《Prince Charming Must Die》23. The Cloistered Witches of the Cloister

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Everyone is familiar with that weird sensation when you see someone you know in an unexpected place. Like you're dripping with sweat at hot yoga and in walks your middle-school algebra teacher—the one you had a massive crush on. Or you run into your ex on a good hair day, wearing a new amazing lipstick shade, with a hot guy on your arm.

There's that moment of non-recognition followed by that surreal feeling that maybe it's you who is out of place — followed by your acceptance of the situation. After all, people have lives outside of their interactions with you.

In Ashley's case, her mind went wild with questions swirling in a tornado of confusion. She used the sword as a makeshift cane, jabbing it in the snow with each step, trying not to fall over.

Upon arrival at the front of the line, out of breath from her exertions, Ashley blurted: "Why are you here handing out hot drinks and warm blankets to the prince's entourage?"

"Good to see you too," Prince Derek said. "If you must know, we're here to rescue you."

"Huh?"

"Have your ears frozen over?" he said. "Don't blame you," he shivered. "It's colder than a spoiled prince's heart."

"My hearing is fine," Ashley said, gripping the sword's hilt so tightly, her hand cramped. She didn't know where to begin, whether she ought to scold them for being so stupid as to show up here or drop on her knees and thank them for coming.

She went for chiding, mostly because the ground was too cold to kneel upon. "Are you crazy. If the prince sees us here together, we're done for. We have to get you out of here." Derek plucked the sword from her grip as if it didn't weigh a million pounds, leaned it against the table, and offering her a hot cup of cocoa. "Few more marshmallows?" Ashley said.

Derek grabbed the marshmallows from Layyin and kept layering them in until he formed a perfect pyramid of marshmallows atop Ashley's mug. "Better?"

She sipped, nodding. The chocolatey goodness warmed her insides, but was this the time for relaxation? Sure her body ached from running through acres of blackberry brambles, spending years hunched over in a wooden torture device, being pelted with a mountain of rotten produce, fighting a thousand ice elves, and passing an eternity trapped in a carriage on a bumpy ride with her ex. But given that her friends and the entire plot to destroy Charming were about to be uncovered, the restoration period had to end. She set down the cup. "Now. Out of here." She surveyed their surroundings, looking for a haven.

White white white snow everywhere, except for the insipid-yellow fortress. "Where is your transportation? How did you get here so fast?"

"Calm down. You look terrible," Derek said. "Did someone drag you through a compost heap?" He sniffed her. I'd say a combination of rotted tomatoes and zucchini, which, by the way, was voted world's worst vegetable three years in a row by Vegetable Enquirer magazine."

"Quiet, Derek," Layyin said. "She's been through a lot. We'll get you a bath and clean clothes soon enough."

"She doesn't look terrible. I'd call it 'shabby chic,'" Sadira said. "Or ruggedly handsome."

Derek flung back his green curls. "I'll show you handsome."

"Don't worry, Derek. We all know you're gorgeous," Sadira said, tongue firmly placed in cheek.

"No need to appease me. I don't need your false flattery."

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Sadira raised her eyebrows.

"All right. I do need your false flattery. What?" He held out his arms. "This Charming cheating ordeal has rocked me to my core. Can't blame me for a little insecurity."

"No one blames you," Ashley said. "We're all feeling that way."

People in line behind them began shuffling their feet in the snow and grumbling. Ashely wanted to grumble too. Her toes were frozen inside her boots. "But why are you insecure here specifically?" Ashley said. "Instead of back at the castle, being insecure in a much safer setting?"

"Be assured, it's life or death, or we wouldn't have come. Look, are you going to use the little princess room?" Derek said.

"Excuse me?"

"You're hopping around like a frog on hot coals. I know the signs. And hey, what happened to your mustache?"

"It met an unsticky end. Cheap glue, I guess. I think getting you guys to safety is more important than my mustache or my biological needs."

"Stop worrying so much. It causes early-onset wrinkling," Derek said. "None of the people in the entourage will recognize us. We're wearing burlap for heaven's sake! No one expects to see royals in burlap. Trust me."

"But the prince might recognize you. I can't say this with 100% certainty because I just spent hours with him in a carriage, and while he thought he might've met me before— at a brothel no less—he never figured out who I was."

"We waited until he disappeared into the Cloister. He's going to be busy for a while in there," Sadira said.

The person behind Ashley in the queue elbowed her in the back. "Hey, could you move off?" Ashley rubbed her back and turned to apologize for holding up the line but stopped herself when she recognized the person as one of the tomato-throwing washerwomen. Ashley frowned but stepped aside.

