《Full Circle》16

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"Well...there c..could be 8" Bella spoke bravely and I took my head from my hands to look to her

"Bella that's not the answer" Rosalie snapped venomously "You don't want this"

"Alice?" Bella asked turning to me

I avoided her eye contact to look down at my feet.

I had fallen in love with Bella the human, I knew I would love Bella the vampire, probably more than when she was human but in all my visions there was never a clear cut decision of what she wanted.

I had thought about it constantly and I wanted her forever but for some reason I couldn't seem to swallow the huge lump that was developing in my throat.

"Bella right now I don't really know what I want okay?" I said in a strained voice before I could meet my eyes with hers again

"What do you mean; you don't know what you want?" Bella asked furrowing her eyebrows, she sounded like I was slowly ripping her heart from her chest

"I do want you forever, believe me because I want that more than anything but I don't want to make that decision by force like what happened to me. I don't want him to get his way and have you changed because we're scared of him. I don't want this life altering decision to be made on the basis of a vampire chasing you, it's not going to happen like that" I said firmly while I shook my head "I just think this conversation would be more appropriate at a later date and between the two of us"

"Well it does concern the rest of us as well" Edward said regretfully "We would be dealing with a newborn and a nomad all at once. That's twice the work, sure you'd be strong but you would be a handful"

"We don't know that" I defended "The experience is different for everyone"

"You're both right" Jazz interrupted "From experience, newborns are a lot of trouble but Bella could be different seeing as she is willing to take this on"

"And it's not about the workload for me Edward, it's the principal. James forced the doctor to change me because he was scared. I do want Bella to be changed but I don't want it to be under this circumstance" I glared over at my brother who quickly looked away from the daggers I was sending him. I turned to look to my love, my gaze softening immediately "Does any of this make sense?"

"I agree with what you're saying Pixie" Emmett interrupted with a smirk "Besides I kind of want to fight this guy, seeing as he has managed to get away a few times, I want to see what he's got once we actually catch him"

"But Alice I want to be like you; what difference does the time that I'm changed make?" Bella asked "What difference does the situation make when the end result with both being the same?"

"It makes a lot to me Bella. I want you to have some experiences while you are human and while you still can. I don't want this to happen to you too soon, you wouldn't have even thought about this if James wasn't around" I nodded "I know this is selfish of me as well Bells but he can't have you, he can't add you to his collection of winnings. If we do change you, what's to stop him from killing you anyway?"

"Nothing" Carlisle replied

"But you'll have one more person to fight him" Bella said

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"If we can't beat them with the 7 of us already, then I deserve to be hunted down" I growled "We can stop him"

"And how do you plan on doing that exactly?" Jazz asked

"I don't know yet but I'll figure it out" I grumbled "He's found a loop hole in my abilities so I'm going to have to work around that somehow"

"I think this decision needs to be made between Alice and Bella. Whatever is decided we will cooperate with because Bella is Alice's mate and Bella is now a part of this family as well" Carlisle said calmly "Bella, would you mind if we spoke for a moment in the study?"

"Alice?" Bella asked

I sighed; feeling really guilty that I got so possessive before that she felt she had to ask my permission to leave

"You don't have to ask"

"I know" She said as she rested her hand my knee

"Of course" I replied nodding

I felt her press a kiss into the top of my head and with that she walked into Carlisle's office and closed the door behind him.

