"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art...It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that will give value to survival,"

~C.S. Lewis

Michael was scared to be simple. He was not known for his skill in talking to people, but it was important to Luke that Michael got along with his friends Ashton and Calum. Michael never had many friends even before they all stopped talking to him. Michael was an introvert his personality screamed it. People scared Michael which was perhaps the reason he was being dragged along by Luke.

"Do I have to?" Michael asked in a whisper tugging his arm which was stuck in Luke's hold. Luke shook with muffled laughter and continued pulling Michael behind him.

"Yes you do. Please Mikey, this is important to me," Luke bit softly on his lip knowing full well how much Michael loved it.

"Fine," Michael muttered. Following Luke with a bit less resistance.

Luke turned so Michael couldn't see the un-mistakable grin on his face as he knocked on Ashton's door. The curly headed boy opened the door and smiled at Luke.

"Luke! Hey man," Ashton greeted.

Luke furrowed his eyebrows and turned to see Michael hunched over behind him so that Ashton could not see him.

"You've got to be f*cking kidding me," He muttered to himself. After living so long in his own head Michael's ear trained on the words and he blushed knowing that Luke wasn't really mad at him.

"Well I brought someone with me," Luke said turning back around to face Ashton who was now joined by Calum. "But apparently people scare him more than he initially let on,"

Calum and Ashton continued to look at Luke waiting for the other boy to reveal himself.

"I swear, Mikey if you don't get-" Luke cut himself off when Michael straightened and shifted so the other two boys could see him. "Thanks kitten," Luke whispered entwining his fingers with Michael's and squeezing his hand.

Michael's grip was tight, but Luke didn't complain as Michael's knuckles turned white. He was forcing the boy into this so he needed to be somewhat considerate.

"Michael," Ashton muttered looking the boy in black up and down. "Well, that was unexpected,"

Michael bowed his head even further in fear that his fresh bruises would show.

"Um, well, come in, I guess," Ashton said allowing the two boys entry to his home.

Michael didn't want to go in and it took more effort than it should to convince himself to move. Clearly he took a few moments too long as Luke tugged on his hand. "Mikey, c'mon," Michael's terror filled eyes shifted to Luke's gentle blue ones and he found the strength in him to follow the blonde into the house bowing his head as low as he could.

Once inside long fingers tilted his chin up slightly and Luke's eyes were centimetres from his own. "It's okay kitten. If something happens we'll leave," Luke whispered.

Michael just barely nodded but Luke caught on and smiled at the boy backing away and pulling him after the other two.

"Um so, not to be like, rude, but what's he doing here?" Calum asked.

Michael seemed to shrink as Calum spoke of him, especially in that manner.

"I want you guys to be friends. Y'know so I don't have to choose between you guys," Luke explained and Michael thought about just how dumb it sounded. How would they ever want to be friends with him?

The two boys nodded hesitantly and Luke sighed.

"Can't you guys just start over? Just forget about whatever rumours you've heard?" He begged.

There was a moment of silence before Ashton intruded in it. "Hey man, my names Ashton. It's nice to finally meet the kid Luke's been talking about for like, ever," Ashton said stretching out a hand.

Michael let his head rise a little so he could see Ashton's face and he shook the boy's hand. "I'm Michael," he said voice quiet.

Ashton grinned and Michael found something contagious about it. He felt his lips twitching at the corners.

"Calum, it's nice to re-meet you, Mikey,"

Michael shook Calum's hand as well before Luke's arms wrapped around him from behind and his chin was rested on Michael's shoulder.

"That's my, Michael," he whispered into Michael's ear.

Neither boy was paying close enough attention to catch the enormous grins on Ashton and Calum's faces, because sure, maybe they weren't exactly all about gay relationships, but there was no denying the two boys in front of them needed each other. And besides friends are always supposed to support one another. So they would support Luke, and Michael, throughout the entire relationship.

"So!" Ashton clapped snapping the two out of their haze. "Videogames?"

Calum raced off to where Michael assumed they were located and Ashton laughed with Luke. He could see why the blonde like these two. Ashton most certainly had charisma and Calum seemed joyous. Michael knew they made for a good time. It was perhaps another secret to life, but Michael remained oblivious. He still wanted to die, but perhaps his suicide note when he wrote it, would be longer than the few words he had originally intended.

Luke guided Michael to what Ashton called his 'man-cave' and they took a seat on the couch Michael huddled into himself and Luke's side. Ashton and Calum played first and Michael was almost enjoying himself as they screamed and cursed at each other and the game.

"Mikey? You want a turn?" Ashton asked as Luke took Calum's console.

Michael did want to. He remembered how much fun he had playing them before. But the boy in black shook his head. In order to play he had to lift his head high and that was risky for him. He couldn't have Ashton and Calum finding out, not when they just became friends.

