Logically speaking, there was absolutely no reason at all for TEMPUR-A station to be celebrating Christmas. There was no religious significance, nor a cultural influence, or even a climatic condition that would suggest the observance of such an Earthen occasion in space.

-

"But we don't celebrate Eid," Captain Kaizo pointed out. "Or any of the other Earthen holidays."

Maskmana dismissed him vaguely. "Just consider it a birthday party for your sister."

"Sister?" Kaizo repeated, confused. "I don't have a sister."

-

Far away, in another universe entirely, the Skullgirl sneezed.

-

"Right, right," Maskmana said, but did not go on. The other TEMPUR-A agents did not elaborate, either, and fortunately for them, the thought did not occur to Kaizo's mind that they may have ulterior motives for assigning the project to begin with.

"And you want me to work with him?" Kaizo asked, tone clear with distaste at the prospect.

Manramen shrugged beside him, expression turning to one of offense. "What's wrong with me?"

"Oh, I don't know," Kaizo appeared contemplative. "Where shall I even begin?"

"Researching Earthen customs might be a good place to start," Maskmana noted helpfully, and Kaizo made a strangled sort of noise. "I'm sure you have experience after preparing your brother for that one mission."

Kaizo nodded along to avoid admitting that he had not actually helped at all with Pang's preparations - instead letting the younger do all the work himself. He reasoned that he could just ask Pang for answers, now, too, it's not like his brother would say no.

"Off you both go, then," Maskmana waved. "Oh, and you're excused from all missions till the event."

Kaizo really very nearly snapped at that. There were three whole weeks - that's nearly a month in Earthen time - and he was supposed to sit around planning a party?? With Ramen?

Ramen, seeming to share his thought process, cleared his throat. "What if we finish early, Admiral?"

Maskmana paused, his expression hidden behind metal, but his tone no less impassive. "Doubtful, as you two will probably find out rather soon."

He turned, and, with a swish of his cape, he was gone.

-

As it turned out, he was also right.

This project would take no less than three weeks, and not because there was an excess of cumbersome tasks to be done, because there really weren't. Sure, it's not like two military captains had ever prepared events before, but it couldn't be that difficult to pick up for people who spent the entire of their living memory training and mastering new skills.

No, they just couldn't seem to agree on anything.

Kaizo had an immediate prejudice against any idea that wasn't his, and Ramen couldn't help but honestly point out that there were better ideas than Kaizo's, and, in any case, agreeing with Kaizo would mean further fuelling his absolutely massive ego, and he wasn't about to do that.

Except Maskmana had given them one condition - just the one - and they were only now realizing its complications.

"Do whatever you want," the admiral had told them, all ease and nonchalance, "just that whatever you do, it's a mutual agreement."

At this point, the only mutual agreement in reach was "each of us plans a separate party on the same day", which was not agreement enough for Maskmana, because he simply laughed them off when they dared mention it.

"Oh, Amato," he turned to address his comrade, "is this what it's like to have children?"

Amato simply laughed, because whatever it was to have children, he had not quite had the first-hand experience himself. He made a mental note to ask his father what children were like.

Kaizo glared. "It's not my fault he keeps shutting down all my ideas!"

"Me?" Ramen gaped. "I'm just pointing out how your ideas could be better, but everytime I open my mouth-"

"Lalalala," Kaizo sang aloud. "I can't hear you."

"See!" Ramen jerked a thumb towards Kaizo. "He literally does that every time I open my mouth!"

Maskmana sighed deeply. "Captain, are you five?"

Kaizo stopped immediately, pursing his lips into a pout that was almost kissable if he weren't so utterly obnoxious. Ramen crossed his arms, trying to hide the childish surge of triumph at vindication.

"Both of you," Maskmana massaged the mask over his temples. "You're grown adults- go sort yourselves out, and, please, try not to make absolute fools of yourself in front of the rest of the station. Your reputation is farcical enough as is."

Amato's holographic expression was openly grinning. "That's quite the circus you have at that station, Maskmana."

Kaizo reeled from the war flashbacks triggered by 'circus', and Ramen paused, unfamiliar with the incident. Kaizo may have lost pitifully to a clown once, but he wasn't about to make that name for himself.

"With all due respect, sir," Ramen said from his place, "this station isn't all antics and tomfoolery. Kaizo is an outlier, and should not have been counted."

Amato laughed heartily. "Oh, Boboiboy tells me plenty of stories from that friend of his - your brother," he noted in Kaizo's direction, and Kaizo's blood boiled.