The tension grew even thicker when Bella was gone though I could feel Jazz trying to keep everything under control

"So what do we do?" Rosalie asked folding her arms across her chest "You can't possibly think that changing her will solve any problems. Do you not remember what happened to the doctor once he changed you? Do you not remember how he ended up dead for turning you? Changing Bella is the easy fix, the easy option just for a moment until he focuses his rage on someone else"

"She's right. It may stop him from drinking her blood but he'll just come after you or even her anyway. He won't want to lose twice against you Alice" Jazz said sympathetically "If you change her than she'll be a target anyway. She'll be a newborn and have lots of strength yes but James has experience and experience always beats strength"

"So either way I can't possibly make a good decision in this situation" I hissed before I groaned quietly "This isn't a game to me, this is her life we're talking about here. I don't understand how he could see my Bella's life as some kind of game to get revenge against me for something that was completely out of my control. It doesn't make sense"

"No, you're wrong. You can make a good decision here Alice" Edward said honestly "The only good decision we can make is to kill James before it gets so bad that you have to change Bella. I know she wants this but she doesn't know yet what she has to go through. To be this forever...She doesn't know all that she is going to lose"

"But Edward it's already at that point. What happens when she dies and I'm left here by myself? I don't know what else to do because I can't bear the thought of losing her" I shook my head and ran a hand through my hair "Even if I don't change her now, she's going to die somehow down the track so what am I supposed to do when that happens eventually? I'm not going to be able to survive"

"She is not ready" Edward warned hastily

"Well easy for you to continue saying when your mate is a vampire and you get to spend the rest of forever with her and I have to watch the one I love die?" I said heatedly, bearing my sharp teeth to my brother "How is that fair?"

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"Life isn't fair" Edward snapped

"But I'm not even alive!" I exclaimed standing from the couch

"She isn't ready yet" Edward repeated through gritted teeth "She won't be able to handle it yet"

"I know that but at some point it's going to happen. We all know it" I said looking around the room "You all know that one day, Bella is going to be like us"

"She shouldn't be" Edward scowled "You shouldn't be putting her through this if she really means that much to you. If she means that much to you then you should be fighting to keep her an innocent human"

"An innocent human who is in love with a vampire, Edward" I replied shaking my head "An innocent human who knows too much already and who is willing to give up everything just to be with me"

"She shouldn't have to change for you Alice" Edward replied "This isn't something you can ask of a person just because you're going to miss them"

"Just shut up Edward!" I yelled loudly before I looked down to my feet and mumbled "You're not telling me anything that I haven't already thought about"

"If you really love her as much as you say you do, then you'll leave her how she is. Allow her to grow old and experience everything that we never could" Rosalie pleaded

"But Bella wants this and honestly so do I"

"Don't be selfish about her soul" Rosalie snapped

"No do not get started on this!" Jazz growled loudly, pointing towards me "You're not going to push her into a guilt trip about Bella's soul. Her soul will be just fine thank you very much"

"Alice deep down, what do you believe happens to your soul when you turn?" Rosalie questioned "What do you really think is going to happen to her soul? What do you think happened to yours?"

"Stop that!" Jazz exclaimed glaring at Rosalie

"This isn't helping anyone" Esme soothed, trying to defuse the situation as best as she could manage "We just need to be constructive about this"

"How on earth is there anything constructive about a situation like this?" I asked quietly

"We'll figure it out Ali" Jazz said calmly, placing a hand on my shoulder "Everything will be alright"

"Don't!" I snapped harshly as I looked up at her "I know you mean well but please don't try and change my mood"

"I wasn't going too" She shook her head slowly

"This isn't even my decision to make" I furrowed my eyebrows, looking to the floor again "It's her life. It's her existence. She should be able to choose"

"So let her" Jazz replied "But make sure she knows everything that comes with being one of us before she makes a decision"

"Alice he's just trying to toy with us. He wants to cause as much anger and distress about this situation as he can" Edward replied

"Yeah well he's succeeding" I said

"You do realize that you made it worse for everyone when you tried attacking him at her house because he was threatening Bella right?" Edward asked taking a step forward "All you did was encourage him"

"You think that I wanted to encourage him?" I asked incredulously

"I know you didn't want too but you did"

"What was I supposed to do?" I hissed "Was I supposed to just let him go through Bella's house?"

