"Nineteen wasn't a big birthday the last time I checked." I set aside my history book.

"Any birthday is a big birthday. Well, until thirty, then it goes downhill. Or that's what my mom says." Mallory continued browsing the dresses in my closet.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm all about going out, I just don't want you guys to feel like you have to make a big deal of it."

"You made a big deal out of mine." Cara smiled. I had a feeling she was daydreaming about Aaron.

"What time are we going?" I joined Mallory at my closet. I had no clue what to wear.

"Nine. And I think you should wear this one." Mallory held up a simple, black halter dress. It was short, but not too short.

"I was going to pick that one."

"Great minds think alike."

I laughed. "That they do."

I had just put away my makeup bag when my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, but based on the extra digits, I had a suspicion about who it might be.

"Hello?"

"Juliet, hey. Please, let me talk."

Cara and Mallory waved as they slipped out of the room.

I realized that I was over being angry with her. Besides, I'd missed hearing her voice. "Hi, Amy."

"I'm sorry. I messed up, but I was only trying to help you."

"I get that, and I forgive you. But next time, let me handle it myself." I'd always gone to Amy for advice about everything. It was time I grew up and figured things out on my own.

"Sometimes I forget you're not a little kid anymore."

"I'm not. I'm sure I'll keep making mistakes, but they're mine to make."

"He's a good guy," she said nervously.

"Are you trying to push your luck?"

"It's true. I think he really cares about you, and if you love him, you should give it another chance." She sounded sincere, as if she really believed it.

I sighed. "I'm glad you called, Amy. I really am, but I don't want to talk about Reed."

"Happy birthday."

"Thanks, I wasn't sure if you remembered what day it was."

"Of course I did. I miss you. Maybe you can come out here when I have my time off."

I laughed. "We'll see about that."

"Take care of yourself."

"You too. Love you."

"Love you too, Juliet."

I set aside my phone with a mix of emotions. It was great talking to Amy, but I hated how she made me think about Reed even more than I already did.

***

The club was packed. After waiting in line for what felt like forever, we got in.

"What do you guys want to drink?" Cara asked.

"Just a beer for me." I still didn't love getting drunk. I liked being in control, and I couldn't do that if I had more than a few drinks. I'd learned that the hard way at one of Reed's date parties. He'd been there to take care of me, but I'm pretty sure I ended up dancing on a table. After that incident, I'd discovered that I could nurse a beer a lot longer than anything else.

"Same. Want to just get some Coronas?"

"Sure. Be right back." Cara walked over to the bar, flashing a smile at the bartender to cut ahead of about ten people.

I laughed. "She's got the touch."

"You could probably pull it off, too. Especially in a dress like that."

"Look who's talking."

Mallory looked down at her tight red dress. "Good point."

We were still laughing when Cara got back. "Do you want the good news or bad news first?"

"What?" My stomach dropped. By the smile on her face, I was pretty sure I knew both.

"The good news is that Aaron is here."

"Does the bad news have to do with Reed?" I didn't even need to ask. I'd run into him on campus a few times but refused to talk to him. I missed him too much.

"Yeah, he's here too. I think he has a birthday present for you, by the way."

"I don't want anything from him."

"You know he's still crazy about you, right?"

"Yeah? Then why is he flirting with Amber Neils?" I nodded toward where he stood with the girl he'd gone to a crush party with months before.

"He's not flirting."

"Whatever. Go hang out with Aaron. I'll do my own thing."

"Hey, I'm not ditching you." I didn't need to turn around to realize they were both following me.

"I know you want to hang out with him. I don't care." I could feel tears welling. I couldn't believe it bothered me so much. I knew he'd date someone else eventually.

"Why don't you just admit you want to get back together with him? That would solve everything." Mallory touched my arm gently.

"Except I don't want to. I'm not ready."

"All right, then. Let's go dance." Mallory took my hand, leading me into the crowd. I downed my beer, enjoying the music. I decided to have one more beer, and that was probably a good thing.

"You ready to have some real fun?" Mallory knew how to make everything interesting. She was an awesome friend, and it was hard to imagine surviving college without her.

"Real fun?"

She grinned and then leaned over to whisper in Cara's ear.

"I know you're talking about me."

"We are. Consider it a birthday present."

Mallory took my hand and stopped in front of one of those dance platforms. She got the attention of one of the girls up there. "No way. No way, Mallory."

"Oh, yes." She headed up, pulling me with her.

I took a deep breath. I could do this. I could dance.

Mallory made it easy. We danced closely, and I knew from the shouting that we had an audience. What did surprise me was when Mallory whispered in my ear. "It looks like you got someone's attention."

I followed her gaze. Reed stood on the floor right next to us, watching me with wide eyes. Mallory and I jumped down together.

"I'm going to get a drink." She winked and walked off.

"Any chance I can get a dance with the birthday girl?" Reed gave me the sweet smile that always melted my heart.

"I don't think so."

"Just one dance?" His eyes pleaded.

I nodded. "Just one."

He started to move, putting his arms around my waist. The contact felt so good that I didn't shrug him off until the end of the song.

"You're really sticking to the one song thing?" Disappointment was clear in his voice.

"I can't do this. I don't think-"

"Don't. Just take this." He slid a small USB drive into my palm.

"What is it?"

"The emails, all of them. Do us both a favor, and keep reading. You stopped too early."

"Reed, I don't know what you're expecting it to do."

"Nothing. I'm not expecting it to do anything, but I want you to read them anyway. I also want you to know that I'm here. I'm not giving up on us. When you're ready, come find me." He kissed me on the cheek. "Happy birthday." He watched me for a second before walking away. I stood there, stunned, clutching the small, black piece of plastic.

I was still clutching the USB drive when Mallory found me a few minutes later. "Do I want to know what that is?" She touched my fist.

"Something I don't want to look at but probably should."

"In that case, do you want to get a cab home? I have a feeling Cara's going to stay."

I followed Mallory's gaze to where Cara leaned into Aaron. "Yeah, let's head home."

***

I read through the emails. I'd prepared with a cup of hot chocolate and a box of tissues. Starting to read them at one a.m. probably wasn't the best idea, but I just wanted to get it over with. Tally had gone home for the weekend, so I could cry as loud as I wanted to.

I started where I'd left off. They were more of the same. Mostly, just updates on me, but then, suddenly, they changed.

***

***

***

***

***

***

My breath hitched when I read his words even though he'd told me so many times.

***

***

And then they changed again.

***

***

***

***

***

The last document on the drive wasn't to Amy. It was a letter to me.

-

A box of tissues wasn't enough. I loved Reed with everything I had. I'd needed time alone to figure things out, but I knew what I had to do.