Michael watched as Ashton sat down on the floor again and began the game with Luke this time. Calum took Luke's spot on the couch, but he left quite a bit more space between them seeing as Michael was nearly on top of Luke.

"So, tell me about yourself Michael. What kinds of things do you like?" Calum asked.

"Uh, I um, I like words," Michael stuttered.

"Words? Huh, I guess I never really thought about words as something likable. What about them do you like?"

Michael shrugged. "I don't know. They're interesting. There's like a word for almost everything," he whispered.

Calum raised an eyebrow. "You want to bet on that?"

Michael just shrugged.

"I'll list ten things and if you can give me a different word for all of them I'll give you food,"

Michael nodded knowing he would most likely be successful.

"Okay, start with to shine something, to criticize and to affect," Calum instructed.

"Burnish, decry and impinge," Michael listed.

"Sh*t. What about phobia's? Those count now. Fear of...stairs, fear of...the sun, and fear of...the colour purple!"

"Bathmophobia, heliophobia, and, um...porphyrophobia," Michael responded in a whisper.

Calum's jaw dropped. "There's actually a name for being scared of purple?" he asked.

Michael nodded.

"Okay well I have you beat this time. What's another word for...accidental, unruly, uh, boxer, and dark

"Fortuitous, um, obstreperous, pugilist, and uh, tenebrous," Michael whispered.

"Dammit man," Calum laughed. "Luke, I owe your boyfriend food now,"

Luke turned and grinned, "Why?" he asked.

"I bet that he couldn't give me specific words,"

"Cal, if there is one thing you shouldn't bet with him on. It's words," Luke laughed.

Calum pouted, but Michael was still in shock. He had just listed ten extremely difficult words, but the use of the word boyfriend had left him stunned into silence.

"Boyfriend," he muttered to himself.

And Michael couldn't help but blush. He loved the sound of that word the most.

Boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend. Was he Luke's boyfriend? He didn't recall them agreeing on a term, but if Luke didn't mind being called Michael's boyfriend then, f*ck, neither did Michael.

Boyfriend. The word echoed in Michael's head and bounced around off of all the negative thoughts he had driving them away, because oh my God Luke didn't object which means he wanted it! And Michael wanted it so very badly. His sub-conscious tried to throw wicked names at him and tell him the blonde was just doing it all out of pity, but Michael knew Luke wouldn't string someone along like that. This wasn't some pity-party. Luke wanted Michael, and oh how Michael wanted Luke.

Michael wasn't particularly comfortable sitting with Calum a few inches to his right, while Ashton and Luke played the video game Michael didn't recognize. But it wasn't uncomfortable either. Perhaps as he knew them longer they would grow closer and become more comfortable. Yet Michael feared that. He didn't want to grow closer.

Luke, Ashton and Calum. Three names. Three letters. Three times the pain of leaving. But you can't times zero by three.

And just like that Michael's mood spirals into numbness, because his thoughts are back and they're eating him alive. And oh God he just wants to die so why is everyone against him? Why is he against himself?

And Michael's struggling to draw in steady breaths. His lungs are being compressed together and his throat is closing up. The room is spinning and twisting around him teasing him as it dips and turns.

Panic attack.

The words register in Michael's brain, but he can't do anything but focus on his breathing. A panic attack is irrational he knows he doesn't have anything to be afraid of at Ashton's, but he can hear his parents and Ryan and Kyle and he can almost feel their hands beating him and he can see his mum doing wicked things.

"Mikey?"

The word fights its way through a filter and Michael glances at Calum through his eyelashes.

"Mate, you just got really pale. You okay?"

Michael's nodding and his hand is balling his nails digging into his skin. He knows it has to pass eventually and it finally does an eternity later, but in reality Luke and Ashton are still trying to kill the zombies that are swarming them and Calum's still shouting advice. Michael's pale and sweaty and his wrists and thighs are itching. He wonders vaguely if there's a razor in Ashton's bathroom, but no. He cannot cut here because Luke will know something's up. And Michael can't let the other two find out. Not until he's dead at least.

Michael's uneasy the rest of the time they're at Ashton's. At ten o'clock at night Luke finally tells Michael they're leaving and Michael has to fight not to look eager. Because though he does like Ashton and Calum he needs a razor.

They're at Luke's house seemingly before Michael can blink, and he can't remember if Luke talked while they drove home or if the ride was silent. Liz is in the kitchen when they walk in and she grins at their entwined hands before Luke rolls his eyes and drags Michael up the stairs to his room.

"Here," Luke smiles passing Michael some clothes to change into to sleep in.

