《Let Me Love You (Lauren Jauregui/You)》Chapter 18
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Y/n's pov
Maisie said she was going to try and talk to dad and convince him that this whole situation was not as bad as he was making it out to be. I still refused to try and contact him and she'd become frustrated with how we were all acting so had decided to take it into her own hands. I'm still of the opinion that he and our mother both hate me and have no intentions of ever talking to me again, so have come to accept the fact.
A fact I had not accepted yet though was that Lauren was leaving to continue the tour and I was staying behind to pack up the rest of my stuff and move everything to our apartment in Miami, which won't take too long because half my stuff was already over there, plus I didn't have many personal possessions anyway. All in all, I was about one uncalled for paparazzi comment away from having a mental breakdown, but as usual, acting as though I was fine.
'You've got your flight and stuff booked already right?', Lauren asked, clearly worrying about my capability to be organised in any form.
'Yes, you literally watched me book it', I said rolling my eyes at her.
'Make sure you get there a few hours early so you have enough time to get through security and find the right terminal', we were currently waiting in line at the airport to book in her luggage.
'Lo, you sound like my mother', I informed her, making her roll her eyes at me this time.
'I just want to make sure you get there okay, we both know you're good at being late to things'
'So are you, and this isn't the first plane I've been on by myself Lauren, I know what I'm doing', I pulled her closer to me by her waist, at this point we'd given up trying to hide and had just gone with the doing what we want but nothing confirming anything strategy, 'I'll be fine, stop worrying', I kissed her cheek.
She instantly threw her arms around my neck and buried her head in my neck, 'I'm going to miss you', she muttered.
'I'll miss you too, but you're only on tour for another 2 weeks then you're coming home for 2 months', I reassured both her and myself.
After checking in all the luggage we said goodbye and she left for security and I went back to my car. I sat there for a while, slowly feeling the cloud of sad build over my head, sighing I turned the car and on drove to Maisie's flat to pick up the stuff I had there and see what the situation with my parents was.
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'Knock knock', I said walking into my sisters flat.
'You know saying the words 'knock knock' after you've walked in means absolutely nothing', she said from where she sat on a stool at her kitchen island. I just shrugged and walked to her fridge, taking out the first good looking thing I saw, 'Help yourself why don't you', she muttered sarcastically as I turned to face her.
'You're fridge is pretty empty'
'I talked to mum and dad, they don't hate you', she started, ignoring my comments as usual.
'That's what they say', I mumbled.
'They don't, they never did, they were just surprised to see Lauren again', she tried to explain.
'Yeah, so surprised they had to run away instantly'
'Did you really expect them to be totally okay with you getting back together with her? When she left you right when you were at your worst?'
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'She didn't have a choice, her career was on the line, and there's plenty of stuff I did to fuck it up too'
'Look at it from mum and dads point of view, all they saw was you, being alone and sad because she left you'
'I was alone and sad before she left me'
'Just go talk to them, they don't hate you, you're their daughter, and they always support you, if you love her, then they'll accept that, they'll have to if they want to keep you on their lives'
'Can you come with me?', I gave in, realising that I would have to face them eventually. Plus some of my stuff was at their house.
'Of course', Maisie agreed, 'when do you want to go?'
'Let's pack up the stuff I have here and then I guess we could head over?'
'Sounds like a plan'
We packed up the small amount of stuff I was going to take with me, deciding to leave a few things here that I wouldn't need in Miami, then put it all in my car and headed over to our parents house.
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About 40 minutes later, we had arrived outside our childhood home, a home I realised I hadn't actually visited in about a year, only making me feel worse about myself and the situation.
'We going in then?', Maisie asked when after a few minutes I still hadn't made a move to get out of the car and head into the house.
'Yeah, just....gimme a minute', I told her as I attempted to calm myself enough that I wouldn't get out and run away instead of walking up to the front door.
'Well, I'm gonna head in, catch up when you decide to stop freaking out', she said and hopped out of the car and headed straight inside.
'You can do this', I muttered quietly to myself, then moved my hand to the door handle, but not going any further. Instead I just stared at my hand on the handle, not really thinking anything in particular, any thoughts that were in my brain were so jumbled up it was impossible to sort anything out.
Eventually I found myself stood outside the door, god knows how I'd made it here without turning and running away. But here I was, stood in front of the very door I had drunkenly stumbled through so many times, and instead of being told off for staying out late and underage drinking, my mother would ensure I got into bed safely, and would leave a glass of water and paracetamol on my bedside table for the morning, making sure to make me eat something before I left for god knows what I got up to during the day, because attending school on a regular basis got old by the time I was 16. Thinking about all I put my parents through as a child made me think, they stuck with me through all that, believed that it was because I was struggling with my sexuality that I behaved so badly, when in reality even I'm not sure why I did any of it. They do love me, I thought to myself. If they didn't they would have given up a long time ago. But then again, maybe this was the last straw? Maybe this was the one thing it finally took for them to give up on me, give up on saving me. Though I don't really think I need saving, I'm happy with Lauren, they just don't see that at the moment. Which is why I need to go inside and tell them, I finally thought, forcing myself to open the door and step inside.
