《Satan's Vessel》11.

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Kaitlyn stared up at the ceiling, feeling strange. She wouldn't say she was numb, though that was the closest word she could think of that came to describing what she was feeling. There was a turmoil of emotions bubbling below the surface—horror, shock, guilt, shame—but they were safely beyond her heart's reach.

Jacob had done something to her with his angel light, with his angel warmth. She knew she should be upset. She knew she should be feeling serious emotional pain over what Satan had done to her—and yet she did not.

It was hard to remember now—her dream. Or was it a nightmare? All she could really remember was how Jacob had held her, the look in his eyes, the warmth of his arms. Whatever he had done to her seemed to have melted away both the pain and the memories. Kaitlyn touched her chest. She could feel it still—that warmth. That peace. She couldn't remember when she'd felt it last. As a child? As a baby? She wondered if she ever had.

She felt the blood rush to her cheeks as she remembered how he'd healed her. She could not believe he'd done that. She knew it hadn't been sexual for him. But ... well ... that didn't make it the same for her. Had it really not been sexual for him? Kaitlyn touched her lips, remembering his gentle kiss, so long ago now. Kaitlyn winced as she explored the welt on her neck with her fingers. Though she couldn't remember how it had got there, it was obvious who'd given it to her.

And that wasn't the only thing that hurt. She lifted up her nightie with a grimace. There were red marks all over her, particularly around her hips and breasts—and she knew they would soon turn into bruises, from his fingers, from his mouth. Her nipples were so tender that when they brushed up against the front of her nightie they stung. Dropping the nightie back down, she held herself.

She sat up on the edge of her bed. Though the warmth of the sun was beating against the side of her face, the hard stone of the floor was cold against her feet. Her chest tightened. She couldn't be alone anymore. The walls felt like they were closing in on her. Just as she was about to stand, there came a knock at her door.

Quickly, Kaitlyn straightened out her rumpled nightie. 'Who is it?'

'It's Grace. I have towels and things if you want a shower.'

The day instantly became brighter as Kaitlyn yanked open the door with a grin.

Afterwards, Kaitlyn wandered the abbey with Grace.

'Are you all right?' the young nun asked her, studying her face.

'Of course. Why?'

'Your lips—they're bleeding.'

'Oh!' Kaitlyn pressed her fingers to her mouth. How bad did they look? They certainly felt more swollen and they were starting to sting. 'It-it's nothing. I have a habit of biting them that's all.'

The nun nodded but Kaitlyn could see she didn't believe her, her eyes flicking curiously over the rest of her face. Kaitlyn smoothed her hair around her neck as she tried to cover up the ugly hicky. Kaitlyn suddenly wondered if she'd been screaming in her dreams. She felt her cheeks flush. How many had heard? What did the nuns think about it? Were they talking about her?

Kaitlyn cleared her throat. 'So, tell me, how many nuns stay here?'

'We have forty-three at the moment.'

'Really?' Kaitlyn was yet to see proof of so many. 'Don't they wear habits?' she asked, watching as a pair walked past them. They were wearing the same plain dress Grace had given Kaitlyn, though with scarves that covered their hair. It seemed Grace was one of the few who dressed traditionally.

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'Not all. It's a personal choice. Our Mother Abbess is quite liberated. As long as it's modest, she doesn't mind.'

Though it was an interesting place with its many halls, stunning architecture and old paintings, Kaitlyn didn't feel comfortable. Despite not being a church, it was little different to one. Too cold. Too quiet. Too many shadowy corners. She gripped onto her elbows as the tall, rake-like demon flashed in her mind. The nuns were always pleasant though, if not a little too curious.

'Do they know?' Kaitlyn asked, dropping her eyes away from a young woman with a round face who kept looking at her when she thought Kaitlyn wasn't watching. 'About me? About who I am?'

'No,' Grace said. 'We only know what the abbess has told us.'

'And what has she told you?'

