sawyer is pretty cool when you get past the whole rivalry thing, and I'm sure that you are too." He displayed a toothy grin.

Millie looked taken aback, her face reading that she was trying to decide on what his motives were. If only she knew the half of it. Caden was a strange breed.

"Yo, Brian." Dennis called over to his other friend, doing one of those bro-hug things that I had never done because I never had any guy friends to do it with. That would explain some of my more questionable habits. Or at least, I could pretend as though it did.

"The fucking car wouldn't start, that's why we're a little late." Brian said quietly. He had the lowest voice out of us all by quite a lot and was a solid inch taller than Sam, who was originally the tallest one there. Dennis' voice sounded like it was intended to be much deeper than it actually was, an almost feminine tint to his tone. It was so subtle that it almost went unnoticed. Caden simply sounded like he was far younger than he was.

"No problem, dude." Sam assured him, lightly touching his shoulder. I wondered what it was like, talking the way they did and being completely surrounded by guys. It had always been me and Millie, so I never experienced any of that. It was amazing how much I didn't notice about myself until I saw how other people lived.

"Why are you guys even in here? I want to dance!" Caden bounced around on the balls of his feet, tugging on Sam's sleeve with one hand, and Brian's with the other.

"You guys down to disperse?" Sam asked everyone, his eyes landing on mine for a few extra seconds. The pause went unnoticed.

"Hell yeah! Let's get shitfaced!" Dennis yelled excitedly.

How the hell did someone as smart as Sydney find someone as stupid as Dennis attractive?

At least Sam and I were both stupid. So we got a pass.

We did just that, Caden disappearing into the middle of the living room where everyone was dancing - which, if you asked me - either looked like jumping or the random flailing of limbs. It didn't take Millie long to fill up her own cup and head out there as well, joining Caden. I couldn't believe how talented she was at fitting in. It didn't make sense that she was so attached to me when she could easily have anyone.

Sam was roped into dealing with Jocelyn, who insisted that they talked for a bit in the kitchen. Dennis and Sydney were dancing and downing cups left and right. She seemed to be matching his tolerance for the liquid flawlessly. After a few minutes of watching everyone, Brian told Caden that he'd be out in the backyard, leaving me to sit alone on the couch.

Witnessing all of those people having fun and drinking made me have to wallow in the fact that I did not belong there. Was I annoying for not wanting to do any of this? Drinking was just full of regrets and ugly truths, and dancing was full of clumsiness and embarrassment. None of it sounded remotely enjoyable to me. I was raining on everyone's parade simply by brooding in the corner like a defiant child.

As I was staring blankly into the crowd, getting a glimpse of Caden and Millie every once in a while - admittedly relieved to find that he did not overstep any boundaries - I felt the couch sink next to me. I knew someone had just sat beside me, but I didn't want to acknowledge them. Communicating with people was another shortcoming of mine to add to my very long list of shortcomings.

Maybe I should have grown a pair and actually enjoyed myself, because that was the only normal teenage day I had in a while. Was I being selfish for not taking the opportunity? It hadn't even occurred to me before.

I could feel the person's eyes on me, but I forced myself to stay still. Couldn't they just take a hint? If I wanted an interaction, I would engage in this stupid party.

My eye caught an already drunk Millie, dancing like a madman with Caden. How was it that she could act like she was best friends with someone that she hardly knew? Maybe they weren't actually all that different. I just needed to stop acting like I would never have anything in common with any of them, because even though I hated to admit it, I did have two important things in common with Sam's whole friend group.

One, was Sam. We did everything for Sam, because we all cared about him in our own way. Whether it was my attraction to him, or their friendship. We all just wanted to help Sam out.

Two, we were all being watched by the same guys. Each of us were on their hit-list, and as much as I wished that I could change that, I couldn't. We were all in it for Sam. It all came full circle.

I felt a someone lightly tap my shoulder, making me internally groan. Some people couldn't ever take a fucking hint.

I turned my head around with a pissed off expression glued to my face. A girl about my age stared back. Her hair was a soft honey-colored brown, tied back into a messy bun. Her eyes were doe-like. Her skin was tanned in the same manner as a surfer's, though I was fairly sure that she had never surfed a day in her life.

When she only stared silently for a few seconds, I raised a brow. Was she going to talk, or what? When she still didn't respond, I started to contemplate finding a new place to sit. Hell, I could have always just left to go find Sam. Though I wouldn't admit it, I certainly wouldn't mind monitoring what Jocelyn did with her hands. Just thinking about her coming anywhere near my Sam made me want to rip some heads off. Specifically hers.

