I'm gripping the steering wheel as I sit in the car outside of Lexy's place. I can't believe what Ashley just did, the stunt she pulled. I am not equipped for another emotional roller coaster. I haven't fully gotten over the Carmen thing and now I have to somehow deal with this?

Nope, not gonna happen.

This supposed to be a fun, easy summer, instead I come here and get mixed up with this stupidity. I'm only nineteen and I'm pretty sure I'm suffering from high blood pressure from all this madness. I wouldn't be surprised if I found a few gray hairs.

I'm taken out of my thoughts when my phone goes off. I sigh because I know I now have to hang out with my best friend.

I should be excited right?

So why aren't I?

Probably because I have to pretend that I'm okay when I'm not. Clearly I'm not. I'm hoping fences to meet my best friend's girlfriend, allowing her to serenade me, all the while knowing I shouldn't be doing it any of it.

Who does that?

Stupid people.

Yeah, you were thinking it too.

I answer my phone and put on my best fake happy voice. "Hey, Lex."

"Where are you? I told you we are hanging out tonight." You noticed she said told and not asked.

Yeah.

"I'm sitting in the car outside your place, Lex." I've been sitting in the car for the past forty minutes. Ashley is in the house and I just couldn't deal with her right now. So sitting in the car is my answer to this situation.

She just says 'oh' then hangs up on me.

Seriously?

Minutes later the passenger door opens and she hops into the seat. She squeals in excitement.

"Okay, I'm going to need you to not do that or we're not going."

She blows a raspberry and I quirk a brow at my friend. She makes me smile and I think for a second maybe I can get through this.

Maybe.

I drive us to our favorite location. It's completely touristy but at the same time it's not as we see street performers, vendors, fisherman and surfers down in the ocean doing some moonlight surfing.

Santa Monica Pier

After we grabbed dinner at Rusty's Surf Ranch we decided to take a stroll down the pier. I don't even remember eating let alone this walk right now. My mind isn't here. It should be focused on her but all I think about is Ashley. I've been making a lot of wishes. Like wishing I didn't feel this way, wishing I was back in New York, wishing Ashley wasn't with Lexy so we could be together. In this case wishes don't come true. Maybe they never do.

The shouts of people on the rides and the music fills the pier as Lexy and I walk side by side drinking our ice cream sodas from Soda Jerks.

I've been pretty quiet, letting Lexy do all the talking as she complains to me about her boss. Then she tells me all about how she and Ashley met. Apparently the first time she told me about Ashley, it wasn't in detail enough. I wish she had because I'm finding it very hard keeping my ice cream soda down with every disgustingly cute detail. She tells me how in love with Ashley she is and if I wasn't feeling guilty enough before it's definitely eating at me even more now.

I look over at her and give her a tight lipped smile pretending to be happy for her. Okay let me rephrase that I'm happy for her. I'm happy she's in love, that she's found someone that makes her feel the way that she does. I just wish…it wasn't Ashley.

She sighs and links our arms. She drags me towards an empty bench and we sit down. Looking out into the dark ocean, the abyss is appealing.

What I wouldn't give to be swallowed up into the darkness and hide from everything that's eating away at me right now.

"Spence?" I slowly turn my head to look at Lexy, she's got that face, that face where she knows something is wrong. Oh shit. "I know Spence."

Fuck.

She knows?!

How in the hell does she know?

I thought I hid it better. That Ashley hid it better.

I swallow the lemon in my throat as I try to find words. All I get is air streaming from my mouth as I forget what words are.

"You know?" I stutter out. She just sighs and nods looking into her lap. I lick my lips, my throat is extremely dry. It hurts to speak. It hurts to breathe. Tears sting my eyes and I just want to cry but I can't, I have no right to. "I'm sorry." I say in a barely there whisper.

"No. I'm sorry."

Wait what?

"You're sorry?" I did hear her right, right? "Lexy how can you be sorry it's…"

She cuts me off. That's surprising. "Spencer you have nothing to be sorry for."

What?! Apparently not seeing my best friend for nine months is enough for her to change to the point that falling for her girlfriend is okay.

What the shit is going on?

"I don't?" I asked extremely confused.

She giggles softly. I'm not following apparently because absolutely nothing is funny at least not to me. Is there a hidden camera somewhere? If so this is a bullshit prank.

"No. I mean you don't think I notice but I do Spence. I see the way you look at Ashley."

Hey heart what are you doing in my stomach?

I try to speak again but she's not having it.

I don't blame her. I wouldn't want to hear the crap that would come out of my mouth. Even if I did know what to say, which I don't, I wouldn't give myself a chance to say anything.