'That you're special, and that it's God's command that we keep you safe—and secret. We know about the angels, though. It's hard to keep them a secret with the way they glow.' Her eyes shone. 'Angels.' She pushed her hands into her pockets.

Kaitlyn could sense that she wanted to ask more—a lot more. But she didn't. No doubt the abbess had told her not to. Kaitlyn would have preferred that she did. It would have been nice to confide in someone other than an angel or a priest for a change. Someone normal.

Kaitlyn spent most of the day picking vegetables in their little vegetable garden. It was nice to have the sun on her back after spending so long stuck inside—or in cars. It felt good to stretch, exercise and breathe and absorb some vitamin D; to feel at least a little bit normal again. For a time, she even managed to forget about things: the angels, Satan, what had happened at the police station, even Jacob. Plants always did that to her—and animals.

Why couldn't her life be as simple as this? She was really starting to miss all that she'd once hated. She might have despised her job—but at least she'd had one. Life might have been a struggle—but at least it had been hers. What was it now? She couldn't really call it a life.

She ate with the nuns in their refectory. They were tactful enough not to stare. And they certainly didn't whisper. Though it had the distinct feel of a class lunchtime, this was no school. But she could feel their curiosity. She knew their questions. Though they tried to make her feel welcome, she'd never felt so apart. It was hard to eat too. Her lips kept stinging and they were so swollen that she kept dribbling her soup everywhere.

Grace had to attend to her "nunly" duties, leaving Kaitlyn to explore the halls on her own. It seemed the angels had disappeared. She hadn't seen them all day. And she began to wonder how she could contact them if she needed them. What if she were in danger? How would they know? Would they know if she left the grounds?

What if demons stalked the shadows? What if one of the nuns gave her away? What if Satan ...?

Kaitlyn held herself as she stood at an arched window, looking out onto a field. There were cows and sheep, and in the distance she could see a low mountain range. It was such a picturesque place. It didn't even look like America. She should appreciate it. She should enjoy it while she could—she might not get a chance to experience such a place again. And yet, she couldn't. All she could think about was Jacob. How could he just disappear like that after all that had happened between them? She remembered how he'd rushed out of the room.

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He'd touched her. He'd put his finger inside. Even now she could feel it. Kaitlyn dropped her hand to her womb with a wince—the usual pelvic pains were coming back again. Her head was sore. Would the pain never leave her alone?

Maybe Jacob could fix those too?

She looked for him as she wandered through the abbey. She looked for any of the angels. But they were nowhere to be found. Despite being surrounded by people, she felt alone.

Darkness fell—and they still hadn't appeared. Kaitlyn stood on the threshold of her room gripping the doorframe, rocking on her heels as she struggled against her turmoil of emotions. She was angry. She was fearful. She felt so alone—and abandoned. Didn't they care? Didn't Jacob care?

She stared at her bed—and suddenly felt sick. She gripped onto her throat. The floor seemed to move. It made her stagger. She felt hot and cold as she grabbed onto the wall to steady herself. Her heart was thundering. Though the details of what had happened remained buried beneath Jacob's "angel magic", she could still feel the feelings. She still knew.

How on Earth was she going to go to sleep tonight?

She switched her light on and felt a little better as it chased the shadows away. It was still difficult crawling into bed, though. Sitting up against the wall, she pulled her knees to her chest. Her heart wouldn't stop pounding. Her chest felt tight. And yet, down between her legs she couldn't be more different. She was so wet. So hot. Her hips were aching so hard it was almost painful. If she went back into her dreams tonight, she knew she'd let him do whatever he wanted.

As she always did.

Raking her hands down her face, Kaitlyn leaned her head back against the wall as she gazed up at the ceiling. 'Jacob, where are you? I need you.' Her eyes swam with tears. 'Please.'

She stared at the door, waiting, but no one answered. With a sigh, she dropped her head onto her knees.

