"People say that bad memories cause the most pain, but actually it's the good ones that drive you insane,"

~Anonymous

"We're here," Michael announced climbing out and walking straight to the water's edge without waiting for Luke. The blonde quickly caught up and intertwined their hands.

"What are we doing here?" Luke asked quietly.

"This was where you took me the day you hugged me for the first time," Michael told him. Luke smiled and nodded. In the moment both boys were too overcome with emotion to speak. In truth Michael doubted there were words. It had seemed as if an entire lifetime had passed him by from the day Luke brought him here, but in truth it had only been two months. And Michael knew that was all they would ever get, because today was his last day. He had already made that choice. And it made him feel so unbelievably free.

After a while Michael pulled out a sharpie and headed over to the wall with Luke tagging along. In all capitals Michael scribbled something down, but to the two boys it meant everything.

Luke + Michael

Forever, ever

Luke smiled and wiped at a tear as he stared at the words with Michael. There was nothing abnormal about them or even unique, but in some strange way they conveyed everything each boy wanted to tell the other.

Forever, ever had a million different meanings. It meant what it said, that they were forever. It meant that they loved each other more than anyone else had ever loved anyone. It meant they had given each other everything. It meant they had given the other all their trust. It meant too many things that Michael could hardly keep track of it. It meant so many different emotions all at once, but it was alright. It was confusing, but it made perfect sense to the two boys who constantly said it.

Michael squeezed Luke's hand and muttered them aloud. "Forever, ever?" he asked quietly. He knew his forever was nearly gone, but he wanted the reassurance that he would somehow be a part of Luke's

"Forever, ever," Luke confirmed.

And with those words spoken everything fell into place. Michael guided Luke to sit by the water's edge and so they did. They talked and skipped stones and they sat in each-other's arms. Nothing else was necessary between them. Nothing. And that was okay. It was more than okay. Especially for Michael.

"Two more places," Michael told the blonde that held his heart.

Luke smiled and nodded. "Whatever you want beautiful," he agreed, because Luke would do anything for Michael. If Michael asked him to prove his love by jumping off a bridge his only question would be 'any particular one?' and then he'd be flying into the abyss of whatever laid underneath.

He couldn't think of a single thing he wasn't more than willing to do, but he knew that Michael would never allow him to do nearly all of them. Little did Luke know that Michael would not still be there in twenty-four hours.

Michael knew. And Michael was happy to be leaving. So happy.

If he was to be one hundred percent honest Michael would have to admit that he was struggling with waiting till tomorrow. He had wanted to drown himself right then, but Luke was there. And he couldn't make Luke watch that when there was nothing the blonde would have been able to do.

Michael walked hand in hand with Luke up to the car and they climbed in, Michael already feeding Luke directions to the very next place. They chatted as they drove. It was mainly Luke but both boy's preferred it that way. Michael liked listening and Luke didn't want Michael feeling uncomfortable.

"Are we going to that meadow?" Luke asked. "Where I kissed you for the first time?"

"That would be the place,"

Michael tried to make it sound like he was joking around. He tried to smile, but instead his eyes watered and he looked out the window studying Luke's reflection in it. The blonde looked concerned as Michael had assumed he would be, and he wasn't sure if Luke could see his reflection. When Michael composed himself he turned back to Luke and engaged conversation.

"Do you remember what stuttering mess you were?" Michael asked teasing the younger boy.

"Shut up," Luke flushed brightly and Michael grinned.

"It was kind of cute though. How nervous you got. If you hadn't said anything I probably never would have. I was actually convinced you were straight,"

Luke laughed, "So was I, Mikey. But then I've never really liked any girls either. I was starting to think I was Asexual or something,"

Michael grinned cheekily. "Well, do you find me attractive, Luke?"

Luke nodded and moved away slightly as Michael got closer.

"Is this distracting you?" Luke nodded again but Michael was persistent biting gently on his bottom lip. "Am I turning you on, Princess?" Michael whispered in Luke's ear before biting down softly on it.

"F*ck, Michael I'm going to crash the damn car if you don't stop,"

"Or you can stop because we're here,"

Luke stopped the car and in one swift Motion Michael's seat belt was off and Luke was pulling the boy onto his lap. "F*ck you,"

"I top in this relationship, Luke," Michael teased.

"Not this time," Luke hissed and he was pushing Michael down onto the backseat.

His seatbelt was off and he was on top of Michael in a matter of seconds, but it didn't feel rushed at all. Each movement no matter how quick was laced with love and tenderness. Nothing was done to hurt the other in the slightest. And Michael had never felt more loved.

Luke took his time with Michael, but soon enough they were lying out in the field in the same spot they had first kissed only this time kisses were shared freely and without hesitation. Their legs were tangled together and in that moment they were one.