It's scary that she's taking this so well. She sighs before continuing.

"I see the way you look at Ashley….and the way she treats me and I know it makes you sad." That's a bit of an understatement. Resentful check. Nauseous check. Guilty check. Angry, bitter, and sad. Check, check, and a big ass check for the last one. I shake my head. I stand up but apparently lose all feeling in my legs as I shakily walk towards the railing. I lean over and breathe in the salty air, trying to calm my nerves and my stomach. "Spencer just hear me out." Hear her out about what?! Are we going to share Ashley, is she giving Ashley to me, is she disowning me? I just nod my head signaling her to speak. She gets up and stands next to me and leans on her arms. "I'm sorry I've been rubbing my relationship in your face, especially after everything with Carmen. Ashley talked to me earlier…"

I'm going to kill her.

"Wait what? What did she say?"

"She just said that maybe she and I should tone down the affection while you're here. That's it's probably keeping you down because it's reminding you of what things used to be like with Carmen. I'm so stupid I didn't even think of that and I'm parading my perfect relationship around after that bitch hurt you." So apparently Ashley's Freud. Well what do you know? She's shelling out psychological prognosis like they're freaking skittles. I shake my head in disbelief and I feel Lexy rub my back for support. Can I be any more of a douchebag? I don't even try to correct Ashley's little scheme. What the hell is she doing anyway? "I haven't even asked you how you've been feeling or anything. I'm such a shitty friend."

I laugh in disbelief. Out of the two of us…I'm pretty sure she's not the shitty friend. "No Lexy you're not, you're really not. You have been nothing but amazing and I'm lucky to have you."

She smiles softly at me. I try to give one back but it comes off as weak. I'm pretty sure I look like I just lost all feeling in my face with this dopey grin I'm sporting.

"I'm the lucky one."

Please for the love of God stop being so damn nice! You're making this so much harder. I'm dying…like seriously a little piece of me is dying one bit at time, making it so much more painful and lasting longer than it has to.

I just laugh at her claim because well she's not lucky. At all.

"So should we do our normal routine?"

"Ferris Wheel?" I ask without having to. We push ourselves away from the railing and silently walk over to ride, keeping all our words for when we're on the attraction.

When Lexy came out to me it was on this very ride. It was the first ride we were able to go on alone given our height requirement. It was an exciting moment for us sharing that experience and when we were at the very top the ride stopped and we sat up there for almost five minutes. To eight year olds, five minutes felt like an eternity and while we sat I remember a little Lexy telling me that she likes girls the way that she should like boys. She thought they were prettier, smarter, and cooler. She told me that they made her heart go fast. I smile at the memory of her as she played with her fingers and speaking barely above a soft whisper.

I remember just hugging her and telling her about my crush on a boy in our class who I can't even remember the name of now.

We get on the ride and pull down the lap bar. As we make a stop for each person to get on we start our talk. Now it's my turn to speak but I don't really know what to say.

So Lexy does what she does best. Well another thing she does best, ask me questions.

"So how are you feeling?" She asks honestly curious.

I sigh and just shrug deciding to answer honestly.

"Overwhelmed." She just stares at me waiting for me to continue. "I'm just feeling all these feelings that I wish I didn't feel. It's making me sick to my stomach. It just hurts all the time Lex and I'd give anything not to feel this way."

It feels good to tell her how I feel without her actually knowing the reason why. Its good to get it out in some way.

"Spence I know that it hurts…"

I laugh sardonically. "You have no idea Lex. I just see her all the time and I want to get rid of it."

She thinks I'm talking about Carmen but really I'm talking about…well you know. "She's amazing…" Lexy scoffs. "No she's not Spence. She's a cheater and she doesn't deserve you. If she can't see that you're worth everything she has. She's not worth your time. So forget about her and focus on Stacy."

Who?

Oh right, Ashley's band mate

"Yeah but I'm not here forever I'm eventually going back to New York."

"Don't remind me especially since you just got here." I smile softly. "Plus there's nothing wrong with having a little fun. We're only nineteen we don't need to settle down yet."

"So you're not planning on settling down with Ashley with how in love you are?"

I ask with a little laugh but I'm slightly hoping she'll say no.

"Okay you're too young to want to be settling down. Ashley's perfect."

I really fight the urge to roll my eyes.

If you only knew Lex.

Instead I force out a laugh.

"Yeah you're right, I should just have a little fun I don't need all this stress."

I really don't…I think I found a gray hair the other day…I'm not being dramatic.

"So you're going to have fun with Stacy and cheer up and be fun Spencer again yes?"