"Yes" Edward replied raising his voice

"Well what would you have done?" I took a step into my brother, my lip curling back slightly "Tell me in your infinite wisdom what you would have done"

I glared up at my brother while he stood over the top of me. He wasn't looking angry so much as he was looking sad, his eyes were full of pity

"I don't know what I would have done. I do not envy your position Alice" His voice became very quiet; somber even "I don't envy what you're going to have to go through"

"Well we have to think of something" Jazz said "Because what we're doing now isn't working and we have to make this work so we will find something"

"I don't know how much longer we can guard her like we have been doing" Rosalie said

"Rose" Esme warned raising her eyebrows

"No she's right" I sighed as I looked back to Rosalie "It's not fair on you. This is my fault so I should deal with it and not you"

"Nothing is your fault Alice. This is no one's fault and she's your mate. If Emmett was in danger Rose, you'd want Alice to protect him right?" Jazz asked

"Emmett doesn't need protecting" Rosalie huffed

Jazz sighed loudly and she took a few steps towards me

"Whatever you need Ali" Jazz nodded

"I need a plan" I said looking in the direction of Carlisle's office "And not a plan to just keep her safe but I need a plan to kill him. To make sure he can't come after any of us"

The office door opened and Bella walked out cautiously followed by Carlisle who had his hand on her shoulder which thankfully didn't cause me to growl at him or overreact like I had with Esme.

"I think that Alice and Bella should talk" Carlisle said quietly

I walked towards Bella who also took a few steps into me; she held her hand out with a small smile on her face. I couldn't help but smile back at her.

"Want to go somewhere?" I asked hopefully

"Alice, maybe not a good idea" Edward mumbled

"This needs to be a private talk I think Edward" I turned to face my brother, feeling Bella squeeze my hand in support

"And what happens if James comes while it's just you and Bella?" Edward asked

"You don't think I can protect her?" I challenged as I raised my eyebrow "I have my phone on me. If I need to call then I will but until then we need some privacy. Do you all understand?"

I heard nothing from my family and saw only reluctant nods. I looked up to Carlisle and he smiled as if to tell me that I was doing the right thing

"While I'm gone; think of a plan about what we were talking about" I said looking to my siblings "We'll figure it out when I get back"

I walked Bella out to the garage and opened the door to my Porsche for her but she just looked at me

"What's wrong?" I asked

"Where are we going?" Bella asked

"To my spot in the woods" I shrugged "You'll be safe with me, I promise. I just...our plans were kind of ruined for tonight but we should at least be able to go there sometime today. We need to speak about this and you need to be able to say whatever you want without feeling like you have to hold back. This is extremely important"

"You know what Carlisle was talking to me about right?" Bella asked

"About what happens when you're changed into a vampire; we all heard" I nodded "We can talk about it when we get there"

We made our way to the opening in the woods that I had first exposed the results of sunlight on my skin to Bella in no time. Mostly due to the obscene amounts of speeding I was doing, the look on Bella's face told me that it may have been just a little too fast for her liking but she didn't mention anything about it.

Bella hadn't spoken since we left the garage. The sun was moving out from the clouds; the rays catching me slightly and I saw Bella's expression soften

"You are so beautiful" Bella murmured

"Thank you" I smiled sadly "I just figured that you would want some privacy and honestly I wanted it too. I know how it can get; believe me. At night I used to just come out here by myself before you came. I always had a spot that I could just call mine and be able to go and just relax"

"How did you not go searching for me though? I mean if I were you I wouldn't have patients like you did" Bella admitted shrugging

"Believe me, I was halfway out the door a few times but Carlisle always pulled me back and warned me that if I went any earlier than what I was supposed to, then I would risk ruining everything" I shrugged, my thumbs twiddling together "And looking back I totally agree. It was worth the decade of waiting, you're worth a century"

"Well things worked out" Bella said nodded

"You know what the really sad thing about this entire situation is?" I asked; it was more of a question to myself "That by other vampires standards, we are the ones that are in the wrong in this situation by defending you. We would be the ones being frowned upon for trying to save your life"

