《On Thin Ice》21
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My father was one of those unfortunate people whose birthday fell around a holiday. Unfortunately for him, Thanksgiving fell on his birthday this year, so we were going to have a double celebration to combine the two. He didn't seem to mind it all that much. He was never really a fan of his birthday anyway. I assumed it was something that happened the older you got.
Since we weren't due to start our festivities until three, I stayed up in my room to catch some extra hours of sleep. I was going to be out with the team tonight and I knew I would be tired.
"Elijah, come down soon sweetie," Mindy called, lightly tapping on my bedroom door. "Your grandparents are here."
I sighed and called out to let her know I heard her. Rolling out of bed, I threw on a dark brown sweater along with some dark jeans before heading to the bathroom to fix my hair and brush my teeth.
As soon as I made it downstairs, I was bombarded by my grandmother. She threw her arms around me in a hug and then placed her hands on my face as she pulled away.
"Elijah, darling, what is this bruise?" she questioned me in a concerned tone. My bruise was fading, but not enough for a caring grandmother to miss.
"Hockey," I lied with a light smile. "You know how it is."
Gram shook her head. "That sport is too rough. I could barely watch it when your father played."
"Leave him be. He's tough. He can handle it," my grandfather interjected as he made his way over to us. Gram stepped away from me and sent her husband an annoyed look but didn't argue with him.
Grandpa threw an arm around me briefly in a greeting.
"Oh! Elijah, I almost forgot," Gram suddenly said, digging through her purse and pulling out an envelope. "We will be in Florida for your birthday, so I wanted to give you your card now."
I took the envelope and sent her a playful smile. "You could just take me to Florida for my birthday.
Gram and Grandpa both chuckled.
"Some other time, darling. I promise," Gram assured me with a loving smile.
Josh's loud steps down the stairs caught the attention of my grandparents. He was dressed similarly to me, with a dark sweater and jeans.
"Joshua!" Gram greeted.
Instead of staying in on their greetings with Josh, I left the room to go find my father. I found him in the kitchen with Mindy and Ava, slaving over the stove for dinner.
"Shouldn't you not be doing any work on your birthday?" I asked, causing him to turn around with a bowl of squash in his hands.
A playful smile pulled on his lips. "Good morning— oh I mean afternoon. Glad you could join us, sleepy head."
"Figured I'd schedule you in on my busy day," I teased, leaning back against the counter.
Dad set the bowl down and nodded toward the card in my hand.
"You're getting gifts on my birthday?" he questioned me with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, sorry you're going to have to share your birthday with me," I jokingly told him.
"There isn't anyone I'd rather share it with," Dad replied in a loving tone, wrapping an arm around me and kissing my forehead.
I backed away from the sap that is my father and shook my head at him while he just let out a chuckle.
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Soon after, dinner was ready and we all sat at the dining room table. When we were all finished, Mindy went to the kitchen and brought back the cake for Dad's birthday and after we sing to him, he began opening his presents.
I got him a gift card and a framed photo of Josh, Ava, and I. When he opened my gift, his face lit up and his smiled widened to his eyes when he looked over at me.
"I love it," he told me gratefully. "It's perfect. I know exactly where I'll hang it. Thank you so much, Elijah."
Finally, it was time for Josh's gift. I could tell Josh was a little nervous about how Dad would react to his gift. Josh shuffled his feet and avoided direct eye contact, but Dad didn't notice as he took the envelope from his hand.
I watched Josh as he intently stared at Dad opening the envelope. As soon as the papers were out, Dad furrowed his eyebrows and read the page. A few moments later, his eyes welled up in tears as he tightly clutched the paper in his hands and glanced over at Josh who gave him a tight lipped smile.
Without saying a word, Dad stood up and threw his arms around Josh, tightly holding onto him. Josh buried his face in his shoulder as the two of them embraced. Even I had to admit it was a heartwarming sight.
Mindy put her arm around me as she came to my side and wiped some tears from her eyes. Dad pulled away from Josh and smiled at each of us before looking back down at the papers.
"Where do I sign?" he asked in a raspy voice, chuckling slightly as he ran his hand down his face.
After Dad had calmed down and signed the papers, the family started on a casual discussion that I really had no interest in. I listened for a little while before deciding to get some sleep before I had to leave for Black Friday shopping with the team.
"I'm going to get some sleep before going out tonight," I let everyone know as I stood up from the table.
"Okay, darling," Gram said, motioning for me to go to her. I obliged and leaned down to hug her.
"Maybe we can arrange for you to visit us in Florida some time soon," Grandpa offered as I went to hug him.
I smiled. "That'd be cool."
"Goodnight, Elijah," Dad said. "Please be careful tonight."
I nodded. "I will."
