Chapter 27. Threading the Needle's Eye

As the months of her expectancy crawled by, Meg chafed under the boredom she faced every day. Without her routine at the clinic or daily interactions with her patients, she felt useless and un-tethered, as if she had no place or role to play in her current life. When she was with John, she felt contented and fulfilled, but she could not be with him every hour of the day. He had important work to do, and the improvements he was making at the mill were taking up most of his working hours and often kept him late at the office.

She had hinted to John that she could perhaps help with work at the mill, dropping suggestions about various areas where she felt she could contribute, but he had brushed her ideas aside, and she had left matters as they were, not wanting to argue or push him. He suggested instead that she spend some time furnishing the nursery, an idea that further added to Meg's leaden feeling. With the clinic not available to her, she had attempted to work in the lunchroom with Mary. However, when she observed how offended Mrs. Thornton was that the Mistress of Marlborough Mills worked in a common lunchroom, Meg decided it was not worth her while to cause resentment or hurt. It appeared that all avenues of productive enterprise were closed to her.

Mrs. Thornton was grimly pleased at the news of a forthcoming heir to the Thornton line. While Fanny was chafed at first that Meg had managed to conceive before she did, with time she came around and was full of plans to outfit both the infant's room and his or her person. She secretly believed that Meg was incapable of preparing for an infant, and had convinced herself that it was up to her to properly outfit her brother's child.

Most days, Fanny would arrive without warning and whisk Meg away on interminable shopping trips for bunting, wool, and nursery furnishings. Meg spent a great deal of energy warding off Fanny's selections of elaborate and incredibly expensive trappings. Meg gravitated to a simple cradle and bedding, and wanted to use some of her childhood furniture that was now stored in the Thornton's attic. This plan was greatly to Fanny's distaste, but a sharp word from Mrs. Thornton convinced Fanny to hold her tongue.

In spite of these spirited altercations, Meg was bored to the point of despair. She had always been an energetic worker, welcoming labor of all sorts as a way to channel her energy. The only freedom or occupation she was still allowed to enjoy were her walks in the countryside. Mr. Thornton and his mother had objected at first, until Doctor Donaldson interceded on Meg's behalf and insisted that a young, healthy woman such as his patient required exercise to keep her mind and body fit. To placate her husband and his mother, Meg would swaddle herself in shawls against any threat of chill, and set off to walk the fields and open spaces, come rain or shine. Aside from being in John's comforting arms at night, these were her happiest moments, and she hugged this freedom to her zealously as an antidote to the hours she spent in the dark, gloomy house.

She attempted to be brave, and struggled to shield her growing sadness from her husband with a high degree of success. She loved him so much that she did not want to distress him with her unhappiness; in point of fact, her low spirits over time had served to douse her rebellion against her situation. She braced herself for mind-numbing boredom for the remainder of her expectancy.

A surprise visit from Doctor Donaldson one afternoon found her gazing out the parlor window onto the courtyard, tracing raindrops with her fingers as tears fell from her eyes. After several minutes of observing her drooping posture and sad reflection in the glass, he cleared his throat and she spun around, surprised at his presence. She quickly wiped the tears from her eyes and smiled brightly at him. He asked several probing questions, and although she told him that all was well, she was just remembering her parents and wishing that they could be with her for the happy event, Doctor Donaldson knew better. After a scant half of an hour in her company, he was of the decided opinion that something must be done, and upon leaving Meg, he sought out Mr. Thornton in his office.

Mr. Thornton was surprised and alarmed to see Doctor Donaldson at the mill. A quick word calmed his fear, but when the grim look on the doctor's face did not fade, he quietly bade the medical practitioner to be seated and asked him what was on his mind.

"Have you noticed, Mr. Thornton," the doctor began with a tactful delicacy that was foreign from his usual bluntness, "that Meg is acting differently lately?"

Mr. Thornton frowned and asked abruptly, "In what way?"

