Ezra felt broken. Empty. Nothing.

Fransis's words of praise made these feelings worse, though he didn't want to show this, so he only smiled at lunch when the boy once again said, "I'm glad you came around'.

"Would you stop," Spencer snapped and Ezra just gently nudged his best friend's shoulder and Spencer scoffed. "Ezra, you can't let him do this to-"

"It was my choice," Ezra said, though his voice sounded sad. It had since he had ended things with Adrin the night before.

"You need to stop saying that," Spencer grumbled so only he could hear, "It's not true".

"Spence-"

"Just look at him, Ezra. Look at him," Spencer demanded, and Ezra couldn't help himself. He had to look at the gorgeous boy who he lov- no. Whom he despised. He had to see him, no matter how much it hurt his heart to do so.

He had almost lost it in language arts. When he got in the morning, he immediately sat in the back of the class, knowing that Adrian would have to sit somewhere in front of him and he'd be able to see him, but when the boy sat in front of the class, as he did most days, Ezra's heart broke again.

Adrian didn't even look at him when he entered, but boy did Ezra look at him. For the first time since Ezra had seen Adrian, the boy was wearing sweat pants. Grey ones, with pockets. Normally, his top half would be covered with some kind of thin fabric, but today he was wearing a simple hoodie.

And worst of all, his hair. Ezra had only seen it completely down after they made lo- fucked, but today it was hanging in his face, covering his eyes.

Ezra didn't feel better. He had dumped him so he would feel better. Ezra felt heartbroken.

Adrian was sitting at his regular table, two in front of Ezra's, and his back was facing him, along with the back of the black haired piano player. Facing Ezra was Adrian's best friend, Helen, and her lips were moving rapidly as she spoke to her best friend. Ezra watched as the conversation went on, though she seemed to be the only one speaking, and as she did, she grew angrier and angrier. When her mouth finally fall close, Adrian's shoulders shrugged, and then he stood from his spot.

Helen was staring up at him, her lips parted, and to Ezra's displeasure, he reached his hand out to the boy next to him, who was still sitting. The boy looked at his hand for a moment and then took it, allowing Adrian to pull him up. Even when he was standing, their hands stayed clasped, and Ezra looked away to Spencer, his eyes widening. "Spence".

Spencer glanced at him, and then tilted his head down, watching what was happening ahead of them. "They're leaving," he said, "I'll then you when they're- oh fuck".

"What?" Ezra asked, glancing upwards. Adrian and the piano boy were gone, but now now Helen was standing, making her way over to their table, a look of pure anger on her face. "Should I run?"

Spencer snorted. "No time to-" and then the wrath of Helen was upon them, and she was glaring down at Ezra from over Landon's head so viciously that he felt only three inches tall. "You fucker, that's right. Look afraid".

"Helen-" he began, but she wasn't having any of it.

"No. You're not allowed to talk here. I don't want to hear your voice. I actually considered wanting to hear it at one point, but that point is over. You, ass hole, have broken my best friend. He cared about you, trusted you, which is hard for him after everything he's gone through with his family, and you've ruined that. You have broken Adrian Vang and I will never forgive you". And then she walked away, and Ezra felt like crying, as he had the night before, and put his face in his hands.

"Ezra," Spencer's voice pleaded with him and he knew everyone's eyes were on them. "You can't do this to yourself. You love him. I've never seen you look at anyone like-"

Ezra dropped his hands, glaring at his best friend because it was easier than crying in front of all of his friends. "I don't love him, Spencer. I hate him. Jesus, how long have you known me, Spence. I've always hated Adrian Vang".

"Because you usually fuck the people you hate, multiple times and take them on dates and kiss them and then call me and talk nonstop about how much you love them and how-"

Ezra growled, pushing his tray away, his appetite gone. "I didn't mean any of it".

"I am your best friend, Ezra Drake. Don't you dare try to lie to me". The table was silent for a long time, and Ezra didn't know what to say. Denying his obvious feeling for Adrian were one thing, but denying them to Spencer... that was completely different. He just couldn't keep doing it. Ezra stood from the table and turned. "Don't run away for this, Ezra!" Spencer yelled after him as he left the cafeteria.

Ezra didn't know what else to do. He ran away.

***

It was stupid, his reason for breaking up with Adrian, but it was still a reason.

Francis had power, crazy power. Ezra was the kind of athlete that was popular because he helped people, and it sickened him to hurt anyone. Francis was the kind of athlete who was popular because people were afraid of him, and knew what would happen to them if they disagreed. Easily, Francis could ruin his life. Even though Ezra was their captain, the majority of the soccer team would side with Francis. This was proven when they all had left the diner the other day after Francis voiced his opinion. He could get them all to hate Ezra, to make his life hell. Ezra would never quit the soccer team. The second he did, his scholarship would be be gone, and his future ruined. No, it wouldn't be possible to get Ezra to quit, but it was most definitely possible to make Ezra hate soccer; and he would if he hated, or more accurately, was hated by the team he would play along side of. It was, after all, a team sport.

Soccer was everything to him. Everything. It was possible to make Ezra hate everything.

But without Adrian, his everything felt like nothing.

But he couldn't get back together with him. If Francis got angry, he could literally ruin the rest of his life. He could make him miserable enough that he'd resent the time he played soccer, and eventually the sport itself. Would he even want to play a spot that he hated? Would he want to go to school and play it? At this point, he needed to. It was his only way into college. He most definitely didn't have the grades, and now that he had lost his tutor, they didn't fare well.