"If you only had one day left to live, what would you do?" Michael asked.

To Luke the question was from out of nowhere, but Michael had been pondering all day. Was he doing things right? Was it too cliché? Was he wasting he and Luke's last day together?

"I would do this. Just waste away my time with you. But then waste wouldn't be the right word. I would cherish every last second and I would try to leave you with as many memories as I could,"

"Memories?" Michael asked.

"Memories of me, of us. That way when you think of me you don't think of some lifeless corpse, but who I really was you know?"

"Yeah," Michael agreed, genuinely understanding. "I know,"

And Michael did know. A lot more than Luke could have guessed and even more than Michael had initially thought. He wanted to kill himself, but he didn't want to be remembered like that. As the stupid suicidal weak boy who couldn't do anything right. He wanted to be remembered as the Michael he was when he was with Luke. Because that was the only time he ever really felt happy and alive and like himself. Like the Michael he would have been if he hadn't been so depressed and suicidal and overall just f*cked up.

Maybe his entire life could have been different. If his parents didn't abuse him, if he wasn't mentally ill. But then, what else would have changed? Would he have even met Luke? And maybe it wouldn't have even mattered maybe he still would have been depressed and hated himself anyways. He knows that there have been people with seemingly perfect lives who kill themselves. So who's to say he would have been genuinely better.

"How would you spend yours?" Luke asked absentmindedly not realizing that this was in fact Michael's last day.

"This. I'd spend all day just like this,"

Luke didn't catch on. He didn't realize that they were spending their day like this, exactly how Michael would spend his last day, because it was his last day.

"One more stop right?" Luke asked.

Michael bit his lip pondering this new idea. "Two actually. I might have lied earlier,"

Luke laughed at the smaller boy. If only he knew. Would he be acting differently? Saying different things? Michael knew his guard was strong, but this was Luke. He was supposed to be the one who could see through all of that. But there they were driving to the next place with no evidence that Luke knew of Michael's plans.

"Let me guess. Where I told you that I loved you, right?" Luke asked.

Michael blushed and nodded. Luke however laughed at the smaller boy's embarrassment and drove off.

"I was so scared when I woke up," Luke started. "The last thing I could remember was seeing your nearly lifeless body, bloodied and all you still looked beautiful to me," Luke paused before he confessed something to the smaller boy. "I, um, when I first woke up, and I thought you were dead. I uh, I was about to start planning my suicide. But then the nurse came in and told me you were alright, but I was still so scared. I've never thought like that before, but Michael if you weren't okay, I wouldn't have even thought twice about it,"

Luke didn't expect his words to have the effect they did. He didn't expect Michael to bend over clutching desperately at his chest. It was if he was holding himself together. He refused to change his mind, but if Luke came after him... Well Michael would simply never forgive himself.

"Don't. Luke promise me you won't. Right now. Promise that if anything happens to me, even if it happens tomorrow or in twenty years, promise me you won't do anything like that," Michael was frantic. He needed to hear the words, he needed Luke to mean them.

"Mikey..." Luke trailed off. He wasn't sure why Michael was freaking out like this, but he knew it couldn't be good.

"Dammit Luke!" Michael couldn't hold back the panicked tears. "Please, Luke. Just promise you won't do anything to hurt yourself,"

"Alright. Calm down, Mikey. I promise. If, if anything happens to you, I promise I won't do anything to hurt myself. No drugs, alcohol, self-harm or suicide. Nothing,"

Michael nodded hiccupping and wiping at his eyes. He felt stupid, but he needed to hear it. Luke pulled the car over at the exact spot where they had shared those three words but this time nothing was said. Michael was hiccupping and trying to relax his breathing. And Luke didn't want to set him off again.

"When I was unconscious I could still hear you. Only you though, everyone else sounded like they were speaking through molasses. And I could tell when you were in the room," Michael began. "I kept telling myself 'Luke, you have to stay for Luke,' but whenever you were gone it was so hard. I wanted to let go. But I wanted more of you, more time more... More memories. I couldn't let you go just yet,"

"I'm glad you held on, kitten. So unexplainably glad,"

Michael smiled sadly, "Look at you using big words and everything,"

Luke laughed, "What can I say. I learned from the best," Luke kissed Michael's nose and the smaller boy flushed brightly.

They just sat together. Seconds turned to minutes and minutes into hours, but time was hardly even a thing when it was just Michael and Luke. No amount of time between them was ever enough and therefore there could not be too much. Michael knew this the hard way. He just wanted a little bit more time with the blonde next to him. But nothing was ever enough, but he had set a date. And that date was upon him. Michael had no other choice anymore because his decision had already been for him.

"Last stop?" Luke asked.