"She is listless and sad. Each time I see her, she seems subdued and in low spirits. I just found her sobbing in the parlor."

Mr. Thornton's heart sank in his breast. He had sensed that she was discontented, but had convinced himself that it was solely due to her condition. Women in this state were often moody and unpredictable, his mother had informed him. It was to be expected that she would act in this manner-it was natural, according to Mrs. Thornton. She had never done so, of course, but Meg was from the South, where the women were softer and less apt to shrug off their small problems. She reminded John of Mrs. Hale's low spirits.

John remembered feeling a qualm of doubt as to the truth of his mother's words. Some small voice deep inside had told him that this was very unlike his energetic Meg who never complained about anything; in his heart of hearts, he had known that she was unhappy. He had sensed that something was amiss and had asked her several times if all was well, but she reassured him that everything was alright, and he had taken her at her word, unsure of what else he could do. He felt deeply ashamed-he had known she was not content with her lot, but with the amount of work he faced, he had opted not to press her on how she felt, reassuring himself that she would tell him if she were truly unhappy, and that once the baby arrived, all would be well.

"What do you suggest, Doctor?" he asked quietly, putting his paperwork aside to grant the doctor his full attention.

"Since the clinic is off limits to Meg, I would like for you to find some type of employment to keep her mind occupied and her spirits up. Is there anything that she could do at the mill to assist you that would not overly tax her? In my acquaintance with her, I have found her to be happiest when she is of use. Please let her help you." He hesitated before he continued, "If she worked at the mill, you might keep an eye upon her to ensure she does not overexert herself. I would think she would be a true asset in any area requiring organization or recordkeeping-God knows, I have missed her sorely at the clinic, although Mary Higgins is coming along nicely as an assistant. But she is no Meg."

Mr. Thornton thought for a moment and nodded abruptly in agreement. "What else should be done," he continued.

"She also told me that you must return to London for several days on business. While she would never say anything to you, I can tell that she is dreading your departure."

Mr. Thornton spread his hands before him in entreaty. "Would that I could put this visit off, but I have business to which I must attend. I must go-what would you have me do?"

Doctor Donaldson glanced at him thoughtfully. "Take her with you," he replied.

Mr. Thornton was taken aback. "Is it safe for a woman in her condition to travel?" he asked doubtfully.

"It is safer than leaving her at home to fret and worry," the doctor replied calmly. "She is in fine health, and if she does not exert herself too much, all should be well. A change of scene is what she needs-she could visit that aunt and cousin of hers while she is there, and see some of the sights. Perhaps do a bit of shopping, or go out to tea-whatever it is that women do." He stood and held out his hand to Mr. Thornton. "I know you love her dearly, and want to keep her safe. But she cannot continue in this way-she will make herself ill."

Mr. Thornton shook the doctor's hand and thanked him warmly. After his visitor had departed, he resumed his seat behind the large desk and spent some time deep in thought. At last, he rose with resolution and walked to his book keeper's office. When he concluded his meeting with that gentleman, he set off to his house to seek out his wife.

His mother was seated opposite her, working on mending table linen, an interminable task that never failed to occupy her for hours on end. He stood silently in the doorway, watching his wife push the needle in and out of the fabric. She made two stitches, stopped, and gazed at the fabric for several moments before making another stitch. Observing her carefully, he saw the downward cast of her mouth, the drooping posture, and the listless air which told him that try as she might to appear otherwise, she was unhappy. He cursed himself-why had he not noticed? Had he been too absorbed with his business to note how she felt? Was he really so blind that he put the business of the mill before her needs? He sighed at the thought, and Mrs. Thornton looked up in surprise. "John," she said sharply, "what is it? Is anything the matter?"

At the sound of his name, Meg raised her head from her work and smiled at him. She looked tired and wan, he thought with a pang, but still beautiful in spite of the pale violet circles under her eyes. "I would like a moment alone with my wife, mother. Would you excuse us?"