"Yes." Wait a minute. "Hey! I'm always fun!"

"Meh." She says with a slight shoulder shrug. We both laugh and I smile wide.

This is the most I've smiled since I got here.

I guess this was exactly what I needed.

We reach the top of the ride and it stops for a while. We look out over the park and the Lights in the distance making the view even more enjoyable. Makes me think of New York at night and the thought of being there usually seems a lot more appealing but right now I'm okay.

"So what did you need my car for today?"

Crap!

I'm really sick of lying to her.

Can she just not give me a reason to, like asking questions and having great taste in women.

Damn you Lexy!

"Uh I ended up going back to that house Ashley and I broke into. Turns out she knew we were there but didn't say anything. So I decided to do the legal thing and ask if we could use her backyard for the shoot. It'd be hard to sneak a whole band and their equipment back there without getting caught."

Huh…that's almost all of the truth.

"I still can't believe you got Ashley to do all that."

I laugh. "Yeah apparently she's a goody two shoes. The band was telling me earlier."

"Oh really? They never told me that…in fact the only time I see them is when they play, they always go their separate ways whenever they finish a gig."

I give her a tight lipped smile and nod slowly.

I'm pretty sure that's just when she's around.

That's sad.

"Yeah well I'm sure they spend so much time with each other they just want to go their own way."

Oh hey another lie.

"Yeah probably."

We sit in silence for a minute and it's comfortable. The rest of the ride finishes up and we get out. We fall into our usual banter and for the first time in weeks I feel like my old self again. The nostalgia, a good refresher to endure a little bit of what's to come next.

–

We enter the apartment Lexy already yawning. I laugh at her inability to stay up late. It's only half past eleven and she's ready to call it a night.

I go straight to my room saying goodnight to Lexy. Changing for bed I sigh as my phone goes off. I've never been so popular. Smiling a little at the name on the screen and answer the call and smoothly answer.

"So you don't do the wait three days before calling rule huh?"

She giggles and her raspy voice fills my ears. "Well when it's a girl like you waiting, I can't wait too long or someone else may snatch you up."

"Yes well there is a long waiting list."

"I don't doubt that."

"So Stacy to what do I owe the pleasure of hearing a voice like yours?"

"Smooth talker." She answers with a laugh and I'm a little caught off guard by how shy she sounds over the phone.

It's a little cute. I hear her clear her throat and move around on the line, I'm guessing she's getting comfortable.

Does that mean we're going to be on the line for a while?

"So I was calling to find out what you wanted to do for our date."

I quickly clench my eyes as I realize that Lexy practically invited herself on this date. I sigh as I find the courage to tell Stacy the news.

"So don't kill me." She laughs and tells me 'okay' giving me the chance to continue. "So I kind of mentioned to Lexy about our date and she…"

"Invited herself and Ashley?"

My brows furrow. "Yeah how'd you know?"

"Yeah she does that." She answers coolly with a laugh.

She does do that but I never noticed or even saw it as a bad thing. You want to go somewhere just go. Right? That's Lexy's motto.

"Do you mind?" I ask stupidly.

Of course she minds. Who wouldn't mind having a tagalong on a first date.

"Nah don't worry about it though maybe we can break away after. Being in a band you're always in a group and I'd like to get some alone time with you."

"I don't know who you think you're dealing with Stacy I'm a lady and I do not conduct such loose behavior."

She erupts in laughter and I smile at the fact that I'm the reason.

"No Spencer I know you're a lady. I'd just like to get to know you, that's all. No pressure. Promise."

"Yeah I'd like that."

"Cool, well I'll let you go. Don't want to hover too much or you'll lose interest."

"No way." I say but we say goodbye anyway.

I drop my phone next to me and get up to grab a water bottle. I stop at my door letting my hand hover over the handle. I'm thirsty, but I don't want the cliché thing to happen where I go outside and I run into Ashley in the kitchen.

She was in the bedroom when I came in so I hadn't seen her but with my luck I'll run into her. I shake off the feeling, knowing full well that I have no reason to stay locked in my room like some prisoner.

I walk through the dark hallway and into the kitchen, open the fridge and grab my water. I make my way back to my room and sigh at the fact that unlike every scene in most movies where you walk around a sleeping house in the middle of the night and you run into your secret lover by chance.

My sigh wasn't one of relief. It's one a sadness because despite the fact that she's driving me absolutely crazy, that she's my best friend's girlfriend, the fact that this is so complicated in more ways than one, and that I'm about to go on a date with her band mate and friend...I miss her.

–

Chapter Title - Backstabbers- The O'Jays