Chaptwr 18. Loss and Regrets

Thanitt slumped down on the floor broken but frozen. He couldnt wrap his mind around the fact that Tee was gone. That he had lost Tee forever. The emotional pain in his heart was far more excruciating than the punch Tae had planted on his face.

He was shocked at the turn of the events. He had everything planned and properly carefully executed then how? How did Tae come and took Tee away from him. He had waited for years and at the end he was left empty handed. The feeling of loosing for the first time was killing him inside. He wished he had a remote control to press the rewind button and would have taken Tee somewhere far enough for anyone to reach him. But it wasnt a movie. It was the harsh reality.

He flinched and almost jumped when he felt a dib of cotton swab on his bruised cheek and corner of bursted lips.

"Who... Copter... When did you come"? He was actually shocked to see Copter sitting with him on the floor, applying medicine on his cheek and lips before he proceeded to clean his bleeding nose. Thanks to the lords, it wasnt broken.

"I came when you were so lost in thoughts". He replied in a serious tone, continuing the cleaning of wounds of his face. He then held Thanitt's hands, red and bruised at knuckles where he had punched the wall.

"They say, the doctors need to take care of their hands if they wants to be a doctor and work in professional surgical field". Copter cleaned and then wrapped his both hands in gauze.

Thanitt kept looking at Copter who didnt falter a bit and went to clean and keep the medical kit away after making sure Thanitt was all covered.

"Where are you going"? Thabitt panicked and stood up from the floor to see Copter going to the front door. Copter took a deep breath and turned to face him.

"I am leaving now". He replied in a calm tone.

"Ohhh". Thanitt saw him in a defeated gaze and then turned around to go back to his bedroom. Ofcourse Copter had to leave too. "You are leaving me too. I guess i deserve this".

That loneliness and sorrow in his voice broke Copter to his core. How he wanted to hold him in his arms and console him. Comfort him. Assure him that he would never leave him. That he would always stand by his side forever, but.. He knew he couldnt say it out loud.

"May be this is only fair that everyone leaves me for whatever bad i did to Tee. Thats what i deserve". Thanitt was speaking to no one.

"If you want me to stay, i will stay". Copter said. He saw Thanitt stopped in his tracks and turned to him with unbelieving eyes. Copter took a deep breath and walked to him.

"I will stay if you want me to stay. Just say it. I am no one to punish you for whatever you did to Tee. Its between you and him". He told Thanitt.

"You will stay if i ask"? Thanitt asked him and he nodded. "I am just scared of this loneliness Copter. Everything is laughing at me. You know i never lost in any game right? I am the ever perfect, the ever winning Thanitt Ittipatt, i lost Copter. I lost him. I lost my love and my friend forever.

I cannot bear this mocking. I cannot listen to this laughing Copter.... I cannot". Thanitt put his hands on his ears and slumped down on the floor again. In tears. Shaking and trembling.

Copter tried very hard to stay hard and stern but the moment he saw Thanitt all broken, he couldnt hold himself. He almost ran those few steps to reach Thanitt and held him in his embrace. Thanitt latched on to him, seeking for the comfort to mend himself.

He was sobbing in Copter's embrace. Muttering regrets and the agony of his pain. And his every word was shattering Copter into pieces. Although he had no plan in the near future to talk to Thanitt about his feelings, but listening to him now, all broken for Tee had sealed his decision to never speak about it.

Ofcourse if someone had loved Tee, they could never live without it. They could never let anyone else enter their heart and mind. And surely Copter had no mood to feel another heart break. He kept caressing the broad back of Thanitt, consoling him, whispering words of comfort until his cries died to faint sobs.

Even if Thanitt did not speak a word, Copter could hear Tee with his every heart beat.

"Better"? He asked Thanitt once he pulled himself away, wiping his face of the tears. Thanitt nodded without looking at him. "Need anything? Water? Juice"? Copter asked again.

"Beer please. Its in the refrigerator. I cannot sleep like this". Thanitt said in a helpless hoarse voice.

