"NO! LEAVE ME ALONE" A voice cried out in terror.

I woke up with a start.

 " Jackson" I breathe.

"Jackson!" I yelled this time sprinting to his room. 

" No please don't," He whimpered as I barged in through his door. " That's my mother"

A shiver ran through my spine. He was thrashing in his bed.

He has nightmares about his parents getting murdered over and over again. 

But why?

" Hey, hey wake up," I went over to his bed and cradled him. " It's me Ash— uh, vanilla bean"

I figured my "nickname" would work better since he rarely uses my real one.

His body grew motionless.

"Jackson?" I gently slapped his cheek to wake him up. There was a pained expression on his face that could break any girl's heart. 

His eyes fluttered open."Hey"

"Hi," I smiled down at him. " Rough night?"

His beautiful hazel eyes traveled to look at our position and he rose an eyebrow. I had crawled on the bed next to him and somehow managed to pull his upper body over my legs so I could properly hold him in my arms, like a baby. I pulled back trying to seem nonchalant.

"Um, uh my dad used to hold me like this when I had nightmares as a kid. That was before," I cleared my throat. I could feel his gaze on me as I spoke but was too embarrassed to meet them. "Before he walked out on me and my mom"

He kissed my cheek. "Your too cute"

This is the third time he's kissed me, my subconscious noted, does this mean we're getting married?!

"I'm sorry...I forgot to take my meds...again" His voice was low and oddly calm for someone just waking up from a nightmare.

" You take medicine for your nightmares?...Is it that bad?"

He looked over at me —we were both leaning on his headboard now— something sorrowful crossed in his eyes. " It's pure agony vanilla bean but," —he started playing with his fingers— "The meds make me dizzy so.."

It was quiet for a while. That's understandable, some side effects for medicine can be too much to handle sometimes. I can't even imagine little 8 year old Jackson with his floppy hair —he hasn't cut it in a while so it's starting to flop around on his face now, especially when his running— watching as his parents' body fall lifelessly on the ground.

" You really miss them don't you?" I asked but already knew the answer.

" Yea," He peered at me through the dark room. It's four a.m so it's kinda dark. " My mom she —she would've loved you"

" A virgin at 18, no real life experiences, what's not to love?" I joked.

He glared at me. " Stop it you're perfect" I didn't have time to swoon over that because in a matter of seconds he was on top of me.

" And as for the virgin thing—" he pecked me on the lips. " We can change that, not now but...soon" He quickly added after seeing my excited expression.

" Why not now?" I pouted.

He looked taken back. " B-Because—"

" Because your a chicken?" I seductively whispered in his ear.

"No" He started trailing kisses down my body then stopped over my—

" Did you just bite me?" I gasped.

" No, more like a nibble" He smirked. " Why?, can you not handle it? am I too much for you to deal with?"

" No," I could feel the blush creeping onto my cheeks. " I was just shocked, that's all"

He planted a kiss there, in the same place he bit —sorry nibbled— and although I was wearing my pj shorts I could still feel the tingles from where his lips once were.

He came back up to my face again. " You're not ready"

" I'm sorry how many girls do you know that get nibbled on their —!" I pointed awkwardly at the area with my finger. " By their..." My voice trailed off.

What were we?

" Boyfriends?," He suggested cooly after he got up and started stretching. " Plenty actually, but obviously you can't handle my monster—" 

" Oh please" I pronounced it like pluh-lease.

"Oh yeah?, wanna see?" He started pulling his sweats down.

"No, Ahh!" I shrieked, covering my eyes immediately. It got quiet again. I peeped through my fingers. he was standing above me smiling, how long has he had dimples??

" And that is why, soon is not today" He grabbed my wrist and planted a kiss on the back of my hand.

I gasped. " No, No I can handle it that's not what I meant" I jumped up off the bed and knelt before him, looking up through my lashes. I saw him draw in a quick intake of breath before quickly looking away trying to cover it up. 

He didn't say anything and I was suddenly aware that I was being desperate. Wow I kinda wish this was the other way around. This is definitely a new low for me, i've got some serious issues.

 Pathetic, my subconscious shook her head.

I bowed my head like a scolded infant.

Jackson knelt down infront of me. "You have no idea how hard it is for me not to pin you against that wall and fuck you until you're weak—" I shivered at his vulgar language but sexy tone. "but...whenever I get close to someone, whenever i'm even remotely happy...I seem to ruin things or it gets taken from me, I'm damaged goods"

"Jackson..." I ran my hand across his warm cheek. How can someone so beautiful not know how amazing they are? 

" baby, you don't want me" His voice was soft but his eyes seemed darker than usual and more...sad.

He doesn't want to hurt me. Does that mean he cares about me?

I gulped. " Am I really your — am I your girlfriend?"

" Do you actually want to be?" 

Who wouldn't?!, my subconscious was furious.

" I do" I held his hands.

He shot me a sad smile and said, "I do too baby, I do too"

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