Michael takes them and makes his own way to the bathroom. He shuts the door and begins changing.

He struggles out of the skinny jeans in exchange for Luke's baggy sweat pants and trades his sweater for Luke's band shirt before he sees it. His blood feels like lead in his veins and Michael momentarily forgets to breathe. Liz's pink razor is sitting on the counter.

Michael's mind is screaming and he can't process what's happening. He sees his hand moving towards the razor before it stops in mid-air. At least he's sort of in control. Michael drops his hands but his legs carry him directly in front of the razor. He knows how to take it apart without making any noise. But he can't do it either. He wants to. Oh God does he want to. But Luke is right down the hall and he'll be so upset.

Luke.

Michael's brain clicks before he can stop himself and he's shouting for Luke. He's shouting.

"Luke! Luke!" He loses track of how many times he says it, but he stops when he hears footsteps pounding towards him. And then Michael feels the tears on his cheeks and he hears the sob leave his mouth, but his eyes don't leave the pink razor.

"Michael?!" Luke's voice is frantic. The door opens and Michael doesn't have to look at Luke to know that the blonde just knows.

"Luke," Michael says his voice a plea. His voice is shaky and frail as if one false word and it will break. Just like Michael.

"Mikey. Mikey, I need you to look at me. Let me see your big green eyes," Luke says with a voice just as unsteady.

Michael tears his horrified wide eyes away from the razor and looks dead into Luke's. He can feel himself shaking and he clenches his fist digging his nails into his skin to refrain from snatching the razor up and tearing it apart.

"Mikey walk towards me," Luke says his voice still uneven.

Michael's eyes are still glued on Luke, but he manages to shake his head because he can't. He wants to so badly, but he just can't.

"You can do it, baby. Nice and slow," Luke instructs.

And maybe it's the pet name, because Michael has never been called baby, but he's snapped out of his revere and his hands are reaching for Luke as he stumbles forwards. Luke's arms catch his trembling body and hold him tight so he won't fall.

"It's okay, kitten. You're okay. You did so good, baby," And Luke keeps talking into Michael's ear as he walks backwards pulling the shaking and crying boy into his bedroom. "You were so strong. I'm so proud of you. So very, very proud,"

Michael can feel Luke sitting on the bed and he crawls right on top of the blonde so he's in his lap. They're a mess of arms wrapped around bodies and Michael's head is pressed to the crook of Luke's neck.

And even though Michael just had a breakdown his thoughts are swarmed with Luke and Michael's never wanted someone more. His lips are on Luke's neck and he slides a leg onto each side of the lanky blonde. He's biting and sucking gently and he's rewarded with Luke's strangled moan sounding throughout the room.

"M-Mikey..." Luke trails off as Michael pulls away from his neck and Luke can't get over the innocence in the boy's eyes especially at the boy's next words.

"Lock the door," Michael whispers rolling off of Luke and onto the bed.

Luke nods and stands locking the door before standing in between Michael's legs. Michael reaches his hands up almost childishly and takes hold of Luke's shirt pulling the blonde on top of him and trapping the boy's lips with his own.

Michael's not used to feeling this much power and he finds himself becoming submissive to Luke rapidly as they continue kissing on the bed.

Tongues are battling for dominance and Luke's not sure when he lost his shirt, but oh God is he aware of Michael's lips on his chest and Michael's tongue. And Michael's above him now, his head even with Luke's abdomen. Michael's tongue is tracing little patterns onto Luke's skin and he's driving the blonde insane.

Luke's lower region is pressed firmly against Michael's chest and the boy in black feels a surge of pride at what he accomplished.

"Mikey," Luke groans as the smaller boy teases him by tracing his pant line with little kisses. Michael's fingers slide under the top of Luke's jeans and he slowly pulls them off. They're tight skinny jeans. Luke's frustrated that Michael's still fully clothed while he's in only his boxer's and he tugs at the shirt Michael's wearing. Michael slides out of it easily and he lets Luke climb back on top of him.

He's uncomfortable under Luke's gaze he isn't attractive nor is he built well like Luke is. But Luke doesn't seem to notice any of this. His lips brush over the bruises left by Michael's father and he leaves wet kisses all over Michael. He's sucking gently and Michael's holding back moans just to piss Luke off.

Michael gasps when Luke bites gently by the edge of his pants and he's out of the sweats before Luke can do anything else. Michael latches his lips back onto Luke's and their tongues are instantly exploring the others mouths.

"You're so beautiful, kitten," Luke mutters as they pull away. "So beautiful,"

Michael blushes. "You're an angel, Luke," He returns, "But you're my angel,"

"Good," Luke mutters pulling the covers over himself and the smaller boy.

For the first time in a long time, sleep comes easily to Michael.