Mrs. Thornton searched his face for a moment, then quietly gathered her things and left the room. John closed the door behind her, and walked over to kneel before his wife, who watched him in puzzlement. He gathered both of her hands in his so that her needlework fell to the floor unnoted.

"Meg," he said quietly, "you are unhappy, aren't you?"

She replied quickly, "No, I am fine, John," smiling up at him in a determined manner. " I love our life together, and I love being with you-you are my life, John. What more could I want?"

She will not admit the truth to me, he thought grimly, and opened his mouth to press her further when he was struck with a sudden idea. Perhaps it was time to take a different tack.

Assuming a stern countenance, he replied, "Well, I am not fine-in fact, I am unhappy."

Startled, Meg stared at him in some alarm. "Why are you unhappy?"

He said thoughtfully, "The woman I married was full of life; she was active and energetic, deeply interested in many things. Look at her now-she sits in the parlor for hours on end-"

Meg began to protest, but he cut her off. "I may be busy with the mill, my love, but I do have eyes in my head. This moping of yours will not do!" He dropped her hands and stood before her. "I have asked myself what is to be done about this situation, and I believe I have come up with the perfect solution. I must put you to work!"

He nearly lost his composure when he saw the hopeful look come into her eyes, like a candle being lit in a dark room, but he struggled to maintain his ruse. He paced about the room for several moments, as if deep in thought, before returning to her side. He knelt once more before her and said, "My bookkeeper, Mr. Saunders, is overworked. With the improvements and subsequent expansion of the mill, our record keeping needs have grown at a rapid pace, and he is having a great deal of trouble maintaining the books and handling my correspondence. Is this something that you think you might like to do-would you be willing to help me out at the mill?"

She gazed at him with parted lips for a moment before bursting into tears. "Oh, John, I do love you," she sobbed, falling forward into his arms. He gathered her tightly into his embrace and said in a gentle voice, "My darling, why did you not tell me you were unhappy?"

"I am ashamed-I have so much, and to feel this way is so small and petty," she said in a thin wisp of a voice, burying her face in his neck. "I have you and the baby, and that should be enough happiness for one person."

"But it isn't," he said gently, "nor should it be. I want my industrious, energetic wife back. So, will you come to work at the mill?"

He was rewarded by her dazzling smile, and felt a queer tug at his heart that it took so little to make her happy. "Oh, John," she breathed out, kindling with excitement, "I would be delighted to help you and Mr. Saunders. She paused and peeped at him beneath her lashes. "But you are a wicked man, to tease me so. I thought you were seriously displeased with me."

He smiled tenderly at her. "I was displeased with you, for concealing your true feelings from me. Don't you know that my very life depends on your happiness? I would move heaven and earth to be sure you have everything you want? If something is important to you, it is doubly important to me!"

She caressed his cheek with one hand. "I promise to do my best for you at the mill. I kept books for my Aunt Lily at the boarding house. I am certain that I can learn your way of accounting relatively quickly, and can be of assistance to Mr. Saunders."

"If you are willing, I will take you over to the mill now so that you might meet with Mr. Saunders and discuss your new duties. He will set your hours for you. But you must promise me one thing."

"Anything," she replied promptly.

He was completely serious now. "You must not overexert yourself. If you are tired, you must come back to the house and rest."

"I promise," she said, and kissed him.

His eyes glinted with amusement. "Now, mind that you keep to your hours. What hours we have, we keep sharp."

She dimpled up at him. "Shall I leave my brain at home?"

He laughed outright. "No, bring it with you. I cannot imagine you without it, or that sharp tongue of yours."

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Meg was as good as her word-she was a quick study when it came to learning the books, and did such a capable job that Mr. Thornton soon wondered how he had ever gotten along without her. Mr. Saunders was suspicious of having a woman work with him, let alone the master's wife, but Meg was quiet and demure in her dealings with the older clerk, and always approached him first with any questions or concerns she had about discrepancies she found.