For a long time she sat there, her back aching, her neck sore. It wasn't doing much good for her headache. Kaitlyn winced as it throbbed behind her eyes. And yet, she was drifting. No matter her anxiety, no matter her discomfort, Satan's pull was inexorable.

Every time her eyes slid shut, she snapped them open and jerked back her head, banging it against the wall. It must have been after the dozenth time it happened, her head aching, her ears ringing, when she finally raised her eyes to a figure standing in her doorway. Kaitlyn sucked in a breath.

Jacob. His aura of light. His dazzling emerald eyes. His kind face. He looked so big, so safe, so warm.

So achingly warm.

The tears immediately welled in her eyes. She couldn't say anything, only held out her arms like a child needing comfort. Wordlessly, the angel entered her room, closing the door gently behind him. He stood next to her bed, looking down at her as Kaitlyn looked up at him. She couldn't read his face. What was he feeling? What was he thinking?

Her heart fluttered as he pulled off his sweater. It somersaulted when he climbed into bed with her. Kaitlyn whimpered as he pulled her into his arms. He was so warm. He held her and she held him back. His simple touch was enough to ease her strongest fears. Suddenly, Satan didn't seem so close.

'Where were you? I missed you,' she said into his shoulder.

'I had to take time to ... think.'

'You like to think a lot.' She pulled back as she studied his beautiful face. He was calm and expressionless. 'About what?'

He merely smiled and touched her cheek. Then he frowned. 'Your mouth.'

Kaitlyn touched her lips. 'I'm okay.'

'No.' His frown deepened as he gently brushed his thumb against them.

Kaitlyn closed her eyes at the sudden feel of heat. Jacob was quiet. Once the warmth began to fade away, she opened her eyes again. She touched her lips. The sting was gone.

There was a deep crease between Jacob's eyes. 'Where else did he hurt you?'

Kaitlyn opened her mouth but didn't answer.

'Lie down.' He pulled away from her, giving her some room.

Kaitlyn did so, looking up at him as her pulse raced. He touched her shoulder. 'Do you trust me?'

'Yes.'

'Pull up your nightie.'

Kaitlyn hesitated as her face grew hot. As much as she wanted him to touch her, she didn't want him to see her body. She didn't have the nicest figure. It was one thing revealing it to Satan; it was something else showing it to Jacob.

'Kaitlyn,' he said gently. 'You have nothing to fear from me.'

Biting her lip, she pulled it up, making sure to look away before she could see his expression. But she couldn't ignore his sharp intake of breath. With a wince, she tugged her nightie back down and rolled away, showing him her back. 'Sorry.'

'What has he done to you?'

Kaitlyn turned back. He looked horrified. 'My God, Kaitlyn.' His mouth thinned. His jaw hardened. Taking a deep breath, he turned his head as he tried to control himself. After a moment, he turned back to her. Lines crinkled his forehead. 'I'm sorry. I did not realise.'

'It's okay. I'm fine. I'm not that sore and I don't remember any of it.'

'That hardly matters!' he snapped.

Kaitlyn jerked back. She'd never seen him angry before. She never thought he could get angry. Jacob doesn't get angry and certainly not with you, she remembered Zeke saying. Well, he was certainly angry now. No. Enraged. His fists were clenched. His eyes were wide and hard. It frightened her a little. What did it mean when an angel got angry?

She didn't want to know.

Closing his eyes, Jacob took a deep breath. 'I'm sorry.' She watched as he started to relax, as he opened his fists, as the strain eased in his neck. He opened his eyes again. 'Lift up your clothes again.'

She did so but only up past her waist. Kaitlyn pressed her lips together as he leaned over her and smoothed his hands over her hips. There were a number of small bruises surrounding the bone, looking very much like they'd been left by fingers. Kaitlyn raised her eyes to the ceiling as she felt his warmth flow through her again.