To think that just last night, he was relaying valuable information about Earthen culture, Kaizo thought furiously about his brother's treachery. Unfortunately, his small brain did not entertain the possibility that Pang may have been playing him all along, giving him false facts only to watch him fumble when the truth came to light. Not that Kaizo wouldn't - or hadn't - done the very same to him, but surely Pang wouldn't have the gall to humiliate his older brother so.

"The point remains," Maskmana pressed, "that your reputation as a station precedes you. Already you are laughingstock across the universe as is- no one can understand that hair."

"Hey," Ramen burst out, offended, "this is the latest style on my home planet!"

"That's what I told Pang when I got him that stupid helmet," Kaizo snickered under his breath, spirits lifting again at the memory.

Ramen glared, patting his head.

"Enough, enough," Maskmana stopped them. "It's been three days with very little progress that will soon turn to three weeks. I urge you both to cooperate."

"We don't even celebrate Christmas," Kaizo mouthed angrily, then, aloud. "We're aliens!"

Again, Maskmana refused to elaborate, instead dismissing them with a wave of his head.

"Oh, and one more thing," he mentioned, as Kaizo all but stomped out the door.

Kaizo paused in his tracks, leaning away considerably as Ramen stopped a little too close to him. Which was six feet away.

"There had better be koko."

And then he was off, leaving the two rivals alone in the room to seethe until they found a way to get along.

-

Kaizo would rather have fought Jugglenaut and lost again, publicly, than worked together with Man-fricking-ramen.

"Why do you hate me so much anyway?" Ramen asked at one point, propping his arms up behind his head and kicking his legs up unceremoniously on the table.

Kaizo made a strangled sound of outrage as space filth fell from Ramen's boots onto the table. Not that he was eating, or there was food on the table, rather it was empty, but it was still unsightly and unbecoming of a person, especially in front of Kaizo. Ramen caught his disgusted gaze and sighed, dropping his feet to the floor.

Kaizo raised an eyebrow. "Since you know how I feel about some things, why don't you take a guess?"

Ramen took a deep breath and exhaled exaggeratedly. "Gee, it seems like all you have to do is exist and not be named 'Kaizo' to get on your hatelist," he thought aloud. "Bonus points for being blond, awesome, or related to him."

Kaizo narrowed his eyes. "Why bring Pang into this?"

"He ticks off two of those boxes," Ramen shrugged. "Am I wrong?"

Kaizo actually pondered on that for a long moment, and Ramen made a sound of incredulity.

"Are you okay?!" Ramen burst out.

Kaizo stared at him in a mix of confusion and surprise.

"No, seriously," Ramen went on, eyes wide in disbelief, "what did that poor kid ever do to you?!"

Kaizo's lip curled. "He has...friends..."

It was an almost indistinguishable mumble, but Ramen was well-used to Kaizo's mutterings and deciphering his half-spoken words.

"So do I," Ramen noted. "So does...everyone, actually."

His jaw dropped open as realization dawned upon him.

"Oh," he said simply, and Kaizo narrowed his eyes. "So that's why you hate everyone and everything so much..."

Kaizo turned his head and rolled his eyes, but Ramen paused.

"Wait...but Boboiboy has friends, and you..."

"Pang hated Boboiboy because he was better than him so I fuelled the fire a bit," Kaizo confessed openly.

"You sadist," Ramen shook his head incredulously.

The corners of Kaizo's mouth turned up into a smirk.

"You're clearly into it," he said offhandedly, turning his head.

Ramen spluttered. "What?"

"Oh, no, don't deny it now," Kaizo said coolly. "You're into me."

"Well, maybe I know how to appreciate a pretty face," Ramen retorted. "The sharp tongue is a big turn off, though."

"I beg to differ," Kaizo said simply, and had the audacity to grin at Ramen's outrage.

"I would date you if you acknowledged that your ideas aren't the best by default," Ramen said without thinking, and Kaizo paused, raising an eyebrow.

"I didn't ask," he replied, with that absolutely infuriating nonchalance that drove Ramen up the wall.

Ramen crossed his arms over his chest. "You wouldn't be worth it, anyway."

Something about Ramen challenging Kaizo's supremacy triggered his defenses, and Kaizo, very slightly, frowned.

"More like the other way around," he said, in place of a better comeback.

Not that he got away with it.

"Is that the best you've got?" Ramen asked, tone suddenly condescending.

Kaizo stayed silent, and Ramen's smile widened. "Wouldja look at that, I managed to shut up the most Annoying Captain in the Universe."

"Would you like a plaque to go with that?" Kaizo asked dryly.

Ramen gaped. "Are you agreeing with me?"

Kaizo backtracked immediately. "Ah, no-"

"You did!" Ramen slams his hands down on the table. "You just did!"

"Are you five?" Kaizo asked tiredly, prickled.

"No!" Ramen said gleefully. "I made you shut up, and then you agreed with me! I'm all-powerful!"