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Everything looked exactly the same as it always had. Family pictures hung on the wall going up the stairs, the table with the bowl full of keys in the hallway leading to the kitchen, where I could hear voices deep in conversation about god knows what. And the smell, my mothers home made brownies, by far the best thing she ever made in my opinion, an opinion she had never particularly liked as she though that a daughters favourite meal made by their mother should not be brownies, but lasagna or shepherds pie, neither of which I particularly enjoyed. So whenever she knew I was coming home, she would make her own favourite meal, and brownies, just to make me happy. I love my mother, and I hate myself for treating her so badly. Her and my father.
My father, who deep down, I knew loved me no matter what, yet I was still convinced he hated me.
Finally breaking away from my thoughts, I slowly made my way towards the voices in the kitchen, clearly originating from my parents and sister. When I entered I stood in the doorway for a while, not saying anything, wondering how little my it would take for them to notice me standing there. After about a minute my mother turned her head slightly, then suddenly caught sight of me.
'OH MY GOD', she exclaimed, rather loudly, snapping me out of whatever daze had taken over me this time, and instantly ran over to me, bringing me into a tight hug as soon as she reached me.
When she eventually pulled away she sniffed, 'oh I've missed you darling'.
'You don't have to cry every time I come home mum', I told her rolling my eyes at her hystericalness (fully aware it's not a word but don't give a fuck), 'I've missed you too', I added after she wiped her tears away.
This was going better than I had expected. I had now been home a full 30 minutes and it was like nothing had happened, my dad had greeted me with a hug and a quick 'it's good to see you', and then we had fallen into normal conversation over coffee, and my favourite, brownies. Of course, as of yet no one had mentioned the elephant that was plainly sat right in the middle of the room, and I had absolutely no intentions of doing so quite yet, as I had not fully thought out what I was actually going to say.
That was until Maisie and our mother decided to leave the room which some, obviously planned, excuse to leave me and my dad alone.
'Maisie seems to think that you think I hate you', he said, breaking the silence that had befallen us.
'She wasn't meant to tell you that'
'I don't hate you, I love you, you're my daughter', he informed me as I awkwardly looked at my hands in front of me, 'I may not always totally agree with your decisions but I learnt a long time ago that there is no controlling what you do, because if you want to do it you're going to do it whether I like it or not, you're stubborn like that', he further explained, 'I also know that you're not as stupid as you seem to think you are, and that you wouldn't allow Lauren back into you life if you didn't truly love her', he carried on talking, and I didn't have the guts, or words, to interrupt him, and frankly, I didn't really need to, 'you know I never really liked her', here it goes, I thought, 'but I never really got to know her, I've only spent a short amount of time with her, we've never actually had a proper conversation, so I realise now that I was too quick to judge', I furrowed my eyebrows looking up at him, this is now where I expected this to go, 'and if you love her, then she must me a pretty wonderful person', I was now doing all I could to keep my mouth from hanging open with surprise, 'so I'm sorry, I'm sorry I made assumptions before getting to know her, and I'm sorry I stormed out of the cafe the other day, there's no excuse I could possibly make that would make that okay, so all I ask is that you forgive me, and maybe, when you're both free, we could meet up and I could actually get to know Lauren for the wonderful person she must be', he finished his speech.
I don't cry, but this is an exception, as I quickly flung my arms around him and instantly started sobbing into his shoulder, it felt like when I was younger and I would fall over, he would hug me as tight as possible until I had stopped crying then would make me carry on doing what I had been doing so I wouldn't be scared to do it again.
I continued sobbing into his shoulder for a good 10 minutes and I'm pretty sure he shed a few tears too, not that he would admit it.
'I love you dad', I said when I eventually pulled away.
'I love you too little mouse', he said, using my nickname from when I was a child, 'so when are you both free?', he asked instantly.
'Uh, Lauren finishes tour in a couple of weeks, then she's off for 2 months, but I'll be filming on and off during that time over in Miami so we won't be able to come back over here for a while', I explained.
'That's okay, your mum and I can just come over to Miami, we can make a whole trip out of it', he suddenly decided, soundly rather excited at the idea.
'Okay, yeah, that'd be nice'
'Oh and we can meet Lauren's family while we're there', he exclaimed, still excited by the idea.
'I, uh, okay, yeah, sure, I'll uh, have to see when everyone's free but I can call you when I'm back over there and we'll discuss everything then'
'Okay, that's sounds good'
'What sounds good?', my mum asked as she re-entered the room.
'We're going to go to Miami and meet Lauren's parents', my dad explained to her.
'Oh, your conversation went well then?', she asked.
'Yes it did', he said happily.
'Told you so', Maisie said, looking my direction.
'Whatever, know it all', I muttered at her.
We the proceeded to pack up the stuff I had here and put it in my car. We ended up leaving at about 11pm after we had talked a bit more and had some food mum insisted on us having.
As Maisie and I drove back towards her apartment so I could drop her off she continuously told me she was right and wouldn't stop until I had agreed so.
'Thanks for making me do that', I told her, 'it wasn't anything like I had imagined'
'I to-', she cut herself off from saying it again, 'no problem'.
I then dropped her off at her place and headed jack to the hotel I had been staying in for god knows how long now.
I flopped down onto the bed and fell to sleep instantly, having by far the best night of sleep I had had in what felt like forever.
an: ive been putting off writing this chapter for so long
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Kommentárok
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