Her sharp eye discovered quite a number of small errors early on, which she stoutly attributed to that fact that Mr. Saunders was overworked, to that gentleman's relief. Her eloquent letters to and creative terms suggested to suppliers and customers helped hasten delivery of materials, and reduce the amount of time between goods rendered and payments received. Before long, Mr. Saunders was praising her capabilities to the master, and Mr. Thornton was marveling at how well his wife handled all those with whom she came into contact.

For his part, Mr. Thornton kept a watchful eye upon her, finding many small excuses to visit Mr. Saunders' office. He often thought ruefully that the one drawback to having her at the mill was that he became much too distracted, wanting to be with her and watch over her.

When the time came for Mr. Thornton to go to London, it seemed natural to bring Meg with him. His mother was concerned, but he quickly reassured her that the trip was sanctioned by Doctor Donaldson. In truth, he could not stand the thought of a week away from her, and secretly rejoiced that she would join him.

Their week in London acted as a bracing tonic for Meg. Mr. Thornton arranged a suite of rooms for them at an exclusive and elegant hotel, and entertained several of his investors at dinner there. He was delighted to find that Meg enjoyed entertaining these men, and kept up a stream of lively conversation during their meals. He was surprised and touched by how much she knew of the mill's operation-it was obvious to him that she listened carefully to his conversations over breakfast and dinner with his mother about the workings of the mill, and that she was up to date on the economic and industrial trends of the time. His investors were caught by her beauty, but ultimately impressed by her knowledge; although they might be doubtful as to whether they would want their spouses' advice or input on their employment, it was obvious that Mr. Thornton took great pride in his wife's accomplishments. To her credit, she was respectful of her place and never disgraced her husband by speaking out of turn. The investors found her charming, and thought she was a definite asset to Mr. Thornton, little suspecting that she was his whole world.

Meg spent several afternoons at Harley Street, where Mr. Thornton joined her when his business for the day was concluded. Edith was overjoyed to see her cousin after their long absence, and insisted on showing Meg to the nursery as soon as she arrived. Meg loved Sholto on sight, and was one of the few people he had met that he warmed to immediately. She loved to cuddle him and tell him stories, or play with him on the floor of the nursery.

She was pleased to see her husband take pains to get to know her Aunt Shaw, Edith, and Captain Lennox. She knew that Edith and her aunt were wary of how she had married, given the hesitant letters of congratulations that they had sent her. But several hours in Mr. Thornton's company relieved their fears and showed both that he was a gentleman and a man of sense. He got along well with Captain Lennox, and made strides to befriend Henry Lennox when he came to visit one evening. Henry was glad to see Meg once more, and after several moments of awkward conversation, came to an understanding of her affection for Mr. Thornton-it was plain to see that both were deeply in love with each other, and Henry good-naturedly wished them well, to Meg's great relief.

Mr. Thornton experienced a secret, tender joy watching his wife play with Sholto, and he often joined in the games she devised. When he watched her hug the young boy and laugh with him, he felt an overwhelming love for her, and chafed at the time yet remaining until they would have their own child to love. Her eyes would often meet his over the child's head, and each felt a profound gratitude for the other and the baby they would soon be able to hold.

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Upon their return from London, the months passed in a pleasant haze for Meg. She enjoyed her work at the mill, especially the times she spent with her husband. Her heart would leap with joy when he came into the bookkeeping office unannounced, and she delighted in coming upon him unawares at the mill-to see his stern face soften with love for her gave her a secret thrill. The workers enjoyed seeing the hard master become the besotted husband, and thought more highly of him for the obvious love which he had for his wife.

On days when her energy flagged, Mr. Thornton made arrangements to have the books and correspondence delivered to the house, where she could work on them in the privacy of her room between naps and rest times. Some days he would bring the books over to her himself in the hopes of joining her briefly for one of her naps, so that he could hold her close to him.