"Sorry," Rowan muttered after his mom's attention had been shifted to one of her excited admirers. His voice was quiet- almost dazed, and I wondered if it was due to his mother's blatant admittance of his interest in me, or something else. "She gets weird sometimes about the meanings of her paintings and whatnot. Doesn't make sense most of the time."

I glanced at his mother, who looked just as cheerful as she had when she'd been talking to us, not a single action seeming out of place. I felt my smile grow as I turned back to him,

"Why apologize? Your mom is awesome."

***

Rowan and I left the building after saying our goodbyes to his mother, who'd hugged me tightly once more after making me promise to visit with Rowan the next time he came for the weekend.

"You hungry?" Rowan asked, his keys hanging from his fingertips. He leaned against his car, his eyes lowering to my arms, which were crossed tightly against my chest from the cold.

"I could eat something. What're you thinking?"

"Let's go get pizza," Rowan popped his trunk open, grabbed a black hoodie, and handed it to me. "We can take my car and I'll drop you off at yours later?"

"Thank you," I took the hoodie, quickly slipping it over my head as butterflies fluttered in my stomach at his act of chivalry. "Sure, let's do it." His hoodie was soft, it smelled like him.

Rowan turned the heat on once we'd gotten in his car, and pulled out of the parking lot smoothly.

"Let's get the pizza to-go, I have an idea."

I looked curiously over to him, waiting for an explanation, but he kept his mouth shut, glancing sideways at me with an infectious smile on his face.

"Okay," I said, pulling out my phone to call it in, and trying to ignore the fluttery feeling in my stomach amplifying.

He pulled right in front of a pizza place on the outskirts of town ten minutes later.

"You can wait here, I'll go pick it up." Rowan opened his door, but I lunged forward and grabbed his wrist.

"Wait-" I grabbed my credit card and shoved it in his hands, "It's my turn to pay. Add twenty percent for the tip too."

Rowan looked at the card in his hands, a small smile forming on his lips.

"Fine," he slid it into his pocket as he got out of the car.

"I'll be checking my phone too to make sure you used it," I waved my phone in front of his face, the credit card company's app shining brightly on the screen.

Rowan strung his eyebrows together, feigning a look of offense.

"You don't trust me?"

"Absolutely not."

Rowan's expression broke into a smile and he stood up.

"I'll be right back."

It was weird, being in Rowan's car alone. The city was behind me, and the buildings were farther away from each other. I wondered where we were going. If I were with someone else I would've been nervous. But I trusted Rowan. I knew he had secrets, but I'd slowly been pushing those to the back of my mind the more time we spent together.

I looked around, noticing that the gravel road led to what looked like fields and farms in the distance.

The door opened a few minutes later and Rowan got in, putting the pizza in the backseat, and handing me a small piece of paper with my credit card,

"There's your receipt, do you trust me now?" I smiled as I saw my card numbers on the paper.

"Finally, thank you." Rowan laughed under his breath, starting his car up again and pulling away.

The fields got closer, and the city farther. Rowan seemed to know where he was going, and I rested my head back, watching the empty road ahead.

"Your mom's show was cool," I said, as we passed a cornfield. The plants were dried up, looking like thick branches sticking straight up out of the snow. "How often does she have them?"

Rowan slowed the car down, his eyes looking up ahead carefully.

"She has one every few months, but there are some art galleries that feature her work sometimes- those happen more often."

He pulled over to the side of the road, putting the car in park. I looked around us, we were at the end of another cornfield, on a patch of dirt that was mixed with snow. I turned back to him,

"What's the plan?"

He smiled, turning off the car and popping the trunk open again.

"Grab the pizza, I'll get some blankets,"

Blankets?

"Wha- are we going outside?" I asked, shocked. "It's like thirty degrees!"

Rowan opened his door and stepped outside, before leaning down to face me,

"Then you should probably stay close to me."

My mouth dropped and I stared at him as he closed the door behind him, before grabbing the blankets from the trunk. He's fucking crazy.

Despite the weather, I got out of the passenger seat and grabbed the pizza from the back. At least it's not actively snowing...

Rowan shut the trunk, his arms full of blankets. He walked around and hopped onto the hood of the car, before waving me over.

"Come on, let's watch the stars."

My stomach turned because- fuck- he didn't know that I didn't like stargazing, he didn't know that all space made me think about was death.

"I don't wanna put a dent in your hood," I said, motioning towards his shiny Mercedes.

"Evan, I literally don't give a shit about this car." He looked down at the black metal under him, "and you definitely won't dent it."

I shoved my feelings about space aside and hopped onto the hood after him.

"Well, I didn't know you were so romantic," I teased, dropping the pizza box on my lap as Rowan draped a blanket around us, his arm wrapping around my side and pulling me closer.

Rowan's dark hair fell over his eyes as he looked down at me, his eyes sparkling with amusement. His hand rested against my waist, and I leaned back against him slightly, welcoming the soothing warmth.

"Oh, no?" He said, his other hand moving to brush against my cheek, his fingers surprisingly warm against my skin. "I'll have to take you out more often then."

He removed his hand, grabbing the box from my lap and moving it to the roof of the car, before handing me a slice of pizza.

"Thank you."

