Desire makes life happen. Makes it matter. Makes everything worth it. Desire is life. Hunger to see the next sunrise or sunset, to touch the one you love, to try again. Hell would be waking up and wanting nothing.

It's been three weeks since I fought that prick, as always I heal surprisingly fast and my bruises disappeared after a week even if I am still sore.

This is a good thing for me, more than for the normal reasons, because I invited Noelle to come over and meet Jasper.

She's the only other person I know with synesthesia.

And Jasper has never met someone else with the same condition as him and neither has she.

Even though I know that sometimes it's hard to meet other people with Tourette's because we all tic based off of each other and it's quite exhausting I do think that this could be a really good experience for them both.

I'm not quite sure what Jasper's reaction will be or if he'll even be okay with this- -though I can guess that he'll be awkward and happy about it- -but I'm doing it anyway.

Noelle wants to meet him, she's quite excited for it, actually.

Things between me and him are...undefined.

Being my twin and closest friend, I told them both this -how we flirt and sit together and cook for each other and watch movies together and kiss and laugh and race and sit with his friends and how he comes and sits at my practices.

They think he's good for me.

Of course, I can't help but agree.

Now he's there, in everything I do.

It's the small things, him coming with me on my morning runs and catching him if he trips or inevitably watching him run into something and tease him about it.

It's me always thinking of him when I hear soft music and remembering the way he sings while cooking us dinner. It's seeing him in the stands working on his schoolwork during my practice and hearing his praises in the back of my head while running with the football in my hand.

The daily things, the things I do to get through the day in one piece, he's there, covering it all.

Everything I do, he's there with me. In the dorm, on campus, in my classes, during practice, in every single crowd and even in my dreams.

He's against my lips, in my arms, in my head.

I can't escape him.

But I don't want to either.

When Noelle talked to me on the phone on the drive down, she completely made it seem like she was the only one in the car. There wasn't any noise besides her voice other than her favorite see-through red song that she keeps on repeat as she drives.

I quickly learned that wasn't the case as I went down to the parking lot just as she pulled in.

Because Noelle and Circe slammed their doors shut and ran over to me, this part was completely okay, I loved being surprised by my sister since I miss her.

But Max fucking Mitch climbed out the back and tried to hug me too.

Max is the girl's college best friend, one I'm grateful they have as they definitely need someone there for them to help them, especially at parties.

The guy is an annoying fuck who doesn't understand why I don't like physical affection. Max thinks it's because I just haven't had enough of it, which is one of the most frustrating things I have ever had the pleasure of hearing.

In short, Maxwell Mitch has an exceptionally punchable face.

Still, I let Noelle and Max wait in the apartment- -they're not athletic, one's a fucking nerd and the other is well, useless?- -as me and Circe go on a run.

We race around the block three times, I won the first, we tied second and she won last because I tripped over the cursed hole Jasper steps in all the fucking time.

The fourth time around, we take it slow, and this is when we actually get to catching up.

They applied to get a brown lab and are determined to name it Alpha, purely to spite me.

Aren't sisters amazing?

"Cece," I call her, turning to glance at her as she wipes sweat from her forehead. "How did you know that...you know how we have soulmates? And Noelle is one of yours?"

"No," She says sarcastically, the exercise making her extra snarky. "I'm clueless."

Rolling my eyes, I slow down my jog a bit for her. "Well, how did you know when Noelle went from one of your soulmates, to the one."

Circe pauses, thinking seriously, before asking, "When she became my world?"

My world...

That is...that's exactly how my mom would describe what regular people think are soulmates. And to me, it makes perfect sense.

I nod, looking away from her and down to my feet. "It's just...Mama always said that we have these soulmates, just waiting to meet us. Noelle's my soulmate, but your world. And I just...I've never had anyone-" I growl. "-who I ever thought could become my world. Not at all. And Jasper -it's confusing. He's- -mother ducklings- -frustrating."

"Frustrating?" My twin bumps my hip. "In what way?"

"His family has versions of soulmates too, everyone has these 'butterflies' and they all have at least one. So I know he believes in that stuff but I -I can tell he's not very...experienced, and I think he has the potential of being my world. But he's a really anxious person and I don't know if his family ever turns their butterflies into something more, or if they have multiple?"

"You're overthinking," She sings out, but I ignore it.

"I'm not about rushing, you know that," I say, skidding to a stop when she does. "But I just feel like if I don't do something about this he's just going to leave me. Everyone...you know people get tired of me. And before that happens, with him, I just want the chance to be someone's world. Even if it won't last."

With a glare in her grey eyes, she smacks me on the top of the head -not enough to hurt, nothing like what Atlas does, but enough for it to be a warning.

"You're not too much for people, Cassie!" Circe scolds me, crossing her arms. "People are just stupid. But Jasper doesn't sound stupid. Are you trying to tell me he's stupid?"

Crossing my arms, I glare back at her. "No."

"Great," She picks up a large stick, twirling it through the air. "Then stop treating the situation like you're both stupid. You're legal adults, even if you're legally an idiot too, which means you both know when you want something that's in front of you."

I guess she has a point.

"From what I heard, you both want this. Maybe, I don't know, invoke your gay magic, make him fall helplessly in love with you and say the words that are destined to make him be with you forever, 'hey, dumbass, I love you, come here and love me too'."

Sighing, I roll my eyes at her and start jogging again, making her curse at me. "I thought you were actually going somewhere important with that."

"Nah." Cece shrugs shamelessly. "But I'm serious, just ask him out, make it official. Either he says no and you keep doing what you're doing now or he says yes and things work out even better."

Frowning at this, I shoot her a worried look. "What if he says no because he doesn't want it to be serious at all and then we end what we have already?"

The cheerleader sighs, poking me in the back with the stick. "He won't say no."

"How do you know that?" Asking, I shove her stick away from me.

"Because," She all too annoyingly brings the stick even closer to me, making me stumble and causing her to smirk knowingly at me. "He's already your world, whether you know that or not."

We raced back to the dorm.

And a small conversation about leaving her stick outside turned into Circe retrieving a soft plastic tube from the back of her car, which I don't even want to know why she has it, and starts to chase me inside thwacking me on the head with it.

Which prompts Max to try and hug me while I'm distracted.

Which is fucking annoying.

Douche-face.

"Um," I hear a deep, but shaky voice mumble behind me as I continue to struggle against Max while trying to thwart Circe's attacks. "Is, uh, is everything o-okay?"

How do I even answer that?

I'm currently trying to fight someone for hugging me because he's such a genuinely happy guy that it's annoying and also trying to grab a plastic tube from my twin so I can beat her with it.

It's safe to say this isn't exactly the scene I wanted my cute roommate to walk in on.

The only thing worse than this is walking in on a heterosexual orgy, which isn't a mental image I take lightly.

Fuck.

This isn't the way I wanted him to meet Noelle, and at this point I don't want to explain to him I made this mess and invited this weirdly destructive group of my lesbian twin, her girlfriend and their stupid friend in so he could talk about colors with someone.

Should I even tell him that was my goal at this point?

What if he gets mad that I kinda messed up the dorm just for him to meet someone with the same condition as him -is that weird?

Fuck, I think that's weird.

Well.

Too late now.

I'll just let Noelle do the talking because, well, we all know I'm not too good at that.