"Take this, so you don't turn into a princess-shaped popsicle," Layyin whispered, handing Ashley a wool blanket. "There's a stand of evergreens over there." She pointed.

Ashley squinted to identify a blur of green on the horizon.

"Be right back." She cursed her small bladder. Glittering snowflakes, like diamond dust, fell from the clear sky. And with each footstep, her boots sank into the virgin snow, leaving temporary impressions of her existence.

The wind picked up. As Ashley neared the trees, the clean scent of pine enveloped her.

Ashley took care of the urgent matter at hand—namely, her bladder—and relaced her pants. The fortress loomed ahead. The queue of cocoa patrons had subsided, and most of them were setting up camp. Her fellow royals were packing up their wares.

An owl hooted from a branch high above.

"Hey there," Ashley hooted back.

"The Cloistered Witches of the Cloister request the honor of your presence."

No matter how curious Ashley was about what went on inside the fortress, the very idea of leaving her friends caused the cocoa to curdle in her stomach. "Well, that's very kind of them, but I can't right now. Another time, maybe?"

"Maybe I wasn't clear," the owl hooted. "You will attend the Witches."

"Don't think so."

"The witches shall bestow you with a prophecy. A great honor," it hooted loudly.

"What if I don't want to be bestowed?"

"What? Everyone wants to be bestowed."

"I prefer not to know the future. It's more fun that way. And I don't want to be guided by what will be. Self-fulfilling prophecies are a drag. Plus, from what I've heard about prophecies, they're usually ominous. And I've had enough 'ominous' to last a lifetime. What if the prophecy is something like: 'You shall face your greatest enemy in a battle to the death and only survive if you climb the highest mountain in the seven kingdoms, hide behind the hair of a prisoner, help the Guardian, and procure a dragon's egg. Oh, and it has to be a Thursday, or forget any chance of survival.' But look, tell the witches I totally appreciate the offer, but honestly, I am not worthy of such attention."

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The owl's head spun all the way around. Ashley's refusal seemed to have left the proud bird of prey hootless. Perhaps it had never been rejected before. It flew out of the branches, releasing a clump of snow, which plopped on Ashley's head. There went the wig.

Ashley picked it up from the ground, shook off the snow, and slapped it back on. "Ugh!" She stomped back to her pals.

"It's on backward," Derek said, adjusting her wig.

"Thanks." Ashley crossed her arms over her chest. "Well, what's so urgent that you had to risk the mission to come here?" She tried to tap her booted foot, but it wasn't that rewarding tapping in slush.

"There's an uprising in the village of Ever After," Layyin blurted.

"What?" Ashley said, horror on her face.

"It's the Quarterly Tribunal, and there's no one to hear their complaints. They're getting tax notices, but they claim to have paid them. The man you jailed, Borin? He used the uprising of the villagers as a "get out of the dungeon free card."

"Borin is out?"

"Yes. And he's fueling the flames. You have to get back asap."

"How did you find me?"

"We'll catch you up on the way," Derek said.

"Let's leave the cocoa supplies and blankets here," Layyin suggested.

"Wait, I can't leave yet. I've got to find Louisa," Ashley said.

"Don't fret so much," Derek said.

Layyin smiled kindly. "Are you trying to take my job? Fretting is my thing."

"We would never abandon Louisa," Sadira said.

Derek clapped his hands. "Enough talking. Time to save the kingdom. No rest for the weary, as they say. Let's be off."

"Okay," Ashley relented, trudging behind her three royal pals as they crossed the snow to the edge of a precipice Ashley hadn't noticed before. Derek whistled. The piercing sound echoed across the snowy canyon. "Shouldn't take more than a couple of minutes for our ride to get here," he said.

"Anyway, the simple version of the story is that we were worried when you didn't come back within 24 hours, as you promised. We knew Blanche's magical mirror could tell us your location. So, we went to her room. And guess what we found?"

"Seven dwarves sleeping in their little beds?"

"What? No. We found Blanche."

"She's all right?" Ashley said. "Thank goodness, she wasn't abducted by the Chardonnay-stealing Ghost of Cornell Castle."

"Excuse me?" Derek said.

Ashley bit her lip. "Nothing. I'm thrilled. What happened to her?"

"She said she decided to have a solitary picnic. Grabbed a bottle of wine and some cheese and took a walk on the castle grounds, when suddenly she stumbled into an apple grove. Because of her apple allergy, she ran and ran and got lost. Fainted. Regained consciousness, and then it took her ages to find her way back."

"Oh, my," Ashley said. "Is she alright?"

