I grab my Smeg electric kettle which was actually a house warming gift from my mother and I pour the piping hot water into my favorite mug. I add some milk and two teaspoons of sugar before stirring it and opening the door to the balcony. Watching the sunrise has become one of my favorite things to do and it allows me to think about life. With that being said, let me give you an insight into my life.

My parents had been married for roughly seven years when they had me. My mother calls me her miracle baby because she had been told by numerous doctors that she had a five percent chance of falling pregnant but here I am. My name is Thembisa Abel-Obi and this is my beautifully chaotic story. My name means promise and my mother says she gave me that name because she had a dream and in that dream she was promised by the man above that she would have a daughter.

I grew up in Nigeria and I lived with my parents, my aunt and her daughter Chi. My cousin and I were thick as thieves and we always got in trouble but my father never stayed mad at us because we had him wrapped around our fingers. When I was fourteen, we moved to the UK because of the wars in the region we stayed in and how unsafe it had become.

My father was heavily involved in politics so it was unsafe for us to remain in that region because he was a target. Moving to a different country was exhilarating and I loved it there until I started getting bullied by the girls at my boarding school. They made fun of my looks, the way I dressed, the way I spoke and that led me to participating in self harm.

Those girls made me hate myself to the point where I wanted to die but I was lucky enough to be caught in the bathroom cutting myself by my mother. I went for therapy and I didn't want to open up at first but I realized that it was better for me to open up than to keep it all inside. The girls got suspended but what they did to me crosses my mind sometimes. Although I no longer have physical scars, I still carry the emotional scars. When I look back at my high school years, I cringe. I cringe at the fact that I tried to change myself so I could fit in when I should have embraced being different.

I was nineteen when I had my first boyfriend and first kiss. Whenever I think about my first kiss, I laugh because it was so awkward. I didn't know what to do with my hands or my mouth and the boy I kissed claimed he had a lot of experience but he was just as terrible as I was. I met my ex boyfriend a few months before I turned twenty three and he seemed like my Prince Charming.

He was good looking, charming and his French accent gave me chills. We dated for about a year before I discovered that he stepped out of our relationship because I was holding out on having sex. He knew I was a virgin and had said he was fine with waiting but that must have changed when he realized I wasn't going to give up the cookie that easily. Suddenly my mind travels back to the night I discovered he had been intimate with another woman.

Flashback

After spending the day working, I walk into my apartment and I am greeted by a mouthwatering aroma. I walk into the kitchen where my boyfriend of one year has his back towards me flipping whatever is in the pan. His upper half is naked and the way his back muscles are staring back at me makes me bite my lip. It's moments like this when I appreciate having a man that caters to me as much as he does because I would have settled for takeout again considering how tired I am.

"Hi baby." I greet cheerfully.

"Hi sweetheart. How was your day?"

"It was long but I'm glad to be back home with my man."

"I'm glad youre back, I missed you a lot today."

"What did you get up to?"

"I was job hunting as per usual. I didn't think finding a job would be this difficult and I feel like I'm putting a humongous burden on you by staying here and not helping out with the bills."

"It's okay baby. Just keep trying and I'm sure something will come up soon."

"I hope so. I made your favorite today."

"Chicken alfredo?" I smile.

"Yes ma'am."

"Well let me get changed so we can have dinner."

"Okay sweetheart."

I walk into the bedroom and remove all the articles of clothing on my body. When I unclasp my bra I feel free because it was clinging to my body all day long. I change into an oversized tshirt and some sweatpants before removing the scrunchie that kept my hair in a sleek ponytail all day long. As I'm picking up my trousers something under the bed catches my eye.

I kneel close to the bed and I pull a bright pink bra from underneath it. My first instinct is to yell but I laugh not because I find this funny but because I'm about to go off on this motherfucker. I grab the bra and place it in front of Matthieu who is already sitting by the dining table. His attempt at keeping a poker face lets me know that he is definitely hiding something.

"What is this bra doing in my house?"

"Is it not yours?"

"Does it look like I can fit into this?"

"I don't know much about bras." He shrugs

"Matthieu don't try to act smart with me. Who the fuck did you have in my house?"

"Nobody."

"So I'm crazy then?"

"I didn't say that. I can't believe you're blaming me for something I didn't do." he says and I laugh.

"So me finding a bra under the bed and you deciding to change the bedding when I changed it last night is not enough evidence for me to know you were with another woman?" I ask and he remains silent for a moment

"I spilt something on the bed so I decided to change the sheets otherwise they would get stained"

"Is that the best you could come up with?"

"It's the truth"

"Matthieu, I'm not in the mood for games. Who the fuck did you have in my house?" he looks up at me and remains silent for a moment.

"I'm sorry." he finally breaks.

"Who is she?"

"We met in the lobby."

"How long has this been going on."

"She has only been here three times but we had sex for the first time today."