Michael sucked in a breath and nodded directing Luke to the last place they'd go together, and the last place Michael would ever go. "Pull a U turn," he muttered and Luke obeyed swing the car around and driving.

Michael muttered directions but most of the ride was spent in a comfortable silence. Neither boy had anything to say. Michael because he didn't want to slip up. And Luke because just being with Michael was more than enough.

"What's this place?" Luke asked as they pulled up to an old abandoned building. There was graffiti on the walls and cigarette buds littering the entire property, but Michael knew the roof was clean. The roof was his, and over here he had earned a reputation. Nobody touched Michael's roof.

"You'll see," Michael said pulling Luke out of the car and into the building.

As expected there were people lounging about, smoking whatever the hell they felt like and drinking cheap beers. There was a game of strip poker going on and a few extremely drunk or high people called Michael's name. When they did it seemed time froze. nobody moved and they all stared at him and Luke wide eyed. Luke was clinging desperately to Michael.

He was petrified. Why would Michael take him to a place like this? But Luke trusted Michael and didn't question anything.

"Who's the blondie?" asked one of the cockier guys Michael knew as Liam.

"Shut the f*ck up Liam," Michael snapped.

Another guy put a hand on Liam's shoulder and pulled him back. "He didn't mean anything by it Big Mike. Nobody's touched your roof in the time you've been gone by the way,"

Michael looked the guy over. He'd lost weight, but it still the same Scott Michael had always known, "Thanks, Scott," Michael said quickly.

Scott nodded and everyone seemed to relax. Michael wasn't going to beat Liam to near death. Not again at least.

"C'mon Luke," Michael said pulling the boy through the mess of the main floor.

Luke was cutting off Michael's circulation and Michael's grip on Luke's hand was bone-crushing but neither boy minded and they stuck close together as Michael pulled Luke up the ladder to his roof.

"Who were those guys?" Luke asked instantly.

"Bunch of people who come here to forget stuff," Michael muttered.

"They were smoking weed! And drinking! That's illegal! how do you know them?"

"I told you I've tried it before, Luke," Michael reasoned.

Luke nodded and took a few deep breaths. "Sorry, I was really scared, Mikey,"

Michael sighed and kissed the blondes forehead, "So was I, princess,"

"Didn't seem like it," Luke muttered.

"Because I know I can take them. They're down right terrified of me. I nearly killed that Liam kid a few years back,"

Luke's eyes were wide.

"He was trying to treat me like my dad does, Luke," Michael confessed.

And that was when Luke could see the terror in Michael's eyes.

"I don't ever want to leave you Luke. You know that right?" Michael asked.

Luke nodded.

"So if I ever do leave, I need you to understand that it wasn't because I wanted to leave you alright? If anything you'd be the reason I stuck around for so long,"

Luke nodded again and Michael kissed him lovingly as the sunset behind the trees. Maybe it was cliché and photograph material, but that hardly mattered to either of them. What mattered was that they were together. And when they finally went home and settled into bed, they were together, but only Michael knew that it would almost certainly be the last time.

And it hurt. It hurt so indescribably bad. It felt like Michael heart was being torn apart slowly. Like it was being run over a million times by a train. It felt like nothing Michael had ever experienced, because Michael didn't want to leave Luke. He could barely stand it, but he needed to die. He had to and he was finally going to. And if that meant leaving Luke behind, then Michael would have to make the sacrifice, because living was no longer an option. Not for Michael at least.

"Now, let's go dye my hair yeah?"

Luke rolled his eyes but agreed, following Michael hand in hand back down to where the other people were and leaving the building picking up the dye and heading back to Luke's.

"I don't know what I'm doing," Luke admitted standing over Michael with the bottle of dye.

"It's not that hard Luke,"

"Blonde remember? We're stupid,"

Michael gave Luke a look and Luke rolled his eyes. "If it's sh*tty it's not my fault," Luke told him.

That tweaked a nerve and Michael snatched the bottle from Luke pulling on the gloves. "You can just watch,"

Luke laughed, but agreed and sat on the bathroom counter as Michael dyed his hair.

"I think it's pink," Luke said hours later as they lied on the bed Luke running his fingers through Michael's freshly dyed hair.

"F*cking hell, Luke it's red,"

"Pink," Luke sung.

"Red,"

"Pink,"

"Red,"

"If I kiss you will you agree with me?"

"It's pink,"

Luke laughed and kissed Michael softly and briefly.

"So why pink?"

"Dammit, Luke," Michael huffed. "It's red. Not pink,"

"Pink," Luke sung teasingly.

"Red,"

"Pink. Now shut up and sleep,"

"It's red," Michael muttered snuggling deeper into Luke's arms. He felt the vibration of Luke's laugh against his back and smiled.

"Pink, like your lips,"

"Okay, Luke,"