warnings: post prison spencer, mention of drug use and na meetings

word count: 5.1k

y'all....this is nearly the same concept as Remedy. so i'm very sorry. i just HAD to write this fic. so sorry if this bores you. the plot is different but the concept is the same. sorry friends. thanks for reading :) and sorry for the long wait! mental health and motivation be bad. but lots of chapters in the works :)

SPENCER

"i don't think any one of you understands how excited i am."

"i think we do," emily laughs, patting penelope's shoulder. "we've been hearing about this all week."

"listen," penelope fans her hands out in front of her, making a sharp left onto the next block like it's second nature, "the last five years is my favorite musical of all time and i never get to come out to new york because of work so now that we're here, i have to—"

everyone fills in the words we've heard her say countless times this week. "take advantage of the opportunity."

penelope huffs, crossing her arms over her chest. "i'm not letting any of you kill my spirit."

morgan chuckles and throws his arm over her shoulder. "wouldn't even dare to, babygirl. we're just playing."

"why are we getting there so early anyway?" rossi asks, checking his watch. "the show starts in two hours."

penelope goes on and on about how when she bought the tickets, she used our fbi status to get us inside early and so we don't have to stand outside the theater. but i'm barely listening. my palms are sweating and shaking and my head feels fuzzy. i try to swallow down the lump on my throat but it doesn't really work. i tighten my grip on the strap of my satchel and force my feet to bring me closer and closer to the entrance.

"what's going on with you?" emily reaches over to nudge my shoulder, making me knock into luke at my side. "any facts about broadway for us?"

matt laughs at my other side. "i think this is the longest i've ever seen him silent."

i try to laugh along but it comes out forced. i attempt to swallow the lump again. "i don't, uh, i don't really— well, i haven't read up about broadway. i will when we get home."

"spencer doesn't know something?" hotch pipes up. "since when?"

everyone joins in the teasing, bringing a blush to my cheeks. i know plenty about broadway and musicals and plays and the history of theater, but the truth is that i don't know if i can trust myself to speak without blurting out everything i'm feeling. so i'd rather just play dumb for the first time ever and claim i don't know anything about theater. morgan narrows his eyes at me and i know right away that he doesn't believe me. but he doesn't question anything as we get to the security guards who check our bags. we flash our badges, and the other guy tuck their wives under their arms. savannah waves me along so i don't lag too far behind, and tara nudges me forward.

we enter the theater and penelope instantly starts gasping at everything. she points to the gold patterns on the ceiling and runs her fingers across the patterned wallpaper and nearly screams when an usher hands us playbills.

"it's so cool to be in the theater when nobody else is around," jj observes as we all wait for drinks and snacks. i tighten my grasp on the straps of my satchel.

"i think the cast is on the stage," kristy points out, glancing around a banister at the stage. "oh. yep. on stage. it's kinda cool that we get to see this behind the scenes type of thing."

"it's so odd. i feel like i'm somewhere i shouldn't be," krystall jokes, her arm wrapped around rossi.

"spencer?" emily asks, gesturing to the bar. "do you want any snacks or a drink?"

"i'm good," i shake my head quickly and give one more non-convincing smile. "no thanks."

"whatever floats your boat," penelope shrugs through her cup of wine and mountain of candy in her arms. but she swings everything into one hand so she can flip through the playbill. but as soon as she lays eyes on the cast, she gasps dramatically. "no way! no way!"

"what now?" morgan deadpans.

"oh gosh," jj laughs as she and will look through the cast, "i already know what the fuss is about."

"lily fox is in this show! she's playing cathy!" penelope squeals, dropping a bag of twizzlers to the floor. "she is my favorite person in the whole world."

"is she famous?" rossi looks over her shoulder at the little headshot in the playbill. i join in with the looking, my heart fluttering at the picture. i smile softly as penelope rambles on and on about lily's resume. she tells the group about every show that she has been in and the tony awards she has won and she relays nearly all of lily's accomplishments. it's quite hilarious to hear her name every detail about lily's career.

