Lena felt safe. She was cozy under the blanket, enveloped in her favorite scent, and she felt a warm, gentle breath on the back of her neck. She snuggled deeper into the pillow with a soft sigh. Something moaned behind her and the arm around her waist tightened, pulling her closer.

Her eyes opened slowly.

Why was there an arm around her waist? Why was there breath on the back of her neck? And was that an...*erezone...against her backside?

Lena glanced over her shoulder and smiled. King Edmund was behind her, eyes closed. In the other world, Lena would have stretched, arching her back in the process, and it would have driven Little King wild. In Narnia, she opted to gently roll over so that she was facing him.

King Edmund stirred but he still did not open his eyes. Lena took the quiet moment provided to study his face up close. He was twenty-seven, a year younger than Little King was when they married. His hairline was beginning to recede and he had a few premature greys. She supposed managing a country was stressful even with three other royals helping out. "Managing you is stressful," Little King would have said. His face was smooth and clean shaven, a look Lena preferred. Little King had tried to grow out a beard like Peter once, but Lena thought it a complete disaster and refused to kiss him when it got too prickly. She knew if he opened his eyes, then King Edmund would have the same warm brown color of his counterpart, like the hot chocolate they loved so dearly.

There was one thing Little King had however, that King Edmund never would: a prominent scar about his left eye. Lena had done her best stitching on it, but it hadn't been enough. "You prevented infection and most likely saved my eye. Stop doubting." Lena couldn't help the doubt; it was a part of her, always had been and probably always would be. Lena looked down at the scar on her hand. They'd gotten them the same night in Kursk. It was a night Lena would never be able to forget, but given what had followed Lena wasn't sure she'd want to forget it.

"G'morning."

Lena smiled. "Buongiorno."

"Buongiorno," he repeated.

Lena couldn't help the little sigh she gave as she looked into King Edmund's eyes, eyes that now had her craving more than just hot chocolate. King Edmund smiled and yawned, an odd combination that had his hand running along her hip and his back arching. His eyes widened as he realized what else that motion did.

"Merda!" He rubbed her hand over his face.

Lena giggled! She couldn't recall the last time she had giggled, or if she ever had. "I suppose I should be flattered."

"I am glad you find it so amusing."

"There are many things I find it; amusing is not one of them." Lena didn't know where this flirtatious energy was coming from; perhaps it was because it had been so long since she'd last woken up in Little King's arms, even before her arrival in Narnia.

"What's so amusing?" Meri asked from somewhere in the room.

King Edmund yelped and jumped, falling out of the bed with a loud thump.

"Merda, Meri!" Lena sat bolt upright. "What are you doing in here?"

Meri looked indignant. "I thought you'd like to know where Sara was when you woke up."

Lena swore more fervently and looked around for her youngest daughter, while King Emund picked himself up off the floor.

"Sara? How is she?" he asked.

"She's asleep in my bed with Lady Bea," Meri answered. "She came crawling into it last night saying her bed was too crowded."

Lena dropped her head into her hands. How could she have been so foolish? Here she was flirting with King Edmund when she should have been with her sick daughter. She and King Edmund had stayed up most of the night talking quietly, but sleep had overcome them in the end. And then something took over them. Wine? Loneliness? A bond deep enough to penetrate worlds? Lena didn't know what it was, but she let it get the best of her.

She couldn't let it continue.

"Stop, Meri. That's enough," Lena said in Italian. Meri had continued a conversation with King Edmund, but Lena put an end to it. Lena continued in Italian. "It is time we end this. Leave us."

"Mamma..."

"I said leave us."

Meri looked between Lena and King Edmund and back again. "Mamma, don't be an idiot about this."

"What? Whoa." King Edmund may not have been fluent in Italian yet, but he knew enough to detect the words 'Mamma' and 'idiota.' And Lena was sure he could deduce what Meri had meant based on her body language alone. "Now, you listen here, Meri, I..."

"I will handle this," Lena said fervently. King Edmund looked at her incredulously, but Lena ignored it. She turned back to Meri and continued in Italian. "It has to be done."

