The letter that had come in the mail was an invitation to attend a dinner at the governor's mansion. Apparently I'd been selected to the Governor's Gold Circle, which honoured the top high school scholars in the state.

"Wow," Woo Bin exclaimed at dinner, passing the invitation back to Mom. "How'd you fate that?"

"My question exactly."

"Woo Bin," Mom scolded him. "In case you hadn't noticed, my daughter is brilliant."

"Get real, Mom. I don't even have a four-oh."

"It's not all based on GPA," she said. "You have to demonstrate community service and leadership skills. Your participation in sports was a bonus. Not to mention that Bonnie was on the nominating committee."

"Mom! God. Did you put Mrs. Lee up to this?"

"Of course not." Mom looked offended. "It was her idea."

I bet, I thought, gritting my teeth.

Mom inserted the invitation back into its crisp envelope, running her index finger across the raised governor's seal. "You'll need something new to wear," she said. "A dress. Not pants." Mom handed me the letter.

I snatched it from her and tossed it onto the credenza behind me. "I haven't decided if I'm going. Anyway, it's not until March."

"Of course you're going."

Ella fussed and Mom spooned another glop of liquified turkey into her mouth."I have a better idea." I scraped back my chair and stood. "You go. The governor'll like you better, I'm sure."

"Jennie –" The hurt in Mom's voice stopped me. Without turning around, I said, "Mom, just let me make my own decisions, okay? I think I'm old enough now." I twisted to meet her eyes.

"Don't you?"

Deadpan, she said, "You make me sound like some kind of horrible, meddling mother."

Woo Bin snorted. I appealed to him, but he threw up his hands and said, "Hey, I'm out of the one."

Mom urged another spoonful of turkey into Ella's mouth. "I trust you to make your own decisions, honey. You'll do the right thing. You always make me proud."

Tears filled my eyes. Charging down the stairs, I screamed inside, When? When, Mom? When have I ever made you proud? Never. If I work my butt off to get straight A's, I'm not taking hard enough classes. It I swim a personal best, I should've chosen a sport where my best would be good enough to win. I should get a better job, a better car, a better grip on my reality.

Mom had looked shocked when I told her I got elected student council president, like I couldn't possibly have achieved anything so impressive on my own. The one choice I'd made in my life that she approved of was Kai. She was gaga over Kai.

Shit. I'd go to the stupid dinner. But hell would have to freeze over before I ever wore a dress.

***I stalled around my locker waiting for Rosie, watching the time. I'd cut my laps short so I could run to the office and pick up a cup application for her. It was getting late. I didn't dare linger past the warning bell for fear of Arbuthnot. The bloody wrath of Arbuthnot. Earlier this week she'd verbally bludgeoned a girl to tears for being two minutes late. She'd ranted on and on about being responsible, showing respect for her, for our peers, for all of us who made the effort to be here on time. Needless to say, the girl dropped the class. A lot of people had dropped. I would've too, if I didn't need another lit credit to graduate.

The bell rang. No Rosie.

After lunch I sprinted up the stairs to art. She was sitting at the table nearest the window, talking to Wendy. Some compulsion drove me to interrupt their little téte-á-téte. "Rosie?"

She blinked up at me. "Yeah?"

"I have this application for you." I searched my stack of spirals to find it. Ignoring me, Wendy continued, "So, anyway, if you want to come over tonight I could pick you up after work."

"Here." I shoved the app at Rosie.

"Okay, thanks." She smiled and laid it on top of her books. To Wendy she said, "I'll call you."

So ji flew in the door. "Heads up," he chirruped. "Everybody got their supplies now?"

I stumbled to my table. Dean was already there, doodling on a tablet. "Yo," he said.

"Yo back." I took a deep breath and tried to clear my head. What was wrong with me? A simmering sort of anger had been festering all morning, even before school started. It began with Mom cornering me in the kitchen to remind me that Hwa was staying over this weekend and would I mind not making myself so scarce? Yes, I'd mind. That was the master plan. At the end of class this morning Arbuthnot added Grendel to our list of required readings, like I had all this idle time. I couldn't fathom in calculus why we even had to learn about rectilinear motion, and if So ji gave us homework I'd torch his hair.

He must've felt my fire. "We'll do an in-class exercise today," he said. "You should be able to finish it. I want you to create a completely different object out of a familiar one. Alter your mindsets. Expand your vision."

I had no idea what he was talking about. Familiar. I surveyed the room. Everything in here was strange, unsettling. Her, whispering with Wendy. Stop looking at her.

I forced my eyes to the table, to my tablet. My left hand was spread across the paper. Okay. Familiar. I traced around my fingers. Studied the outline. Turkey. That's all I saw. Dean reached over and drew the gullet under my thumb. We both cracked up. Had to bury our heads on the table to smother the laughter.

Dean actually handed in the turkey. I did a pencil scraping over my Jeep key and labeled it, "Not a key. Expand your vision."

