I was sitting in the penthouse suit alone with my thoughts. Earlier tonight I told the girl of dreams 3 words 8 letters and she didn't say them back. I have never felt this way about someone before sure I'm not a virgin buts just the way I am I guess you could say I have trust issues. I mean since I was young I have had problems trusting people my dad was never home and my mom left when I was 2 but there is something about Kourtnie makes me want to tell her all my secrets. Every time she walks into the room I get butterflies. I just she would feel the same way about me. As much as I want to talk to her I can't due to how much she's probably already shooken up from the events tonight. I'm interrupted from my thoughts when Kourtnie walks ins and sits on the coach uttering words that scare me half to death because they can be amazing or they could bring death to my heart "we need to talk".

The whole elevator ride I was contemplating telling Alex about how I feel. I could either keep it a secret and have him hate me or jump both feet in and hope for the best. I want to tell him but I have so many trust issues. I haven't had a boyfriend since Ryder and for good reasons but Alex is different he makes me feel different. When Alex walks in to the room my whole day gets brighter for these past 9 months that we've been sleeping together I feel better I feel happiness for the first time in a long time. I fell alive.

When I get up to penthouse suit I make the decision that can break or make my whole life. I walk in and sit on the couch facing Alex and say "we need to talk." Once I say those words his head snaps and meets my eyes. "In the elevator you said those 3 words 8 letters that you wanted me to say 5 months ago and I wanted you to say 4 months ago on the roof." I start. Alex tries to say something but I stop him before he's able to begin. "You don't know how happy that made me to hear those words come out of your mouth but I didn't say them back. I wanted to but I couldn't make my mouth move because last time I opened my heart to someone I got rapped," Alex face went form unfazed to shocked as I uttered that six letter word, "before you say anything let me continue," my voice starts getting shakier by the moment, "Ryder is all ready in jail for what he did so please don't go all murderous on me. Anyways as you can tell I have a trust issues so I didn't want to say them until I knew you were serious about it as I was. Tonight I tried to but I couldn't get my mouth to say the words my brain was thinking but now after the events of this past week I think I'm finally ready to say something I've been trying to say for 2 months now. Alex I love you," I tell him tears streaming down my face. "Kourtnie I'm sorry if I knew I wouldn't have been pressuring you into saying them and I know whats it like to have trust issues I mean my mom left me when I was 2 and my father never acknowledges me. What I'm trying to say before I start rambling on even more is I love you too," Alex states wiping the remaining tears from my face as he leans in to kiss me. I start kissing back almost immediately the kiss starts getting more passionate by the minutes. "Bedroom." Alex whispers in my ear as he picks me up to go to my bedroom. Those next few hours were different then the other times because we knew we loved each other not just having sex for fun. "I love you," Alex says once more as I move my head onto his chest. "Say it again," I tell him as I tilt my head up. "I love you." he states leaning in to kiss me. "One more time," I protest. "Kourtnie Eleanor Waldorf I," he pecks my lips before continuing, "love" pecking my lips like before, "you" he finishes with another passionate kiss. "I love you to Alex Jonathan Reed." I say as our lips separate and I nuzzle into is chest and he kissed my forehead. We fell asleep with me on Alex chest with one of his arms wrapped around me and the other holding my hand.

This just in K and A finally shared those special 3 words 8 letter thank god too. Could you imagine the stress of having a failing love on your mind when SAT coming up? Here's a new question are you ever going to find studying or are you going to busy in the bedroom? Good luck all you juniors we hope you make it out alive. You know you love me

~xoxo gossip girl