"No it doesn't, but you are too Telmarine to see it. Why can't you see this as the opportunity that it is? It's a chance for us to be together, all of us, as we should be."

"It can't last forever."

"Why not?"

"Because nothing ever does, Meri. The sooner you learn that, the better off you'll be. Now, it is time for us to leave this place before any more damage can be done. It's time to go home."

"Home to what, Mamma? A world where our family is broken. Are we so horrible to love that you are so eager to leave us?"

"What? Meri, no."

"You may be ready to die, Mamma, but I am not ready to lose you!" Meri fled the room in a flurry of tears.

"Meri! Meri, come back!" Lena tried to stop her but it was too late.

"Well that was well handled," King Edmund said critically.

Lena turned towards him, her vision clouded with tears. "I have really fucked up."

"That probably wasn't your finest moment." He sighed. He was still stinging from the rebuke she had given him.

"You would never forgive me for talking to her like that."

"You? What about the way she was talking to you? That was pure disrespect."

"I deserve it and more. If only you knew how much."

"I don't believe that, not for one second." He took a step towards her, but then seemed to think better of it.

"I don't know how to fix this, Edmund. I don't know how to make it right."

"Let me help you then." This time he closed the distance between them and placed his hands on her arms. "Please, Lena. Let me help you."

Lena choked out a few sobs before nodding. "S-S-Sara. See to Sara, please. I...I have to go after Meri."

In the hall, Lena and King Edmund found Nalsa and Lady Bea talking quietly outside Sara's door.

"Friends, did you see which way Meri went?" King Edmund asked.

"She went that way, my King," Nalsa replied. "After that I do not know."

Lena pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. It was a big castle; Meri could have gone anywhere.

"I could help you find her, Lady Ileana," Bea said.

Lena could hear the hesitance in her voice. "But you would rather stay with Sara; I know. You were by her side all night, weren't you?"

"Yes, my Lady. I am fond of the girl."

"And she is fond of you, of both of you," Lena said, including Nalsa. "Thank you for the offer, Lady Bea but you may stay. If I cannot be...be there for my daughter," Lena swallowed a sob, "then I want to know she is well looked after. Besides, I should speak with Meri alone."

"Where will you look for her?" King Edmund asked.

Lena shrugged. "She usually runs to you when she's upset. But I'll...I'll start with the music room. Then I'll try the training yard." Lena tried to picture the castle in her head and figure out the best route to take. King Edmund must have known this.

"Nalsa, go with her."

"What? No. That isn't necessary."

"She can show you the fastest route. And you are rubbish at directions."

It was true. "I wasn't allowed to wander much." Lena saw King Edmund's shoulders stiffen at the brief hint of her prior life in Narnia.

"It is no use arguing with him, Lady Ileana. If he had not suggested it, then I would have offered," Nalsa said, stepping forward.

Lena knew there was no way around it. She nodded. "Thank you, Nalsa. I would appreciate the help.

Meri was not in the music room or in the training yard. Neither was she in the stables, the gardens, or by the beach. No one they asked knew where she was either. Lena was beginning to worry.

"What were you arguing about?" Nalsa asked.

Lena looked at her.

"There were raised voices," the Wolf offered by way of explanation.

"That's my fault, I suppose. We both have the Telmarine temperament. I hope Sara takes after Edmund more in that regard."

"If she is as attached to him there as she is here, then I find that most likely."

Lena could only hope that attachment and her distance would be enough. She realized Nalsa was still waiting for an answer. Lena wasn't sure why she chose to tell her, perhaps it was because she knew Nalsa was practical. She would see the wisdom in Lena's decision.

"We were discussing King Edmund," Lena began. "And my desire to end things with him before they can begin."

"What?" The Wolf came to a sudden stop. "Why would you wish to do that? Has he dishonored you somehow?"

"No. No, Edmund is the most honorable person I know."

"Then why?"

"It...It is complicated."

"What is it with you humans and thinking mating is complicated. That was his excuse when I suggested he mate with you."

"You suggested King Edmund mate with me? When was this?"

