《Daevas ✔️》Chapter 8.3: Longing
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Ari woke to a dark room dimly lit with candles. As the coldness of the room seeped through his skin, he quickly realized he had no shirt on. He looked around and spotted Sai sitting at a table near the bed, making his eyebrows knead together in confusion.
"I bet you cannot say this is the first time someone had undressed you while you lay fast asleep," Sai said as he turned and smiled.
Even with just his shirt gone, Ari felt naked under his assessing gaze.
"At least you were in my bed and not some other demon. They would not have let you sleep so soundlessly, you know. Do not ever go wandering into chambers that are not yours again, young one, especially not old ones."
Ari was trying to take in all of what he was saying, but his mind could not focus. He was too well aware of the fact that he was, indeed, in his bed shirtless and as vulnerable as he could be.
"Why had you... " Ari stumbled on his words as Sai continued to stare at him. It made his heart beat faster and caused the rest of his voice to get caught in his throat.
"I wanted to look." Sai rose from his chair. "I wanted to look at the marks on your back... As I told you before, they tell a story and what an interesting story yours tell."
Ari looked at him, waiting for more words to come.
"I counted nineteen marks... but there is a red spot near your spine. You will be having a birthday soon."
"What do they mean... the markings...?" Ari asked, wanting to get to the point but his mind betrayed him and went to some other thing that had been eating away at him. "My parents... Can I... "
"No, you will not ever find them. Every one of us had such thoughts, but the markings on us give no clear indication of who or where our parents are. They leave their bodies and go to ours when they pass is what we all assume."
Ari lowered his eyes, trying not to become upset by his words.
"Have you wondered why they had abandoned you in the first place? We are intimate things, that tend to grow strong bonds with things we hold dear to our hearts. Bonds once formed that are hard to untether from. It was not as if they did not love you. No, that could not be it... Maybe your father, but rarely ever the mother..."
His eyes were watering now.
"It could be because it was to save you. It could be because one or both of them were being hunted because of you. Because it is much easier to take a young one than an old one... And these markings... they are old and as ancient as my own self. Perhaps she was dying. Perhaps she could not find you. Perhaps she truly did not want you." Sai shrugged. "We will never know and it is best if you do not think much more of it any longer."
"They--"
"No, I am not saying they died because of you. But that is the way of this wretched world. The way humans are. The way they always have been."
"They should still have never abandoned me," Ari said clenching back tears. "Look what they had done to me. I do not even know myself."
Sai went over to a dresser seeming to ignore him again. Ari was quite used to it and his ways. He wiped his eyes and steeled his heart. What use was getting upset over something that had happened some odd years ago?
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"What do they mean?" Ari said again with unshed tears clouding his vision. As much as he tried to ignore it, he was deeply hurt by what his mother or father had done to him. He had felt abandoned and unloved for so long. It did not help that he was raised in a place that despised his very existence. Ari tried to swallow, but there was a lump in the back of his throat which made breathing difficult.
As if noticing his anxiety worsening, Sai came and put a shirt back over him. Ari lifted his arms so it would go all the way down. He tugged it down just as Sai came and hugged him.
"I know... young one. I know, as we all know. The pain you feel will fade with time. If lucky enough, it will be replaced with people you hold dear to your heart and those who hold you dear to theirs as well."
Sai's thumb wiped away a stray tear of his, causing him to nod as he lowered his head into his chest. He smelled so sweet and he felt warm and as cozy as a fireplace, growing hotter by the seconds. Ari wanted so badly to kiss him, thinking that in doing so the pain in his chest would fade away. Truly, Ari saw no reason for Sai to have such hatred for himself when he was a very beautiful person. He gave him such comfort with just his smile alone. And the ways that he touched him, although as innocent as they were, made him grow hot and flushed with want.
Ari grabbed the Sai by each side taking a handful of his shirt in his hands as he did. He pulled down on it, hoping to bring him down closer to his lips so that he could kiss him, but Sai only turned his head and pushed him away. It made his heart hurt at his constant show of disinterest and denial. What else could he do to make Sai see him in the way that he saw him?
"It is only morning and you are already filled with so much desire and want. I am not the one to sate those hungry feelings of yours."
"Then tell me your name," Ari breathed. "Tell me it if you will not tell me of my markings."
"Who said I would not tell you?"
"If you had any intention of doing it, you would not have changed the subject so easily."
"You had," Sai said, coolly.
"I had because you steered me towards it. I am not so dumb."
"You wish to know my name over something of great importance?"
Ari nodded. He would play the fool if only but awhile. So he may not be willing to part with the information so soon, but eventually, he would. He liked his drinks and that was when his truest thoughts would come flowing out.