He loved soccer and he loved Adrian and he had made his decision. One was clearly more important to him than the other.

But he didn't feel good about what he had done. How could he? He had pushed away something that he loved.

No, Ezra reminded himself, you couldn't have loved him. There wasn't enough time for you to fall in love with him. You were just starting to, and you can get over it easily. This didn't seem true though, and it didn't make him feel any better. If anything, it made him feel worse since he was clearly trying to lie to himself.

He meant to rest his head against his locker, but he was rather frustrated with himself at the moment and ended up slamming his forehead against the cold metal. A loud bang rang out through the empty hallway.

That's how Spencer found him. "Ezra, what are you doing?"

"I can't be with him, Spence," he said, not looking at his best friend. Spencer didn't respond, so he kept talking. "Either I'm with him, and everyone knows about it, and Francis makes my life hell and I resent him for it and break up with him much later, or I break up with him now and resent myself forever".

"And you'd rather hate yourself than hate him," Spencer said softly, and Ezra nodded his head. "That's why you should be with him, Ezra".

"There's no way around it, Spencer".

"There is," he said, and Ezra turned his head to look at him. "You don't let Francis control your life".

"But soccer-" Ezra began and Spencer looked away from him for a moment, directing his attention to the ceiling for a moment.

"Fuck soccer, Ezra. Quit the team". Ezra's lips parted in surprise. "You don't need it, Ezra. You've relied on it for so long that you think it's everything, but it's not. If you've learned anything from Adrian, it should be how smart you actually are, Ezra. You just need to try".

Ezra shook his head in denial. "Soccer is my life".

"But it doesn't need to be".

"You don't under-"

"You're going to regret this," Spencer said, shaking his head. "You're going to finish college and realize that you're not good enough to play professionally, and then what will you have? You will have no life, since that's what soccer is, you say, and the memories of this amazing boy that you loved and gave up just because you were too scared, the memories will haunt you".

Spencer never spoke to Ezra like this and it temporally rendered him speechless. This didn't last long. "If you think he's so perfect why don't you fuck him," he snapped and Spencer just shook his head, "you don't understand, Spencer. You've never been in love-"

"No," Spencer interjected. "You don't know me Ezra". This hurt him for some reason. Spencer had been his best friend since preschool, and the other thinking that Ezra didn't know him brought a pain to him he hadn't expected. "I have been in love. I am in love, and he is more important to me than anything. I've lost him before and it hurt enough that I realized nothing else was important, nothing else compared, and I fixed it". Spencer looked genuinely upset, and Ezra didn't know what to say. "I just hope that you realize the same".

And then he turned around and walked away before Ezra could ask him any questions.

To his knowledge, Spencer was single, but...

He claimed that he was in love, and he may not have realized it, but the pronoun that he had used was, well, masculine.

***

It was the end of the day, and Ezra's feet just took him in his normal direction without his mind realizing it and he found himself outside of the band room with his hand resting on the door knob. It was then that he realized what he was doing, and the fault in it. He had just been so used to stopping at the band room to see Adrian before practice.

Ezra quickly withdrew his hand and was about to hurry away down the hall but his body froze against his will at the sound of Adrian's voice on the other side of the door.

"I'm fine, Oz," he was saying and it was then that Ezra remembered that that was the name of the black haired friend whose hand Adrian had grasped so tightly over lunch.

"You're not fine," a deeper voice responded and Ezra assumed it was the boy Adrian had been addressing. "Are we not going to talk about yesterday?"

Ezra assumed they were talking about him. "Nothing happened yesterday," Adrian said, sounding confident.

"You tried to kiss me, Adrian," the voice responded and Ezra was shocked. Adrian had already tried to... to move on with someone else. It shouldn't have hurt, since Ezra was the one who dumped him, but it did.

"I was just dumped by E-" Adrian broke off and Ezra realized how badly he had wanted him to say his name. Adrian had a special way of doing it, a different pronunciation of each syllable that he absolutely loved and he wanted to hear it. "That ass hole, and I just wanted to have a rebound, and I didn't think the boy who's been in love with me for the last four months would reject me". Adrian's voice sounded harsh and the silence that followed was tense.

Oz's feelings for Adrian had been unknown to Ezra up until this point, but it made sense. "I'm sorry," Adrian said softly, and with just that phrase, Ezra could tell that Adrian cared greatly for the younger and he was immediately jealous. "It was wrong of me, and thank you for saying no".

"You're not okay," was the other's response. Ezra wished he could see them.

"Let's start".

The piano music began and it was soon accompanied by the saxophone, which came out squeaky and uneven and then Adrian yelled, "fuck".

"You're not okay".

"Again".

They tried a few more times with the same result, and then the room was quiet with sounds that suspiciously sounded like muffled sniffles and Ezra pressed his face against the hard oak door, holding back his own tears. He needed to see him. He couldn't help it. His hand reached out, gripping the cold metal knob and he was turning it when he was interrupted

"Ezra". The voice was called down the hall and Ezra looked up quickly to see Francis there, his expression cold. "We're going to be late for practice".

Ezra stepped back from the door quickly, looking at it one last time before turning and heading down the empty hall towards Francis, regaining his composure with each step until he was perfectly guarded and standing in front of him.

"I-"

"We need to be ready for the game next week," Francis said, his voice angry and Ezra swallowed and nodded.

"You're right". He had made his choice already. There was no going back.