"You brought her into MY house and had sex with her in MY bed?" I ask with so much emphasis on my

"I'm sorry Thembisa. I had a moment of weakness but I promise to never do it again."

"A moment of weakness? That's what they call cheating nowadays?"

"I just... she came onto me strong and I couldn't resist because I haven't gotten any play from you."

"So you cheated because I didn't want to have sex with you yet?"

"Yes, I have been begging for a year now and you always say you aren't ready."

"That's because I am not ready to take that step with you yet."

"It's just sex Thembisa, it's not a big deal."

"To you it isn't but to me it means something a little different."

"Did you honestly expect me to continue waiting for you?"

"Yes."

"I'm a man and I have needs too."

"Wow. This is the thanks I get for taking you in and giving you a place to live while you look for a job. You came here with nothing and I have helped you get back on your feet and you thank me by bringing another woman into my apartment and having sex with her in my bed."

"I'm sorry Thembisa."

"I've heard that way too many times and I don't think I can do this anymore."

"What are you saying?"

"I think you should leave."

"Where do you want me to go? I have nowhere to go."

"You should have thought about that before you put your dick in another woman."

"Thembi we can work on things. I promise to never look at another woman the same way I look at you or to even entertain another woman."

"It's too late for that. Matthieu I want you out of here in the next thirty minutes."

"Thembisa please just..."

"We're done Matthieu."

I let him pack his clothes and he walks out of the bedroom with his suitcase in hand.

"So this is it for us? What happened to you being my ride our die? Us fighting for our love no matter what happens."

"I meant it but clearly you couldn't uphold your end so please leave before I call security."

"Alright but I want you to know that I will continue fighting for you until my last breath."

"Okay Matthieu. Please leave."

After we broke up I thought my life would go back to being stress free but Matthieu did not let me catch a break. When I tell you that Matthieu made my life hell after I broke up with him, I mean it. He would show up at my apartment and bang on the door asking for me to open the door for him so we could speak. I didn't give him the time of day because I was done with him and his bullshit. When he realized that I wasn't giving in, he began harassing me on social media and he spread all kinda of rumors about me.

He made fun of my skin tone, he called me ugly, he revealed that I had been suicidal in high school and it was honestly heart breaking. I no longer felt safe because of how obsessive this man had become so I had to leave the city. I told family and friends that I was moving because I wanted a fresh start which wasn't entirely a lie but it wasn't the whole truth. I haven't heard from him since last year but sometimes I fear that he might just show up and make my life hell again.

I am currently working on starting my own business because it's a dream of mine to start my own lingerie line. I decided to venture into making lingerie because I want to make pieces that will make women feel sexy and beautiful no matter what their body looks like. I have a degree in fashion and my passion for clothes came when I was still a child.

I was that kid that enjoyed dressing up my dolls, modeling my new clothes for my family and styling my own self so when the time to choose a career path came, it was a no brainer. I have been working tirelessly at getting my business started and within the next five years, I see myself having a well known lingerie line. I know it won't be easy but with my talent, drive and ambition, I know that I can achieve that goal.

As far as dating goes, I am as single as a Pringle. I have been on a few dates and no one has enticed me. I remember a time when I went on a date with a guy that seemed like the perfect gentleman. He showed up looking suave, he brought me flowers, opened doors for me, pulled out my chair, showed genuine interest in me and I really thought this could be it. The night was good until the woman he claimed was just the mother of his child (who actually turned out to be his wife) showed up and caused a scene at the restaurant. I was so embarrassed and from then on, I decided to put dating on hold.

I always look at my parents relationship as the example of the type of relationship I would want. My father, after all these years still buys her flowers, takes her on dates and makes her smile. That's all I have ever wanted, someone who treats me right, shows me love, affection and handles my heart with care. My friends think I have the worst taste in men and I one hundred percent agree with them.

I always pick the douchebags that pretend to be gentlemen until they get tired of waiting for the cookie. At twenty four, I'm still a virgin and I am proud of it. I am not waiting till marriage but I am keeping my virginity until I am ready to take that step. I just want a guy that will be patient with me and respect my wishes unlike Matthieu. We live in times where finding a good man is not as common but I haven't lost hope because I know the right man that will know how to treat me is out there.

Finding a guy is not the problem, finding the right man for me is the issue. I always come across attractive, successful men that have a childish mindset and that turns me off. For example, there are men in this day and age that still think fair skinned women are superior to darker skinned women and that's honestly sad.

Another reason why I am a bit reluctant to date is that I get messages on instagram from married men with families. This further heightens my trust issues because how can you vow to be faithful to one woman for the rest of your life yet you're still messing with other women on the side. It honestly makes me sick.

I know my Prince Charming or rather my king is out there and I know he is making his way to me and I just have to be patient. I don't think my standards are too high, I think they are protecting me from experiencing low quality experiences with men. I just want someone to fall in love with my mind and soul before I give him my body. Until then, I'll just focus on myself and my business.