《DELIRIUM》27
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I stood right in front of the known murderer I just kissed. I looked at him with big wide eyes and the both of us stayed completely silent for too many seconds.
I took a step back from his proximity and warmth.
Suddenly my mind got back to presence.
"That can not happen again, Brandon," I said with the use of my determined voice.
Even though I enjoyed the kiss more than I ever had with any other man, it was so wrong.
I couldn't do such things with a murderer and not least with a patient of my own.
He was mentally sick and if I wasn't a professional myself, I would believe I was as well after such an action.
Brandon's eyes turned from bright big brown to stiff dark. My stomach turned with a little fright.
I shivered at his penetrating gaze and prepared myself for any kind of response of disappointment.
"Why not, Beverly? I loved it," He spit out his words with arrogance. He didn't sound disappointed or sad.
Even though his words were flattering I had to remain confident and determined. I knew this could not be continued, no matter how I felt for him.
"Because it's wrong!"
I looked back and forth from the floor and up to Brandon who was still standing in front of me at a short distance.
Now I felt nervous again. I could never be sure about what he was going to say or do next, even though I was pretty confident that he at least would not hurt me.
"It didn't feel wrong,"
His manipulative, convincing words made it even harder for me to keep up with my own.
"I know, but it was,"
I walked over the small room to sit down on the chair beside the door. I had to get out of the awkward situation, and I had to rest my knees from the earlier tempting challenge.
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Brandon decided to follow my actions and sat down on the edge of his bed.
While he waited for me to say something, I watched every move he made with his mysterious and handsome body.
His long, black eyelashes flattered while he blinked with his piercing brown eyes, his perfectly plump lips got hydrated when he let his wet tongue slide over them, and the masculine, sharp jawline tensed while he bit his teeth together because of the intense, awkward silence between us in the cold and empty room.
I took a deep breath and adjusted my position on the wooden chair before I finally decided to break the silence. It was too torturous for the both of us...
"So, are you ready to tell me anything about your past yet?"
The innocent-looking, but guilty man in front of me moved his hand to claw his arm out of inconvenience. He looked surprised and I could understand why. The instant change of subject must have made him confused, and uncomfortable.
Even if he wasn't really ready to talk to me about it, it was about time. He already played his trust game against me and told me that he killed his victims because he had to. He even did kiss me. So I was more than worthy to get to know the truth now.
"What do you want to know?"
All of the emotions in Brandon's face disappeared and the normal, broad grin took over his face.
It was just like he pressed a button inside of his brain and changed personality in the blink of just a second. It was intimidating to watch.
"What was the reason for murdering your victims? Why did you tell me that you had to do it? Did someone force you to? I want to know it all!"
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The constant reminder that the man in front of me was a killer, was in fact disturbing, but the thing that disturbed me the most was the genuine curiosity and sympathy I felt around him.
None of my feelings should have been involved in this at all, I should have just gotten into these meetings to do my job and help my patients, and treat people with my professional tools and psychological manipulations.
"Okey, Beverly, I'll tell you everything,"
I couldn't really believe what he just said. Was he actually going to tell me everything just because I asked him to? Right after I brushed him off and told him that the kiss was wrong?
I decided not to act surprised and just looked at him with a pleased face, showing him that I was the person who got what she wanted in here.
Brandon bit his lip before he took one last heavy breath, preparing himself to tell me the truth about his rough, dramatic past.
"I was sixteen, I had just started high school. One day, my stepfather decided to kill my mother and my siblings while I was in school. Then I found them dead on the fucking living room floor when I got home, and my stepfather was gone. I was searching for him to get my revenge every day, but didn't really succeed. My little sister, Ruby was only six years old, and my brother Stephan was only ten... God damn it...
About two years after that day, I decided to get to the people he cared about instead, since I couldn't find him anywhere... Like the first family I killed, the woman in that family was my stepfather's ex-wife, and the children were also his own. The pregnant woman I stabbed to death was his niece who he loved more than his own children and the little kid with the teddy bear, he was a foster child my stepfather used to take care of. I never had a plan to stop going after the people he cared about until he would show up with his ugly face to kill me too, but he never did. That son of a bitch...
Shortly after I killed that kid, I got in here for the first time, then I got moved to prison and then back here again. Now a bit more than six years later and after my third time in prison - here we are!"
While getting so emotionally touched, all pieces slowly began to fall into their place. Brandon's past made so much sense to his actions, no matter how brutal or rough they were. It was obscene.
But all of that, he did because of his stepfather. The poor man found his own mother and siblings murdered when he was only about sixteen years old, of course he was traumatized and destroyed on the inside.
There was no person strong enough to get through all the things Brandon had, and not turn out mentally unstable afterward.
No matter how strong of a mentality a person could have, situations like that made too much of a mark on the human brain, and not least on a sixteen-year-old boy.
Even if it took a lot of a person to do such graphic things like Brandon decided to do, it was not always about psychopathy when there was a motive like the one he had.
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BL Novel List
List of BL novel I have read & likes. Links included. If the link doesn't works please search them on novelupdates, I get them from there. Just fyi this list contains novels from fluff to angst. Not much of yandere coz I don't prefer it. Maybe you will find something interesting here.Note: after I put more books on this list, after some time I will rearrange the order by alphabet.
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