"Who's the narcissist now?" Kaizo muttered.

"Ah," Ramen sighed happily. "Don't we make a pair?"

"Pair?" Kaizo asked sharply. "Who said anything about a pair?"

"Pair of Christmas party planners," Ramen flashed him finger guns. "Aren't we unstoppable?"

Kaizo simply blinked at him in disbelief. "This must be some fever nightmare..."

Ramen backed away, and usually Kaizo would be thankful for the increased personal space, but not when his proceeding words were: "Oh no, you're not getting sick, are you?"

"Of course not," Kaizo narrowed his eyes, though now that Ramen mentioned it, there was a small tickle in his throat. He attempted to suppress it, but, as itches do, it only intensified, and he found himself choking out a strangled cough.

Ramen's eyes widened in horror. "Sick - and two weeks before the party!"

"I'm not sick," Kaizo rasped, his throat dry and sore from speaking more than he was accustomed to due to his inability to turn up an opportunity to quip with Ramen.

He glanced up to glare at the other. "I must be allergic to you."

Ramen placed a hand over his mouth in distress. "Oh, no, how awful! What a tragic fate to be allergic to awesomeness!"

"Don't be ridiculous," Kaizo whispered, needing water.

Thankfully for him, Ramen quit teasing him after that, if only out of concern for his throat. Which was, well, nicer than Kaizo would have been to him if their places had been switched.

-

Maskmana was utterly astonished when December the 25th rolled around on Earth, and he strode into a fully decorated space station, every corridor and nook decked out in red and...

"Pink..." Maskmana echoed, gazing around him in wonder at the sheer amount of hearts everywhere. "I know I mentioned Nurse Valentine, but-"

"Eh?" Kaize gave him a look of genuine confusion.

"How did we do?" Ramen asked hopefully.

"This is..." Maskmana trailed off. "Uh..."

The holographic transmitter flickered on, and Amato's face appeared.

"I just had to see the outcome of these bickering children forced to work together for myself," he explained, hands clasped together, then opened his eyes. He glanced behind himself, presumably to check a clock or window or calendar, then turned back to face them. "It is...December?"

"Christmas," Kaizo nodded helpfully.

Amato and Maskmana shared a look, some sort of telepathic connection flowing between their aged minds. Then Amato snapped back to Kaizo and Ramen, who were waiting with mild confusion and bated breath.

"It looks like Valentine's Day," Amato explained simply. "Very...romantic."

"Isn't Christmas romantic?" Kaizo tilted his head, nonplussed.

"No?" Amato spluttered. "Well, not inherently... who told you that?"

"Pang," Kaizo replied automatically, realization dawning on him a split second later. "Oh, I am going to-"

He proceeded to list out a series of very graphic actions that would not be suitable for the author to cite here.

Maskmana gave them a quizzical look. "You both, you didn't- is this why you were so against cooperating with each other?"

Ramen nodded, eyes wide. "We thought you were setting us up!"

Kaizo continued to mutter death threats under his breath, as their TEMPUR-A comrades appeared from behind a wall...applauding?

"Well, are you together yet?" Mamee asked, grinning.

"No," Kaizo said firmly.

"Aw, but didn't you do anything together?" Mamee pressed.

Kaizo and Ramen exchanged a brief look.

"Well, I mean, we did have a candlelit dinner...ow!" Ramen doubled over as Kaizo painfully elbowed him under the ribs.

"You made me kiss you," he whispered, eyes flashing, "for this?"

"I didn't know!" Ramen raised his hands in surrender, then paused. "But are you complaining?"

Kaizo stopped in his tracks and shifted his sequences of curses to direct them at Ramen instead.

The others just laughed, and Ramen ducked his head in embarrassment, and Maskmana slapped a hand to the mask over his forehead at the sheer buffoonery of this station, before deploying his subordinates to start taking down the decoration.

He put up a single sprig of mistletoe.

"See, Christmas can be romantic," Amato explained, to their horror. "If you needed an excuse to kiss."

"We didn't," Kaizo said quickly, but Amato had already flashed a smile and disconnected, not wanting to observe the activities that would, presumably, follow.

"We'll leave you to it, then," Maskmana folded his hands and guided the rest of the members away.

"No, don't," Kaizo pleaded, and Ramen cautiously took a step forward. There was a glint in his eyes.

"What do you say," he asked, once the room was deserted, save them. "Are we going to let all that practice go to waste?"

Kaizo paled, a blush slowly crawling up his cheeks, and his stomach twisted in dread. "You fucking son of a bitch-"

"That's a sharp tongue you have there," Ramen teased.

Kaizo swallowed. "But you're into it..."

"And what if I am?"