.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

(your pov)(or is it ;))

"Look at that, the whore's crying because she likes it." The man said. I'd been lying on my back for 2 or 3 hours now and this was the first time I've been raped, at all. Two more men walked over to me and pulled out their dicks. I whined knowing what was gonna happen next.

One man, who had brown hair walked over to me and grabbed my by my chin and forced me to look at him.. He stuck his hand under my skirt and smirked at the feeling of my folds. He took the intitiative to stick one finger inside and pump it in and out.

Even though I didn't want to, I moaned into the rope around my mouth. The man's smirk grew even wider then added another finger and started going faster. "Oh yeah, ya like that you little slut?" He asked. I shook my head and shut my eyes and tears sprang from them. I thought as a knot formed in my stomach.

.

The air conditioning in my room hit my face. My eyes shot open and found Maki right next to me, fast asleep. I sighed, knowing it was just a nightmare. The image of me getting raped appeared in my head everytime I shut my eyes. It was like my own personal hell.

I couldn't sleep correctly, even though the past few weeks at Shoko's office were great. Whenever Shoko or Maki or anybody who was there asked me how I slept, I'd always lie and say I slept good to keep them from asking me what was wrong.

And, don't get me wrong I don't mind telling Maki stuff that's going on in my life, it's just I don't want anyone else to hear about it. God damn me for becoming a burden to everybody.

.

I slowly got up from my bed, ultimately deciding that if I'd been so weak to let several men rape me as they please and as many times as they did, I'd be better off dead than a Jujutsu sorcerer.

I walked to my nightstand and grabbed a regular kunai since making one myself would wake up Maki. I grabbed the kunai and walked for the bathroom and shut the door.

Crying, I took the kunai and held it to my wrist, taking a deep breath.

"I love you, Maki" I said before pressing. Apparently Maki heard me open and close the door.

"Y-" She said before seeing blood come from my wrist. Her eyes widdened and she gasped. "WHAT THE HELL?!" She questioned, taking the kunai and throwing it away. "Why the hell would you do this to yourself?!" She questioned again.

No answer.

Before I knew it, a hand landed on my cheek and no it was not soft. "Why the hell would you try and kill yourself?!" She questioned, hugging my head. "You don't need to know. Just let me die, god damn it!" I yelled, getting up and away from Maki.

"No, Y/n, I will not let you kill yourself" She grabbed my bleeding wrist. "It's a bit late for that, yeah??" I said. She frowned then immediately tore some cloth from her shirt and wrapped it around my wrist.

"Tch, just let me be!" I yelled. She slapped me again. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes. She got up and hid her face in her hands.

"What the hell is wrong with you?! Why on Earth would you try to kill yourself?! You have everything you could ever want and need in your life! So why?!" She yelled.

"I have everything I want, except my soul. Those men fucking took it from me. They broke me. They broke my barrier. They broke everything! How can you even stand to look at me after that?!" i questioned.

"Because, I love you! I love you no matter what happens to you and nothing you do or say will ever change that fact!" She cupped my cheeks.

"Then why is it so hard for you to make eye contact with me?!" I yelled.

...

"That's what I fucking thought. I've become a burden and I won't allow it any fucking longer" I said, gutting her and reaching for the kunai.

"ENOUGH GOD DAMN IT" She tackled me.

"My girlfriend, the love of my life wants to kill herself and she won't tell me why! Why else do you think I can't bear to see you like this?! It kills me to see you all wholed up in the library or on the tree thinking god knows what!" She said, pinning me down by my shoulders.

"You didn't spill your own guts out to me in the forest that day during the exchange event for this! You didn't become a Jujutsu sorcerer for this!" She continued.

"Yeah, well I did now. I told you how I felt about you for this. I became a Jujutsu sorcerer for this" I said quietly. "And you are not going to be the one who stops me" I whispered. My arm reached for her side then she took the kunai and stabbed my arm to the floor.

"Well if I can't stop you then I know someone who can" She said, getting up and walking out the door. I put my free arm over my face and cried my eyes out.

.

A few minutes later, Itadori crept through the door with Maki. "What happened again?" He asked. "Your best friend fucking tried to kill herself and she won't tell me why. If she can't tell me, she can tell you" She looked at me.

"Y/n....Y/n, why would you try to do this to yourself?" He asked, crouching down and stroking my hair. I moved my arm from my face. "Because," I said.