I waved goodbye to everyone else before making the trek to my room. As soon as I reached it, I realized I had left my phone downstairs. Letting out an annoyed sigh, I trudged back down, but stopped when I heard my name among hushed voices in the kitchen.
"So, how's Elijah doing?" Gram asked. "Is he adjusting well?"
I heard Dad sigh. I bet he was rubbing his forehead like he always did when he was agitated or deep in thought.
"I don't know," he admitted. "He doesn't talk much about anything."
"He's friends with some of the other LGBT kids at school, but I don't think they're very close," Josh spoke up. "I don't think he's fully adjusted to the school yet."
"He's been there for months," Grandpa added, sounding slightly annoyed. "What if it's not a good fit for him? You can't keep him enrolled there if it's not good for him, Daniel."
Dad sighed again. "Like I said, he doesn't really talk about it."
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"I think he's just more closed off now after being kicked out from his mothers," Mindy suggested. "I'm sure it didn't feel good to be cast out from his friends and his mother."
"I'm a little worried about him. He seems so fragile at times. I'm afraid to say the wrong thing to him," Dad confessed. "He doesn't seem very social, he sleeps a lot..."
"He didn't talk much tonight," Grandpa agreed.
"Maybe he should see a therapist," Gram suggested
"Yeah..." Dad trailed, "Yeah, maybe he should."
Deciding I was done listening to this, I briskly walked into the kitchen and snatched my phone off of the counter, careful to keep my eyes on the floor. I quickly started heading back to my room.
"Elijah," Dad called out, sounding sympathetic. I just ignored him and took the stairs two at a time all the way up to my room.
I plopped myself down on my bed face down after plugging my phone in to charge.
I wanted to cry at the thought of my family thinking I needed help. I already felt like a huge burden dropped onto Dad and Mindy, and this made me feel even more so.
My life was a mess. If I wasn't here, Dad could just have Josh as his son and not have to worry about him being fragile like me. Josh could be the son that every father wanted and Dad wouldn't have to be afraid to talk to him.
It was clear that I had interrupted a family dynamic between Dad, Mindy, Josh, and Ava when I arrived. That dynamic was never really repaired and I tried to convince myself I wasn't intruding in their home. Now it was clear I had burdened the family, not only my father.
I didn't realize I was crying until my pillow dampened with my tears. A sigh escaped my lips as I turned over on my side and a tear rolled from my eye then down the bridge of my nose.
My heart clenched at the thought of the conversation I heard earlier.
I felt pathetic.
***
"Dammit, Elijah. Why are you still asleep?" Fox's angry voice woke me up.
I rolled over on my side to see him standing before me with his arms crossed and his head tilted to the side in an impatient manner.
"I'm not going," I mumbled, shutting my eyes once again.
"You are, even if I have to drag you out of bed," Fox replied, tearing the blanket away from my body.
I shot him a scowl, my eyes narrowed.
"Be mad at me all you want," Fox said, "but you're getting up and we're leaving in ten minutes."
I let out a heavy sigh and sat up, stretching my arms above my head. Fox and I shared a look and I motioned toward the door.
"Aren't you going to leave so I can change?" I asked in an annoyed tone.
Fox gave me a deadpanned look. "We change in the locker room everyday together."
"Get out." I pointed toward the door.
Fox rolled his eyes and made his way to the doorway.
"Fine, but if you try to lock yourself in here, I will get this door open and get you out," he threatened before leaving and tightly shutting the door.
Since I was alone, thoughts of what my family had said came rushing back to my mind. I tried to push the thoughts out, but they had already soured my mood.
I quickly got ready and made my way down stairs so that Fox wouldn't come back up and break down my door. When I got down to the living room, I made sure to avoid eye contact with Josh.
"Are you finally ready?" Fox asked, causing me to pick my gaze up from the floor.
I just nodded and followed Josh and Fox out to the car. Luckily, we were taking Fox's car so I could sit in the back by myself and not have to suffer through sitting beside Josh. The two of them held conversation in the front while I drowned them out, looking out the window at the trees as we passed through town.
We arrived at the sports store in about ten minutes, where a line was already formed at the doors.
"Shit," Fox cursed. "It's already packed."
"There's some spots over there," Josh told him, pointing toward the back of the parking lot.
As soon as Fox parked the car, the three of us made our way outside into the harsh cold. I quickly stuffed my hands into my pockets as I shivered.
"The guys are here," Josh said, looking down at his phone. "We're going to meet at the line."
And with that, the three of us walked through the parking lot toward the enormous line in front of the store. As another shiver ran through my body, I found myself wishing I had brought a warmer jacket.
"You cold?" Fox asked, stepping closer to me.
"It's fuckin' freezing," I retorted, my teeth chattering.
"You want my jacket while we wait?"
I narrowed my eyes at him. "No."
Josh watched our exchange with a look of suspicion and skepticism.