"Weeks ago. It is obvious to us Narnians that you are attracted to each other. I do not understand why you do not just mate with him and get it over with."

"Because I'm dying."

"You're...dying?" Nalsa cocked her head to the side and looked at her. "You do not appear to be dying to me?"

"Not here. In the other world, I...I am dying, Nalsa," Lena said with a heavy sigh.

"Did King Edmund...?"

"No! No he didn't...he's not the one who... He is the one fighting for me to live, but I...I have lost the will to do so. And I, I'm afraid that if I get too attached to him here, then it will only make things more difficult, for us both, when the time comes."

"I...I see. And why do you think you are dying?"

"Is there anyone else around? Can anyone hear us?"

Nalsa sat on her hind legs, ears erect, as she listened. "No. We are alone."

"It...it began about a year ago, in our world. It started with a couple of fainting spells. Since then, Edmund and I have traveled all over the world looking for a cure or a solution. We have been to healer after healer, but they have all said the same thing. 'The damage is too extensive.'"

"What caused the damage?"

"The years I spent poisoning myself in this world. Every Telmarine cortesana knows how to prevent the womb from maturing. What the pennyroyal and the artemisia began here the alcohol and cigarettes continued there. Now, system by system, my body is shutting down."

"That is the real reason why you hate it here. It is not us Narnians. It is because the life you were forced to live here is taking you from the life you wish to live there."

Lena hadn't really thought of it like that before, but Nalsa was right. "I am trying to be strong for them, to fight like they want me to, but I am tired, Nalsa, so very tired all the time. There are times when it feels as though I haven't slept at all, and then there are times where I have slept for days. I wake to find that everything has changed, or that I have missed something or forgotten something.

"Those are the days that are the hardest. I look into Edmund's eyes, and I see the pain that is there, and I...I don't want to be the cause of that pain anymore. And I know he can never begin to heal until he has let me go. None of them can. Meri says she is not ready, but I don't know that she could ever truly be ready."

"Does Meri know you feel like this?"

"No. No, I have tried to tell her, but Edmund keeps filling her head with hope for a cure. And now she...she thinks I'm eager to leave Narnia because I am eager to leave her, but that...that is far from the truth."

"Then you must tell her, Lady Ileana. You must tell Meri how you feel about all of it."

"Nalsa is correct."

Lena jumped and whirled around. "Peter! What are you doing here?" She wiped her eyes frantically and then looked back at Nalsa.

"Do not be angry with her," Peter said quickly. "I told her not to tell you I was approaching."

"Forgive me, Lady Ileana, but he is the High King."

"My quarrel is not with you, Nalsa. I know too well what it is like to have to obey the orders of a king. How much of our very private conversation did you hear?"

"Enough."

Lena shared with him a few choice words in Italian. "Your brother has more honor than you could ever hope to have."

Peter gave a tight-lipped smile. "It might surprise you to learn that your death does not come as a surprise to me. You forget I saw you the day you arrived, and I see you now. The difference is night versus day."

"You...you never said anything."

"Of course not. I have more...honor...than to remark upon a lady's appearance in such a negative fashion."

"But not enough to respect her private conversations with a friend."

"Getting back to the matter at hand, Nalsa is correct. You should tell Meri everything you just told Nalsa. And about your prior history with Narnia as well."

"She is too young to hear about that."

"Perhaps she is not as young as you still wish her to be."

"You should listen to the High King, Lady Ileana. He only has our best interests at heart."

"I...I cannot. I do not know where she is. We've looked everywhere."

"She is in my study, having tea and biscuits with Susan. Nalsa can show you the way."

Lena nodded. "Thank you."

"Now, if you'll excuse me. I have a briefing with the Llamas to attend to." Peter turned to leave them, but Lena called out to him.

"Peter, wait!" He turned back around. "Are...are you going to tell your brother what you heard today?"

Peter seemed to pause in thought. "I do not know. But I can see to it that no Narnian tells him." He looked between Nalsa and Sir Jagar.

"Thank you," Lena said more earnestly. Then she and Nalsa set off for Peter's study and for Meri.

Erezone: erection

Buongiorno: good morning