I had always known, somewhere deep down, that I was different. My mother had always insisted that I wasn't, that she had raised me perfectly as her little church boy that could do no wrong. She raised me as if I was her puppet, pulling the strings of my life and forcing me to live under her command. She would have continued controlling me too, if I hadn't told her I was gay.

That was all it took for me to be thrown out and sent to live with my father and his family, not that I minded too much. I was never too close with my father, only seeing him on some weekends, but he was never harsh to me.

When I called him to tell him that Mom had thrown me out of the house, he immediately rushed over to take me to his place. A month later, my mother had given up custody of me and fully gave it to my father and I was to live with him, his wife, her son, and my younger half-sister.

"Elijah?" my father said quietly, tapping on my bedroom door lightly.

"Come in," I called out, sitting at my desk and typing on my laptop.

My father entered the room, but stayed at the doorway, leaning on the frame. He was still dressed in his business-casual attire for work, briefcase in hand as I turned to stare at him expectantly.

"Just wanted to check in and see if you needed any last-minute things before try-outs tomorrow," he informed me kindly.

While my father hadn't been in my life too much after he split with my mom, he was really making up for it when I needed him most. Part of me couldn't even blame him for his absence in my life because I was sure my mother had everything to do with keeping him away.

"I should be good," I answered casually. "I went back to Mom's to grab all my hockey stuff when she wasn't home."

Dad nodded. "Okay, just let me know if you need anything. I'm sure Joshua has some things you can borrow if you need to."

"Okay," I said with a nod. "Thanks Dad."

"Dinner will be ready in ten," he said before shutting my door tightly to presumably go change out of his work clothes.

After he left the room, I shut my laptop and stood up from my desk to head downstairs. When I got in the kitchen, my stepmother, Mindy, and little sister, Ava, were setting the table.

"Need any help?" I asked.

Mindy smiled kindly at me. "Sure, Elijah."

I took Mindy's spot next to Ava to set the table while she went over to the stove to take dinner out of the oven. Dad came down shortly after and helped Mindy finish off the food. The four of us sat down, an empty spot beside me.

"Should we wait on Josh?" Dad asked Mindy as she stared over at the empty place in annoyance.

"No, I-"

Mindy was cut off by the kitchen door opening and Josh storming into the house quickly, looking distressed.

"Joshua, I told you to be home before dinner," Mindy told him sternly.

"I know, I'm sorry," Josh apologized, rushing over to her to give her a kiss on the cheek. "I lost track of time."

Josh hastily washed his hands at the kitchen sink before plopping down beside me and filling his plate. Josh and I never really said much to each other. He drove me to and from school and the two of us shared small talk, but that was pretty much it. I wasn't entirely sure he wasn't a homophobe, but he never gave me any trouble so I just chose to let it be.

"Are you boys excited for try-outs tomorrow?" Mindy asked as she cut into her food. I nodded, taking a bite of my own.

Josh looked at me briefly. "It should be fun."

"You'll look out for Elijah, won't you Joshua?" Mindy asked with a pointed look.

Josh cleared his throat. "Of course."

I had to force myself to keep my eyes from rolling to the back of my head. I understood that my father and Mindy wanted to keep me safe, but having my stepbrother look after me was not something I was okay with. I could look after myself and I definitely didn't need a babysitter. However, I didn't say any of that to my father or Mindy, since I knew their worry was coming from a good place.

***

The next morning I threw my heavy hockey bag into Josh's trunk and then quickly scurried over to the passenger's side and slid in. Josh was already in the car, playing rap music on his phone. He didn't say anything as he pulled out of the driveway and headed toward the school. A few moments later, he spoke up.

"You're a defenseman, right?" Josh asked, keeping his eyes on the road.

"Right," I answered with a nod.

"Good. Our defense was really lacking last season. Coach and Ridley will be watching you," Josh said.

I turned to face him with a quizzical look. "Why Ridley?"

Josh looked at me briefly out of the corner of his eye. "He's captain. I thought you knew that."

Fox Ridley. He had been the reason for my misfortunes and the subject of my dreams for the past two months. That fateful night I shared with him had sparked the inspiration for me coming out to my mother, and that obviously hadn't turned out too well.