"So vampires play these sorts of games with humans all the time?" She asked furrowing her eyebrows

"We're predators by nature Bells. James is different though, he enjoys his games more than other vampires who are just after the blood" I paused for a moment to gather my thoughts "I mean my family and I are fighting our true natures to be able to be what we are now, to be able to resist human blood"

"You seem to do it well" Bella encouraged

"I will admit that it has gotten a lot easier with time but it was so difficult when I first spotted you. I just wanted your blood so much. More than I have ever wanted anyone's blood before"

I let out a shaky breath as I finished my sentence. I of course didn't need to breathe but it had become a habit being around Bella constantly and it kind of helped me look a little bit more human than dead.

"Well how do other vampire's get over that with their human mates?" Bella asked curiously

I strolled over to the edge of the clearing to sit on the ground, leaning my back against a large old tree. Bella followed me immediately to sit next to me against the tree and she leaned her head on my shoulder; looping her arm around mine

"Bella I've never really heard of a human, vampire relationship before, I'm sure there are some in other area's that we've never come across but no one ever shares that kind of information" I admitted

"What do you mean?" Bella asked

"If a vampire were to tell others that they were with a human, things would become very...complicated. I mean its fine with my family because they would never betray me and they aren't a threat to you so I can have them around you. Other vampires would get very curious about the vampire human relationship, like James is and they would probably try and kill the human or they would tell the Volturi" I said before I paused "The problem with the Volturi finding out is that they would try and kill us both if they ever found out about our relationship. You're a threat to vampires' existence because you are a human who knows entirely too much"

"They wouldn't kill you though, would they?" Bella asked, fear coating her words "I mean they want you to join them so why would they kill you?"

"I believe the theory would be that if they can't have me then no one can" I shrugged as I looked around slowly

"That's really scary Alice" Bella replied

"Which is why it really surprised me when I realized I was going to fall in love with a human" I said with a small smile as Bella nuzzled affectionately into my shoulder

"Did you know that I was your mate when you had your first vision or did you take a while to figure it out?"

"Are you doubting me?" I asked playfully before I smiled adoringly "I just knew. How could I mistake you for just some human? You're my Bella, you're my true love and I just knew that you were going to be mine as soon as I saw you"

"I am your Bella" She responded quietly

"I have heard of vampires thinking they were in love with humans but in the end, they just wanted their blood so the human ends up getting killed" I mumbled as a thought crossed my mind "It's more like blood lust for them than anything close to love. I knew I loved you in my visions you were human and you were still alive. If it was simply bloodlust than you would have been killed"

"Can I ask you something?"

"You know you can sweetie" I nodded

"You never gave me a real answer when I asked you why you thought you didn't have a soul" Bella said cautiously before she continued on "And I may or may not have over heard Jazz and Rosalie fighting"

"They get loud sometimes when they both think that they're right" I sighed and I looked up at the sky to see a ray of sunlight hit me directly which made me feel like I was being bathed in warmth, like what I assumed humans felt like every day "I'm not too sure why I feel like the way I do. I just think that there has to be a price to pay for having this life. Everything comes with a price doesn't it? I have killed people and I know that either way; just for that I should be going to hell for it. I've learnt to accept that so I just try and live in the now rather than let my mind focus on what might happen later"

"But Alice you're doing the right thing by people and drinking animal blood" Bella protested again "I mean that has to count for something right?"

"Jazz still thinks that we have souls; that being changed couldn't force us to lose our souls because you lose your soul when you die" I said as Bella lifted her head from my shoulder to crawl over my legs and kneel in front of me

"Alice" Bella said trying to coax me to look her in the eyes "Al"

She placed her hands on both sides of my head, resting her forehead against mine

"You're very much alive" She whispered

"I could easily dispute that one Bells" I breathed

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