"I'm so fucking weak! I've made myself a burden that night I got raped by those pathetic men! They took my soul! They broke my barrier! They broke me! How can any of you even stand to look at me?!" I yelled.

"Because you're loved Y/n! People love you! I love you, Zen'in-senpai loves you, Nobara loves you, I'm not sure about Megumi but Panda-senpai and Inumaki-senpai?! They love you! Gojo loves you!" He said, grabbing the sides of my head.

"But you don't know what it's like to suffer like that. To have some random person penetrate your guard and force you into it!" I spat and looked at Maki. She walked over and Itadori moved to the side.

"Then tell me god damn it! Tell me what happened so I can help you! Y/n, I want nothing more than for you to grow and be happy and I can't help you with that unless you tell me" She pleaded.

I stared into her eyes for a minute then nodded. "They-" i started.

"They treated me like an object! Nothing more than a slut! It was horrible, Maki it was so bad!" I said after sitting up and crying into her shoulder. "They just kept going at it, time after time again and they wouldn't stop no matter how much I screamed and cried" I continued.

Maki shut her eyes and kissed my scalp.

I continued venting about what happened and what I felt. I'd yet again been pouring my guts out to her.

.

"I love you, Y/n" She said, stroking my hair while I lay in bed with her. It's been long after Itadori went back to his room since it was early in the morning; maybe 4 or 5ish. "I love you too, Maki" I said quietly.

"Don't ever try that shit again. You scared the hell out of me" She said sternly. I weakly chuckled. "Yes ma'am" I said. "It's not funny. I don't know what I would've done if I hadn't woken up and found you later on dead in the bathroom" She said.

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever"

"Promise me you won't do it again"

...

"Why?"

"Because, I can't live without you in my life"

..

"Fiiiiiine. I promise not to try and kill myself again" I held out my pinky.

"Good. And no more kunai's on your nightstand. Only make weapons when you need to"

"K mommy"

"I'm not joking"

"Whatever"

.

We woke up sometime later to knocking on my door.

"Oi, Y/n? Maki-san? It's Nobara. You guys alright? i was up earlier and I heard yelling" She asked. Maki looked at me. "I'm telling her" She said.

"No no no no, Maki! She's gonna be worse then you were!" I whisper yelled, slithering off the bed after Maki who was opening the door.

"Yes, I'm fine but your friend here is not. Earlier this morning she tried killing herself because what happened that night" Maki said.

"Snitch"

"Y/N!" Nobara yelled. I rolled my eyes. "Thank a lot Maki" I hissed.

"Why the hell?!" She questioned. "I don't feel like explaining all that" i said, looking at my wrist.

"Tch, well you're going to. Feel like it or not" She crossed her arms.

I groaned and fell back on my bed before explaining to Nobara why I tried commiting suicide.

.

"Oh..." She said. "Yeah" I replied. "Y/n, I'm so sorry" she said, hugging me. I just blinked instead of hugging back. Maki walked in my room and Nobara pulled away. "Well, off to the dining hall we go, right?" Nobara asked. I rolled my eyes.

"Sure" I mumbled.

.

.

"Oi, Y/n. Itadori told me what happened this morning. What the hell was that about?!" Megumi got up from the table. "Ehhhhh, do I really have to tell all of you??" i questioned. "Just be grateful we're not all yelling at you" Gojo said behind us.

"Tch, how did you find out?!" I asked. "Well for the record y'all were rather loud this morning and woke people up" Itadori said. I glared at him then looked back at Gojo-sensei.

"Why would you try and off yourself, kid??" He asked. I rolled my eyes. "Well it was your fault for sending us on that mission to the construction site!" I yelled.

"How was I supposed to know you'd get raped?!"

.

"So you think that's my fault, huh?"

"No, Y/n I didn't-"

"Shut up. I don't need anything else from you, you've said enough"

.

I stormed back off to my room not even acknowledging that the others were still in the dining hall, as I didn't care. If he wants to assume what happened to me was my fault, he can go ahead and think that all he wants. He says the wrong thing, says he's sorry then does it again and I'm bout tired of it.

A knock was heard on my door a few minutes later.

"Fuck off"

"Y/n it's Maki"

"Fuck off"

"Coming in now

"I said fuck off"

.

"Y/n, come on. What happened wasn't your fault and neither was it Gojo's" She said. "You may see it that way but I don't. He sent us on that mission" I said roughly. She pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Y/n, when he heard what happened from Yuji, he walked off somewhere and a few seconds later we heard screams from hell. He was devastated that he sent you guys there and that he hadn't been there to protect you"

"Doesn't justify what he said"

"Y/n be serious here!" She yelled. "I'm the one being serious, you're the one who's going around telling other people that I tried killing myself like you're 12 years old!"