The first day of school had been like a scene out of a movie. It was slow motion as I made eye contact with Fox in the hall and I swore there was wind pushing his hair back and a spotlight shining over him. I remember he pulled me into a janitor's closet in the most cliche way and I thought I was ready for whatever was about to happen next. I clearly was not.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Fox hissed in my face, grasping my shirt tightly in his hands. His eyes were wide and wild, looking straight into mine. Maybe he didn't pull me in here for a quickie like I had hoped.

"I go to school here?" I told him, though it came out more like a confused question.

Fox rolled his eyes, though the distressed look stayed on his face. "Obviously. But why? I thought you were from a few towns over?"

"I moved in with my dad," I explained, trying to create some distance between us, but Fox didn't loosen his grip.

"Great," he spat sarcastically, sending me a look that could kill, his fierce brown eyes filling with fire. "If you tell anyone about what happened between us, I will end you."

I narrowed my eyes at him, shoving his shoulders so he would release me. "Chill, I'm not going to out you."

"As far as everyone in this school is concerned, we don't know each other," Fox asserted sternly, pointing at me. He didn't let me get another word out before he exited the janitor's closet, leaving me stunned and confused.

"I didn't know," I replied through clenched teeth.

My relationship with Fox Ridley was nothing short of strained. I couldn't walk by him without being sent a nasty glare, and whenever we shared any words at all his tone was clipped and rude. It was hard for me not to see him, considering he was good friends with Josh. Fox and other guys from the team had been over the house numerous times within the month I had been living there, not that I had ever spoken to him or the others.

"I know he seems like a hard-ass," Josh started, "but he has nothing against you."

I wasn't too sure about that, but I didn't say anything about it to Josh. He would only try to convince me otherwise, not knowing that Fox did, in fact, have something against me.

Josh and I didn't speak for the rest of the ride to school. Our rides to school were all similar. We would make small talk at the beginning and then stay silent for the remainder of our time in the car. The conversations we shared were never meaningful, but I didn't mind them. At least Josh wasn't cruel to me.

"See you at try-outs," Josh said as a goodbye as the two of us stepped out of his car. He quickly walked off toward the building where his friends were while I took my time walking through the parking lot.

Everyone at this school was a lot more tolerant than the people at my old Catholic school. After I came out, I was exiled by all of my friends and teammates. I was sure they were glad that I had changed schools so they would never have to be stuck in a locker room with me as they undressed, not that I was remotely attracted to any of my teammates.

There were actually quite a few other gay people at my new school, Pine Valley High School. I wouldn't say I was best friends with any of them, but I had acquainted myself with them since my first day arriving at Pine Valley. Since arriving, no one had been outwardly homophobic toward me, but I could tell by the way barely any straight guys spoke to me and the weird looks they gave me, that the people at this school weren't as tolerant as they seemed on the surface.

"Hey, Elijah!" Trevor, one of said gays, exclaimed as soon as I stepped foot inside the school.

"Hey, Trev," I greeted kindly with a small smile, continuing my walk to my locker as he followed me.

"Good luck at try-outs today, we're going to miss you at GSA," Trevor said sincerely as the two of us stopped at my locker.

Trevor was the president of the Gender-Sexuality Alliance club and was the first person, other than Josh and Fox, that I had met at this school. He practically attached himself to my hip and forced me to join the club, not that I minded much. It was nice to be around other LGBT people since I had never had the chance before. Since hockey was going to be almost every day after school, I wouldn't be able to continue going to the club meetings until after the season was over.

"Thanks," I replied, opening my locker. "I'll miss it there too."

Trevor smiled kindly. "You'll be back in March after you guys win the state championship."

I let out a breathy laugh. "If I even make it on the team."

Trevor touched my shoulder lightly. "You will," he assured me.

It was no secret that the hockey team was the best team this school had, having made it to the championship game last season and winning it two seasons ago. Unfortunately for Pine Valley High, they had lost the championship game last year to my old team over at Holy Trinity Catholic School.

The warning bell rang a few moments later and Trevor took his hand away from my shoulder, taking a step back.

"See you around Elijah," he said, waving goodbye before walking away.