On the way to my locker after school my cell rang. It was Kai reminding me about ice skating tomorrow, like I'd spaced it. Which I had. He said he'd pick me up at ten, then added, "Good luck at your meet. I wish you'd let me come cheer you on."

"Not now, not ever." We'd been through this. He knew how much I hated people in the audience, how freaked I got knowing someone was out there watching me, expecting me to perform.

Swimming wasn't about the competition. It was about ... I don't know. The team. Me. The girls.

As I slipped my key into the Jeep door, I noticed something stuck under the wiper blade. It was solid and square and wrapped in red foil. Throwing my junk in the back, I clambered onto the seat and shut the door. Running a fingernail under the Scotch tape, I folded back the wrapper and removed the object.

It was a CD. Dixie Chicks. A current of warmth surged up from my core.

***The smell hit me before I got to the basement.

"Hwa, didn't I ask you not to burn incense down her?" A stick was smouldering on her dresser. Her shrine, I should say. It was littered with all these ghoulish winged creatures, weird religious symbols, and crucifixes. The stance of incense permeated everything.

Hwa dunked the incense into a glass of water, scowling at me through the mirror. She'd taken extra care to cake on the white makeup. On, that didn't bother me as much as the hands she always had in her mouth. She chewed her fingernails until they bled. Apparently Goth advocated self-mutilation.

"Where are you going?" She spit out a cuticle and followed me to the end of the partition separating our spaces.

"Swim meet," I mumbled.

"Can I come?"

Unzipping my duffel, I answered, "You wouldn't want to." I replaced my damp Speedo with a dry one and checked to make sure I had my contact case and goggles.

"Ever wonder why we're called the Busan Starfish? Because Starfish don't swim." I crossed my eyes at Hwa.

She didn't smile. She never smiled. She droned, "It'd be better than staying here with June and Ward Clever."

I laughed. Oh, my God. Did Hwa have a sense of humour? "I thought you were into torture and sacrifice."

She pivoted and left. Oops. Not funny, the truth. I peered around the partition to tell her it was a joke, but she already stuck on her earphones and started fiddling with her CD player. The crap she listened to: Flesh eaters. Tapping the Vein.

I dug around under my bed for m portable CD player. I hadn't used it in a while. It was dusty. I checked the batteries. At the bottom of the stairs, I heard the strike of a match. Damn her.

***

My best event was the fifty freestyle and I still came in dead last, Oh, well. It wasn't like I was bringing down the team – we were all lousy. Our goal, according to Coach Chiang, was to finish out of the toilet, just once.

It was a pipe dream.

Unfortunately, the med relay was scheduled right after my sprint events, and I was so exhausted I barely got off the block before the race was over. As I hauled my dead carcass out of the water, gasping for air and feeling lightheaded, my eyes deglazed on the audience.

Rosie was there, standing to the side of the bleachers with a group of girls. No one i recognised. She had on these khaki flight pants and a T-shirt with a check mark. The shirt said, JUST DO IT, and underneath in parentheses, WITH GIRLS. She saw me and hitched her chin up a little in acknowledgment.

If my facial muscle were functional, I might've smiled. What is she doing here? I wondered. Well, duh. She came to see someone swim. Who? Wendy wasn't on the team. Another girl?

I tore off my swim cap and shook out my hair. Soggy and self-conscious, that's how I felt. Coach handed me a towel. "Nice job," he lied.

"The didn't record my time, did they?"

He smiled sheepishly. "'Fraid so. Thanks for filling in, Jennie. It's nice to have someone I can count on."

"To swim their personal worst," I muttered, draping the towel over my head. His sneakers squished on the tile as he heeded off to BS with the other coach.

"I was getting ready to call out the Coast Guard."

I yanked the towel off my face.

Rosie grinned.

"Shut up," I said, and snapped her with the towel.

She caught the end and held it. "We're going to a dance at Rainbow Alley, if you want to come."

"What's Rainbow Alley?" I peered over her shoulder at the girls.

"It's a gay teen centre," she said.

A spike of fear lodged in my spine. Why? I wanted to spend time with her, get to know her. But at a gay teen centre? What if she thought ... ? What if it meant ... ? The static in my head crackled.

"Um, thanks, I can't. I have to ride back on the bus with the team." My eyes were drawn to the wet tile under Rosie's feet. Unlaced high-tops. How cool.

"I could follow the bus and take you from school." she said.

"I have to get home.

She looked at me. Saw through me. She knew I was lying and wheeled around.

"Rosie." I caught her arm. Then dropped it when my hand caught fire. "Thanks for the CD. I played it all the way here. It's awesome."

She smiled again, a slow, suggestive smile. Then she winked and jogged to catch up with her friends.

She was such a flirt. It always made me hurl when girls acted that way. Nayeon, for example. The way she came onto guys. So obvious. With Rosie, though, it was different.

With her, it was ... sexy.