Sai looked as if in thought before bending down to his height. He barely was touching his lips before he whispered his name.
"It is Sai."
Ari felt his toes curl and his groin stiffen just by his soft words and smile. He was so close to his face now, Ari could not help but think to kiss him again, but he did not want to be rebuffed again. It was not a good feeling. Still, Ari grabbed onto the collar of his shirt and pressed him close until their lips were touching.
They were warm and soft, just as he thought they would be. As he kissed him again, Ari could taste the bittersweetness of a pomegranate on his lips. Ari licked and sucked it, loving the taste. He wished he could press further, but Sai was an obstinate one and did not give himself away so freely.
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Despite his thoughts, Ari felt Sai's arm wrapping around his waist and pulling him closer. His body shuddered as he kissed him deeply. It was short and sudden, but it managed to steal his breath away. He was left in a daze as Sai pulled away, wiping the bottom of his lip with his tongue. Soon he dried it with his thumb and set his gaze elsewhere.
"This is lust, young one. Mere infatuation. It is not love."
"And why is that such a bad thing... Because it is not love?"
"Precisely."
Ari swallowed dryly as Sai turned to look at him.
"I do not want this or some other thing if it is not. Let us stay as friends or we can be nothing at all."
Time and time again, he jilted him and it was as if he never learned from them. Nothing could grow between them, but the friendship he was offering him. Ari closed his eyes and nodded in respite of himself. He had embarrassed himself far enough and he did not want to lose all relations with him. Still, some greater part of him wanted more than just friendship with him, but he did not necessarily want romantic love from him either. He wanted to kiss him, but not in the way that he assumes it was in. He did not believe it was lust... rather affection. It was a strange, confusing feeling Ari had never felt before.
"You must be hungry. I will have Ra prepare something for you from the kitchen. Come out when you are done changing."
"Changing?"
"Bathe and dress or would you prefer to have me do it?"
Ari blushed, causing Sai to laugh.
"He has already prepared a bath for you. Go before it gets any colder."
Ari was quick to leave out the room and head down the hall, ignoring his looming presence outside the door. He surely knew what words to say to make his cheeks grow red. Surely, he liked to tease him and make light of his confusing feelings.
He ran his hands down his face and let out a miserable sigh once he was in the bathing room. His face was hot and Ari did not have to look at his reflection in the water to tell his ears had grown red as well. Ari could not possibly see him in the same way as Auovin or Cyrus. No, not as a lover, anyway. Not in any sense of the word. But he surely liked to kiss him and be kissed by him. Ari touched his lips and shook his head.
He undressed quickly and soaked in the bath for some time. He let the steam cool his mind of Sai but in its place emerged Auovin. Since meeting him, he has been such a hard thought to be rid of. Every little thought of him and the simple ways he would look at him would cause a tightness in his chest down to the lower parts of him. He was taught any thoughts that caused such a reaction were unclean, faithless thoughts and resulted in many cold baths, thigh whippings, or long nights out in the rain for his peers. Now that he was free of them, he let his thoughts flow freely.
After a moment, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes, taking in the smell of wine and vanilla that scented the bath. The drops of water trailing down his skin became more pronounced. They were like gentle fingertips sliding down his skin. Each one becoming more apparent than the last. As he breathed, the steam from the bath was like breath blowing into his ears and down his neck reminding him of all the times, Auovin kissed him there and whispered things into his ear.
He let his hands wander further down his thighs, imagining them as someone else's instead of his. A sigh escaped him when he grasped in between his legs. Shudders rippled through him like the water in motion surrounding him. He stroked himself gently and slowly, at first wanting the first waves of pleasure to pass.
His eyes closed, wanting it to be Auovin's touching him and stroking him like this. He ran a hand up his chest as he started up again. It was not long before Ari had his face in mind and the memory of his hands and where they touched. His voice hitched as a more powerful sensation took over him. It felt as if he couldn't stop and everything was turning into blurs due to it all.
He imagined his tongue on his neck, trailing down his neck to his stomach. His lips kissing the innermost part of his thigh and the feel of his teeth sinking into his neck. Ari was so blinded by the pleasure he could not bear to open his eyes.His body was wracked with nerves and he could hardly keep himself upright in the tub.
His heart was beating out of his chest now and he had trouble finding his breath for a moment. As soon as that pleasurable feeling disappeared, Ari turned himself around in the tub and took a deep breath. The cool air chilled him, causing goose bumps to surface, but Ari hardly noticed. His mind was blank, only filling with thoughts of Auovin. He breathed deeply again and exhaled, watching his breath disappear into the air. Ari never thought such a feeling could exist just from a touch like that. Although he was satisfied with the feelings that it left him, he wanted more, much more than that.
