That night I sat at my desk, the fireplace, and the small candle before me lighting the room. Edward had made his way two hours before. Stating that he could not spend the night without it looking rather suspicious. Which of course was true. With Harlow and the staff running around nothing was kept secret.

So that evening as the manor grew quiet I stayed up with my ledger and a quill trying to recount the events of the day. But as always I simply got off track and began to write of the day I first saw Edward.

It was many of years ago. I was no older than eight when my father had decided it was time for me to witness my first jousting match. Tsar being the ever so quick ten years old had already been to a dozen or so matches with the knights. He had informed me of all I was to see the night before as we sat in my bed legs crossed, gossiping like two old hens.

"Keep your eyes open for Ser Benedict Talbot. He is by far the best in our village. Quick, strong, handsome. He is everything a knight wishes to be. He is what I wish to be. He spoke to me once you know? Asked me to polish his helmet. I nearly fell right to the ground in a fit! Best day of my life!"

"Pay attention." My father scolded as we walked through the grounds. I looked up at him. I looked up to him really. From a young age, I had wished to be just like my father, like many young boys and men do. But my father was amazing. He was large, built like a house, His red beard was well taken care of as was the rest of him. He was a man to fear, a man who had won two wars and earned himself the spot as a king, not just because of his father before him. If I was to be king. I wanted to be everything my father was. But sadly years later I realized that was not an option. He wore everything with an air of dignity. From his red and white robe to his black trousers. He was all anyone had wanted to be.

That's why I was over the moon to finally be going to the grounds with him. He had told me it was for me to learn, and I observed everything like it was my first day of life.

"Ah, Benedict. Glad to see you've made it today. I want the boy to see a real knight in action."

"Ai m'lord. That's not thee little one there now is it? Why is his but the size of a girl." Ser Talbot had commented bending down to my level. He wasn't as handsome as Tsar had said. His hair was a thick mop of black that fell onto his shoulders in knots. Swamp green eyes with a little mole under them, I could see where Tsar thought he was handsome. But not this close up. I frowned at his words then, I would be the first to admit that yes, I was small. Then and even now everything about me was not that of a strong man like my father. No matter how I pushed myself to be on the same level as anyone else my age, I was always three or four below them. "Oi Lad," Talbot called gaining my attention again. "Yous gonna be a strong Lord like yer father right?" I nodded enthusiastically. "Ye should start training now then boy. Get some meat on em bones." He patted the top of my head, like a was some sort of horse before standing to his full height and began a conversation with my father again.

Looking around the yard I was in awe of everything going on, the way people move and dressed. The day was hot, men wore nothing but pants until they had to dress in their armor. The grass was a bright green everywhere but on the pit where the matches were held. On a normal day, the pit would be empty, sept for the knights in waiting. But today a pole was laid in the middle so that a knight could joust on each side with their mare or stallion.

As my eyes wandered they fell onto a medium sided red tent with a blue dressing around it. But it wasn't the tent that caught my eyes. No, it was the boy standing in front of it. His black hair was tied back from his face, blue eyes looking down as a look of pure concentration was settled on his face as he sharpened a knife using a sharp rock.

It was like nothing I've ever felt before. It was like I was watching myself watch him. Everything in me felt like it was in high alert, and if I was being honest I would admit that I felt scared. I had never felt anything like it before, it felt amazing and terrifying at the same time. Like an angel From above grabbing my hand and pulling me, I made my way to him on sea legs not quite sure what I was going to do or say when I got over to him.

He looked up when I stood close enough yo block his sunlight, His eyes squinted as he tried to see through strands of hair. "Oi. You're blocking me light."

"Oh," I stumbled, my legs tripping over the other as I tried to step back. Like a fool, I landed on my hind. My wrists hurt as they bent behind me to catch myself from the hard ground. And the older, mind you not older by much, boy just looked at me like it was nothing but a measly bug on the ground.

I felt like an utter puzzle head as I sat there, the embarrassment eating me into a paralyzing fear. Besides the pain in my wrist, nothing hurt other than my pride. The boy sighed, setting his knife down and standing up. Like most, he was taller than I, and for his young age he was much thicker as well, it was like the Gods were teasing me. A price, short, feminine. It wasn't fair. How would I get the grace like that of my father if I was built like a girl without breasts?

The boy stood over me, reaching an annoyed hand to me. I gave a weak smile as I pulled myself up to my feet, wincing only slightly at the pain I felt in my wrist as he pulled a tad too tightly on it.

"Ya hurt yerself?" He shook his head. "What are ya? some kind of loiter-sack? This your first time out of your means?"

Did he.. just insult me? "I beg your pardon?" Never has someone spoken to me in such a tone, and to call me lazy? I was a prince for the love of God.

"Best be on your way before you get yerself hurt. Them fancy clothes of yours won't last long down ere'"

"Eh!" Both our heads turned to the side as a voice called for us. And it was light lighting speed that the boy fell to his knee, bowing his head to my father as Ser Talbot and he made their ways over. "Edward, ya met tha' price. Perfect, Stan up boy. Lookin' all foolish down like a whore." Ser Talbot put a hand on Edward's shoulder as the boy rose to his feet.