"Because they deserve to know!"

"Yeah? The more people who know the more people who're gonna question me and it's uncomfortable!"

Maki sighed. "Right. I'm sorry" She said, going to hug me.

"You are but I don't want you to be!" I backed up.

"Ok?! It's been 'oh my gosh I'm so sorry' ever since I came back! I don't want sympathies, I don't want apologies, I just want my life to be back to the way it was without everybody constantly bringing up what happened!"

Maki hung her head low.

"Well then," She started. "I'll leave you to your selfish thoughts. If you really don't want anybody to feel sorry then I guess there's nothing you can do about it when you've slit your wrist and you FINALLY start regretting it when blood comes out. I don't know what else to tell you" She walked out.

I frowned then tears rolled down my cheeks. Did she really just leave me like that? Did she actually abandon me because of how I felt???

Unfortunately I followed her out.

"If I die, you die too right?!" I hollared. She turned to me.

"I said nothing of it"

"That day, at the exchange event, you told me to kill you since I said it. Remember that?"

"Y/n what are you doing??"

I conjured up a kunai.

"If that's how you really feel then you might as well join me" I held the kunai to my chest.

"NO"

Maki ran to me and took the knife from my chest before I pushed. "Don't. Fucking. Do it" She said with venom in her voice. "Then take back what you said at the exchange event. Take back everything because we're done"

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

I walked back to my room and slammed my door. I don't know what happened beyond that, but I know damn well I don't care.

A few moments later, Nobara opened my door.

"Y/N L/N YOU BEST SNAP OUT OF IT AND EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT HAPPENED BECAUSE I WILL NOT ALLOW A SIMPLE ARGUMENT RUIN YOURS AND MAKI'S LIVES" She demanded.

"Why do you care? It's not like it's affecting you"

"Y/n, you don't feel that way about Maki, do you?! You love her right?! You love her just like you said you did! Part of me thinks you're still here mainly because of Maki!"

"Do you even know what I said at the exchange event?!"

"Tell me what the fuck happened then!"

"NO! ALL I'VE BEEN DOING IS TELLING AND TELLING AND TELLING FROM DAY 1! I'M TIRED OF IT!"

"I CAN'T FIX YOU AND MAKI IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S UP YOUR ASS"

..

I walked up to her. "Well maybe somethings just don't need fixing" I said quietly.

"So you're saying you're fine with not being with her?! The one person you desperately want?!"

"Maybe I am and maybe it's for our own good"

"But Y/n, she's HORRIBLE without you"

"THEN QUITE FRANKLY, THAT'S HER PROBLEM!"

..

"God damn it!" I yelled.

"I need her! I fucking need her and I wish I never said any of it! It's just I want to be the one who's sorry, not her!"

"So you said all that just for the roles to be reversed?!"

"TASTE OF HER OWN MEDICINE" I hissed.

"If you need her, then go apologize!" Nobara pointed out the door.

I wiped my face off and walked out the door and turned the left corner to find Maki with her knees to her chest.

.....

"I'm sorry"

She looked up at me then immediately got up. She slapped me then kissed me. "How dare you say those things to me?! Breaking up with me then getting back with me 2 minutes later just because Nobara said some harsh things herself?!"

I shut my eyes in shame.

"I'm sorry" I said again. Maki kissed the top of my head and hugged me.

"God, I hate you!"

..

"But I love you and I don't know what I'd do without you" Her voice was trembling.

"I'm sorry I said all that. We're not done. I love you Maki Zen'in" I said softly.

..

"I know what you said about wanting me to not be sorry. So I'm not going to be"

"Good. I'd hate you for that"

.

.

.

.

.

.

(me)

LMAOOOO THAT HAPPY ASS TITLE THEN THIS ANGSTY ASS PART

im so unpredictable😩

but bruh my body be doin me dirty fr

i have my highschool orientation today and i had to be up at 7:30 right

and my body woke me up at 5:30 to the smell of my own fart😀

and i couldnt sleep after that

my body always be doin this

like i gotta wake up early then it wakes me up EVEN EARLIER then i cant sleep and like 30 minutes b4 i gotta be up, im finally ready to sleep again

like bruh😀😀😀

😀😀

anyways, ily!! have a good day/night and stay safe^^

wc: 2777