Ari stepped out and dried off in a hurry before putting on the black clothes and boots laid out for him. He did not want his thoughts to inspire another one in the presence of Sai and Ra. As soon as he finished lacing up his boots, he stepped out the door and went down the hall. He did not see Sai or Ra in their rooms which only meant that they were downstairs, but it was quiet.
He stepped down the stairs lightly checking around for anything that seemed strange or out of place. When he turned and walked towards the dining room he saw Sai hovering over Ra like a predator eyeing its prey. Ari thought he was going to kiss Ra as he kissed him, but Sai only put a couple blueberries in his mouth before smiling. He was as daunting and alluring as anyone could become, that was for certain. It was no wonder Ra had fallen for him in the way that he did.
Sai turned and looked at Ari just as he stepped away from Ra and gave him one of those looks that made Ari tuck in his bottom lip.
"Took you long enough. Come eat," Sai said. Ra moved around him and set a plate of buttered bread, pastry goods, and a large bowl of fruit in front of one seat.
Ari sat down without hesitation and stared at the both of them in silence. The air was riffled with unsaid thoughts and some odd tension Ari was not quite registering. Had he done something wrong? Ari eyed the buttered bread before tearing off large pieces and stuffing it in his mouth. He continued to eat in silence until the bread was gone as well as the pastry goods filled with strawberry custard. Ari licked his lips, loving the sweetness of it and thought to grab an orange. He stopped midway and took an apple instead.
"You must, Sai," Ra said, finally breaking the silence.
"I do not have to do anything," Sai said, paying him no mind.
Ari looked at Ra then Sai.
"Sai, do not be difficult. Times are changing and you must adapt."
"You think I should take up arms against your kind?"
"I know you can differentiate between the ones who may want to do you harm versus those who do not."
"Do you know what that would mean?" Sai said with kneaded brows.
"Of course I do."
"You cannot come with me then. You will stay here and be with your own kind as you should have been years ago. You are not like me nor will you ever be."
Ari saw the hurt go through Ra's eyes, but Sai continued unphased by his upset expression.
"It is time you grew up and see the reality of things."
"I will. I will no longer follow you if you promise to do this."
"Promises are hardly kept by your kind," Sai rebuked before peeling away the skin of an orange.
Ari did not know whether to stay silent or if they were expecting him to say a word of anything about this. He did not want to involve himself in their affairs, but somehow, Ari thought it involved him.
"You are all I have, Sai. No matter if I love you in that romantic way or not, you are it. And you are asking me to... It is cruel."
"It is crueler yet to let you think you have a decent future with me."
Ari could see the tears amassing in his eyes. They dropped down onto the plate as Sai began to stroke his hair.
"My pretty boy... go on and be with some other."
"I cannot," he sobbed. "Let me stay with you."
"No."
"I will find you as I always find you," Ra threatened, which made Sai's eyes narrow.
"If this is how it shall be, then fine. This young one needs you more than me. Help him... and then you can come and find me when you are finished."
Sai wiped away his tears before kissing his forehead, stopping his tears almost immediately.
"You are like this because I had spoiled you and think you can get what you want with these tears... "
As distant as Sai tried to be with Ra, it was quite clear to Ari that he loved him dearly just as he said. Sai was a very kind and affectionate person with his words being like a double-edged sword, at times. No matter which side, he said such harsh words with the best intentions in mind. Ari knew that much was clear.
Sai closed his eyes and sighed. "You go with him and I will finish things here."
"Go with me where?" Ari said, looking at them both.
Sai put a hand up and focused his concentration on the table or so it had looked like. Soon he rose from the table and walked towards the door. He beckoned Ari close, causing Ari to look from Ra back to him.
"There is not much time left between us, but be wary of those who think to use your blood for evil purposes and be wary even more of those that say to do you no harm."
Ari's eyes widened.
"A war has begun and in between the feud is you."
"Why?"
"Your blood is old and your markings speak of a tale best left untold. A tale of when we were once gods."
"Gods?" Ari murmured.
Sai took him out the door and stopped just as Ari's eyes had fallen on a glaring figure drenched in the blood of humans and demons alike. Ari's words were stuck in his throat as questions loomed all around him. His heart twisted and pulled at his chest once the person stepped closer, causing Ari to press more into Sai.
"Little Ari."
Ari's eyes widened. Auovin wiped his eyes of the blood coating them, revealing a pair of honeyed eyes that had enraptured Ari time and time again. His heart leaped out of his chest as he smiled.
"Found you."
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