Holy shit. Did I just refer to him as my Sam?

"Sorry about that." She suddenly spoke up. Her voice was a bit low for a girl. "I just totally spaced when you turned around."

I nodded, though I had no idea what I was nodding at. "Okay." Something about her face was vaguely familiar, however, I had no idea what.

"Anyway." She physically attempted to shake off the awkwardness. "I'm Alyssa."

"Sawyer." I replied, but I only did it out of politeness. The truth was that I had no desire to be taking to this random curly-haired stranger at some high school party. What I did have a desire to do was find a different curly-haired person and make out.

"Nice to meet you." Alyssa smiled, showing off her pearly white teeth. They weren't nearly as beautiful as Sam's, but someone else may have thought they were. She was definitely attractive in her own way. "Do you go to parties often?"

Small talk = Man's worst enemy.

"No, I don't really care for them." I murmured, hoping that my body language would show that I was in absolutely no mood to be talking to her.

"Really? I'm at one almost every weekend." She laughed. "But I don't drink very often. It's much more fun to watch some drunk dumbasses do dumbass things."

"Yeah." Was all I said in response. How blind did someone have to be to not notice my reluctance?

Alyssa wore a black t-shirt with a white print of the Beatles on it, and a short black miniskirt. Something told me that she had never actually heard a Beatles song before. "So, are you here with friends then?"

I nodded, lifting a hand to point over at Millie and Caden. "And a few others too."

If she knew I had other people with me, would that be enough to get her to fuck off? When she started talking again, I realized disappointedly that it wasn't going to happen. "I'm here with my sister."

I gave her a look to show that I was listening, but I wasn't really. I couldn't give a shit less about her sister, or even her. Call me cruel, but I wasn't a people person.

"You don't talk much." Yeah, because you're annoying. "But I think it's interesting. Most people can't shut up."

Very hypocritical of you, Alyssa.

"But I think you have a nice voice, so you should say something."

It was at that point that I realized how close she was. Had she always been that close? If she had, I didn't even notice. Her bare arm brushed against my clothed one. I wished that I was still wearing Sam's hoodie. I could definitely use the extra armor.

"Well, Alyssa, I don't know what you want me to say." I said rather sarcastically. By that point, I didn't care if I was being rude. How the hell was she missing all of my hints? Or had she picked them up, dusted them off, and threw them to the side as though they meant nothing?

"Ally. Please, call me Ally." She smiled up at me, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. I realized with a start that something else did, though.

Was she eye-fucking me?

A chill went down my spine.

"Look-" I tried, but was quickly cut off.

"What do you say we find someplace to go?" Alyssa tilted her head back like she was waiting for something. I felt my jaw drop. No one had ever been so straight forward to me before, and I soon realized that it was not a good way to go about things. Certainly not with someone who was clearly uncomfortable. That someone being me.

"Um, I say no." I told her, scooting away from her.

She pouted. "Oh, come on. You're a hot guy and I'm a hot girl. Who's to say that we can't hook up?"

I gave her a weird look. Was she insane? I told her that I didn't want to. "I already said no."

Alyssa lazily tossed her head to the side, looking up at me through thick lashes, and biting her lip suggestively. It was far different than the way Sam bit his. "Aw, Sawyer, why are you such a tease?"

"Look, sure you're pretty and all of that, but I don't want to fucking hookup." I said, putting emphasis on the fact that I didn't. "I'm not in the mood, and you're not my type."

You're not my type.

Would you look at that, an ugly truth without even having to drink.

"Oh, honey." My heart cried out at the nickname, begging for the one that I pretended to hate, but knew deep down that I loved. "I'm everyone's type."

"No, you're egotistical." I corrected her, trying to get my point across.

"Egotistical, hot - potato, tomato." she waved my comment off, only causing for what was left of my patience to stretch incredibly thin. "I think you should shut up and admit you want to. Then we can be on our merry way."

Having pulled the last straw, I stood abruptly, hoping to get away from that crazy bitch. Who the hell did she think she was? I was about to walk off, when my sleeve didn't follow.

Stumbling back a bit, I made the mistake of turning around. Alyssa's hand was clasped tightly around my sleeve, holding me in place. I considered just letting it rip, but as I was still making my decision, I did the worst possible thing.

I looked at her.

She, being the psycho that she was, took the chance to bring our lips together. I attempted to pull away before we even touched, but was still in shock from it all.

The kiss seemed to last forever, but it was most likely only a few seconds.

When it ended, I ripped my whole body away from her, feeling uncomfortable and even a little sick.

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