"maybe we should get in our seats," matt suggests as he waves his ticket in the air.

penelope squeals, high pitched in the back of her throat, as we all shuffle into our orchestra seats. an usher directs us to the proper rows, speaking over the sound of the few cast members on stage.

i hang behind as everyone shuffles into their seats, leaving me with the aisle seat. a guy on stage tells a joke and two girls laughs loudly, the sound echoing off the walls.

"gonna sit?" penelope asks, pointing to the empty aisle seat beside her.

"um," everyone is watching me now and i nervously shuffle on my feet a few times. i look over my own shoulder at the beautiful woman standing in the opposite aisle, adorned in an oversized fbi academy crew neck and oversized sweatpants that look far too familiar, with curly hair flowing down her back and bangs framing her face. she giggles and throws her head back, bouncing on her toes when she needs a physical way to express how funny the joke was. that familiar heart fluttering happens again and i finally manage to gulp down the lump in my throat, the one that has been there since penelope bought these tickets two days ago. "i'm gonna—" i return my gaze back to everyone, taking a slow step backwards, "i'll be right back."

and with that, i whip around and wiggle my way through an entire row of seats. my bag gets caught and i grimace, quickly tugging it away. i make it through the row and stalk down the aisle. she's in reach now and chatting with a girl who's sitting on the edge of the stage.

so i reach my hand out and place it on her waistline. she stops mid sentence, slowly twisting her head around. the moment she lays eyes on me, her whole face lights up and she gasps. "spencer!" she's on me in a second, messily jumping into my arms and wrapping herself around my body. i laugh right along with her, catching her waist and holding her as tight as i can. she tucks her face into my neck and starts to sniffle. i duck my own head down and close my eyes to enjoy this moment with just her, doing what i can to ignore the prying eyes. "what are you doing here?" she murmurs, voice shaking with tears. "should i be concerned about a serial killer following me on my subway ride home? white? male? mid 20's to early 30's?"

i laugh into the fabric of the crew neck that was stolen from me so long ago. "we got him, don't worry. penelope got the tickets and dragged us here."

"you say dragged as if coming to see the show is a chore," she lifts her head now, showing me wet cheeks and red eyes.

i take her face into my hands, drying her tears. "you know that i love seeing you perform, lily."

she beams proudly. "i know you do. and i'm really glad you're here. can i kiss you now? please? this is like torture." i have to hold in my laugh as i draw her closer, pressing our lips together for the first time in months. lily sighs of relief, her body melting even further into mine. "so good," she murmurs, brushing my hair back with one hand. but then she pulls away and gasps. "baby! your hair is so soft and healthy! did you get that shampoo i recommended?"

i can't see my own face but i know my cheeks turn bright red. "i did, actually, and it's really helped. it's not so dry anymore."

"i'm so glad," lily kisses my cheek and i very slowly set her back on the ground. "and your curls look so curly and defined and not so frizzy, right? it looks so good! you look so good!" i smile softly and no matter how hard i try to hide it, i know i can't. "don't get all shy on me, doctor reid. you deserve to be hyped up," she kisses me again, hands on my chest.

"oh!" it's my turn to abruptly pull away now, but i know she doesn't mind. i open my satchel, half hanging off my shoulder, and pull out a single pink rose. "pink with no thorns, just the way you like it."

lily beams as she takes the rose, holding it up to her nose and smiling up at me. "thank you so much, spencer."

"anything to make you happy," i answer in the cheesiest way possible, but lily giggles as her eyes sparkle so it's okay.

"so where's your team? are they all here? waiting outside?" she asks, still far too distracted with her rose to look to her right.

"um, well, they're here but they're sitting over there."

lily's head whips to the side and finds the team staring at us with bewildered expressions. "spencer!" she slaps my shoulder, "why didn't you tell me they were watching us make out?"

"that was hardly making out," i roll my eyes teasingly and she giggles, already forgetting about her slight moment of panic. "so do you wanna come meet them? i'm sure they're dying to meet you now."

she twirls the rose in her fingers, nodding just a bit. "well, yeah," she murmurs and then looks back down.

