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Nate

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Liam is so cute it makes me smile. It's cute how he tries to avoid me while also trying to be closer to me. "You're like a drug to me. I take you and I instantly become addicted to you." I said while laughing. I saw how his emotion suddenly changed, how his eyes suddenly shone. I made him laugh, which made my heart skip a beat. Woah, he's so cute.

When Liam returned to his room, I paused. I still saw him standing in front of me in my mind, it's as if his whole body is imprinted in my mind. When I heard the others wake up, I came back to reality and walked back to the kitchen to continue what I was doing. 

A little later in the afternoon a visitor came. It was a boy I didn't know. He had dark blond hair and he looked like he was Liam's age. Liam looked happy, oh god, if only I could make him so happy one day. I really wondered who that guy was and what he was coming to do, but I don't want to look like a creep so I didn't say or ask anything.

I sat down on the couch and read a book that Benjamin had given me. I heard Liam and that unknown boy talking loudly and enthusiastically about various topics. It's probably very cozy there... I wish I could be there and be as happy as them to talk about those things, but of course I can't. Am I jealous? No, why should I, that would be so weird...

Liam's mother sat down next to me. "Is everything alright?" she asked. I nodded, I didn't feel like telling her how I felt about Liam and I don't think he would like that either. Somehow she made me feel really safe, a feeling my own mother could never give me. My mother was constantly on hard drugs and she finally left me a few years ago when she decided to live with one of those criminals who gave her drugs in exchange for sex.

Sometimes I wish she could see that what she was doing wasn't right, that she could see how much pain she was causing me and Benjamin. But, she will probably never see it and if she continues as she is now I don't even think she will live long. I never really knew her clean. She started taking drugs when I was very young, which is why I can remember it very vaguely.

Do I love my mother? This is a question I've been asking myself all my life. Would she ever have cared about me? She's probably long since forgotten me because of the damage the drugs did to her brain. Ah, well, everyone has a past or secrets, in the end this is something that made me me now. 

I felt a hand on my shoulder. She was still sitting next to me and she looked at me with concern. "It's going really well, I'm serious." I said quietly. She nodded and stood up again. Before walking away she said "Know that you can talk to me if there is something wrong, just like Liam you are now family to me."

I can't tell her , not yet.