Rowan pulled a second blanket over us, and I moved even closer to him as we ate, keeping my eyes trained on the field in front of us, the snow covering the dried-up crops in every direction. His arm stayed around me, causing me more warmth than both blankets combined.

"Do you think we have anything in common?" I asked, hoping it wouldn't kill the mood.

"Almost everyone has something in common."

"But I mean, like... big stuff."

"Big stuff?"

"Like, social life, hobbies, etcetera."

Rowan paused, thinking about my question for a minute before saying,

"Maybe not the big stuff."

I stared at the stars, feeling smaller and smaller as the time passed.

"Isn't that a bad thing?" I'd always heard from my parents that couples should have common interests, those were the relationships that lasted when the honeymoon phase would end. They'd have things to talk about, things to do together.

"No." Rowan sounded sure of what he said, and I wondered if he'd thought of this before.

"Why?"

"I think it just means we have more to learn from each other."

I nodded against him, quickly glancing at the sky before looking back down at the snow.

"What makes you ask?" He continued.

"Nothing really, it just crossed my mind."

"You sure it's not about stargazing?" He asked, and I tilted my head up to look at him, confused at how he'd figured me out so quickly.

"What?" I asked, "what does it have to do with stargazing?"

"Well, you've looked at the sky like, twice. You've just been staring at the snow- which is interesting too- don't get me wrong," despite being exposed so easily by him, I felt myself smile at his tone, "but I wouldn't want you to not say anything just to make me feel good." His hand moved from my side to my arm, his hand spreading warmth there too, "I want you to have a good time."

"I am having a good time," it was true. Being with him was worth the small discomfort sitting under the stars brought me. "I'm just weird about space and stuff I guess."

"How so?" He didn't sound judgmental at all, which was surprising to me. What normal person hates outer space?

"I guess it's just... uncomfortable to think about. Because there's not a clear explanation on why everything was created in the first place." I found my eyes traveling back to the dark sky. I couldn't deny the beauty of it. "It makes me feel small. Insignificant."

"I understand," Rowan said, squeezing my shoulder. "What about the other things that make you feel like that?" He asked, "like people. People are the best at making you feel insignificant."

He has a point.

"That's true..." I looked back at him, finding his free hand with mine. "Why do you say that?" His hand was warm, his fingers intertwined with mine. "People make you feel like that?"

"Of course."

"Like who?"

"You know. In this day and age, everyone's gotta have an opinion about everything." He paused, looking back up at the sky. "Whether it be about my parents, my playing, social life..."

I thought of the rumors I'd heard about him throughout high school, the ones that probably held very little truth. Maybe they had bothered him in the end.

"After a while, it just feels like what I want doesn't matter at all." My other hand met our linked ones, and I brought his hand to my chest. "As long as I keep up with the expectations."

I nodded against him, my thoughts drifting back to his coach, his dad.

"I'm sorry."

He squeezed my hand.

"Don't be sorry,"

"I guess people are a little worse than stars," I said, and Rowan laughed.

"Hey, if we think about anything too much we could make it seem scary. Everything's unknown, not just space and the stars. We just tell ourselves we know what'll happen."

"We know a lot less about space than life on earth though."

"You just gotta give them a story like everything else in life," Rowan pointed to the brightest star in the sky, "see like that one is Sirius," he turned to me as I looked at the star, "the Greeks said it was one of Orion's dogs, he was a hunter. You see those three little diagonal stars to the right?"

I nodded, those stars were brighter than most around them.

"That's Orion's belt, then his bow is to the right. According to the Greeks, the gods felt bad for him because he died from a scorpion bite. So they put him in the sky with his dogs forever."

"That's sweet."

"It's not a bad story, right?" I nodded, smiling and looking up at him,

"I didn't know you knew so much about the stars," Rowan laughed, "or Greek Mythology for that matter."

"Hey, it's fun, right?" He said, his eyes sparkling in the moonlight.

"Yeah, it's fun with you."

There was a light breeze in the icy air, and Rowan's fingertips were warm as they touched my jaw. His lips turned upward into a small smile, and I found myself mirroring it,

"What?" I asked as his incandescent smile grew.

"Just looking," he said, his thumb brushing back to the nape of my neck.

I released a breath of laughter and leaned closer to him. His auburn eyes were intoxicating, causing my stomach to squirm as they examined me. If I could drown in them, I would.

I wanted to tell him that I cared about what he wanted, about what made him happy. But his gaze and his smile had stopped any words I had in my throat, so instead, I kissed him.

I didn't know if I'd ever get used to the softness of his lips, or the addictive way his touch on my skin felt as he pulled me closer to him, his fingers tugging at my hair as he softly pushed back against my lips. I wanted to be consumed by him completely.

I wanted to be the solution to his problems, I wanted to be his key to freedom. But I knew that was irrational, I knew I had no power over his issues. Still, maybe I could be to him what he was to me.

I pulled away to catch my breath, Rowan's eyes devouring mine with a dark glint.

"You are..." he shook his head, the corner of his lips curling upwards again, "one of a kind."

I felt warmth flood my body at his words, feeling my face flush more than it already had.

Rowan pulled me back to lean against him and wrapped his arms around my chest. He rested his chin on my head, and I watched the glow of the sky, trying to savor the moment.

Maybe the stars weren't as bad as I made them out to be.

***