Next, he moved up towards her ribs, healing a few more bruises and several scratches. He stopped where her dress ended. 'Show them to me, Kaitlyn.'

'They're not as bad as they seem,' she said.

His emerald eyes narrowed. 'Don't defend him.'

Biting her lip, Kaitlyn lifted her nightie. He paused as he looked. His handsome brow furrowed. His eyes went dark. It wasn't just bruising and scratches this time. The teeth marks were obvious.

He said nothing as he lowered his hands upon them. Kaitlyn sucked in a breath. His touch was so tender, so gentle, so warm. Again, she felt the heat of his healing power pouring into her. Her nipples hardened. It was several moments before he was done.

He released her. 'You can cover yourself now.'

Kaitlyn quickly did so.

'Are there any more injuries?'

'I-I don't think so.'

He brushed the hair away from her neck.

'Except-except that one,' she said, suddenly remembering the hicky.

He pressed his fingers to it—and it was gone. Jacob touched her cheek. 'I'm so sorry, Kaitlyn.'

Kaitlyn leaned into his touch. 'It's not your fault.'

'It is. I should have been here with you.'

'You couldn't have stopped him.'

Jacob hesitated. 'I'm not so sure about that.'

Kaitlyn frowned. 'What do you mean?'

'Never mind.'

Kaitlyn sighed. 'Let's not talk about him anymore.' Sitting up, she rested her head against his shoulder. 'You still haven't told me what you've been thinking about. Why you left after we ... after we ...' she bit her lip '... for those three days you were gone. I-I missed you. I wasn't sure you would come back.'

'I told you I would.'

She took up his hand and threaded her fingers through his. 'That doesn't matter.'

'I'm sorry.'

'Stop apologising, and you didn't answer my question.'

His voice turned deep. 'It's not for you to worry about.'

Kaitlyn pursed her lips. 'Fine. Keep your secrets, then.' She yawned.

Pulling her into his lap, Jacob tucked her head under his chin. His body was warm and wonderful. Why couldn't she dream about him instead?

'I can't be bothered anyway,' Kaitlyn continued with a second yawn. 'It doesn't matter. As long as you're with me. I don't ... I can't be alone anymore. Not with him.'

'I'm sorry. I haven't been doing a very good job as your guardian.'

'Stop with the apologies! And you have been doing a good job. I'm here, safe, aren't I? Satan doesn't have me.'

Jacob was silent. Kaitlyn pressed her nose into his throat. His neck was stiff. His arms were trembling. He was still angry.

'Does that mean you'll stay with me now?' she asked.

'Every night.'

Kaitlyn bit her lip at a sudden wave of emotion. Though she'd always known she'd liked him—what woman wouldn't?—she hadn't realised the true intensity of her feelings until now. She hadn't had the chance to. Not since that gentle kiss. Too many things had been happening. Too many questions had been left unanswered.

Even now, she wasn't certain what he felt about her. They still hadn't spoken about that kiss. And what about all that had happened since? His finger inside her. Him touching her the way he'd touched her just now. How he was holding her so close at this very moment. Was he truly just being a good guardian or did he feel the same way about her as she did about him? Emotionally? Physically ...?

How far would he take their relationship—if there was a relationship? How far could he take their relationship? It made her nervous. It made the muscles in her stomach tighten.

There was no way she could ask.

She snuggled into him more closely. For a long time they just held each other. Kaitlyn closed her eyes but didn't go to sleep. Though she was calm, her heart was racing with new emotions. The blood rushed in her veins for new reasons. Her hips ached for something different. What was Jacob feeling? As an angel? If what Samuel had said was true, he had no heart, no blood. Even now, she could hear that his chest was empty. And she suddenly wondered what it meant for him as a man. If he had no organs ...

'You must go to sleep, Kaitlyn.'

She yawned a third time. 'I don't want to.'

But it didn't take long before her eyes began to slide shut again. She jerked them open. They slid shut. She jerked them open.

Finally, they closed.

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