A/N: Hey, hope you like this. It's almost 4 in the morning, my birthday is tomorrow..or technically today, so I have to wake up in a few hours, but anyways, I just wanted to get a chapter out for you guys so here it is. I hope you like it. The Crane Wives is a pretty cool band, check them out. Drink your water, stay inside, get your sleep. This has been a public service announcement from your favorite friendly cactus.

Logan sighed softly, standing more towards the corner of the loud room, holding a clear plastic cup in his hand with red punch in it. He didnt really like holidays, there was always too much food, he didn't like parties, he couldn't drink alcohol (too many calories), and he really didn't like loud noises...but Sy wanted him to be here and he wanted to be a good boyfriend, so here he was, watching a room full of people mostly older than him conversing or dancing or drinking while Sy was talking to some girl who was the daughter of his parent's friends.

Sy glanced to him a few feet away and smiled, nodding over in a gesture for Logan to join him, so Logan walked over, feeling a bit awkward in the social setting, but he didn't want to seem like he didn't want to be there or the party wasn't good. The party was great, he just didn't like parties, but it's not like he could just say that, because what kind of freak doesn't like New Year's Eve?

"Hey, you were looking kinda lonely over there all by yourself." Sy said and Logan smiled with a little shrug, giggling quietly as he toyed with his sweater sleeves, tugging them over his hands

"It's alright, I just didn't want to interrupt or anything." He said, glancing to the blonde haired girl who was a few inches shorter than Syrus, but still taller than Logan. Her eyes were an almost violet shade of blue.

"Oh, right, I completely forgot to introduce you two. Logan, this is Gia, I've known her since..what were we, like five?" Sy asked with a grin and Gia laughed softly, nodding.

"Yeah, you should have seen him in the sixth grade, oh my god, he had the dorkiest braces and he was going through this emo phase." Gia said, laughed softly and Sy rolled his eyes with a grin.

"Anyways, yeah, she goes to Brooksville prep. And Gia, this is my wonderful boyfriend, Logan." Sy said, putting an arm around Logan's shoulders and the red-headed boy smiled a little, nodding.

"Hi." Logan said and Gia smiled, holding out her hand for him to shake and he did.

"Hey, Sy's talked about you sometimes, I didn't think you'd be so cute though." She said and Logan smiled, his face tinting pink. He'd gotten used to people calling him cute or small or travel sized, it didn't bother him much anymore.

"Aww, you talk about me?" Logan asked, looking up at Sy with a giggle and Syrus grinned.

"Of course I do, how could I not talk about you?" Sy asked, leaning down to kiss Logan's nose and Logan only blushed a brighter color than before.

"That's so sweet, how'd you guys get together?" Gia asked and Logan laughed softly, knowing that Sy was about to go on a long, dramatic re-telling of the story for the millionth time.

"So we've been friends for like two years, and I've always kind of thought I was straight, I wasn't opposed to kissing guys, I mean, I've played spin the bottle and there were a few times when I was drunk, but I never thought about any guy as like, dating material, then I realized, I've got this angel right in front of me, he's fucking perfect in every way, I'm totally crushing on him. So we were at theatre one day, it was actually after theatre but.." Logan tuned out, knowing Sy was going to go on for quite a bit longer and he already knew the story.

He took a small sip of his drink when his brain was busy zoning off, not thinking about the calories until he tasted the almost sickeningly sweet flavor of it, setting the drink down on a table behind him so he wouldn't make the same mistake again. Sy was still talking as he started to wonder where Ivy and Tyler had gone off to, they were probably drinking and talking on the room or playing video games downstairs, Logan wished he could be there wherever they were, just anywhere but in the loud room with so many people and so much food and bright lights.

"Aww, that's adorable. You guys are like a fairy tale."

"I know, right?" Sy said with a chuckle and Logan smiled.

"You said you guys are like, family friends..how'd your parents meet?" Logan asked and Sy shrugged.

"Business, her dad is the CFO of our father's business." Sy said and Logan nodded a little.

"What do your parents do?" Gia asked.

"My dads own a publishing company." Logan said and she nodded.

"That's interesting..so you're adopted then." She said and he nodded a little.

"Yeah." Logan said, tugging his sleeve over his hand again and balling up the fabric in his fist.

"I think if I ever gave up a kid, I'd want to make sure they're going to a good family, you know?" Gia said, looking to Sy who nodded a little, seeming unsure where this was going.

"Well, I'm in a great family, my dads are the best parents I could ever ask for." Logan said with a small smile and Gia just shrugged a little.

"I don't know, I mean, that's great and all, I just don't know if I'd want to pass my kid off to two men. I'm not homophobic or anything, live your life and all that, I just don't think you should be pushing that agenda on your kid, and it's just so important to grow up with a mother figure, you know?" She asked and Logan almost couldn't believe she was saying it to his face. Sy seemed a bit ill at ease, but he wasn't saying anything.