"She does seem kind of on edge," Layyin said.

Derek nodded. "And forgetful."

"But other than that, she's as normal as Blanche can be," Sadira said, uncharacteristically uncharitable.

"True," Derek said. "Anyway, when we found her, she was sitting on her fainting couch in front of the mirror, eating popcorn, and watching you throw-up on Prince Not-so-charming in the carriage.

Layyin swallowed hard. "Super gross, by the way."

"But what aim she had!" Derek said, his eyes twinkling in what looked like admiration. "Right on his lap." At the moment, Ashley had been more mortified than proud. But she had to admit, her aim was ironically satisfying.

"She invited us to join her," Layyin said.

"And gave us popcorn," Derek added.

Ashley shrunk in confusion. "But why?"

"Because we looked hungry?" Sadira said.

"No, why would she watch me in her mirror? Why not check out what's happening in her own kingdom? Or ask the mirror about who's the fairest of them all. Or even spy on the knight's locker room?"

Layyin laughed. "Blanche was worried. Why else?"

"I don't know. If Blanche was so worried, why didn't she come to get you guys right after she saw where I was?"

"Maybe she was about to?" Layyin said.

"Maybe," Ashley said. "I'm sure you're right. I don't know why I'm so suspicious lately."

"So, we all grabbed popcorn and watched as well," Derek said.

Ashley shook her head. "You spied on me?"

"Not spying. Helping," Derek corrected. "Trying to gather clues as to your location. Great job with the potion, by the way!" Derek said, patting her back.

"You saw that part?"

"Yes." He said. "Unfortunately. I can never unsee it. Made my own bits shrivel a little. But overall, it was intensely satisfying."

From the opposite end of the canyon, three large winged shapes approached, casting long shadows in the morning light. The same shadows Ashley had seen from the carriage. "You came by unicorn?"

"Sure did," Layyin said, her cheeks bright with pride. And cold. But mostly pride.

"Louisa!" Ashley shouted, heart swelling with joy. The beautiful white beast fluttered to the snow next to them, along with two unfamiliar unicorns.

"We stole them," Layyin said, giggling. "It was so fun being an outlaw. I had no idea."

"Technically, you didn't steal them," Ashley said. "You borrowed them."

Layyin pouted.

"Don't ruin it for her," Derek said.

"Sorry, Layyin. Yes, of course, you stole them."

"Thanks."

"Do you know if Gerald the groom returned?"

"Don't know," Layyin said. "All the grooms look the same to me. I'm a princess."

"Seriously?" Ashley said.

"Naw. Just kidding. But no, I didn't see him."

Ashley's shoulders slumped. When she returned to the castle, she'd send Domino on a search. Then she'd re-imprison Borin, help the villagers, and together the team could continue to make Charming's life miserable. "Well, I guess let's get back, then. And thanks, guys. You are honestly the best friends I've ever had."

"Group hug," Layyin said.

The four royals formed a huddle. They wrapped their arms around one another in a circle of solidarity. "We will never let go of our friendship," Sadira said.

Suddenly everything went black, and Ashley and her friends were swept away into a dimension of nothingness.

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Being swept into a dimension of nothingness is not something to be recommended. First of all, your stomach drops so low, you're afraid it might leave your body. Goosebumps erupt all over your skin, and your head spins as if you'd done hundreds of pirouettes without stopping. Your lungs might burst from a lack of oxygen. Also, you can't locate your teeth.

Around you is blackness. You can't even see your hand, though you know it's in front of your face.

All you feel is dread.

Then, it's over.

Ashley found herself and her royal companions sprawled on a cold stone floor in a stone room surrounded by dozens of veiled witches all in black. Torches cantilevered from the walls, cast an eerie glow.

At the furthest end of the room, a veiled witch sat upon a throne made of craggy black branches, probably made from the Forbidden Forest's creepy trees. But this witch, despite her hidden face, exuded power and authority. It rose off of her like waves of summer heat from a cobblestone road. Beside her, the owl from earlier inched paced back and forth along a perch. The witch pointed her veiled head at Ashley, and even through the fabric, she thought she could feel the woman's eyes rummaging around the back of her skull.

"Thank you for joining us," the witch whispered, but the chill in her voice sent shivers reverberating between each vertebra in Ashley's spine. The witch turned to the owl. "Who are the others?"

"Must've gotten caught in the translocation spell," the owl hooted.

"Get rid of them," the witch ordered.

Ashley forced herself to stand, head spinning. "Excuse me? What exactly do you mean by 'get rid of?'" Then she blacked out.

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