"Okay, but don't complain if you get frostbite," Fox warned, looking away from me to glance over at the line where the rest of the guys had just appeared.
"We should have gotten here earlier," Ian said in an annoyed tone as we approached them.
Ryan shook his head. "It's fine."
"For you maybe. I'm freezing my balls off and we're going to be the last ones in there," Ian complained with a scoff, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Quit being moody," Alex said, punching Ian's shoulder.
I ignored the conversation between the guys, too focused on how cold I was. I curled my toes in my shoes, trying to warm them up. Fox's stare was the only thing giving me warmth at that moment. Without saying anything, Fox slipped his jacket off and put it over my shoulders. None of the guys said anything about the exchange, but they all had looks of confusion on their faces.
After a while, the line finally moved up and we were able to get into the warmth of the store. I took Fox's jacket off and wordlessly handed it back to him.
"Hey, what's your problem tonight?" Fox asked me quietly as I tried to walk away.
"I told you I didn't want to come," I shot back with a scowl. "But you forced me. Like you always do."
Fox stared at me with his eyes narrowed in confusion.
"I just wanted to include you," he said.
"Well, maybe I didn't want to be included in this," I told him, my tone sounding more irritated.
I had never seen Fox look hurt, but that was the only word I could come up with to describe his expression. His hurt expression quickly turned to an annoyed one as he said his next words.
"Fine, go walk around by yourself then," Fox spat before stomping away from me to go find his friends.
My anger was misdirected at Fox, but I couldn't help but be annoyed at him. I wasn't having a good night and he just had to force me out of the house and do something I didn't want to do. I wasn't in the mood for this and I wasn't going to act like I was.
The store was too crowded for me. Everywhere I went I was getting bumped into by middle aged women with their hands filled with things they were buying for their children. Some people were even pushing strollers with their poor young kids in them this late at night. Black Friday was definitely overrated and I wasn't enjoying myself one bit.
I sighed and briskly walked over to a section of the store that seemed less crowded than the rest. I ended up in the women's section in the far corner of the store. It was still quite crowded, but at least there was room for me to breathe. I backed myself into a clear area of the wall and leaned my head back, closing my eyes.
"Elijah?" a familiar voice called out.
My eyes shot open and widened and shocked when I saw who was standing in front of me. Micah, my old best friend, stared at me with a look of confusion and apprehension. My voice was caught in my throat, but I managed to let out a reply.
"Micah," I said in a raspy voice.
The level of discomfort was high and I didn't know what to expect from this interaction. If he was here, then that meant some of my old teammates were here as well, and I didn't want to end up seeing any of them.
Micah stared at me, clearing his throat before speaking again. "My uh... my dad told me he saw you not that long ago."
I just nodded.
I noticed him staring at the bruise that still marked my face, but he didn't ask about it. Nothing about me concerned him anymore.
"What are you doing over here?" Micah asked me with an awkward expression, looking around at the women's clothes near us.
"Getting away from the crowd," I answered, looking down at my feet.
"I'm getting some stuff for Sadie," Micah told me, causing me to look up at him. "I finally asked her out."
He had been crushing on this girl since Freshman year and never once had the courage to ask her out.
"Are you... uh... are you doing good?" Micah stuttered and something in me snapped.
"What are you doing talking to me?" I angrily asked him.
His eyes widened at my harsh tone, but I couldn't find it in me to feel any remorse. I wasn't in the mood to deal with him, especially not tonight.
"Elijah, I'm sorr—"
"You're what?" I interjected, stepping closer to him. "You're sorry? Which part are you sorry about? Telling the entire team after I came out to you? Or letting them bully me and doing nothing about it?" I spat.
Micah's jaw tensed and his eyes sunk in sadness. He had no right to be sad about what happened.
Micah was the first person I came out to. He wasn't overly supportive, but he didn't hate me for it either. His reaction gave me the rest of the courage I needed to come out to my mom, but before I did, I had found out Micah had spilled my secret to the rest of the team. I would never forget the feeling of betrayal when I learned that the team had found out. They ganged up on me, spat insults at me, and hit me. Then I got kicked out by my mother and I truly hit rock bottom.
So, Micah's apologies meant shit to me.
"Elijah, hey I'm—" Fox surprised me when he made his way over to us. "Who's this?"
Fox looked Micah up and down, seeming as if he was trying to intimidate him.
"No one," I mumbled, walking over to where Fox stood. "Let's just go."
"Wait," Micah tried to stop me, but I ignored him.
Fox stayed in place, still glaring at Micah. I had to tug on Fox's arm to finally get him to follow me.
"What was that about?" Fox asked, glancing back at where Micah stood.
"Nothing, don't worry about it," I muttered.
Fox scoffed, but didn't say anything, as the two of us continued our trek through the store.
Tonight was just one big shit show and I was more than ready for it to be over.
**
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