He was as pale as a ghost as he looked from me to my father, his lips looking like my mother's koi at feeding time. And still, there was a bubbling in my chest as I watched the boy look at me confused as if he was just noticing the hand-pressed crest in my velvet coat.

Edward didn't say another word to me that day, or any day after for nearly two years whenever my father would take me to the matches. We had grown watching one another but never making a move. I had always assumed Ser Talbot and his son had an arrogance to themselves. But my father and Tsar loved the Talbots. And I couldn't imagine why.

And though I couldn't stand them, I also couldn't keep my eyes from watching the younger Talbot as he ran around helping his father. And then, of course, it only got worse when the younger Talbot started to joust as well.

Edward and I were well into our teen years when we first spoke again. Nearly ten years had passed. I was only seventeen. Still young and lost on my duty's as a prince. Though there was no war on the horizon, we still had a grand feist, one that allowed the Kings Knights to attend with their families.

Mother, Harlow, and I were sat at a long table with father. And soon I noticed the young Talbot standing to the side speaking with other knights. Earlier in the evening, I had seen he and his father walk in. No woman around either man. It was common knowledge that Ser Talbot's wife had left when Edward was still on the breast. Rumour was she had a lover who she had gotten pregnant with. Another was that Benedict himself had killed her once he found of the lover. But I liked to think the woman had run off to be happy with a lover who would not treat her poorly like it was told Ser Talbot had.

I had no plans on leaving my chair that night. But somehow I found myself in my mother's garden, in the center with the lighting bugs that flew from one closed flower to another.

The night wasn't cold, but the air was now warm. I had sat on the edge of the fountain, running my fingers into the cold water. It wasn't long before I heard footfall behind me. But I chose to ignore it. I did not want to be disturbed as I played with my thoughts.

I was seventeen, the soul air to the kingdom, I had bulked up in the years to a point, yes, but I was still very conscious of my body shape. Harlow had made comments just that day on how I looked like a woman, and that I need to cut my hair. I had worked my body so hard through the years to gain a chest of a warrior, arms of a man who worked with iron. But still, my shape had not changed by much. I did not favor a woman now, and I was aware of that. But Harlow liked to poke fun at the insanity that had eaten me inside. Tsar was quick to correct them. He would, and still does, compliments me on my work, and how I was shaping into a strong young man.

It was no use, once I was alone in the bathhouse I could see it. The lean shape, the hips, the curves that no longer hugged me, yet still haunted me.

"Your majesty," I jumped, not high enough to fall, but enough to startle the small fish that was about to kiss my finger. I looked towards the younger Talbot, a brow-raising to him. No longer was I the nervous child who was going to trip over my own two feet for him. I had made a fool of myself once towards him. But I would not allow myself to do that again.

Edward made no move towards me, but he did reach a hand back to scratch the back of his neck. Edward was a man now. no longer a ten-year-old, now he was nearing twenty, he wore a red tunic with black tights. A brown belt tied to his waist with a matching vest over top.

I was wearing a heavy blue cloak that fell to my feet and tied around my collar with a golden chain. The tunic I wore was the same blue, with thick gold tread going the breasts and neckline. I wore white trousers, I was also forced to wear the crown on my head, which was often hidden away in my chambers. "Yes?" I asked, turning my body towards him, my arms coming up to fold over my chest.

"My apologies, I didn't mean to startle you."

"You did no such thing."

"I saw you jump mah' lord."

I scowled standing from my perch. "And what can I help you with ser Talbot?" infuriating, absolutely obnoxious.

"I was just out for a walk mah lord. It was getting uncomfortably hot in the dining room. Is that not why you left?"

"No, in fact, I left to be alone."

"Oh," Edward said, looking a little taken back by my hostility. Frankly, I was as well. Why was I upset? I had not left the party to be alone, I merely left because the crowd was becoming too much for me. "My apologies again young lord. I'll take my leave then." He turned around, walking towards the exit of the rosebushes.

"Wait," I said with a sigh, guilt taking me from the inside. "You do not need to leave. Take a seat. Cool yourself down. Only if you'd like."

He didn't move at first. Standing there and looking at me long enough for me to turn my head back towards the water to avoid his gaze. I could hear his steps as they got closer, the soft thud of his footfall on the cobblestone. Soon, he sat beside me.

Both he and I sat in silence.

We sat together without saying a word until Tsar came looking. And even then I was reluctant to leave. There was no dullness in the air. It was, comfortable. I felt as if I could sit there all night with him without saying a word to him. It made me uneasy.

And that was the start of us, Edward and I. From that night forth Edward would meet me that same spot. The first few times we both just sat, no words ever spoken.

It was like we were reading each other, learning each other without words. It was magical. It made my insides turn.

I loved it.