"what's wrong?" i ask instantly. "why so quiet?"

"no, i just—" she shrugs her shoulders, "i don't know if they'll like me."

"it's impossible to not like you, darling. you're the most likable person i've ever met. everyone loves you and i know they will too."

she glances to the side again and then nods. "yeah, okay. i guess it's fine. maybe we can all go to dinner after the show? maybe?"

"they were already planning on going to dinner so i'm sure it won't be an issue to invite you," i press a kiss to her forehead and she grins. "so come on, come meet everyone. they're very confused."

she giggles as i tug on her hand, leading her back through the seats. "hopefully their confusion isn't aimed at me. no offense."

"nope, it'll be aimed at me. don't worry," i feel her hand smooth across my back soothingly, the other hand squeezing mine. she always knows just how to make me feel better.

we land in front of the group, hands intertwined and shoulders pressed together. "everyone," i say, trying to fake confidence, "this is lily. lily, this is everyone."

"hi, everyone," she jokes softly, waving at them. "i've heard about all of you and i'm really excited to meet you all."

morgan, of course, has to be the first one to speak up. "i wish we could say we've heard about you."

"oh, yeah," lily's cheeks turn an adorable shade of red as her head falls onto my shoulder. "sorry about that. we just—" she glances up at me. "we've obviously been doing long distance for a while and—"

"how long is a while?" emily adds.

"um," lily looks up at me with a shy, reserved smile and laughs a bit, "we're just short of four years together."

that sets everyone off again, knowing i've been hiding and lying for years and they had no idea. and i'm sure they're even stunned that the thing i was hiding was a girlfriend. i knew they thought i was incompetent when it comes to romance and that made me want to tell them even less. but in reality, it was easy to keep lily to myself. i took a train up to new york during my mandated 100 days off, if lily was ever between shows then she would come spend time in dc with me, and i just talked to her on the phone in hotel rooms and closets and airplane bathrooms. she was the only thing that i could keep for myself that wasn't up for ridiculing or critiquing or unsolicited advice from my friends. and i did pretty good for myself, i like to think.

and so everyone spends a couple seconds freaking out over the amount of time we have been together and lily giggles along with them. she keeps a firm grasp on my hand and never let's go, not until the stage manager starts calling her name.

"sorry everyone, i've gotta go prepare for the show," she gestures towards the stage and then looks up at me. "so dinner after the show?"

"yeah, i'll ask and let you know," i squeeze lily's hand one more time before she runs off, disappearing backstage.

i sink into my seat and feel my entire body burn with scrutiny as the entire team stares at me. i try to close in on myself and cross my arms over my chest but nobody looks away. i clear my throat but it doesn't help.

penelope leans forward and puts her head right beside mine, her face stoney. "you have a lot of explaining to do."

"four years, huh?" rossi jokes from further down the row. "i guess we know why you never came to team dinners during your time off."

i laugh nervously and scratch the back of my neck. "yeah," i chuckle. "sorry about that."

"you have," penelope practically growls in my ear, "so much explaining to do."

"down, girl," luke successfully pulls her back into her chair but she pouts and crosses her arms. "reid, i think it's great that you have a girlfriend."

"well, i'm sure we all think that," emily in front of me says. "but i think we would've liked to know four years earlier."

i'm thankful that everyone nods along and doesn't seem to hold any malice or anything. except for maybe penelope. she's just upset that i'm dating her idol and her celebrity crush and i haven't let her meet lily. penelope will get over it after tonight.

the show starts soon after that. the audience has filed in, gotten their wine, and flipped through their playbills. my excitement grows as the lights go down. i've seen this particular show eleven times (this will be my twelfth) as well as seeing lily seven times as elphaba in wicked, nine times when she played ella in cinderella, and nearly twenty times when she played eliza in hamilton. i have never and will never tire of seeing her on stage.