I dragged my feel along the shiny hallway to my English class, a class that I dreaded every day. A few members of GSA were in that class to keep me company, but Fox Ridley and a bunch of the hockey team were also in that class. It wasn't that I had a problem with the hockey team, hopefully they would be my teammates in a few days, it was the nasty glares that Fox gave me every day. It felt like I was being scrutinized with every move I made.

When I got into the class, I immediately headed for my usual seat without looking up from the floor to see if Fox was already there. He was always there before me, I was sure that today was no different. Two of my GSA acquaintances, Lexa and Nadia, were already seated by the time I got there. They were an on-again, off-again couple and by the way they were looking at each other, I assumed now they were on-again.

"Sup, Elijah?" Nadia greeted, looking away from Lexa briefly.

"Did you do the reading?" Lexa asked before I could return the greeting.

I nodded. "I did."

"Can you show us the notes you took?" Lexa asked desperately. "Nadia and I didn't get around to it last night. We were... busy."

I didn't want to have to hear any details about their night together, so I wordlessly handed Lexa my notebook and the two of them began reading the page together.

I stared down at my empty desk, feeling the heat of eyes burning holes in the back of my head. I willed myself to keep my head down, but I was not strong enough as I picked my head up and turned to the face of my torment. Fox Ridley's glare was piercing and intimidating. It was like with one look he could stop my breath and keep me quiet for as long as he wanted. Maybe that was what he was aiming to do.

***

Walking into the locker room at the rink was a surreal experience. After heading out to Josh's car to get our things, the two of us walked side-by-side into the rink on the other side of the school's parking lot where other hockey hopefuls stood around chatting as they got dressed into their gear.

I mindlessly followed Josh, keeping my head down as I got stares from everyone in the room. It didn't occur to me that Josh would be making his way toward Fox and his other friends, but at that point it didn't matter to me. Josh was the only one I knew and sticking with him would keep me from getting harassed.

When the two of us arrived at Josh's group of friends, all of their eyes turned to me. Fox's remained emotionless as if he didn't even know me which I assumed was better than his usual glare. The first one to greet me was a tall male with a bright smile. He was wearing a light top, which complemented his dark skin, and he held his practice jersey in his hand as if he was getting ready to change.

"Hey, I'm Ryan. You must be Elijah," he greeted me cheerfully with a wide smile, extending his hand for me to shake. A feeling of welcoming washed over me as I reached out to shake his hand. At least there were two guys on the hockey team that wouldn't give me a hard time, and to be honest that was all the reassurance I needed.

"Nice to meet you," I replied with a smile of my own, shaking his hand. I had seen Ryan and the other guys in the group over the house a few times, but I had never met any of them.

"Guys this is my step-brother, Elijah," Josh introduced me after clearing his throat. "That's Liam and Alex." Josh pointed out the other two boys, not even bothering to introduce me to Fox.

"Hey, man," Alex, the blond boy, said while Liam, the one with jet black hair just nodded at me in acknowledgement.

Fox continued to stare at me with an impassive look that should have made me feel unwelcome, but I didn't let it get to me. He wasn't as scary as he tried to be and I had dealt with much worse since coming out, so I there was no way I was going to let Fox Ridley bother me.

"I'm going to go get ready," I told the guys after a few moments of silence. They all nodded and went to do the same.

Since lockers weren't assigned yet, I just tossed my bag on the floor near a bench and started taking my things out. I quickly got dressed in my gear and pulled on my skates before taking out my stick and helmet from my bag.

Once I was done getting ready, Josh walked over to me and clapped his hand on my shoulder. I turned to him with raised eyebrows.

"Are you ready?" he asked me, nodding his head toward the door.

Ready as I would ever be. No matter how much I played hockey and how much I loved it, I was still quite nervous trying out with a new team. I had been playing with pretty much the same group of guys since I could skate. I knew how they played and I played well with them. We had on-ice chemistry that was hard to replicate. I didn't know if I would ever have that with this team. Instead of voicing my concerns to Josh, I stood straighter and held my head up high.

"Yeah, I'm ready," I said confidently. Josh smiled slightly at me before clapping me on the shoulder again and motioning for me to follow him out of the locker room.

Once I stepped through the door, the cool air hit me, and I felt at home.

**