"I really think the more important thing is having loving, supportive parents."

"But haven't you ever wondered if the only reason you're gay is..well..because of the way you grew up?" She asked and he looked at her for a moment. A less passive person would have slapped her, but Logan wasn't aggressive.

"I don't think people are gay because of circumstances." He said and she shrugged.

"Well either way, wouldn't you have just rather grown up with your flesh and blood?" She asked. StuPIDFUCKINGWHOREI'LLKILLYOU

"Gia, I don't think you should really-" Sy stepped in, finally noticing how uncomfortable Logan looked with all of this.

"Just let him answer the question, Syrus." She said, crossing her arms.

"No." Logan said softly. "I wouldn't. I wouldn't trade my relationship with my dads for the world. My birth home wasn't a good place for a child to grow up in, so I'm glad I'm here now." He said, pushing back the thoughts screaming at him, echoing around his head.

"I just think it's so much more beneficial for a child to have a mother-"

"So the cupcakes are really good, I love chocolate, Gia, have you tried the cupcakes?" Syrus asked, taking the subject off of Logan's family. She glanced at Logan again before nodded.

"Yeah, I tried one earlier, they're awesome, I love Fred's baking."

"Right? He's awesome. I think he does baking for weddings now too.." Sy said and Logan seemed to find himself pulling out of the conversation, running his fingers through his hair as he walked to the bathroom, locking the door and sitting on the toilet lid. He just needed a moment to recollect his thoughts. His head felt scattered in between Gia's words and the memories of voices in his head.

He sniffled softly, staring at his shoes as he wiped at his eyes, then letting his hands fall to his lap, clenching his thin fingers into fists, digging his nails into his palms as he tried to forget what she'd said. wouldn't you have just rather grown up with your flesh and blood? She didn't understand that that's all they were, not parents, not family, not love or care or warmth, just flesh and blood, cold blood.

He'd tried for so long to forget that he had any connection to his old life at all, but it was so hard to keep running and forgetting when it was attached to him like a heavy weight, a ball and chain that he feared he'd never be able to cut. He still remembered that night when everything he knew and understood just crashed like a train into a steel wall and No. This isn't the time for this, not here, I can't-

"I'll fucking kill you, you bitch!" Logan sat, curled up in his bedroom closet, playing with his sweater sleeves as he counted the wood panels on the closet door. One..two..three..four..there was a hole where the fifth one should have been, but he just kept counting, picking new things to count afterward: The green colored squares on his sweater, the creases on his fingers, the small burns on his arms.

The sound of glass crashing to the floor made his breath catch as he bit the inside of his cheek, trying to ignore his father's words echoing.

"FUCKING BITCH, YOU HEAR ME, YOU'RE A FUCKING SLUT, IT'S ALL YOU'LL EVER BE!" He tasted copper blood, but just bit down harder, staring at his sweater sleeves.

Logan blinked and the next thing he knew he was in the bathroom again, shaking with one of the cuts on his arm bleeding from where he'd just been picking at it, pulling it back open. He quickly grabbed a piece of toilet paper, dabbing it and getting up, wiping the tears off his face. He needed to leave, he couldn't let Sy see him like this, he couldn't let anyone see him like this, it was New Year's fucking Eve for god's sake and he didn't need to ruin everyone's holiday by drawing so much attention to himself.

It wasn't hard to slip out, he'd gotten good at making himself invisible over the years, blending in and exiting through the crowd quickly. He was outside before he knew it, getting into his car and driving home still feeling a bit hazy, but he knew he'd be fine, it was just a flashback. A part of his wished Oliver had been there like last time to tell him he was okay and bring him back down to earth safely and gently. He didn't want to be here, at some party with his boyfriend that he didn't really like, he just wanted to be with Oliver, probably watching a movie and talking and laughing. He sometimes wished Oliver could have been the one to kiss him, but he wasn't, and Logan was in too deep now. He was too scared of what Sy would say when he broke up with him, the hurt or maybe anger or jealousy, he was too scared that if he tried to leave this, Sy would somehow turn into everything he was terrified of.

He thought about telling Sy that he was leaving, but his eyes were still red and he looked like he'd been crying and he didn't want to answer the questions or face up to the concern in Syrus's voice that he knew would be there that he just couldn't deal with right now. He couldn't bear to hear him ask what happened a million times and then make a big deal out of it.

He parked his car in the driveway and shut it off, taking the key out before he took a breath, leaning his head against the wheel and staring down at his feet, trying not to start crying again. All he could think was that he didn't know if he'd ever be able to enjoy holidays or parties or people like a normal person. you'll never be a normal person, you're a fucking freak, don't you know that? Just a fucking freak. He'd possibly worried Syrus who was definitely looking all over the house for him right now and by doing that he'd probably ruined the whole party as a whole, so in short, he was a just a fuck up.

He lifted his head, taking a breath and getting out of his car. Tomorrow is another day, maybe you won't fuck up as bad tomorrow.