she starts out the show belting a beautiful and heartbreaking song called still hurting. and yes, i love nothing more than watching lily on stage. but watching her cry on stage has never gotten easier. she's an excellent actress and i know it's acting, but seeing her cry always breaks my heart. i've had to suck it up and convince myself to enjoy the rest of show.

it's not surprise that lily's performance is magnificent. she laughs and she cries and she dances and she owns the stage, as cheesy as it sounds. the applause are deafening when she takes her bow, as they should be. penelope maybe yells louder than anyone else in the audience.

she raves about the performance to hotch and beth as we shuffle out of the theater. then she raves to matt and kristy and it just becomes her raving to the entire group. but i manage to sneak away and go backstage, already knowing the crew and security staff. i knock on lily's dressing room door and wiggle inside, just in case she's changing.

but i find her sitting on a couch, tying her converse, already wearing a cute dress with her hair tied up in a bun. she grins as i come in, throwing her arms around my shoulders again. i kiss her shoulder, tucking my face into her neck. "you were amazing. i think that was the best performance i've seen, the best time you've done it."

lily giggles in my ear. "you say that every time you see the show, doll."

"because it's true. you get better with every performance," i pull away from the embrace and press my lips to hers. "i'm so proud of you. you're amazing. you're the best."

lily's cheeks get painted pink and she smiles shyly. "you're too sweet. just let me grab my bag and i'm gonna go out the stage door and i'll meet up with you all, right?"

"right," i kiss her one more time before the turns her back to me to finish getting changed.

i'm just about to turn to leave when i glance over the coffee table. and right on the center of the table is a familiar metal circle with one week etched on the front. my blood runs cold and i look at lily to check if she caught me. but she's busy fixing her hair in the mirror, so i quickly grab the chip and stuff it in my jacket pocket.

my brain is boggled as we wait for lily to meet all the fans at the stage door, sign playbills, and take an unnecessary amount of selfies. she's beaming, looking absolutely stunning in the moonlight, especially when she saunters over to us and immediately grabs my hand.

"so," she glances around, curbing compliments on her performance, "dinner?"

we decide on a restaurant closer to the hotel and set off on the street. lily clutches my hand and starts a conversation with savannah and jj, since penelope is hanging behind out of fear. i've assured her that lily is the sweetest woman in the world but it's understandable that she's nervous to meet her idol.

it's relatively late at night so it isn't hard to get a table for our group. the waiters push together a bunch of tables and we all squish together. lily cuddles into my side and we share a menu. i drape my arm over the back of her chair to keep her close and feel her body heat radiate onto me.

we order our food and then penelope finally gets the nerve to talk to lily. they are instantly shot into conversation. it sounds like a deep analysis of the last five years. it will always amaze me how lily is so willing to talk endlessly about a show that she performs almost everyday. but nonetheless, it's refreshing to hear her voice in person instead of over the phone.

lily manages to have a conversation with every person at the table, even resorting to talking to morgan and will over me. but i'm happy to lean back in my chair and let them talk. she's getting along perfectly with my friends, but i wouldn't have suspected any different.

"alright, you two," morgan eventually says. "it's time you spill. tell us everything."

"how did you two meet?" tara asks.

lily looks up at me with big, concerned eyes. "is it okay if i say?" i had already known this question was coming and emotionally prepared for it, so i nod and press my lips into a thin line. "okay, well," she turns back to everyone with a smile and takes my hand in hers, squeezing tightly, "spencer and i actually met at an NA meeting in dc," i keep my head down so i don't have to see everyone's confused, apprehensive looks at that, at the revelation that lily is an addict and that i was secretly going to meetings without them knowing. i'm not ready to get ridiculed for that. but lily powers on and doesn't let anyone's reactions impact her. "he wasn't keen on breaking the relationship rules and i wasn't either. but we eventually stopped going and when we stopped going, we started dating. and then we've had to do long distance for a while."

"i never thought spencer could break rules," luke jokes. "that might be the most surprising thing i've learned today."

"so," hotch puts on that voice that i know he's going to say something big, "you were an addict too? how long have you been sober?"