Copter knew how was Thanitt feeling at the moment but he was already too drained and Copter knew, Alcohol will only worsen the pain.

"Go and get fresh first". Copter patted his shoulder before going to the kitchen. He could not let Thanitt drown in alcohol. He warmed a glass of milk and looked for the kit in his kitchen. Once he found it, he pulled out a sedative and mixed in the glass, stirring it good.

Just then Thanitt came out and greeted him with a sheepish expression. Copter held the glass to him that Thanitt frowned.

"Not this. I want...".

"You can have beer after this milk. Go and finish it". Copter handed him the glass and Thanitt kept his lips tight because he couldnt argue a stern Copter even if he wanted to. He mumbled something under his breath but drank the whole glass anyway.

Copter bit his lips not to smile at him being a child but motioned him to go and sit. It was around mid night and he knew Thanitt wont be able to take his lecture in the morning, and he was sure about Tee too. And certainly he wasnt in a mood either. So he decided to crash at his place.

He was about to ask Thanitt to lend him clothes when Thanitt cut him first.

"You can take clothes from the closet. Stay here. Its late to go". He asked in a slight dizzy voice.

"Okay i will. Go to bed now. Sleep". Copter went to help him stand and go to the bed.

"Am not slee'aaaaaaaa'py". Thanitt yawned and chuckled at himself. "I guess i am. Good night Copi". Thanitt waved his hand and dragged himself to his bedroom. Copter followed him and sighed in relief when Thanitt fell down on the bed on his stomach.

He pulled the duvet on the giant, racking his hair softly.

"Mmhhh. I miss Tee..". He heard Thanitt missing Tee and smiled a sad one. May be staying with Thanitt wasnt a good idea.

***********

Thanitt groaned, putting his hand in front of his eyes to block the sunlight from the window. His head was throbbing. His eyes were swollen too.

"Oyiiii". He turned to his stomach, snuggling his face into the pillow.

"What? Headache"? Copter entered his bedroom with a tray holding juice and painkillers.

"Worsttttt". He whined in a muffled voice.

"Sit up and take this medicine. Hmmm you dont seem to have fever". Copter checked his forehead and sighed in relief.

"You had to miss classes because of me". Thanitt said in a guilty voice. Copter, infact, all three of them had never miss any lecture.

"No issues. Taking an off once in a while wont hurt my attendance. Besides, i couldnt leave you like this". Copter said in a simple tone.

He saw Thanitt, sitting, more like slumped in the bed. The ever perfectly styled Thanitt Ittipatt. Sitting with bedhair, his yes swollen. Bruised lip. A blue patch on his cheeks. He had lost himself in just one day. How would he manage to hold himself upright.

Copter was looking at him with thoughtful, sorrow gaze. He was really sorry for his friend, but he couldnt say that he was right. What he did to Tee was surely wrong. And he shuddered at the thought of how would Thanitt react to meet Tee in the university.

He knew being in same class, they could not avoid each other. And he also knew that Tae and his friends would make sure Thanitt would never see or meet Tee. But would it be possible for Thanitt to hold himself in front of Tee.

"What are you thinking"? He was pulled back of his thoughts when Thanitt shook his hand.

"Huh? No. Nothing. I was thinking about ramen". He made up a story. Thanitt looked at him but nodded anyway. He gave his mobile to Copter to order whatever he wanted and went to the washroom to get freshen up. Thanks to the painkillers.

Copter ordered Ramen and soup for breakfast and was about to click off the mobile but he didnt know why, he opened the phone gallery. He knew it was bad manners. He knew it was against the privacy but....

Mostly the folder was filled with Thanitt's selfies. He was a sucker for pictures. A soft smile lingered on his lips scrolling through the pictures when he caught one picture.

Tee, laughing. Looking so etheral in white shirt and black pents. He had his hands in his pocket where he could see the blac dial of a watch, prefectly slipped around his pale wrist. Tee was beautiful handsome man. His jet black hair and shining eyes would make everyone envious. Even the most beautiful girl, who was awarded as Miss University, would not match him.

Copter was sure if he had not fallen for Thanitt way back, he would have worshipped Tee. No wonder Thanitt could not get over him. He heard the door opening and then closing but he didnt throw the phone away. He pretended to order the breakfast and closed all applications, calm and normal.

"I have ordered soup too. With bubble tea". Copter told Thanitt who raised his eyebrow.

"Yeah. Spend my card. Jeez why god gave me such money suckering friends". Thanitt huffed only to be mocked by Copter as Copter knew it was all fake.

"Thanitt. I want to go to the mall. Have to get some stationary and books". Copter informed Thanitt who was contemplating. He wanted to just mourn over his broken heart but he knew Copter wont hear a NO. So a Yes was all he could say.

************

Mall roaming with Copter.... Thanitt was only sighing from time to time, looking at Copter asking him to choose 1 pen out of 20 different varieties. Then notebooks. Books, yes, books was a good thing because he got his favorite authors too.

"Thanitt.... Movies or games"? Copter held him two packs of DVDS.

"Ummm. Weekend getaway"? Thanitt asked, finger on his chin. "Buy both". He opted for both and Copter gave him his best dimpled smile. Oh no.... "No snacks. I havent got pocket money yet. Have to spend the rest of half month". Thanitt raised his finger, swatted by Copter. He wiggled his eye brows.

"Why i even told you about my extra money". Thanitt whined and that was enough for Copter to do a little victory dance before dragging him to the grocery store.

At the end, Thanitt could only helplessly see the bags and bags of things in his car trunk.

"Fooood yayyyyy". Copter cheered for next destination. Thanitt was about to scream when his own stomach grumbled loudly.

"Meaniessssss". He patted to both his stomach and Copter.

They entered a korean restaurant and took their table. Copter excused himself to go to the restroom asking Thanitt to order everything they both like.

He just did his business when he heard some muffled voices from the next stall. He was alarmed, may be someone was assaulting anyone else and was just about to interfare when he was frozen on his place. That laughter. He could recognise in a million of voices.

It was Tee. And the other laughter, surely it would be non other than Tae. A smile lingered on his lips when he understood what they must be doing.

"These two. Always horny". He went to wash his hands when a thought hit him. If Tee was there, there would be 99.9% chances of them encountering with Thanitt. And he didnt want it. Not that he didnt, but not at this time atleast.

He quickly ran out and found Thanitt already waiting for him with a sour mood.

"Lets go Copter". He dragged Copter out and pointed at the waiter. "You just wait and watch. Next time you wont misbehave with any customer. Do you hear me"? Copter didnt understand the mess but he let Thanitt drag him out. Whatever the reason be, atleast he didnt have to make any excuse to make him leave the place.

He couldnt let his efforts go in drain at the end.

"Stupid, idiot. How would i know the table was reserved when they didnt put a sign". Thanitt was constantly rambling while Copter was thanking all lords above.

He knew he had to talk to him and Tee soon, to clear the air, even if it was a closer. But not that soon because for now Thanitt was like a patient with open wounds. And it would only add to the pain.

He left all thoughts aside when Thanitt parked in the parking of another reastaurant. Food first and everything could wait. He knew it was weekend now and he could come up with some words to talk to them.

"Thanitt could you take me to my dorm after this"? He asked Thanitt who stopped midway to open the door.

"Why? Leaving already"? He asked with a little sarcasm. Copter looked at him with SERIOUSLY look and smacked his head.

"You silly Giraffe. I cannot wear your clothes everytimes stupid. I need my books, uniform and clothes. Especially my boxers. Cant go commando all the way". Copter said in an exasperated tone.

Thanitt saw him with wide eyes before bursting into laughter.

"Oh my god, dont worry, it didnt show anything even if you were commando". Thanitt said biting his lower lip. Copter took a second to understand and then Thanitt had to run for his life not to be beaten up by a kranky Copter.